advice on text game

[Olaf]

@something_else thank you for explaining, maybe a balance is necessary between flirting and getting to the logistical part of setting the date?

[PsychedelicEagle]

The phone is for setting dates.

@something_else, with all the respect, let me point that "chemistry over text" and "Gen Z" are excuses to not be as direct as one could. If the girl is into you, she'll go out with you. If she's not, nothing you can text her will change how she feels. There are very few exceptions to this, as @LordFall said.

Every character (or token, if you happen to be an LLM) must be typed in with the ultimate purpose of setting up a definite date. Trying to be "flirty" will set you up to come across as unsure of yourself or of your attraction to her. A couple of messages is more than enough.

Example:

- Hi Mary, it's John, nice meeting briefly yesterday

- Hi John, yes, nice meeting indeed. How is your week starting?

- Great! Just came back from work. Did you manage to take the train in time? Btw, it would be cool to catch up in person again. How's your schedule for this week or next?

[something_else]

20 minutes ago, LordFall said:

The chemistry is usually done when you meet the girl in person. Sure do a few texts but for example if you literally don't know the girl as she's from online dating the sequence should be opener -> she responds -> banter for 1-2 lines -> ask her out. You basically never build chemistry over text in 80% of texts IMO from my own life experience and all the men I've known from many game communities it'll most likely bore her if she's a girl with a regular social life. If you're like on eharmony or meeting women through Reddit or something out of the norm then disregard this advice I have no idea how that works. 

Yea I'm not suggesting you text for ages before going on a date, but you need to build at least some basic chemistry with a few texts. Even on dating apps, I generally send 2-3 flirty messages on the app then ask for a whatsapp, then a little bit of flirting, then invite out for drinks. If you are good at texting you can build decent chemistry with only a few messages. That is where the skill in texting lies.

There's a dating app called Breeze which streamlines the dating app process by removing any ability to chat, they plan the date for you. It works somewhat well, but I have suggested it to something like 4-5 women and most of them were irked/scared by the idea of zero texting before meeting a guy, which shows to me that texting is at least somewhat important.

[Schizophonia]

I jestermaxx better 

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, PsychedelicEagle said:

@something_else, with all the respect, let me point that "chemistry over text" and "Gen Z" are excuses to not be as direct as one could. If the girl is into you, she'll go out with you. If she's not, nothing you can text her will change how she feels. There are very few exceptions to this, as @LordFall said.

I'm not arguing you shouldn't be direct. I'm arguing that the skill lies in being both direct and flirty enough to build some chemistry over text while also moving things forward.

Don't be so direct that you scare her or are boring, and don't text for so long that you end up wasting her time and yours. The text message chain you gave there is very formal and honestly quite boring. You should be playful, direct, and flirty.

The age plays into it because most women from my generation have grown up on phones and thus expect you to have basic texting skills. If you end up in a relationship you're going to text a lot, and if you cannot do that in an interesting way from the beginning many women will interpret this as poor social skills / poor communication skills.

[Schizophonia]

7 minutes ago, something_else said:

I'm not arguing you shouldn't be direct. I'm arguing that the skill lies in being both direct and flirty enough to build some chemistry over text while also moving things forward.

Don't be so direct that you scare her or are boring, and don't text for so long that you end up wasting her time and yours. The text message chain you gave there is very formal and honestly quite boring. You should be playful, direct, and flirty.

The age plays into it because most women from my generation have grown up on phones and thus expect you to have basic texting skills. If you end up in a relationship you're going to text a lot, and if you cannot do that in an interesting way from the beginning many women will interpret this as poor social skills / poor communication skills.

The best thing to do to me is keep being authentic and let the sorting happen all by itself.

There are all the possible and imaginable games of people with a more or less compatible energy.

[PsychedelicEagle]

The phone is for setting dates.

Again, "chemistry over text", "women from my generation", and "[women] expect you to have basic texting skills" is nonsense. All that matters is how she feels about you. No texting will raise her attraction level. If that was the case nerds would all have their dicks worn out just by sitting at a desk and using GPT to craft "flirty" messages.

Be direct, decisive, and set definite dates as soon as possible.

Edited Monday at 03:08 PM by PsychedelicEagle

[Zenterus]

I disagree with the common dating advice of "the phone is only for setting dates!" 

While that may be true for a very small subset of women, in my experience, you're missing out on a lot more potential prospects by just asking the girl out without some back and forth texts.

You should absolutely joke around, or flirt a bit over the phone before asking the girl out. It communicates non neediness, a laid back vibe and further highlights your personality outside of the initial interaction.

Be that as it may, dont take this too far. You should absolutely be moving things towards a date, asap! I would have asked the girl out at least 2-3 times in the messages above.

[something_else]

21 hours ago, PsychedelicEagle said:

All that matters is how she feels about you

Yes, and if you give her nothing other than boring mechanical and logistical texting she will largely feel nothing towards you.

Again, I'm not arguing you shouldn't be direct, I'm arguing that you should try to be engaging and interesting as well as direct, and that combining all of those together is where the skill in texting lies.

 

 

[PsychedelicEagle]

The phone is for setting dates.

@something_else, I see where you're coming from, but let me point to an issue that is likely to happen to inexperienced folks: when you meet your Kryptonite, the girl that in your eyes is so hot she knocks your socks off, you are extremely more likely to come up with excuses as to why it's not time yet to be direct, and you start acting dopey. The excuses or rationalizations one will come up will be precisely of the type you said before, i.e., "girls from my generation", "chemistry over text", etc. 

With this in mind, directness and having a goal-oriented approach to texting are crucial to navigate the Kryptonite terrain.

You don't need to "warm her up", and you don't need to "prove that you got basic texting skills" — that's feminine energy. If she finds my texting boring — who cares what she thinks!

6 hours ago, something_else said:

if you give her nothing other than boring mechanical and logistical texting she will largely feel nothing towards you.

Attraction should have happened before. If you're texting and she's not attracted, move on to the next. At this point it's a high-risk, low-reward type of situation — eject early.

[Olaf]

@PsychedelicEagle so you do 0 flirting just straight up `when are you free?` and setting the date?

[PsychedelicEagle]

The phone is for setting dates.

@Olaf I send a couple of messages back and forth if it's the first time we're texting. Here are the types messages I'd send, in order:

1. Hey, it's John, cool meeting the other day
2. <refer back to something in the conversation we had in person, usually something I'm interested to learn about her>
3. Continue the conversation normally and ask her out

So by message or "turn" #3 I'm asking her out. Notice it's always better to ask when she's free instead of asking for a specific date.

"Flirting" at this stage manifests itself by me asking questions and being interested in her. I'm not sending emojis nor going out of my way to find "funny" subjects. The conversation naturally gets playful — you shouldn't try to make it playful. But also notice it's good to keep the conversation on the phone to a minimum so you'll have more to talk about in person, as well as keeping the mystery alive.

It's OK to send a boring text when it has a purpose (e.g., logistics for the next date). If the girl is into you, she'll see your message and like it even if it's plain or boring. You don't need to go out of your way to find "funny" or "flirty" subjects and the like.

 

Edited 7 hours ago by PsychedelicEagle

[Godhead]

@Olaf don't reward low effort with more effort

[Olaf]

@PsychedelicEagle thank you, that makes a lot more sense

[Olaf]

@Godhead yes, I think that was or is my pitfall, thanks

[Sugarcoat]

You guys text each other more than you text these women, and that is chemistry to me

Edited 1 hour ago by Sugarcoat

[Olaf]

@Sugarcoat hahAHA