I can’t overcome fear of permanent awakening

[TheGod]

My level of consciousness is growing every day. I haven’t don’t any psychedelics almost for a year. 
 

My hopes that I can somehow go back to my previous life have been diminished after multiple attempts and failure. The last hope that I had was moving to a new country, I was expecting that changing continents would get me back in the dream. 
Actully, since I quit my job and started off from zero in a new country I had significantly decreased my identities. Therefore, my mind became still actually. This stillness grows and it seems that it brings peace. But when I meditate with my eyes open and concentrate on the fact that I am conscious of my own consciousness and being, it brings about fear. The more I sit and the more I’m trying to accept the fear the more it grows. Today, I went to Catedral de Santa María la Real de la Almudena in Madrid. 
As I was sitting there and meditating my fear became so strong. It feels like my head is about to explode literally. 
 

How to overcome this fear ? 

[MediumKahuna]

Going through something similar. I think you gotta get into hobbies and day-to-day activities. You shouldn't have to force anything, it will come naturally. The mind is prone to stabilizing eventually in my experience. Good luck out there

[Willy Phallicus]

14 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I am conscious of my own consciousness and being, it brings about fear.

You need to ask yourself what it is you're afraid of - and find out.  Honesty is the best policy.

15 minutes ago, TheGod said:

How to overcome this fear ?

Lean into it and see where it takes you - then either befriend the dragon or kill it.

[TheGod]

21 minutes ago, MediumKahuna said:

Going through something similar. I think you gotta get into hobbies and day-to-day activities. You shouldn't have to force anything, it will come naturally. The mind is prone to stabilizing eventually in my experience. Good luck out there

I started noticing it as a background and it´s always there. Anything I do it´s always there. When I concetrate on it grows even more. Good luck to you !

[TheGod]

10 minutes ago, Willy Phallicus said:

You need to ask yourself what it is you're afraid of - and find out.  Honesty is the best policy.

I am afraid of 2 things having a psychotic episode or disappearing

[James123]

44 minutes ago, TheGod said:

My level of consciousness is growing every day. I haven’t don’t any psychedelics almost for a year. 
 

My hopes that I can somehow go back to my previous life have been diminished after multiple attempts and failure. The last hope that I had was moving to a new country, I was expecting that changing continents would get me back in the dream. 
Actully, since I quit my job and started off from zero in a new country I had significantly decreased my identities. Therefore, my mind became still actually. This stillness grows and it seems that it brings peace. But when I meditate with my eyes open and concentrate on the fact that I am conscious of my own consciousness and being, it brings about fear. The more I sit and the more I’m trying to accept the fear the more it grows. Today, I went to Catedral de Santa María la Real de la Almudena in Madrid. 
As I was sitting there and meditating my fear became so strong. It feels like my head is about to explode literally. 
 

How to overcome this fear ? 

İnvestigate who is saying this. Who has the fear and even want to overcome from it?

[TheGod]

13 minutes ago, James123 said:

İnvestigate who is saying this. Who has the fear and even want to overcome from it?

It´s not a thought, it is a feeling that I feel. Who has the fear is obviously ego  it´s afraid of no-return 
When I was doing psychedelics I always knew I was going to return but when you're about to have the experience sober, it's not the same thing 

[Willy Phallicus]

48 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I am afraid of 2 things having a psychotic episode or disappearing

Those things are possible so I can understand your trepidation.

So it sounds like its the fear of the unknown then which Im guessing is the ego hanging on for dear life during those episodes.  That's why psychedelics are recommended because the ego is usually curb stomped and given no choice.

I wish I could be of more help but I would just try and call about the knowledge gained during your peak psychedelic experiences - everythings going to be okay no matter what happens.

 

 

[TheGod]

5 minutes ago, Willy Phallicus said:

I wish I could be of more help but I would just try and call about the knowledge gained during your peak psychedelic experiences - everythings going to be okay no matter what happens.

That's a great idea, I'll try it more. I've been doing it because life actually sucks and I'm tired of living like a worm, so i am trying to convince myself to wake up