Are You Aligned In Life?

[Elliott]

Let love in ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗 💘 ❤️ 💙  be moral!!!!! Hell, marry 4 of them, WWJD. Strength in numbers, love is infinite. 👰‍♂ 👰‍♀ 🤵‍♂️👰‍♀ 👰‍♀ 

Edited 19 hours ago by Elliott

[zurew]

48 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I have not said I am tier 2. There are other ways to measure development, than just Spiral Dynamics.

But certainly I have some tier 2 traits in me.

You didnt explicitly say you are tier 2,but you implied it here (where you layed down who would be a good match for you). 

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

With a green person, it would be even less different, but still different, altho it should be doable. Would I be the happiest? Probably not.

But in any case, I can grant that there are multiple  metrics on which you can  score higher than most 25 year old girls. (Although, again, depending on which metrics we use, we can achieve this for almost anyone)

The error you make, in my opinion, is picking and emphasizing the metrics on which you might score higher than most 25-year-old women, then creating a relationship standard from that (that's difficult to satisfy based on those metrics) and equating that with some objective development (where development is just mostly defined by having your standards).

The reason this is an issue is because if you think most of your relationship standards come from your level of development, then you are in a difficult position unless you believe that reaching a higher level of development will solve the problem. 

On the other hand, if you acknowledge that your relationship standards are largely shaped by many other factors (not just your level of development) - then you might leave room for questioning and changing some of those standards.

 

If it turns out that your standards cant be changed, then you are in a fucked position -- especially if those standards prevent you from connecting deeply enough with other people. ( But again , that seems to be an issue for most people right now, and its largely related to the meaning crisis)

Edited 19 hours ago by zurew

[Miguel1]

@zurew It is as obvious as day, that an average 25 year old isn’t nearly as capable of being as unbiased, as objective, as selfless, as truthful and honest, as mature in their behaviour, as empathetic, as capable of thinking big picture, systems, nature of reality as me.

It is obvious that an average 25 year old is way more stuck in ego survival than I am.

It is straight up disrespectful to state otherwise. I have been doing this work for 15 years, as one my top priorities.

A normie cannot compare.

Don’t take this work for granted. Actually go out and talk to people, you will notice that most people are simply unconscious survival zombies. It will make you realize how alone you are in this world.

[emil1234]

i can recommend practicing authentic relating, attending tantra / consciousness festivals. it is possible to socialize almost without any fakery or facade, you just need the right community

[Miguel1]

41 minutes ago, emil1234 said:

i can recommend practicing authentic relating, attending tantra / consciousness festivals. it is possible to socialize almost without any fakery or facade, you just need the right community

There is one spiritual festival here in Finland. It’s relatively popular. It’s literally just conformity. You can’t talk with them about anything authentic, cuz they are all high on their conformity bliss.

The more we niche down into serious spiritual events and retreats, the creepier it gets to go there to approach people romantically.

And finally, in these more serious spaces, there is virtually no one I find attractive.

Edited 18 hours ago by Miguel1

[Joseph Maynor]

@Miguel1 I didn't know you lived in Finland.  That is amazing.  

[Miguel1]

20 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

@Miguel1 I didn't know you lived in Finland.  That is amazing.  

Born and raised here. I love this country with my heart.

I don’t think I’ll ever find another place I feel at home at nearly as much as I feel here.

Especially when this is my view:

https://www.instagram.com/s/aGlnaGxpZ2h0OjE4MDU2NTIzMDk4NzU0MjA3?story_media_id=3912508033867072451&igsh=MTBpOXk4a3VzNGJrbQ==

One of the only big downsides is that Russia is our neighbour, and you never know what they decide to do.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Why are you up 

Haha I know - deadass

I had a dream I turned into a Labubu and my teeth were falling out.

And my teeth were purple. As each one fell out I tried to put them back in to my gums, but the gum was floppy with no jawbone. Then the fire services contractors appeared and were assisting me. They drew up a block plan of my mouth and strategies to reinstall teeth. MY GOD.

I was so disturbed I woke full of adrenalin and broke my night phone ban to check the forum...

Anyway. DISTURBING.

[Joshe]

4 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

@zurew It is as obvious as day, that an average 25 year old isn’t nearly as capable of being as unbiased, as objective, as selfless, as truthful and honest, as mature in their behaviour, as empathetic, as capable of thinking big picture, systems, nature of reality as me.

It is obvious that an average 25 year old is way more stuck in ego survival than I am.

It is straight up disrespectful to state otherwise. I have been doing this work for 15 years, as one my top priorities.

A normie cannot compare.

Don’t take this work for granted. Actually go out and talk to people, you will notice that most people are simply unconscious survival zombies. It will make you realize how alone you are in this world.

Who's the best and longest friendship you've had, and what do you credit for why it worked out so well?

