Is neediness a question of vulnerability or an actual lack of abundance?

[UpperMaster]

Mark Manson wrote that practicing vulnerability (vulnerability: intentionally making your desires and intentions been known) is the gateway to being non-needy.

I mean I think we can all agree that this is true, ofc practicing vulnerability will help us be more indifferent to people rejecting us. This is lowkey rejection therapy. 
 

but does this truly cure neediness?

Like Leo says that you should actively create abundance in your life, then you will naturally be less needy and your abundance will grow even further due to non-neediness.

 

Like I’m having several  experiences..and am seriously trying to look through the lense of truth..what’s really true here?

Please leave your opinions for discussion.

 

[Eskilon]

Lack of abundance and Incompleteness for sure. 

If you have done spiritual practice and you have experienced bliss, and temporary completeness, the thought of chasing girls and attraction is non-existent in those moments.

[Valach]

Yeah, I feel like "abundance" as in dating bunch of girls is just a temporary relief from a deeper wound.

[YIDIRYIDIR]

@UpperMaster the way i would put it is, vulnerability is expressed after dealing with neediness, not before. since you are being vulnerable because you aren't afraid to lose them or their validation. that's what vulnerable means, you give them a chance to reject you. if you are needy, it would be hard to be vulnerable. 

neediness is broad, it can be for many reason, it could be due to lack of abundance, or insecurity, or trauma, or conditioned beliefs, or inexperience, or dependance on externa validation.... 

for me personally, it was because of childhood trauma, i developed fearful avoidant attachment style because of that. (if you don't know, search what that is and you'll get a bit of understanding)

 

Edited March 30 by YIDIRYIDIR

[Valach]

29 minutes ago, YIDIRYIDIR said:

@UpperMaster the way i would put it is, vulnerability is expressed after dealing with neediness, not before. since you are being vulnerable because you aren't afraid to lose them or their validation. that's what vulnerable means, you give them a chance to reject you. if you are needy, it would be hard to be vulnerable. 

neediness is broad, it can be for many reason, it could be due to lack of abundance, or insecurity, or trauma, or conditioned beliefs, or inexperience, or dependance on externa validation.... 

for me personally, it was because of childhood trauma, i developed fearful avoidant attachment style because of that. (if you don't know, search what that is and you'll get a bit of understanding)

 

How did you go about healing that?

[Basman]

Neediness is an intense attachment to outcome relative to your relation with others. It's about resources but also self-concept to a certain degree and needing affirmation of one's worth. There's a fear inherent. 

It's the difference between "need" and "want". The latter is much more positive. 

[Spiral]

That’s not how I define vulnerability, however yes. What you describe is a required approach to getting what you want from other people in a sustainable way

[Raze]

This was always one of the dumbest takes from Manson and why I never liked him that much.

Neediness is the result of having unmet emotional needs and seeking to fill them.

Being vulnerable has nothing to do with it. In the book where Manson says that he even brings up an example of a needy guy who tearfully confesses his feelings to Marks ex gf and how that’s an example of neediness not working. His book is full of contradictions like this.

You can be vulnerable all you want that won’t resolve neediness. 

Abundance is spreading your neediness out between many sources so it doesn’t show up as much. But it doesn’t resolve the root issue either. Though it at least can temporarily numb it.

 

[Ulax]

@UpperMaster In my life, the only thing that has ever helped me be less needy is abundance. Which is essentially just being more capable of having your needs met.

These days I am more skeptical of these ex-puas who advise on being more authentic. Mark is one of them. It seems to me that they undervalue the importance of the skills they learnt through game. For example, they learnt how to withstand social pressure and have strong frame. Vulnerability without strength/ effectiveness seems overrated to me. 

David Tian and Neil Strauss had similar journeys, and say similar stuff about vulnerability. And I judge them the same way.

If I'm open about by attraction to women, but I don't have the skills to seduce them, then I don't see how that will help my neediness in the way that really matters.