Thoughts on speed dating?

[LordFall]

I'd be curious for feedback for people that have attended them. I haven't yet, will give it a go for my own dating life but also thinking of running them for my dating business. 

Was it worth it? How did you like the people there? Would you go again/recommend it to a friend? 

Best story wins a cookie 

[Valach]

@LordFall

I have attended multiple in the last year. Probably because at some point I just got lazy with meeting people and there was this event being thrown regularly in a coffee place like 5 minutes from mine, so it was very convenient.

The setup was simple and same as you can see in movies. There were about ~15 tables with woman sitting and men were rotating after 5 minutes with a break in the middle.

Most of the woman I did not click with, but that happens every time if you select random 15 woman from population. But I had dates off of it with some really nice ladies so I had fair share of success off of it I guess - got plenty of "likes" pretty much everytime. From my understanding most of the guys on there really struggled with getting likes, but that's how it is with dating.

Not sure there is any specific advice I could share. It's just 5 minutes so you really do not have much time to feel off the vibe of the person. What you can do and what I did is to stay after the event to catch a drink and chit chat with the woman you liked (get's little complicated if you liked multiple). Also coming in early can be nice advantage if you first table is a woman you like because you get a lot more time with her (but I always came dead last lol). 

All the woman there arrive in groups, so it can be nice to make a good impression on even the ones you do not like since they have their friends there and you know..woman talk. But that depends on how gamey you want to be. Do you have any specific questions regarding this?

 

Also, I know you are from Canada. I am an european so there might be some cultural differences between the events I went to and the ones in Canada.

Edited 21 hours ago by Valach

[LordFall]

Cool thanks for sharing. It sounds like a great event format. Will you try it again?

[Valach]

1 minute ago, LordFall said:

Cool thanks for sharing. It sounds like a great event format. Will you try it again?

In the future, I might. I am not dating at the moment.

[LastThursday]

I've tried a few of them. Speed dating's fun if you're comfortable talking to lots of different types and you don't take it too seriously. It's good because you're all in the same situation which takes away the hard bit of working out if someone is "receptive". On the other hand five minutes per person is only really going to tell you if there's an attraction there not much else.

[Raze]

It has the same issues as online dating, the women all pick the same top guys 

[Valach]

6 hours ago, Raze said:

It has the same issues as online dating, the women all pick the same top guys 

The guys also want the "best" possible partner.

[Ulax]

I remember Todd V talking about speed dating.

He said it was sort of like cheating after you've done cold approach. And can be a good way to practice. Think he said some other stuff too.

Speed dating sounds great.

[aurum]

Not a fan.

I don't like heavily structured dating experiences. I need things to be more organic.

[Valach]

27 minutes ago, aurum said:

Not a fan.

I don't like heavily structured dating experiences. I need things to be more organic.

How do you feel with dating apps? Do you like using them?

I kind of see your point about the structure, but I highly value authenticity (though obviously it's very complex to describe what is actually means to be authetic) and I find that dating apps sort of force everyone to curate their profile for maximum reach and has an "off" feeling for me.

[Schizophonia]

It seems a bit better than dating apps.

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Valach said:

How do you feel with dating apps? Do you like using them?

I kind of see your point about the structure, but I highly value authenticity (though obviously it's very complex to describe what is actually means to be authetic) and I find that dating apps sort of force everyone to curate their profile for maximum reach and has an "off" feeling for me.

Don’t like them either. They are convenient, but that’s the problem. The whole thing feels overly optimized and transactional to me. 

At the same time, I also find dating apps harder than in real life. I can get dates IRL I would never get from an app.

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Don’t like them either. They are convenient, but that’s the problem. The whole thing feels overly optimized and transactional to me. 

At the same time, I also find dating apps harder than in real life. I can get dates IRL I would never get from an app.

Yup. I have. the same opinion on them and experience. I really struggled getting good dates with them (attractive or interesting woman).
When I compare it to the results I got in the real life it barely makes sense for me to use dating apps.