Also, what would you say are the main reasons why most friendships didn't last?

[UnbornTao]

Spiritual snobbery/materialism.

Edited 1 hour ago by UnbornTao

[bazera]

7 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

One of the only big downsides is that Russia is our neighbour, and you never know what they decide to do.

Finland is part of Nato, right? I guess that protects you guys to some degree.

I live in Georgia, it's below Russia and having Russia as one of the neighnours have been the worst thing that has happened to this country in the last 250 years or so. Annexed multiple times, dragged into USSR, and god knows when they will start a new war. Anyways, a bit offtopic. 

Quote

”Am I aligned with what I am doing in life right now?”

”Is this what I want?”

”Is this headed to where I want my life to go?”

Yes every day I try to fill my day with activities that answers Yes to those questions, but I also realize that the path is very dynamic and things change over time, but not daily, rather monthly. But commiting to stuff for 6-12 months has been working so far. 

At the moment I'm socializing less, I'm an extreme introvert unlike you, so it's very easy for me to basically not have any in person contact with other humans for weeks straight and just focus on my goals and work. The goals comprise mostly health, fitness, consciousness practices, skill-building practices in software development, lots of reading / audio-books, contemplation of my life and my patterns in general, that's about it. Pretty boring from the outside, but an essential part of my progress towards whatever I envision for myself long-term.

After this phase, there will come a phase of maintaining all that I build now, adding more socializing, travel, relationships. All that next year. 

As for your struggles, I hope you'll find some resolution to it. I dated a spiritual girl who also got a lot of trauma, but was green-yellowish, but that also became boring after a while (years), so I'm kinda dissilusioned now, I don't even know if I want to date a girl like that, but I didn't have much more experience outside of her, so maybe for me the issue is just a lack of experience.

But at the moment I'm very content with me being alone, having partner would disrupt my routines since I have a limited free time to work on other areas. 

Quote

I wish I was able to be fully content being alone for the rest of my life.

Quote

Being alone is very hard as a natural extrovert.

Also, you mentioned you wanted to do more spiritual work, maybe the answer lies in that? Maybe you do another round of hardcore practices or even psychedelics and find our the root reasons of these? 

Or you think that aspect of your psyche can't change? Do you want it to change at all? I mean, being okay with being alone. 

Anyways, good luck with finding a right partner.

[Miguel1]

7 hours ago, Joshe said:

Who's the best and longest friendship you've had, and what do you credit for why it worked out so well?

Also, what would you say are the main reasons why most friendships didn't last?

Interesting / good question.

My high school friend. We were friends for like 10-15 years. It worked out because we both got into spirituality together.

It went downhill fast once I started doing Leo’s work seriously 5 years ago. Then I started noticing too many lies, biases, bullshits, self-deceptions. All of which I had kinda noticed but had repressed / ignored.

After Leo’s work, it became too obvious. So I ourgrew him and no longer had much mutual stuff / passions to stay in touch with. We chat once in a while for few sentences on whatsapp.

I don’t know about why most don’t last, but for me they don’t last because

1. Not enough mutual interests and passions

2. Our developmental level are just too different. Even now in my social circle (with complete normies) that I have been building for the past few months, it’s falling apart because I simply just don’t care about social games and what people think of me, nearly as much as them, and this gets me to behave in such a way that hurts them.

I rather lose them, than start micromanaging every social move I make, because it’s quite fragile, the whole game.

If people were more conscious, were able to laugh at themselves, and didn’t take things too seriously, having a social circle wouldn’t necessarily be too bad.

- - - - -

What about you?

Edited 6 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@bazera I’ll answer you a bit later in the day.

But I wanted to just express to everyone, who contributed constructively, whether via criticism or support, that I am deeply grateful.

I am quite lonely in my life, despite having lots of people around me. I am able to start a conversation wherever I go, make friends right there and then, get invited to parties, attract girls, go on dates,

Yet I am deep down very lonely. And I often at the end of my day, feel into the pain deeper, and cry.

As ENFJ, our mind works in such a way that in the day, we are in our extraverted feeling (dominant function), very social, very outgoing.. then in the night, we relax into our intraverted intuition, where we become reflective, philosophical, and question things.

The more we mature, the more this intraverted intuition comes online.

During the times of my intraverted intuition, it often hits me that despite having so many people around me, nobody knows me more than 5-10% of who I really am. And if I showed a little bit more of myself, I would very fast lose everyone.

The contrast of having so many people like me, so many people around me, yet being so alone in it, being so shallow and fake with them, pains me so deeply.

What makes it way worse is that, I am a natural extrovert and crave socializing, human contact and intimacy very very much. Real genuine intimacy.

Most of you here are introverts, so you can’t really know how this feels. I have struggled with this for my whole adult life.

