holy shit it's all a dream, i am all alone. I awoken.

[Yimpa]

On 6/27/2026 at 10:46 AM, Carl-Richard said:

Would you say others don't even exist inside your own mind, or do they exist inside your own mind?

There is only Mind, witch imagines everything.

[Someone here]

solipsism is false if it means that the human avatar you appear to show up in the world as is the only avatar having a conscious experience at this particular moment.

solipsism is true if it means the same absolute self is inside and exists as all beings right now .
if you go for a walk and observe a bird or a cat ..the same self is looking through the cat’s eyes and the bird’s eyes and your eyes simultaneously. It’s not true that only you looking at the bird and the cat are the only conscious being in that moment and the cat and bird are not perceiving anything .

others are not empty shells . Others are you . A huge difference .

Edited Thursday at 11:26 AM by Someone here

[gettoefl]

16 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

 

 

against the wind

 

Keep up the stellar work brother! Nice description of meditation by the way - it helped me a lot and I shared with friends. 

 

 

[integral]

12 hours ago, Eskilon said:

@integral It's like you denying the whole sannyasin ordeal. It can be outgrown, but it's uncommon. The comparison to food is foolish -- a person can survive without sex but he cannot without food. There are states of consciousness where sex and women becomes redudant -- this is the yogis and monks reality.

A person cannot survive without sex with a high sex drive, but they could masturbate it out, I don't mean they actually have to have sex. Survival is more than just living, your tormented in misery.

States Of Consciousness are temporary, higher States Of Consciousness on a psychedelic of course you have no interest in sex ( some of the time ) not all of the time.

Those yogis and monks that do manage to push their sexual drive down already had natural low sex drives, if they don't and they're actually suppressing their urges then the problem is they're stuck in conformity and group think.

Be careful demonizing any human activity, there is nothing less conscious or more conscious to sex.

The more conscious you are does not mean you have less sex drive, and being high Consciousness and suppressing a high sex drive is stupid and denying who you really are

If a person is highly creative, loves thinking,  suppressing all that because "it's more conscious not to think" he's all conformity.

Edited Thursday at 03:03 PM by integral

[Eskilon]

@integral What I am saying is that as you progress on the path, many things can become redundant and kinda pointless, such as sex and chasing women. Spirituality is not just some fun activity, it can and probably will rewrite your whole identity and way of relating to the world, including sex and relationships. One path could very well translate into being out sex forever, and that does NOT mean they had low sex drive prior.

When I am talking about yogis and monks I am not talking about some temporary high state -- I am talking about their baseline, which could(and often is)  be fudamentally way higher than a commoner who doesn't know spirituality.

I don't know if you know but sex drive is a thing that is studied by serious mystics -- the way of dealing with it is NOT just getting out of your system through sex or masturbation, it can be transmuted and you can circulate it in your body and chackras. You don't need to waste it by throwing it out. I speak about this because I have had Kundalini awakening and still have it with me during sober states. The Yogi usually forms an internal circle of energy within himself, nurturing himself with his sex energy. That's why I said women usually becomes redudant. This is not supression, this is seeing and understanding, be careful not to assume that every renunciate is supressing material desires -- consider the possiblity that they are out of the matrix out of understanding and not supression.

As I said, the spiritual path is not just shits and giggles, it can change you fundamentally where you are more than just an animal chasing sex and desires until you die. 

Edited Thursday at 04:16 PM by Eskilon

[integral]

1 hour ago, Eskilon said:

@integral What I am saying is that as you progress on the path, many things can become redundant and kinda pointless, such as sex and chasing women. Spirituality is not just some fun activity, it can and probably will rewrite your whole identity and way of relating to the world, including sex and relationships. One path could very well translate into being out sex forever, and that does NOT mean they had low sex drive prior.

When I am talking about yogis and monks I am not talking about some temporary high state -- I am talking about their baseline, which could(and often is)  be fudamentally way higher than a commoner who doesn't know spirituality.