And I would say I am even fairly good looking and quite tall. Just not really photogenic. And you can not convey personality on your dating profile much. 

it definitely is interesting how woman who like me when they meet me in real life would not really give me the like on the dating app. 

Edited 3 hours ago by Valach

[Spiral]

I’ve tried singles events. Not exactly the same thing but it’s fun. Less structured, hasn’t lead to anything worth mentioning but I wasn’t particularly ambitious either. You mingle and chat people up

[LordFall]

14 hours ago, Raze said:

It has the same issues as online dating, the women all pick the same top guys 

My idea to innovate on the model would be to make it heavily feedback and data based. So you go let's say you sit down with 12 women for 5 minutes afterwards you get a rating on your appearance and conversation skills separately out of 10. Then you can test out different ways of styling yourself and work on your conversation skills and get feedback on it. For $50 seems worth it and if you'd do it 10 times you'd get a lot of value out of that $500 and meeting 120 women. I don't think actual speed dating events do this though from what I'm gathering.

@Ulax I'm gonna go to one in the next month. I believe in trying everything and seeing what works. When I was in dating more a few years ago it felt like kind of lame but perhaps it wasn't marketed properly. 

@aurum @Valach Have you guys tried to learn some photography and do multiple shoots with your friends or hired a professional photographer? In my experience most men with basic pics don't get great results. I had around 14 matches and 0 dates when I did it myself and when I became a photographer and went hard at it for a few months I got to 700 matches and probably like 15-20 dates, 3 FWBs and multiple one night stands from it. The results were much more predictable than cold approach or social circle. 

I'd give it a go more seriously. 

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

I’ve tried singles events. Not exactly the same thing but it’s fun. Less structured, hasn’t lead to anything worth mentioning but I wasn’t particularly ambitious either. You mingle and chat people up

How was the format different than speed dating? Was there a particular activity or event format they used that you really liked? 

[aurum]

7 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Have you guys tried to learn some photography and do multiple shoots with your friends or hired a professional photographer? In my experience most men with basic pics don't get great results. I had around 14 matches and 0 dates when I did it myself and when I became a photographer and went hard at it for a few months I got to 700 matches and probably like 15-20 dates, 3 FWBs and multiple one night stands from it. The results were much more predictable than cold approach or social circle. 

I'd give it a go more seriously. 

I have worked with some pros.

Either way it’s not worth it for me. IRL works plenty well.

[Valach]

11 minutes ago, LordFall said:

 

@aurum @Valach Have you guys tried to learn some photography and do multiple shoots with your friends or hired a professional photographer? In my experience most men with basic pics don't get great results. I had around 14 matches and 0 dates when I did it myself and when I became a photographer and went hard at it for a few months I got to 700 matches and probably like 15-20 dates, 3 FWBs and multiple one night stands from it. The results were much more predictable than cold approach or social circle. 

I'd give it a go more seriously. 

How was the format different than speed dating? Was there a particular activity or event format they used that you really liked? 

I have tried that. I didn't feel like it increased my match ration much. Though I have to admit I did not do online dating that much since then. The thing is that it still does not resonate with myself, that I have to curate my profile artificially to appeal. I understand the dynamic, I just don't want to play it.

 

12 minutes ago, LordFall said:

My idea to innovate on the model would be to make it heavily feedback and data based. So you go let's say you sit down with 12 women for 5 minutes afterwards you get a rating on your appearance and conversation skills separately out of 10. Then you can test out different ways of styling yourself and work on your conversation skills and get feedback on it. For $50 seems worth it and if you'd do it 10 times you'd get a lot of value out of that $500 and meeting 120 women. I don't think actual speed dating events do this though from what I'm gathering.

I have issue with this approach. Firstly it assumes that woman can objectively describe what triggers and what does not trigger attraction in them. And that is not truth in my experience. 

