Trip report #1 : 1g of psilocybin cubensis (Known as Golden Teacher)

[Gabriel Joy]

After watching multiple of Leo's videos on psychedelics, I decided to have my first trip at 21 years old (following his advice to not do it earlier due to maturity). The report I'm writing is first and foremost for myself to make the lessons explicit and help me integrate the experience, but I'm leaving it here on the forum because it will probably be valuable to others, as this forum has helped me in the past even if I almost never post.

Setup and Context
Drug : 1g of psilocybin cubensis (Commonly known as Golden teacher)
Location : At home, in peace and quiet.
Sitter : None.
Intention : How to rest ? + Familiarize myself with a psychedelic experience
Testkit : Essential Drug Test kit (3-in-1) - Package (https://testkitplus.com/product/drug-test-kit-marquis-morris-ehrlich)

Based on my holotropic breathwork experiences, I felt sufficiently mature that I didn't need a sitter. I also tend to be more open to the experience if there’s no one around, as I feel then that I could express myself freely.

The test kit came back positive for psilocybin based on the Ehrlich reagent and negative for the Marquis and Morris A and B reagents. This was to ensure that the magic mushrooms I was given didn’t have anything added to it, even if it was coming from a trusted source.

The intention (How to rest?) was set because, when I find myself agitated in the afternoon, I tend to find myself short of solutions. I can’t keep working on homework (I’m doing a bachelor’s in social work) or work (do contractual work to train AI) because of my agitation. Hence, I sometimes end up eating compulsively, between 1-2 bowls of nuts, and/or watching movies to dissociate myself from the pain, despite having no interest in these activities. I wanted to get insight into how to solve this issue permanently, that I’ve been stuck with for a couple months now. This was my main intention. I also generally wanted to know (experimentally) what a psychedelic experience was like, since it was my first time getting familiar with it, so I can focus on using psychedelics for personal growth (achieving insights in my life and about reality). I also didn’t use an eyemask because I wanted to get to see the visuals at least once before using it seriously for personal development.

I started at 1g because I’m generally sensitive to food and especially sensitive to drugs. For instance, all meats (seafood, red meat, and poultry) and eggs give me headaches when I eat them, and caffeine has a strong effect on me. For example, the last time I drank half a cup of coffee at 12:00pm, I was only able to fall asleep at 3:00am. Start low, go slow was the advice I was following.

I left myself the whole day for the experience, with the following day open if I needed more time to integrate the experience. I prepared lunch so I wouldn't need to cook. I wore comfy clothing (jogging pants, t-shirt, and hoodie). All sharp objects were far out of reach and put away. I made sure I wouldn't be distracted by anything. I literally didn't turn my phone on until after the trip, so it wouldn't distract me. I turned off my alarm to allow myself to sleep in a little if I felt like it. This was based on my previous experience that meditation and Kriya Yoga usually goes better if I sleep well. I figured the same is true for psychedelics. I also meditated 30 minutes before to put myself in a calm state, ready to welcome the experience. Basically, I followed his advice from his video called “How To Use Psychedelics For Personal Development.”

However, I omitted two important things that I'll make sure to do properly next time.

I didn't use an accurate scale. My scale was only accurate by the gram, and therefore, I actually don’t know exactly my dosage. It probably was between the range of 0.9g and 1.1g. I’ll make sure to invest in a precise food scale and measure the precise dosage for all my future trips. This is because, at the start, it created a bit of anxiety in me concerning if I took too much or too little. This could’ve been avoided.

I did the testing the day of the trip. This is a bad idea, as it creates a lot of anxiety and uncertainty for whether I’m dedicated to the trip for the day or not. Next time, I’ll test the substance at least the day before to avoid this unnecessary anxiety.

The Trip - Part 1 Images

It is more or less in chronological order, but I didn’t take any notes.

I ate the mushrooms fairly mechanically, but found some of the pieces stuck in my teeth. Considering I was already taking a small amount, I went to get a toothpick and pick them out of my teeth to make sure I ingested the entire gram. In retrospect, I’m glad I did this to get the full effect. Therefore, I will always make sure to use toothpicks to ensure I fully ingest the mushrooms for all future trips.

I then laid down in my bed and simply observed the wall for roughly 5 minutes. Quickly, I noticed two things before the trip came on. Firstly, the room was a little cold, so I turned up the thermostat to make sure I was truly comfortable and not freezing during the trip. Secondly, a wave of nausea came on. I knew this was a possibility, but didn’t prepare anything for it. So, I just felt it, lying on my bed. I was able to deal with it, but next time I’ll make sure to prepare peppermint or ginger tea to help ease the nausea, since I think at higher doses it’ll be much harder to handle, and it’ll be a distraction from the trip.