The only thing is that it gets worse every year, as I keep growing exponentially, and so does the gap between me and other people.

This is the only place I can be myself the most, by far. Oftentimes 100% myself. But you are just words in a screen. It is not the same at all.

I wish I could make many of you my real life friends. I know that would give me so much happiness. I wish I could shower you with real love. And provide safety and containment for you to be fully yourselves, and we could explore real genuine friendship, spirituality, healing, and pure understanding together.

I have so much love to give. True, deep love. Yet I have no one to give love to, because most people are stuck in their egos and true love would be an ego death for them. I am burdened with so much love gathered inside me, it turns heavy.

Thank you guys for being in this community. And thank you Leo for hosting this for us.

Edited 7 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@bazera
 

Yes, Finland joined Nato recently after Russia attacked Ukraine. That being said, Trump on the other side, Putin on the other side.. Not the most secure place to be in. But life goes on.

- - - - -

It seems like you are in a good place.

As for you dating the spiritual girl, traumas are a huge pain to deal with in a relationship.

Also, if you are not growing together, then the relatiobship becomes stagnant, and boring.

To me, dating a normie / non-spiritual girl is very uninteresting because I have no idea how I would spend most of my time with them, outside of sex. I find exploring our minds and thoughts together to be extremely fulfilling and romantic with my intimate partner.

- - - - -

As for spiritual work and me working on changing my psyche, I have tried to be happy alone ever since I got into spirituality. It works for a while but I find out afterwards that it’s mostly just repression.

I do think that more spiritual work (or rather, authenticity and radical honesty work) would be good for me. I think I need to just reflect and change my lifestyle on a core level:

Way less social games, way more authenticity in the way I relate to others and in my work.

I think I want to push my dancing in the form of pure expression and healing, way more out to the public, and possibly turn it into a career.

For example, if I go to the city / streets / parks to dance, to exprees, and to heal and to inspire others to heal — and as an audience gathers around me, I could give me some talks to about authenticity, empathy, and healing etc.

I think this wouod be really beautiful and would be a way more aligned lifestyle to my heart, than how I am currently living.

This way I am also way more likely to find my tribe of people too, instead of going clubbing.

It’s so obvious when I say it out loud like this.

Thank you for your support, means alot to me. Thank you so much.

[Elliott]

One of my biggest priorities and enjoyments in life is friends and building meaningful relationships with people, I feel it's connected to the tribal instincts in me, but also I think it's just such a richer life. I find really open, intimate, and down to earth people while volunteering. I plan on continually expanding to further and further cities volunteering, to meet more people.

[bazera]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

It’s so obvious when I say it out loud like this.

Yes, I think you should definitely experiment with that, if that doesn't work, just brainstorm some other ways of how you'd imagine the best way of expressing yourself would be, and do that, until something clicks. You'll learn so much in the proccess.

I've also experimented with some things, and I've understood that I get the most meaning from life when I'm mostly solitary. But maybe that's just an introvert comfort zone, because I also enjoy socializing, being humorous and outgoing, but I don't really crave for it, at least at this stage of my life.

And as I reflect on my past, I never really did, it was always something I needed to do in my mind, to accomplish some goal like meeting new girls, dating, etc. But it wasn't the goal itself. As for the solitary lifestyle, I worked deliberately for this, because that was a huge priority for me, living alone and working remotely on a flexible schedule, to be specific. It was crucial for my mental health (plus a very modest social friends circle that we get together from time to time, that's also important for me).

So as for you, I think you also need some testing and experimenting of how your extroversion would translate into a lifestyle that aligns with your values. 

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

As for spiritual work and me working on changing my psyche, I have tried to be happy alone ever since I got into spirituality. It works for a while but I find out afterwards that it’s mostly just repression.

It's more of an existential issue, I think if you choose to follow that advice, you'll need to go all the way to the metaphysical layer, outside of the social. That's not easy to do, you probably have a lot of room for growth there. Check Peter Ralston's latest 2 books, he talks about how to be complete with yourself just being, that can be a starting point but it takes a lot of practice to actually embody that. I also struggle with it.

[UnbornTao]

On 6/28/2026 at 6:57 PM, Miguel1 said:

Here I am being 100% authentic.

Check again, seriously.

Edited 1 hour ago by UnbornTao

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I consider myself an ambivert.

[Miguel1]

@bazera Yes!

I got some great advice here on ways to shift my extroversion from directly talking to people in the form of socializing, to for example, public speaking or expressing myself outwards.

As for going all the way to solitude, I completely agree that it is way easier to go all in (or even the only option), rather than half-half. But I am not ready to go all in.

As for practical application, I truly just need to build my life and lifestyle around something that is way more aligned and authentic.

Socializing with random ”normies” is fun for a bit but gets unaligned and fake really fast, if I do it too much.

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru Your personality type changes every 6 months