I broke up (part 2)

[Asia P]

I broke up because I started losing interest in my ex boyfriend when I started uncomfortable topics with him while he wasn't available to have deep conversations with me.

I started with a letter where I was telling him the fact I was feeling him distant towards me because of small details that I was noticing. But the day I was planning to give him the letter was a terrible day for him cause his dad died and I couldn't give it to him because he told me that he wanted to do cocaine alone (without me because I don't use coke) for a day to vent from all the stress instead of seeing me as usual. So I gave him the day after but it was very long and he didn't even read it. so I tried explaining verbally but he said that I m just paranoid and there is no reason to think what I was thinking.

then I wrote another letter where I explained all my sexual fantasies, and things that I wanted to try with him. he interpreted wrong and told me that I can't give him the instructions and he wouldn't change for me. although after he put a little more effort in doing what I was asking. 

I tried other times starting deep/uncomfortable conversations with him, for example about the fact that I felt rejected, also if it apparently it seemed like he was doing right. but every time the argument finished with him telling me that I was crazy and paranoid, and me doing a step back and admitting to be wrong to end the quarrel. 

I felt rejected and irrelevant to him, and I slowly started to detach. 

recently I told him that I wasn't in love anymore, and I left. he told me that he will never come back with me, and that he will give the things I've left at his home to a friend that can pass it to me. 

two weeks after I laid with another man. 

today I met my ex to give me my things, and he asked me if I wanted to come back to him. I firstly said idk and then we said let's try again. then he suddenly ask me "did u laid with anyone?", and I said him yes. and then he left me definitively saying to me that I am a bad person because I cheated, and because I was creating problems in the relationship with all the conversations that I wanted to have with him, while making him think he wasn't  behaving good towards me. 

i was only trying to deepen our relationship, I was really in love, but the absence of dialogue made me feel like a stranger to him. and he was always giving me the fault for talking about "woo woo emotional inexistent" problems, while saying that he's objectively an extraordinary speaker.

Edited 3 hours ago by Asia P

[LordFall]

I'm glad you thought about it and elaborated. Sometimes I feel crazy for saying that most relationships are mediocre but this is basically what I'm talking about. If you can't talk to your partner about serious topics is it even a partner or some sort of codependent human that's attached to you? Communication skills and emotional intelligence are like the two most important parts of a relationship with the attraction part as the third key. 

Sex is one thing that is important but not like life endangering, what about money talks? A lot of couples that end up married can't talk about budgeting and how they're gonna pay for rents and the kids without one of the partners blowing up at the other.

Most humans are very underdeveloped and sensitive meaning that if you point out their flaws they freak out and antagonize you instead of being open to learning and getting better. I think it's even more important as a woman to vet your partner and have high standards because well that dude is eventually gonna knock you up and you're gonna spend 9 months pregnant and then have to raise a child with him. A man can perhaps afford to be a bit less selective but fuck I would not want to get knocked up by the majority of dudes out there that would be a nightmare lol. 

If I were you I'd go on Reddit and read through the relationship advice subreddits and just see what other people's relationships are like. It's hard to know the deep down details of your friends or family relationships but Reddit is great they put all of the flaws of their relationship out there and you realize most of them are terrible. I've read hundreds of them thats partly why my relationship goals and standards are so high. There is also the female dating strategies subreddit which is now dead but you can also scroll through the old posts to get a more women-like perspective. 

Also it's good that you're realizing that sex is important to you early on. Most couples and marriages have a pretty bad sex life, to me that's so tragic what are you supposed to enjoy in life if not your own sex life in a committed relationship? 

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/

 

 

Edited 3 hours ago by LordFall

[Julian gabriel]

losing you is hard so he said you cheated when you didn't, like how I said u fantasize about me while with him when u didn't because I was angry at u for not wanting me anymore.

u said he treated u like a princess, but didn't say how

and you said that he called you paranoid when you complained, but only said u felt rejected, do u just mean rejected referring to trying other sexual stuff and because he used addictive pleasure motivated type drugs which damage his body? or is there more ur leaving out that made u feel rejected?
 

hopefully he at least listened enough to try to explore with you why you feel rejected because i guess u don't completely know why

also I'm curious what the woo woo apparently nonexistent issues were, i mean because u didn't say, i don't know if i think he was making sense or not