Gabriel Joy

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  1. Entry 24: Changing...again Its been a while journal. I'm now only going to wrtie when I need to. Not for anyone else, but me. As of right now, I'm greatly suffering and I'm here to dismantle that suffering to come up with a plan that I will put into action. For the past few months, my father and stepmom have both recieved promotions. My step mom got a new (better job) and then got promoted roughly a few months later as Vice-president of human resources. It was fine, as she did occasionally work overtime, but we still saw her and spent time with her. Everything was okay. Then my dad got a new job at the same company. He became busy as his departement was short-staffed. He had to do the work of two individuals. He did it, but sacrified most of his free-time doing. In terms of work-life balance, it fell completely apart. Then his boss left for another position. He applied for that position. He got it. Now he's doing the job of three individuals and has no life outside of work. (recently there's been someone hired, so it's two, but he has so much work to catch up on that it might as well still be 3.) This left me with a feeling of neglect, as most of my childhood I'd say I'd been moderatetly neglected by him and overtime this accumulates. Now, I feel this neglect deeply, especially that I have almost no attention from him. On top of this, my youngest sibling is feeling the same thing, although he's too young to understand it. Therefore, I must assume the responsibility of helping my father putting his life back on track. Two reasons. 1. It's negatively affecting the family (less happy than before) 2. It spicifically and greatly affects me. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to go on a long walk with him. And we'll talk. As simple as that. I need to tell him in a proper, respectful way what he isn't seeing. The walk is to make sure none of us can escape the conversation and it'll be at the chalet, since they'll be no one to disturb us. The neglect of his family, the self sacrifice of his health and decrease in overall of happiness for himself and everyone around him. Notes for talk: 1. Ask him about if he's happy and polietly ask him if it's true. (If he lies mention that he doesn't eat dinner with us anymore.) Ask him why this is the case and discuss. 2. Tell him his neglect of the family in general and that were no longer as close as we used to be. Also mention that I feel hat I don't really know him, the time he said "I don't want you guys to feel like your on your own." and the time I mentioned the worries about Raph, he replied "He's on his own." 3. Tell him he's sacrificing his health. (explain why too) 4.Tell him change is needed for everyone, and ways to do it (barrier with work or life, and then stick with it.)
  2. Entry 23: Problem number 1! Psychotherapist or Psychologist? I've been thinking for a while now the differences between these two roles and after much research and reflextion, I came up with a solution, but first let me lay the groundwork here to make sure I'm making the right decision. Psychologist advantages: Owning a business of psychotherapy. Being able to chose one own's work and vacation schedule. Making more money int he long-run (assuming I dedicate myself to the buisness for atleast a few years) Having more knowledge about psychology (need a PhD to be a psychologist) Higher chances of making a greater positive impact on the world Disadvantages: Requires more years to study Living in parents home a few more years Be in debt (most likely) for a while due to studies until paid off Have more paper work to do due to owning a buisness That's everything for Psychologist. Now psychoherapist. Advantages: Start working earlier Less Paperwork to do Less studying to do Less debt Moving out earlier Disadvantages: Illegal to start a buisness Long-term I will have less money (job pays less) Less fufulling as I know I won't have gone to my full potential Smaller impact Advantages: Less studying Get to live independently earlier Eaiser to pay off debt Its pretty obvious once I put it in writing which option is better. I'm going to be a psychologist as it's the right long-term choice financially and personally fufilling even if I have to be more patient to get results. Furthermore, it allows me to work on my schedule even if I have to work harder to get it. That's all.
  3. Entry 22: A new approach to journaling I've been realizing that I haven't been using this journal to it's full potential. I've been just noticing things and saying them without contemplating them too much. Instead, from now on I'm going to change up the method of journlaing. I will do the following now: Address a problem that I'm noticing within my life Weight out all the benefits of the problem Come up with a long-term, holistic solution that you can apply to your life. The reason I'm writing down a three step process is to refer to it from time to time. Now, Let me begin by applying this right now. My stepdad wants to lose some weight. He's gone through mutliple programs and has always met failure regardless of what the program was. They alll involved restricting food and not considering the behavior, mindset or relation of the person to food. Therefore, I want to propose him a diet plan that's going to work for him in order to help him. It benefits me somewhat, making me practice my convincing skills, having a family member feeling better and improving my environment while also feeling good for helping someone. Therefore, I'll do this through recommending him a way to lose weight permanently. (proceeds to go do some research) I've got my plan. I'm going to recommend him Noom. This is because they focus more on behavior change and your relationsihp with food compared to other programs, such as Jenny Craig. This means that the change is going to be more permanent than the previous programs he took and will be more likely to stick to it even after he stops his subscription. I'm simply going to recommend him the Noom and explain the differences compared to other weight loss companies. (Essentially what I said above) Now I just need to go tell him. Wish me luck.
