how to handle the burden of making life choices all the time without being too self-c

[Judy2]

...how to handle the burden of making life choices all the time without being too self-centred?

 

these past few weeks, i have noticed just how selfish and self-centred i am, and i don't like it.

i don't mean that i make inherently selfish decisions per se, but the mere act of needing to overthink life plans feels a) exhausting and b) like it inevitably requires great deals of selfishness or at the very least, self-centredness.

how can i handle this burden that is my inevitable, inescapable existence as a person, right here, who wakes up again and again, every morning, and feels so limited, feels constant discomfort, constant pressure because nothing is ever enough to make me feel special or whole? i notice this pattern and how i project my incompleteness onto everything and everyone, and yet, i can't stop.

i hate being so self-centred but i don't see any alternative, given that there is always stuff i need to "figure out" to try to finally make things okay in my life.

Edited 4 hours ago by Judy2

[Judy2]

maybe i just need to do more of the things that make me forget myself? but idk if that approach is fool-proof.

[Someone here]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

how can i handle this burden that is my inevitable, inescapable existence as a person, right here, who wakes up again and again, every morning, and feels so limited, feels constant discomfort, constant pressure because nothing is ever enough to make me feel special or whole? i notice this pattern and how i project my incompleteness onto everything and everyone, and yet, i can't stop.

By doing serious spiritual work and raising awareness beyond materialistic things. What would it take to make you finally happy and worth it ? Look at the richest people on the planet..I don’t see them losing sleep from the happiness overload . stop seeking the illusion of completion in a future state. 

See the more you seek the more you reinforce the illusion that something is lacking. What could be lacking in wholeness? What is lacking in perfection? Yet you always believe that something is wrong somewhere. Why you do that? Because that's what motivates you to take action. To accomplish. 

No attainment.. no accomplishment.. no goal.. no matter how many hoops you jump through.. no matter how well you do in the rat race ..nothing’s going to fix that sense of inadequacy. Cause that sense of not being good enough cannot be fixed by anything…Because this sense of worthlessness.. is not true.  But unfortunately you were brainwashed into believing it .

[Jordan of the Shire]

3 hours ago, Judy2 said:

...how to handle the burden of making life choices all the time without being too self-centred?

 

these past few weeks, i have noticed just how selfish and self-centred i am, and i don't like it.

i don't mean that i make inherently selfish decisions per se, but the mere act of needing to overthink life plans feels a) exhausting and b) like it inevitably requires great deals of selfishness or at the very least, self-centredness.

how can i handle this burden that is my inevitable, inescapable existence as a person, right here, who wakes up again and again, every morning, and feels so limited, feels constant discomfort, constant pressure because nothing is ever enough to make me feel special or whole? i notice this pattern and how i project my incompleteness onto everything and everyone, and yet, i can't stop.

i hate being so self-centred but i don't see any alternative, given that there is always stuff i need to "figure out" to try to finally make things okay in my life.

Hey Judy

I sometimes feel this way too. There is a quality of the normal way of living that requires constant and unending productivity and strategy that can be exhausting and limiting when not doing something you feel purposeful about. Even when there is purpose and passion, it is possible to become too focused, too tense about it, which ultimately affects happiness.

There is a happy balance between doing, and non doing. When doing something all the time, we don't have time for things that are done, to settle and work on the subconscious or collective level. We need periods of rest and acceptance of the way things are to be able to let things happen.

There is a causal connection between control, and things getting stuck. It can be difficult to let go of control, but an easy way to get some experience is to have a sip of water. When you do, notice that refreshing feeling. Notice how for a moment, things in awareness expand just a bit. Then notice how there is this thing that comes in, to push you to the next moment, or that moves you to the next thing. That thing is the craving for the next thing. It is sometimes phrased as, "the craving for becoming, the craving for things to stay the same, or the craving for things to go away" These are called the Tanhas, and they can be felt as contraction, or control. When you observe the feeling, and soften your eyes or hands, or something in relationship to it, then there is peace. Then the degree to which you can allow yourself to enjoy that peace will determine how long it lasts.

Another way is , try standing on one leg. Are you trying to keep a perfect posture so you don't fall over? Or perhaps youre in a yoga class and doing a posture. Are you trying to look good? Or can you let yourself wobble, and relax the muscles around the posture. Maybe you're not perfect, but things are open, energy can flow. This is also another way that we can see this quality of control. We can use these moments of noticing control as a way of becoming aware and releasing in relationship to this to allow things to flow. 

When this quality of release has moments in your day, you will find yourself experiencing more happiness, and you'll find yourself enjoying that happiness for longer.

Do you have any questions?

[No1Here2c]

I get it

[No1Here2c]

Feel like glass shattered so finely there is nothing left to break apart

Edited 26 minutes ago by No1Here2c

[No1Here2c]

Hard to even say I want understanding. At the end of the day I just want to be okay. But why is this? Why do I forsake understanding for comfort and security?