Monogamous vs Polyamory

[Miguel1]

Can we have an in-depth discussion about this?

In my personal life, I have been fluctuating between these two. I grew up being programmed for monogamous. But at my peak PUA and hippie phase, I was all for polyamory as it fit my narrative and goals.

Then studying Leo from 2020 onwards, I came to realize that polyamory for many is just spiritual by-passing, as it was for me too.

Now at this point, I am back to being for monogamy but there are people like Teal that makes strong arguments for polyamory.

I would love me a hard core ”die on this mountain” partner to develop a monogamous relationship with, like how Naftali Moses promotes. Yet my experience with girls + the arguments people like Teal makes, makes me contemplate polyamory again too. But obviously this time from a place of maturity, as teal puts it.

What do you guys think?

What are you more for?

What are the pros and cons?

What are some less obvious reason for and against?

 

 

 

[LordFall]

I think Occam's razor is an important thing to understand in regards to monogamy. It is more simple and easy for society to organize itself when monogamy is enforced. I've studied how relationships format have evolved throughout history and it's very context dependent. The best way to raise children seems to be in a communal format and our current atomized society pushes couples to mostly have to do that on their own. If you're lucky you have close family to help you but in general a two person unit is the structure of society today but wasn't the case before. 

I think polyamory sounds phenomenal and gives people a lot more options when it comes to structuring their dating life. I have not tried it myself but it's what I'm aiming towards over the next few years. There are some challenges that a monogamous couple wouldn't have but also vice versa.

I think being able to share your intimate life with many partners and build a collective lifestyle and purpose together is a beautiful vision. I like women a lot so why not date multiple of them together and build a polycule instead of just limiting myself to one? 

I don't think either model is superior to the other, just depends on what you enjoy in life and which environment you think is optimal to bring children into the world if that is your goal. 

Edited 4 hours ago by LordFall

[Miguel1]

@LordFall Yes, those are basically the arguments Teal makes.

[Valach]

Hard to make arguments for or against this since people are so much full of projections, idealizations and self interests around this. I personally think it is better to keep it simple with my partner - it is hard to have enough self awareness if your desire to have more woman in your life is coming from a healthy place. Besides, these days I even struggle to make friends I would be aligned with, can't imagine meeting that many woman I would want to keep around.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

@LordFall Yes, those are basically the arguments Teal makes.

There is only one way to resolve it. We must become serious men of science and consciousness and explore reality with our penises and see which way leads to the best life.

Someone needs to revive this thread in 2031 and see how we ended up. I will have been living with multiple women for years at this point if the general plan keeps on course and perhaps I will have some kids by then. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Oppositionless]

I've thought about this. It sounds great to have one person im in love with plus a few groupies . But unless I also let my girl have groupies I'm a hypocrite , and I dunno if I could do that, so I'll prolly stick to monogamy.

[aurum]

Knew @LordFall was gonna hop on this 

My biggest concern with poly is that you are going to be expending way too much time and energy on romantic relationships. 

I need solitude and time for sense-making and spirituality.

 

[Xonas Pitfall]

I feel like a lot of people might love the idea of polyamory as it pertains to their ego, but they haven't really thought about what it means when that same freedom equally applies to their partner.

I think a lot of relationship structures can work, but the more complicated they become, the more honesty, openness, and communication they require, with even fewer ego games or power struggles.

Usually, people who want to pursue a genuine, healthy polyamorous relationship have already mastered monogamy. They have deep trust in each other that they can introduce more variables and navigate more difficult emotions together, not the other way around.

Polyamory would require even deeper trust and an even stronger sense of security than monogamy. If you already have trouble finding one person, thinking you can manage multiple is a pretty silly leap.

[Xonas Pitfall]

I think Teal herself... although I don't know how much I can trust the documentary about her (since it was obviously framed in a way that portrayed her as a narcissistic cult leader). But if some of the things shown were accurate, then she definitely seems to have a blind spot when it comes to giving up autonomy and accepting reciprocity in relationships.

If I remember correctly, one of her closest relationships was with her ex-husband. They married, divorced, and she seemed to keep him around for quite a while as part of her community, where he continued taking care of her. Then, when he found a new partner, she did her best to ostracize that woman from the community and persuade or seduce him into admitting he still had feelings for her. Very much, "I won't commit to you, but I love knowing that I'm still desired; I don't want to let you move on."

If that's an accurate portrayal, then it would make sense why someone with that blind spot might find the idea of polyamory appealing without having fully integrated the responsibility and reciprocity it requires. That said, I really don't know how much of the documentary is trustworthy. Just food for thought.