  4. Thank you everyone for replying! I appreciate all the quotes you gave me. My intention was for inspiration of what profound quote I could put in my yearbook that would resonate with me for the rest of my life and perhaps make my friends curious of the quote. I ended up picking the following: Nothing can make you happy until Nothing can make you happy - Jeff Foster I wasn't originally planning on using your quotes, but this one resonated with me so much that I wouldn't be as authentic if I put anything else, so thank you for the quote!
  5. Entry 21: Mom's house and Dad's house. Being a minor as I previously mentioned is difficult at times, especially when your parents are seperated and the functionaliy of the houehold is noticably different. Let me start with my father's home. I share a room with my olderbrother The house is noisy all the time except early in the morning and late at night (1 hour when I wake up and 1 hour before I go to sleep) I have a decent amount of chores (dog walks, mowing the law, talking care of recycling, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning my own clothes and rotating cleaning chores) Half of the time were out of vegetables and healthy protein sources unless I tell them to buy some more. House highly unorganized (we have too much stuff) These four reasons mainly drag me down for my personal developement as they slow my progress and limit my concentraiton. Sometimes this discourages me to continue and even affects me academically. It's not an excuse to slack off, but it's a reason why I keep oscillating between my weeks. One week I'm doing fantastic and the next week I realise how little progress I made. Now let's look at my Mom's house. I have my own room The house is always quiet, with the exception of rare calls my mom takes to catch up with someone at night My chore is watering the plants and washing my own clothes (although I occasionally help around the house from time to time) There are always vegetables and a variety of foods I can eat. There's a treadmill I can run on This leads to me having more spare time and having to worry less about basic needs or homework as I can concentrate more. I often find it's during the weeks at my mom's that I grow the most due to this, but especially because I can concentrate a lot easier. I haven't figured out how to solve this issue yet but having longfully thought about it before I came to the conclusion to make the best out of it. There's nothing I can change other then gently give advice and push them in the right direction for a better home. Not in terms of material, but in terms of organisation and food. Anyways, I believe I had an insight on the bus last thursday which I want to share with you. I was standing in the bus, going home as usual and suddenly, for no apparent reason I look at everything and though it was beautiful. I smiled, all my worries melted away and I stood there, filled with love. As cheesy as it sounds, that's what happened which I haven't figured out why yet. I'm trying to understad what caused it as I was feeling down that day and nothing was there to cheer me up. I think it might be that I'm starting to love everything more and more, seeing that everything is part of reality and slowly, my love is becoming unconditional. (Although not everything demonstrates an equal amount of love due to a lack of conciousness) I'm still going to have to reflect on it. On a final note, I'm continuing reading the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. The book has so much useful information that it's difficult to take notes of it and keep up the pace. Instead, what I'll do is read everyday as usual and then take notes whenI have time. I'll try t do it atleast once per week. That's all. See you next week!
  6. Entry 20: Embodying + completed research paper This upcoming week I've decided that I'll be embodying unconditional love I give. I'm going to try to reduce the amount of conditional love I give out to the world. I'm going to do this by visualizing myself being more loving. I'm going tot try to dedicate most of my free time that I spend doing nothing, simply visualising myself being loving to all. Then, I'll apply it and embody it. I watched half of Leo's video about love, which I plan to finish next weekend. Also, I finished the research paper on ego developpement and began reading The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel's Branden. This is to learn more about how my self-esteem and how it greatly increased. I want to get some introspection on it to understand myself. Furthermore, I've been invited on a podcast to talk about my self-esteem journey which is at the end of May, so I'm definitely going to finish it before that because I have a deadline to respect now. As for the ego developement paper, I'll use it to guide myself and others (if ever I'm in a position to do so) and consult it from time to time. I took notes on the paper and I will do so as well for books. The reason for this is because it greatly improves my understanding, as it forces me to recall the info and better memorise it, among many other reasons which I've learned due to Jim's Kwik Limitless book. I've noticed a little something on perspective as well. I've realised that it dictaces much of what someone does. For example, if someone things cheese on hotdogs is disgusting, whenever he sees someone eating cheese with hotdogs he'll be disgusted and possibly impose his opinion on others by saying something like "Cheese doesn't go with hotdogs, it's disgusting" This happens everyday which I realised is also a survival tactic. It reinforces your ego to maintain it, by perserving it's identity and preventing it from dying, at least partially. Yet, it drives people as well with what they deem important in life and makes them chase it conciously or unconciously. Anyways, I'm done explaning something Leo probably already said in his video, so see you next week.