Secondly, this is my whole issue with most of pickup industry. It is trying to artificially bend your personality to be validated more. It is the ultimate self abandonment. Really, when you think about it, it is coming from the same place as people pleasing - trying to change your behaviour/looks to be accepted and loved. Sure, you might get more/better woman because of that but it does not lead to long term happiness or healthy self esteem.

[LordFall]

I sort of agree maybe 40% but I think 60% of that is ego. When I worked on my social skills to get women and because I got out of my shell I'm rewarded with female attention and ultimately pussy I was not offended to have to change myself. Personally I thought holy fuck why wasn't I taught this sooner every single person who has given me advice that hasn't worked in the past is a POS and has wasted my life and effort. 

12 minutes ago, Valach said:

I have issue with this approach. Firstly it assumes that woman can objectively describe what triggers and what does not trigger attraction in them. And that is not truth in my experience. 

They wouldn't have to, just write a paragraph sharing their experience on each contestant and giving them a rating. I would then use my experience in dating and come up with a data science system to rank guys. Then I would give them generalized feedback and if they wanna pay me for consulting give them basically all I got.

Personally I was always offended that Tinder would hoard all of our swiping data and don't make it available to you in any form. I would've totally paid for that. If you've used it for years Tinder knows exactly what type of women do and don't like you and realistically how you can optimize your profile and appearance to get literally the type of women that you swipe on. It seems like it's solved dating but they're in a business model where they don't know what to do with the data. 

I could also start a talk show type of brand where I get hosts to talk about this and instead of just venting about the dating scene endlessly or people having opinions that are not true at all it's all data backed. 

I talked to female friend yesterday that asked me for feedback on how to get men she was more attracted to. I kind of danced around the bush but basically it's because she projects butch lesbian vibes and isn't good at presenting or performing femininity. I don't know how many years she has been trying to data unsuccessfully or how many more it will take to fix but I think people have very identifiable issues when it comes to their dating life and lack of success in life in general. I think I could help both men and women figure their dating life out pretty quick. 

I just hate shit that doesn't work. I think humanity has advanced enough to solve dating for basically anyone. I think cold approach coaching is too messy to scale but a specific event format like speed dating can be replicated in most cities globally and with the data they just get better each one you throw. 

Edited 1 hour ago by LordFall

[Valach]

7 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I sort of agree maybe 40% but I think 60% of that is ego. When I worked on my social skills to get women and because I got out of my shell I'm rewarded with female attention and ultimately pussy I was not offended to have to change myself. Personally I thought holy fuck why wasn't I taught this sooner every single person who has given me advice that hasn't worked in the past is a POS and has wasted my life and effort. 

What do you mean by ego? The whole intention of trying to bed a lot of woman and attractive woman etc. is mostly just a plain old ego gratification. If you felt truly good about yourself, you felt worthy and loved yourself - you would then not think about ways to "improve" yoursself or to manipulate others into giving you validation. You would simply express yourself in the moment, even if you knew it might not be attractive. The core of this is self acceptance really.

I am not talking about you specifically. Just a general "guy". I think you are cool dude, we just differ in our opinions.

Edited 1 hour ago by Valach

[LordFall]

Ego like being offended at the need to get better and that other people are having a better dating and social life than you.

Sure I think it can serve for validation in an unhealthy way but also dating and having beautiful and great women in your life is well great. 

Why do you default to "manipulation" others into giving you validation? Social skills are learned. When you're born you can't speak and can't communicate effectively; are you saying this is the peak of human existence?

To me I've enjoyed life more and more the more I connect to other people and by that I mostly mean interesting men to talk business with and cool women to date/work on projects with. I think I'm more than extreme than most in that area being an INTP but in general I think pretty much everyone wants people they value in their life. If you don't have that right now you're only choice is to get out of your comfort zone and try new things and get better at the things you like and enjoy so that you have more of a scale in it.