I was lying down with my head towards the left, which is when I noticed that the wall started moving. The best way to describe it was like a beast breathing, where I’d see it move closer and further away from me, with it distorting ordinary dimensions, as it seemed to “stretch” the wall. It looked like the wall had organs that breathed, and the wall became its skin that moved freely. Vague colors also started tinting the wall, mainly in mixes of blue, green, and yellow. It made me feel happy, joyful, and curious as I put my attention on it, which only made the visuals more vivid. I would be giggling internally, like a kid, as I’d look at the wall. The emotion was so intense that tears of joy would go down my face as I felt graced and privileged by its presence. This would last a couple of minutes until a face then started to appear, where the eye would be situated where there was a bulge of paint. Slowly, it produced a face resembling much of your typical stone buddha statue meditating. It felt like it wanted to tell me something, so I tried my best to listen to it. Then, a feeling of warmth came in my left ear as I focused on the face. It felt warm, very warm, hot, very hot, burning HOT!!! It was so hot it broke my focus, and I turned away from the wall. Quickly, I realized that the sun from my window was peering into my room and exclusively on my left ear. Therefore, I closed the curtains about halfway for the rest of the trip so I wouldn’t have to worry about the light coming on my body. Always block out sunlight from hitting my body during future trips to avoid it as a distraction. When I looked back at the wall, the face was gone, and the wall went back to being the beast I described above.

However, at the same time, I noticed that the fan started to shift as well, as if it was hanging crooked on the ceiling. At the same time, colors started appearing as it spun, mainly a mix of blue, yellow, and pink as I concentrated to make the colors brighter. It was oddly amusing to me, as it made me laugh internally. I’d constantly be smiling. I felt very much like a kid seeing a show. It reminded me of how fun life is and that I don’t appreciate my daily routine as much as I can.

Eventually, I’d return to the wall and focus back on the beast. It then started morphing again. Mayan symbols started appearing, as if hundreds of invisible hands were drawing them. It felt like a spectacle was being put in front of me, where these symbols would continually appear to be drawn and disappearing at an astonishing rate. The symbols were appearing in an ever expanding circle that then approached me at a steady pace, with it disappearing gradually as it got close, and other circles taking their place behind it. I was so amazed and happy that I’d be in a state of ecstasy, happier than any other moment in my life, where tears were once again going down my face. It had my complete attention. Then it stopped. The beast then came back.

After some more time, the beast started shifting again. This time, though, it gave me an unclear eerie sensation that made me hesitate and filled me with incomprehension (confusion), yet at the same time, there was another underlying feeling of judgement and rejection. In terms of visuals, an ever expanding circle with dots that started appearing as tiny eyes. It would close in on me while vanishing, while other similar circles manifested behind it. This visual was all gray this time.

As I focused my attention, I remember clearly trying to understand this image, as if I was looking to make sense of it, filled with as much comprehension and compassion as I could at the time. “What do you mean?” is the question that would come over me, and I’d seek an answer for. It only came later. The image was to inform me that I am still too fearful of the judgement of others and hold back my authenticity (what I say) due to this. I simply omit the truth of what I think too much. Yet, at the same time, I still seek too much approval and still need to work on detaching my value from others opinions. The eyes represent the rejection of others, yet also their admiration that I dig, which may be why I was able to focus on it so easily, despite the uncanny sensation it gave.

In retrospect, this is obviously tied to my past, where I vividly recall being left, time after time, in elementary school by my one friend at the time, which left a great dent in my self-esteem, even if it never actually was my fault. It was never actually my fault! That’s new. I know better now.

The image then suddenly stopped. By this time, I stopped looking at the wall and looked at the curtains and realized how exhausted and agitated I was from all the emotions and focus. It took a lot of energy and willpower to stay with these images, and sometimes I would take a small 10-second break to recenter myself and refocus on the image in front of me. I’d also glance at my clock from time to time, which was also distracting me. So, I got up and turned it away from me so I wouldn’t know what time it was. I’ll make sure to be able to not perceive the time for future trips because it’s a distraction from me focusing on getting insights and experiencing the trip.

“The wall has much to teach.” came to me as I cracked up for a second at the thought. Very true. Mentally noted for my reflection.

On one of those breaks previously described, I noticed colored waves started emerging at the edge of my roof connecting to the wall. A multicolored shore of blue, yellow, green, and pink. I began focusing on these waves, and the following message came to me: “Relax, go with the flow.” At the time of agitation, this was the exact message I needed, as I effectively relaxed after this message. The mobile game rider - stunt bike racing (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ketchapp.rider&hl=en) came to mind as I looked at this visual. I felt like I had to be like this rider in the game. Going ahead to do my moves and flips with what comes, and if I die, then I’ll simply respawn and restart. Two clear messages came to me. 1) I can definitely relax more often, especially in my body. 2) Going with the flow more often can benefit me. I followed its advice for the rest of the trip.