  7. I've been trying to think of quotes that are short but profound, something you'd be able to memorise easily. However, I haven't been able to come up with any in the past few days. Therefore, I turn to the community. Do you know any short but profound quotes? It could be about any topic. If you know any, please post them below.
  8. Entry 19: A break... I took my first break today in a while. I was able to say no to schoolwork and took some time to watch a video from Leo and take down notes. It was nice. It was one of his older videos called Hot to deal with strong negative emotions. It wasn't a long one, but it was good. However, I mostly knew what he taught through experience. To deal with emotions, you must feel them and not avoid them. Then then disappear overtime and practicing this will make it become second nature. I've been keeping up with my hobbies as usual and I'm almost finished the ego developement theory research paper. It's complicated, especially that I'm now at the construct/ego-aware stage. However, I'll finish it by next week since there's little left that I have to read. I'll then use it as a reference point afterwards from then on to learn from. The break taught me something important today. It taught me that school is not a priority, but personal developement is. I think I'm finally embodying it after some time. For once, I believe that I'm finally learning the lesson. I'm going to try to sitck to it. I think I can. Something else! Yesturday I watched a movie because my family always has a weekend where we play a game, watch a movie and eat a meal together to spend some quality time together as a family. The movie did something to my brain. I can't explain it, but it made me feel stagnant as I finished watching it, just like the time before that. It doesn't have a positive impact on me and from now on, despite it being rude, I think I'll try to avoid watching it even while my family is watching the movie. I recall feeling...hypnotised by it. (not sure what word to use here to accurately describe what I felt) Luckily it's only every 2nd week due to my parents being seperated. I'll let you know how it oes if I remember. Finally, one final observation I let you have is that I've been procrasinating my personal developement work. For some reaosn which I have yet to figure out. I feel like it's a little meaningless to do it though sometimes as life is meaningless. I think a little of nihilism is still inside me that I have to deal with which I'll try doing. That's all. I got a bit of time before sleeping, so I'm going to read. I didn't write as much today because I didn't feel like it despite having the sensaiton that I made a decent amount of progress in personal developement. See you next week.
  9. Happy Birthday Leo! I hopeyou have a wonderful day!
  10. Entry 18: I’ve noticed something…and something else… Whenever I reflect in this journal, I have a habit of looking back within my week and loving it, despite all its downs and ups. I think to myself that everything is going to be okay and in the end, it’s always true. This puts me in the best mood of the week, where I’m awed at everything around me. The keyboard I’m using to write this journal, the classical music playing in my headphones and even the negative, how I feel the pain in my lower back for not sitting straight. It’s…beautiful. I feel like I’m in somewhat of a dream. Now back to the rational state of me, despite feeling amazing I have a few things to say to myself. Secondly, I noticed that I’m too generous to others. Let me explain. Instead of using my free time to do the final review of my book and maybe get ready to publish it or watch a video from Leo, instead I helped my Mom’s boyfriend paint the house as they needed a hand. Another time this weekend I decided to let my older brother show me a part of a videogame instead of going back to study which took 15 minutes of my time. I also helped my parents put the groceries in the fridge today and assure that there was enough space for all of it. (They went to Costco) This took me roughly 10 minutes. I use positive actions to keep my ‘healthy’ ego alive through little good deeds instead of learning and changing my ego as it attempts to stay in homeostasis. I’m going to begin to work on fixing that, prioritising my personal development instead of this. I just realised, I ran into the same problem. I’m stalling my personal development again by finding an excuse to do something else. I need to put it as my #1 priority. The question is, how am I going to do that? (thinks for 5 minutes before continuing) Doing it first. I think it comes down to completing it before my school work. For example, the reading habit easily stuck after I did it before my schoolwork as my mind still prioritises schoolwork over personal development. If I make it that I don’t just put my reading habit and meditating/exercising before schoolwork, but also all my other goals then I’ll be more likely to complete them. That’s what I’m going to try! Quick note that I’m at the strategist stage of the research paper and haven’t watched Leo’s video, but that’s okay. I think I’m starting to become auto sufficent despite his content being very profound and insightful. I believe (not sure yet) that I can start figuring out a lot of things on my own and that Leo prompted my development and dramatically changed my life. Thank you Leo. My family situation doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things so I’m not going to explain it. Anyways, wish me luck for the upcoming week!