I don't know if you know but sex drive is a thing that is studied by serious mystics -- the way of dealing with it is NOT just getting out of your system through sex or masturbation, it can be transmuted and you can circulate it in your body and chackras. You don't need to waste it by throwing it out. I speak about this because I have had Kundalini awakening and still have it with me during sober states. The Yogi usually forms an internal circle of energy within himself, nurturing himself with his sex energy. That's why I said women usually becomes redudant. This is not supression, this is seeing and understanding, be careful not to assume that every renunciate is supressing material desires -- consider the possiblity that they are out of the matrix out of understanding and not supression.

As I said, the spiritual path is not just shits and giggles, it can change you fundamentally where you are more than just an animal chasing sex and desires until you die. 

There is a clear pattern. I'm not gonna deny that people tend to move away from pick up kind of animalistic kind of sex and go closer towards sex with someone you have a better connection with.

1. Repressed shame, avoidance, disconnection
2. "Fucking" (egocentric) taking whatever you can get
3. Having sex sex as agreement / mutual exchange
4. Lovemaking expression of deep emotional connection
5. Transcendental / tantric sex as sacred union, ego dissolves

I agree that there's different stages of sexual development, but that is separate from spiritual development and there's other lines of development that are also separate from that

The thing here is even regardless of your stage of development. You still wanna have these different types of sexual experiences.

Now when it comes to these different stages of sex, the problem with stage two stage three kind of sex is that afterwards you have a connection with a person that isn't that great, in general you're choosing a different kind of partner, but practically as people go through life, I cannot always choose the sexual development of my partner

My current relationship I can't get my partner to reach stage five and I can't get them even to be in stage four consistently

Some of my past relationships they were purely in stage two or stage three and there's nothing I can do about it.

So when it comes to relationships and how you interface everyone around you, everyone is gonna be at different stages in many different ways and you have to come together wisely

__

But above all of this, you could still have stage two sex (hook up) and fully enjoy it in stage three sex and fully enjoy it. These things don't just disappear because your spiritual.

I do statemaxxing that involves the sexual transmutation, but it's a way of using sexual energy and maintaining it as a overall life force for everything in life but your sex drive doesn't disappear. You're gonna do sexual transmutation, but then still have extremely powerful sex.

Idea that your sex disappears because you're transmitting it this is not it at all

 

Edited Thursday at 05:09 PM by integral

[Eskilon]

@integral Quick questions: Did you have Kundalini Awakening? If yes, can you feel it not only meditating but also while waiting for a bus or reading a book for example? How many hours a day do you meditate? Since when do you meditate? Do you do psychs? How frequent? Since when？

It seems like you are too indetified with sex, biology, being human and relationships in general -- which is fine, everyone on their path. 

Wanting to have sex and wanting other humans is karma. It is a subtle habit and mental formation that will remain with you until you truly understand why do you want that.

Sex energy likely won't disappear, but wanting to have sex with others can. We can agree to disagree here.

 

Edited Thursday at 05:43 PM by Eskilon

[Sugarcoat]

On 2026-07-08 at 1:06 PM, Breakingthewall said:

Being a narcissist is exhausting, I find incredible how they can maintaining their narratives.

Because he was my sister therapist. Then he's a person that validates everything and give you compassion (and hugs).  If he were one who analyze and confront my sister would have leave him first day. If fact after I talked with him she left him without saying bye, because he wasn't clean anymore. Those people go to the therapist to lie and invent a character, paying 90€ per hour. Then they are therapist themselves. 

Yes a lot of adventures not just sailing because in the past my level of introspection was zero, I was like blind to this dimension, then I was totally focused in the exterior, a kind of evasion but oriented as good as I could. For example once I have nothing do do for a while and I bought an old motorcycle 2k euros, and I went from Madrid to Senegal alone with 500€ all nights sleeping in the floor, morroco, Mauritania , Senegal and back to Madrid, I never have done a trip in motorbike before . Then another thing, another more, etc etc. Climbing 200m wall, gliding with worse condition possible, boxing hard if I'm in the city, 3 days party with drugs etc. Absolutely always in some thing like this, never stopping 

Now I think about that and I think, wtf? That was because I only felt connected in exposure, without that life seemed death or hell. Now. I'm totally focused in understanding the human, the mind, the openess, I find it much more fascinating, connection is everywhere, exposure is the very fact of existing. Have done that shift have been an interesting change of frequency that made me have seen quite deep into myself 

You say you weren’t introspective back then. I think if you develop introspection, it won’t be as powerful as someone who is naturally introspective + develops it. Because you have gone deep, to me it seems you must have had good natural introspection from the beginning, but maybe just  in unconventional way (being so involved externally). It didn’t seem you followed norms much, and you did extreme things that people judge as insane, that to me suggests being internally driven in a way that’s quite independent.
 