The bottom of my curtains then began to take the form of the beast in the corner of my eye, which I decided to concentrate on. However, unlike the wall that had yellow, blue, green, and pink colors, my brown curtains instead took a monochrome color. It brought to mind the image of a tomb, as if a ghost came back from the dead, and a feeling of dread came to me as I looked at the curtains. Unlike previous images, it was surprisingly clear, with a complete absence of symbols. I froze, but kept my awareness on it, looking for signs of insight and how it would change. Nothing came up, and it simply gradually vanished.

Instead, I noticed that from the middle to the top of my curtains Egyptian symbols appeared, which had the usual colors of pink, yellow, blue, and green, as well as the usual feeling of delight, much like the fan and the wall. I focused on it for some time, feeling like a child again. The curtains didn’t really give me much insight other than a feeling of happiness.

Therefore, after approximately 2 hours of all these different images, I felt it was going nowhere and had a solid experience of the images that people see during mushroom trips. Therefore, I decided to simply close my eyes for the rest of the trip to contemplate.

The Trip - Part 2 Contemplation

I set a clear intent to question and asked myself, “What is awareness?” However, quickly, the answer came up to the following question:

Which life purpose do you prefer?

A) Helping people with anxiety/depression self-actualize and awaken.

B) Helping people with level 1 high-functioning autism and learning disorders self-actualize and awaken.

The answer was B. As I trusted myself to follow the psychedelic path, I asked myself why, and very quickly, explanations came. It was because I fundamentally identify and struggle more with my anxiety and depression than my autism. I don’t really feel or struggle with my autism compared to my anxiety and depression. For example, I am extremely organized and don’t struggle at all in platonic relationships. I also genuinely don’t feel autistic and don’t relate to autistic young adults or the community. It simply is not my struggle anymore. Hence, I feel much more motivated to help people avoid the unnecessary suffering of anxiety and depression that I went through and struggled the most with.

Question 2 then came up as I understood this insight.

Do I want a sexual relationship in my life?

This question came about because I knew I didn’t want kids (because I don’t want to spread my crappy genes or have kids), but since I never had a serious partner with similar goals, this question remains unanswered.

The psychedelic then gave me its answer as I contemplated. Yes, if it happens by chance that I meet someone with similar values, goals, and life purpose, which helps us to mutually develop ourselves, but I won’t actively go out searching for it, as it’s not a priority in my life. I would much rather spend my time pursuing awakening, self-actualizing, and increasing the consciousness of society.

Question 3 then came.

Should I pursue exclusively awakening and ignore self-actualization needs? This means minimally investing in my career, only to the extent that I need to in order to maximize my time dedicated to and chances for awakening.

Answer: No! If you focus exclusively on awakening, you’ll feel empty from your lack of contribution to society, which is likely to prevent you from awakening! Go self-actualize and satisfy that need while pursuing awakening is much more effective to meet both needs in the long run.

I also read this insight in a book on Kriya Yoga, and Leo also holds this perspective. However, with the psychedelic, this is now crystal clear for me. Once again, the next question came to mind as soon as this insight was clear.

Question 4 followed:

When certified and ready, should you create Grof Transpersonal Training (GTT) Canada? GTT U.S. (main organization), GTT Poland and GTT Australia exists.Yet, no organization or even event affiliated with GTT U.S. exist in Canada.

For context, I’m pursuing a degree as a holotropic breathwork facilitator at the same time as my mainstream schooling (bachelor of social work), and am quite disappointed by the lack of initiative of holotropic breathwork facilitators in Canada’s inactivity to promote holotropic breathwork outside of their individual events. I feel this is fundamentally wrong, as they leave few training opportunities in Canada to train future facilitators, and I have been wondering for a while now if I should remedy this situation. It’s been bothering me in the background, but I never bothered to seriously contemplate it until now. This was due to the second question, which I didn’t answer, which made it pointless to contemplate it and made me procrastinate.

However, the answer is a clear yes! Holotropic breathwork is a valuable tool for mental health disorders and self-actualization. It should exist in Canada. Expect a GTT Canada in the coming years. I don’t know how much time I need to get certified, experience, and capital before to launch it, but I’ll get it with persistence, as I am now firmly dedicated to spreading holotropic breathwork in Canada.