  11. Entry 17: Progress? The reading habit stuck. I was consistent and read the research paper 10 minutes per day. The only exception was Friday where I went to the cottage with my family and instead doubled the time I read Saturday to make up for it. Furthermore, I still have a problem. I don't have the luxury of time on my side to sit down for two hours and watch a video from Leo. I instead did homework for the most of the weekend with the exception of a board game to play with guests and the family which I've gotten peer pressured to. It made me go to bed late, loss study time and concentration the next day. It's a lot harder to say no when there's guests than just my family as it's seen as being rude. But the truth is that it's not rude. I'm prefectly allowed to not pla a board game if I don't want to. Actually, let me tell you a story. Sunday morning while I was doing homework my Dad came to me and stated "Your still doing homework?" I replied "Yes, school gives no break this timeof the year and I have to focus since I've used all of my free time yesturday." The tone suggested I regretted it., which I did. I could've used it for reading or more likely, Leo's video. "You enjoyed it though no?" I didn't anwser, I just went back to doing math homework. I didn't really enjoy playing seven wonders, it felt more like a waste of time to me than anything else. No bond was built between me and anyone else that night. Anyways, moral of the story, I should've been honest. I think I need to make it clear repetitively that I don't want to play a board game if I don't need to. Or else, regrets come and loss of what was my only free time in the day. I've also come across an interesting observation recently. It's hard to resist something to your constantly exposed to. For example, most of my family loves playing videogames and consuming series, movies and media. Most of them are majoritarily Stage Orange with a bit of green. They love luxuries and because of this, I'm constantly exposed to these things too and I find myself often craving them a little. However, at school I don't even think about these things as I'm busy or simply not nearly exposed to them openly as much. If I am, then I could simply walk way while in the house I can't stop my brother from playing videogames just because we share the same bedroom. Tis is something I'm going to keep in mind and attempt to switch rooms when possible while doing work to avoid these activities. There not bad, but it's just something I don't want to dedicate my life too. To end off, let's talk about my goals this week. I plan to get halfway through the ego developement theory research paper now that I have the habit. It's possible, considering I'm also at my mom's house with few distractions and that I'll have more free time. (I'll explain my parent's sitation next entry) I'll also watch Leo's video as a four day weekend is coming to me due to easter. That is all.
  12. Entry 16: I think I got the problem. Habits, there really hard to implement. I've been prioritizing school again and this is exaclty what I didn't want to do. I've got no progress on the research paper and I now got two weeks left to complete it. Furthermore, I haven't watched a video form Leo this week as I was 'busy' doing school work. I have however, caught up to the gist of things for school and will be seeing the guidance counsellor tomorrow. In this aspect I did well. After reflexting about my situation on the bus though, I've made a decision. From now on I'm going to do personal developement first before doing school work. There's no way around it as there will always be something to do for school and therefore I have to force myself to strip to just the necessities in order to improve myself. A quote I heard a while back from someone Jim Kwik was talking to sums up what I need to do. "Jim, don't let school get in the way of your education" That is exactly the lesson I need to get and it will begin by truly prioritizing personal developpment. I will focus on just this during the week to assure that I get it done. Here's my plan: When you arrive home, after the jog (if you need to exercise) read for 10 minutes, or else read right away. Sunday afternoon is researched for Leo's video. This will get me back on track if I do it, which I believe I will because I'm capable and it isn't complicated. Anyways, I got news about cegep. Firstly is that I did poorly on the french placement test and therefore I got declined the program I wanted to get into. My french wasn't good enough. I however, got a offer for general social science instead which is...not even my second option. Therefore, I asked if I could pick my major and they would see if they could accommodate my request to major in psychology. Luckily they could and I've been accepted to social science majoring in psychology. This was my second option, so I'll take it. I usually don't settle for second but it's quite impossible for me to go into english and french social science when all colleges have the proof of my poor french skills. It's okay though, I'l still be able to study in psychology in the future, except now it's definitely going to have to be in english. That's all. See you next week journal.