Basically, you can do outward things in inward way, and vice versa. Just some thoughts that came up tonight when reading 

Yea I have my own critiques of therapy too, doctors etc. There are problems in how the conventional therapy model works, but then the customers are also problem as you say. A deep therapist who actually can ask the right questions and hit someone deep, if the costumer isn’t receptive to that it’s useless. So society is like stuck in this loop regarding those things

Edited 23 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

On 2026-07-08 at 1:08 PM, Breakingthewall said:

They find people that is fool enough and low self esteem to believe their performance , and they dismiss the others insulting them as low, stupid, etc. Like bentinho massaro or any other sect leader. Narcissist are sect leader wannabe 

Some even take insults like ego boost because they’re given attention 🫨

On 2026-07-08 at 4:06 PM, Breakingthewall said:

For me the difference is for example If you say, "Reality is God taking forms because He wants experiences," then I ask you, "But if God is infinite, then He must have already had infinite experiences, right?" Then It all depends on how you respond.

If you respond in an explanatory way, arguing your point and somehow appreciating that your view is being challenged, then the speaker is a mind that aims for understanding. On the other hand, if you reply, "Brother, you're not awake. Get out of your materialistic paradigm. I'm sending you lots of love, hugs, and ❤️ (and don't write to me again, son of a bitch)," then the speaker is a defensive ego. In the second case, it's not a bad idea to question them enough, just so their true nature is revealed

Yea some level of defensive ego is there, but still quite light hearted from my pov, so i have no critique, you guys can keep going and i can bring my popcorn.

On 2026-07-09 at 0:08 AM, Breakingthewall said:

That's true. When you say, "We're leaving tomorrow," you're no longer a human with preferences; you're an arrow pointing in one direction. There's no room for anything else, which is why I say it's meditative.

You can't think, "Well, let's see when this ends, I hope it's pleasant." You only think about the boat, the wind, and the sea, as if you were a robot. If you have to go out at 4 a.m. to the bow of the boat with a headlight and spend hours unhooking a rope while freezing water pours down on you and the wind is brutal, you do it without thinking about anything, only about how to do it, about what needs fixing. It's inevitable, it's going to be fixed. Your will is a laser; there's only your will and that thing that fails. Anything can happen every second, for days. It's like being in another dimension.

But it's very different totally alone than with a friend, even the friend doesn't help the difference is huge, even if in days you talk 2 minutes per day, you are sharing. Alone the first 3 days are horrible, it's the worse place where you want to stay, then little by little you get used but if you sleep 3h per day it's a great sleep, once I ve been 3 days sleeping zero, in some moment get dangerous, you can't handle things, and accident is very possible. The feeling is that it's absolutely serious, and the nights are long, then the day comes and you feel it so wonderful. In some point you feel the sea as a continuity of yourself, the boat as your body, if any subtle change happens you perceive at the moment, then you must know what have happened. Many big problems happen, it's absolutely essential to have clean perception of everything all time. Nobody can help you there, there is no internet, you are alone so there is no choice, that makes you sharp. Its beautiful, some moments are absolutely wonderful, your soul opens up. Then other moments you feel absolutely miserable, wet, frozen, but there is zero complain, you are not someone who can complain, just a cog in a system that is running. 

Then you arrive to destiny leave the boat in a marina, do the passport or anything and go walking in the city and everything seems a dream, irreal ,another reality 

Once I had small experience and I just started with a girlfriend, and we went from canary islands to south Spain in a wooden boat with the mast of wood, built in 1950, without communication with exterior , no meteo info, in middle of November against the wind with that boat that lick water everywhere, everything grey, like a dream, 12 days. I thought: she's so strong. Maybe she thought it was a movie 😅 the reality was that was a total madness 

Mm anything can be meditative if inner state is right. 