Nothing came afterwards, so I began asking myself, “What is awareness?” However, I’d find I’d get easily distracted by fruitless thoughts. This was when I realized that the psychedelic effect is rapidly decreasing, as I am no longer seeing semi-circles of red when I close my eyes. I therefore opened my eyes and focused on the wall. Effectively, the wall was barely breathing. The time was 11:43 am. I took it at about 8:45 am. Therefore, psilocybin cubensis peaked at 3 hours on an empty stomach for me. Less than the 4-6 hours I read based on previous reports. I tried contemplating again, but it was clear that the effects were over. Therefore, I thanked the wall, the fan, and the curtains for their wisdom (which I look back and find odd, since I’m usually not thankful to things that are not the cause of the state), went to eat lunch, and concluded the trip.

Post Trip Reflections

I had indigestion during lunch. It was clearly from the mushrooms, as I ate nothing else that morning. Indigestion is a tiny price to pay for the psychedelic experience and is to be expected in the future.

Psilocybin cubensis is a more effective tool compared to Holotropic Breathwork for personal development. During a typical holotropic breathwork session (I’ve done 12 up until now), I usually get between 3-5 solid insights with adequate preparation, but during a trip, I got 8 insights (excluding insights concerning preparation of the trip) on a pretty low dosage. I can only imagine what it’s like on a moderate or high dosage. That being said, there are advantages to both. One is that you need to be mature to handle the trip, you need to get the drug, and you can’t stop the process once it’s started. Hence, Holotropic breathwork is better for beginners to get used to and familiar with non-ordinary states of consciousness, while psychedelics are more appropriate for mature people who have already been doing personal development for at least a year MINIMUM. You need a certain amount of development to use it effectively.

I had a clear mind using Psilocybin cubensis compared to trip reports I read. I attribute it to the low dose. To be observed at higher doses if this changes.

Close one’s eyes, or use an eye mask, to maximize the insights. The visuals, although pleasant, were definitely distracting. I had an easier time gathering insights by focusing on contemplation with my eyes closed. Leo said this (about the visuals being potentially distracting), and I confirm his insight through my experience.

A sitter is unnecessary at 1g of psilocybin cubensis. I am sufficiently mature to handle this dose and can probably ramp up gradually without a sitter if I’m careful about it.

I handled the trip well because I have a daily spiritual practice of 1h 30 that grounded me emotionally. A daily spiritual practice is a prerequisite for psychedelics. Otherwise, I don’t recommend psilocybin cubensis, as the person is not ready yet. Noting for my future psychotherapist practice.

Next trip: 1g of psilocybin cubensis, but with an eye mask. I’ve decided not to increase the dosage just yet, as I want to experience a full trip with an eye mask to make sure I can handle it. Probably during the summer, but I’ll wait until I feel I have integrated this experience fully before doing another trip.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! Also, I’m going to post all my trips on this forum, so be on the lookout if ever it helps you. I’ll create a new topic for each trip report. Feel free to leave your questions and encouragements below. I’d be glad to answer them and/or receive them to give back to this forum which has helped me in the past.

[Gabriel Joy]

Bonus points I though of immediately after posting that is worth noting :

I am much more sensitive than the average person to psychedelics. Therefore, it is especially important that I increase the dosage gradually to ensure that I can handle it emotionally and avoid bad trips.

It is not the psychedelic, but the intention and effort that bring insights. This is clear to me, as 1g of psilocybin cubensis doesn't usually cause such an intense trip. It was my continual effort that brought about the insights that I experienced on this trip.

[Lazarus93]

Sounds like a nice trip. How much do you plan to increase your dosage by per trip? Be careful, how deep a mushroom trip goes increases a lot at higher doses, and they can get a little twisted (as in, your ego might start to get quite scared when you start to experience full nonduality) at dosages of 3.5g+. Great for understanding consciousness and Awakening, though, when you get past the fear. My previous understanding of reality got absolutely shattered at a dose of 3.5g.

[Gabriel Joy]

15 minutes ago, Lazarus93 said:

Sounds like a nice trip. How much do you plan to increase your dosage by per trip? Be careful, how deep a mushroom trip goes increases a lot at higher doses, and they can get a little twisted (as in, your ego might start to get quite scared when you start to experience full nonduality) at dosages of 3.5g+. Great for understanding consciousness and Awakening, though, when you get past the fear. My previous understanding of reality got absolutely shattered at a dose of 3.5g.

I'll increase gradually by 0.5g. Although, I won't necessarily increase right away since I feel like I can use more experience tripping on 1g before needed higher doses. At the earliest, my 3rd trip will be on 1.5g. I might also consider increasing by 0.25g at higher doses if I find 0.5g increases too quick. Experience will tell me.