Edited 1 hour ago by Xonas Pitfall

[LordFall]

42 minutes ago, aurum said:

Knew @LordFall was gonna hop on this 

My biggest concern with poly is that you are going to be expending way too much time and energy on romantic relationships. 

I need solitude and time for sense-making and spirituality.

 

In an infinite universe with infinite possibilities, my boat will go towards the dock of multiple women at the same until I have burned through that desire which so far is only burning hotter by the day. 

36 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

I think Teal herself... although I don't know how much I can trust the documentary about her (since it was obviously framed in a way that portrayed her as a narcissistic cult leader). But if some of the things shown were accurate, then she definitely seems to have a blind spot when it comes to giving up autonomy and accepting reciprocity in relationships.

If I remember correctly, one of her closest relationships was with her ex-husband. They married, divorced, and she seemed to keep him around for quite a while as part of her community, where he continued taking care of her. Then, when he found a new partner, she did her best to ostracize that woman from the community and persuade or seduce him into admitting he still had feelings for her. Very much, "I won't commit to you, but I love knowing that I'm still desired; I don't want to let you move on."

If that's an accurate portrayal, then it would make sense why someone with that blind spot might find the idea of polyamory appealing without having fully integrated the responsibility and reciprocity it requires. That said, I really don't know how much of the documentary is trustworthy. Just food for thought.

Well I'm inspired by the post on vulnerability so I will crack open one of the skeletons in my closet which is I I do resonate with that kind of probably toxic polyamory at the moment. I don't actually mind my women sleeping with other men if I was polyamorous but my life is build on accumulating power so I will treat those men that are paramours with some kind of contempt and aim to overpower them in life so my women revolve more around me than them. 

I  will explore this desire further and I'm curious what you guys think but I think perhaps it's healthy to a point. If I work on my business enough to get to the point of financial abundance in the future then pretty much surely the women I end up dating will end up partly financially dependent on me which is fine and I like the idea of being a provider male and I don't tend to leverage that fact over them. If there is another male in the picture then he is competition for me for my women even if it's in an agreed upon format and my women will then use my own money that I've given them in their relationship with this man which is fine to a point but I will get a lot of satisfaction from outcompetiting them and sort of cucking them in this format. 

We'll see if my thought on it change by the time I start poly dating next later this year or next year but I'm a very competitive person so even though I'm very open minded I find it hard to believe it won't play out in the scenario I've outlined. 

[Schizophonia]

It’s a fantasy it's already complicated enough to manage a person among everything else (work, friends, sports, travel…) and in fact it's better to avoid having sex/ejaculating too often so you have the energy to take care of/pamper them enough.

There is also jealousy; we are human and unless you really have a very particular ego and these are not just ideas "untested in the field" because you submit to an ideology it will piss you off to see someone you love with another and/or vice versa.

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, LordFall said:

I think Occam's razor is an important thing to understand in regards to monogamy. It is more simple and easy for society to organize itself when monogamy is enforced. I've studied how relationships format have evolved throughout history and it's very context dependent. The best way to raise children seems to be in a communal format and our current atomized society pushes couples to mostly have to do that on their own.

Apparently there is no society based on this system and the small communities that dif this generate asexual people, because people fail to desire the people they have always grown up with.

I have no sources it's just memories of a video I saw from a famous sociologist who talked about that.

Edited 21 minutes ago by Schizophonia

[Natasha Tori Maru]

The theoretical concept and the real experience of it are two radically different things.

As @aurum raised - it is difficult to understand the volume of emotional and intellectual labour it typically requires. It can bring up many survival based insecurities and childhood wounds. 

If you have this sort of capacity it could work. 

It was way above my pay grade 

[LordFall]

18 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Apparently there is no society based on this system and the small communities that dif this generate asexual people, because people fail to desire the people they have always grown up with.

I have no sources it's just memories of a video I saw from a famous sociologist who talked about that.

I pasted your comment in Gemini and it said it's an inaccurate debunking. 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

My biggest concern with poly is that you are going to be expending way too much time and energy on romantic relationships. 

I need solitude and time for sense-making and spirituality.

I think poly is a great way to explore spirituality and sense-making. You still need time to recharge and isolate as an introvert but you can do that even living in the same house and having a mancave type of thing. You learn a lot dating even one person so dating multiple gives you a breath and depth of experience and you can learn from each person's journey as well while overall being a guiding anchor. As I said I haven't tried but when I was in my more fuckboy phase I slept with multiple women in a short period of time and had multiple FWBs so I got a little preview of it.

It was quite the positive educational experience but also a fun way to live life. Why would you not want to experience reality from the point of view of multiple women that love you? Seems more fun and rich than just a single one.