Yea company where you feel connection vs no company is huge difference, simply feeling their presence near you puts you in different state than alone. I can relate to having periods with very little sleep, it’s insane how there are so many ways to gain energy beyond just physical sleep, doctors call it “mania”😁

I just started laughing a little now reading that, I’m kinda hesitating sometimes to go to certain places alone like a bar or something because it feels a bit “awkward”,  and you’re describing putting yourself in prolonged near death scenarios, the contrast 😂

Edited 22 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Breakingthewall]

15 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You say you weren’t introspective back then. I think if you develop introspection, it won’t be as powerful as someone who is naturally introspective + develops it. Because you have gone deep, to me it seems you must have had good natural introspection from the beginning, but maybe just  in unconventional way (being so involved externally). It didn’t seem you followed norms much, and you did extreme things that people judge as insane, that to me suggests being internally driven in a way that’s quite independent.

I wasn't introspective hecause there was a barrier I wasn't even aware of, a blocked area since adolescence that was necessary for being more or less functional. At a certain point, I decided to look inside, and I did so obsessively and full-time, 24/7, like everything else.

I wasn't seeking enlightenment, but rather to break through the barrier. I started watching spiritual content, participating in this forum, and always, absolutely always, seemed to me that spiritual teachers had a fundamental flaw. I didn't know exactly what it was; it was intuitive. Now I understand it much better.

15 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Yea I have my own critiques of therapy too, doctors etc. There are problems in how the conventional therapy model works, but then the customers are also problem as you say. A deep therapist who actually can ask the right questions and hit someone deep, if the costumer isn’t receptive to that it’s useless. So society is like stuck in this loop regarding those things

I think therapy is necessary because people should do anything if they are in mental suffering. I guess it depends a lot of the real sincerity with oneself of the patient. 

Anyway, how could a therapist help you? I don't know. if you are sincere with yourself you don't need it, and if you aren't you will lie the therapist. And therapist have their own bias about everything. 

14 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Yea some level of defensive ego is there, but still quite light hearted from my pov, so i have no critique, you guys can keep going and i can bring my popcorn.

True, but if we are focused in this topic is annoying that people comes with lies, at least for me. Everytime I write here I try to be as clean of ego as I can, trying to go directly to the point, without the slightest lie. Sure some ego emanates and that's inevitable but the point is trying to refine. This topic is very slippery, it's a topic do define, full of mistakes. I really think that the future of humankind needs real spirituality. And the spirituality that have been formulated is full of mistakes. 

14 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

and you’re describing putting yourself in prolonged near death scenarios, the contrast 😂

I did that because I was full of fear. The point is thinking that really, every moment is near death, you could have an stroke in 5 minutes or the doctor could tell you that you have a cancer in your brain next week. This is not a fantasy, it's absolutely real, death is one millimeter from us all time.

As I was very anxious about death rock climbing was very attractive to me because I perceived it so scary, like impossible to do. same than real boxing, seems impossible to be in control in that situation, so I had to do, then gliding with delta wing, I saw it and I thought: no way, that's impossible, flying to 4k meters in the hard turbulences...then I had to do. Then sailing, alone in the middle of the ocean? No way. Then I got obsessive about it. Then I tried psychedelic, and the same, that's so challenging, terrifying, like see through this dimension, playing with madness, then I did thousand of times.... inevitable.

Now I train boxing just because it's beautiful and good for the body but I never fight. Enjoying real combat to breaking bones is sick, egomaniac. Climbing walls in clean (not solo, clean means you have to put the things in the wall) is dangerous, same than gliding. Why to take that risk if you don't need to? That's unnecessary, just ego, stupid imo. Oceanic sailing is different because it's real contact with the sea and nature, that's beautiful and it's a business, if I can in the future I will do again 

And psychedelic, same. Not necessary, some low dose for pleasure but there is nothing in psychedelic, nothing to discover. Psychedelic don't "increase your level of consciousness", but breaking your defenses. If you can dissolve your defenses without them, then it's unnecessary and dangerous in exchange of nothing 

Edited 7 hours ago by Breakingthewall