I feel strange :( because of isolation

[jacknine119]

I am totally isolated. I don't have even one friend. I am pretty good in some social situations even the most confident guy but I can't connect with anyone. I'm 23 I know I'm pretty young but people in my age had so many relationships, memories and so on. I didnt't have any. I am creating content, I posted fucking 45 videos but no one likes it. I have maximum 2 likes. I feel so strange to this world. I want to make my own business but so many doubts hits me because of my inability to connect people. I have no idea what do i do wrong. Maybe because i always trying to impress others unconsciously instead of being real me:)

Edited 12 hours ago by jacknine119
R

[YIDIRYIDIR]

There has bever been a better time for you to master staying alone. 

what i mean is, figure out how to develope internal systems of meaning, validation, and identity. You can totally be happy while being alone without anyone knowing a single shit about you, without having a social circle, without anyone to relate to. 

the idea that isolation is bad and a sign of failure or something negative is not true at all.

I've been where you are. maybe worse. i live in a conformist religious country. my whole family is religious. when i was in university, all my relationships were shallow, i couldn't find anyone to relate to intellectually. and when i do, it's only for a short period or some circumstances get in the way. i thought i was a loser and I'm the problem. 

But it took 1 year of staying alone, after quiting university, and dozens of actualized.org lectures and learning and experimenting to finally get that "turning inwards" figured out enough to get past my loneliness. Believe me when i tell you after that, i preferred staying alone, that fucking independence and happiness felt insane, to a point where it feels stupid to risk letting someone in lol. 

with enough  learning, inner work, integrity, mindfulness, and constantly trying to figure out your next move in life, i promise you'll get so much better with loneliness. 

I've been in your situation, so if you want to ask any questions and get into details, feel free to DM me.

____________

also a mistake you might be making is having high standards when it comes to socialising. you don't have to check all boxes to be friends with someone. just enjoying their company and making sure they won't impact you negatively is enough. intellectual connection, having the same worldview, same mindset, same goals, same lifestyle and all that is a plus. 

also, the need to be seen and understood from the outside and prove yourself otherwise you suffer might be screwing you, thus turning inwards is necessary. you need to develop your psychology to a point where if it's only you on earth, you would be as much happy and secure when otherwise. 

Edited 11 hours ago by YIDIRYIDIR

[Osaid]

47 minutes ago, jacknine119 said:

Maybe because i always trying to impress others unconsciously instead of being real me:)

Well, it looks like you already know the answer. 

Connect with yourself first. You can't connect with another if you disconnect from yourself. That means expressing yourself authentically and unapologetically. Then your own tribe will naturally come to you.

If you try to impress others by not being you, then you will only attract people who don't want the real you. That's the "disconnection". It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

So yeah, be you, there's no other choice but to be you. 

[YIDIRYIDIR]

2 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Connect with yourself first.  

exactly. that's what i was trying to say. no amount of external validation, attention and connection will fill that hole. 

[Osaid]

2 minutes ago, YIDIRYIDIR said:

exactly. that's what i was trying to say. no amount of external validation, attention and connection will fill that hole. 

Yeah, you think you solved the problem by people pleasing, but the same problem is now in a reversed direction. In order to people please it requires a disconnection from yourself. The other person isn't actually connecting with anyone or anything, so it still feels disconnected.

[bazera]

1 hour ago, jacknine119 said:

I'm 23 I know I'm pretty young but people in my age had so many relationships, memories and so on. I didnt't have any

Bro, you can build so many relationships and so many great memories going forwards, that's not something to be sad about. It should make you excited. Who cares what other people had before 23? Like, really, why do you care?

You say you can't connect with anyone, what do you mean by that? What kind of connection are you seeking with others?

[YIDIRYIDIR]

5 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Yeah, you think you solved the problem by people pleasing, but the same problem is now in a reversed direction. In order to people please it requires a disconnection from yourself. The other person isn't actually connecting with anyone or anything, so it still feels disconnected.

nice pattern, pretty accurate. never thought of it like that

[Jordan of the Shire]

Hey brother, there was a time when I took a course on social pro now: https://socialself.com/

It really helped in understanding how to make small talk and move into interesting conversations i enjoyed with people, and I became closer in my community, and it really helped with my sense of well being. 

Also, serving in the community, doing something, like volunteering or helping someone do something. This helps because it starts to fill you with a sense of value.

Inviting people, even acquaintances for coffee is nice. If you frequent a cafe a lot, reading, or writing, or doing something creative can sometimes spark conversations that are interesting. 

Taking a class you're interested in, or join a community hike club. Try going to places where you don't have to talk as much, where you're doing an activity.  

Watch Hail Mary. This movie was a great example of how to make friends with an Alien (ie: in this example, people we don't know at all) 

Beautiful movie.

Learn a martial art. Get to know your body and mind really well. Become competent in using it.

See if there are any dissolve practitioners in your area. https://dissolve-release-peace.com/dissolve-therapists/

It's a useful method for bridging the gap between being different and isolated, and becoming more at peace with yourself and the world. It helps a lot.

 

Hope these suggestions help

Enjoy your day

 

 

Edited 8 hours ago by Jordan of the Shire