  13. Entry 15: Plans falling apart I did not read the research paper. I printed it out though, so at least there's that. However, I know exactly why I didn't read. I didn't plan for it. I simply prioritized homework and let my school take over my education. Instead of developping myself, I caught up on a bunch of work that I'm still partially lagging behind. The week at school was tough on me, not because of tests but because of Covid I had to run to every classroom to grab the work I missed and attempt to complete it. I did make progress though, but now I'm going to prioritze reading the research paper. I got three weeks left and this time, I will not slack off. I will plan and execute. On a different note, I'm going to see a guidance counsellor to plan my future career. Tomorrow morning I'm going to visit her, plan the meeting. I know what field, I know I want to be a psychologist, but the ony problems is the degrees which I need to get. I plan to figure out which degrees I want so that i can gain clarity on where I'm going in my life. That's about it this week. I've been too busy doing homework to have learned much. I however, learned to reject politely to play board games with my family and due to this, I got an extra hour. Now I plan to do the same for the rest of my life. Final thing, I did my french placement test. I thing I will be placed directly into the regular french proram as I feel like I did well on all except one part which was grammar. The written part was done well, the grammar was probably barely a fail, the reading comprehension I did well and the interview with the teacher went well, so let's hope that themarks balance out. Anyways, my goals for this week are: Read 1/3 of the research paper Completely catch up on school work Get a meeting date with guidance cancellor Wish me luck (I sincerely believe in luck)
  14. Entry 14: First Book Completed! I'm proud of my progress despite the isolation I had to face due to having Covid-19. I've completed the book I wanted to read, even if it took 2.6 times longer than I expected. My next goal is to read a long research paper on ego developement theory. This research paper is much shorter and therefore, I think I'll be able to finish it within a month, especially now I know how to speed read without losing comprehension due to Limitless. There are also a few things I've learned through reading. First is that I need to minimize my notes or find a way to write them faster. I spend as much time reading as I did notetaking and that's a problem as I don't have the luxury of time on my side. Therefore, from now on, I'm going to be more flexible. I'm going to Write down notes as usual but minimizing it and sticking to point form instead of complete sentences to save time and with the extra time, I'm going to spend it on review the previous material I read in order to learn it twice which will help me retain it. I've noticed something this week. During Isolation I felt a bit lonely. Before I frankly thought Ioneliness was not a problem but now I realise that this isn't the case. We all need to socialize once in a while. I don't think we need a connection as we are inheretly forever alone, but I do think we need to socialize due to the human condition that we've been born into. Another insight I've noticed that I've had is that I have a tendacy to let my family rob me of my free time. They rob me by having family night which is a obligatory time where we meet up as a family and eat dinner, play a boardgame and watch a movie (that's usually low conciousness). We rotate the choice of the three elements between each family member and I found myself often slightly upset. I enjoy it, but I always keep thinking that I could use the time much more efficently to read, or take notes or meditating or anything on personal developpement. However this is obligatory. The other activites, which are playing a card game or board game are much more easy to deal with. I could simply say no. That's what I'll do from now on. Family bonding is not a priority anymore over personal development. (although still important) I'll keep that in mind. That's about it, other than being bombared with school work this week as I had to stay at home due to covid, so this week I'm expecting it to be tough. However, I will make sure to stay on track and begin reading and taking notes on that research paper which I'll print out. Wish me luck.
  15. Entry 13: The cottage It's been a good school week. I did all my assignments relatively well, I was keeping up with my homework and studies while being dilligent in maintaining my habits. The only slight downside was me struggling with food. My parents don't exactly make it easy sometimes to eat healthy unless commiting time to cook which I didn't really have. This lead to decent food options, but I know I could've done better with my vegtables. You see, we are often out of vegetables or fruit and rarely have both. This makes it that I have minor deficients that i don't even know about affecting my health. It sucks, as I can only persuade them so much until it gets on their nerves but I'll try my best with what I have. The weekend on the other hand, was completely different. We went to the cottage. This may seem to be a good thing that I get to go to my parents cottage with them but I can assure you that it's not. Firstly, I lose a total of three hours which I could spend on personal developement or even just simply reflecting. Afterwards, we have guests over so I have no quiet space to do homework as I'm distracted by the guests which are staying over the entire weekend until we leave, my sleep is impacted as I can't go to sleep at 9:00 Pm because my bed has become the living room couch which is occupied at the party until 11:00 Pm and I'm running on six hours of sleep being grossly inefficent today. I do always keep my daily habits intact though. Finally, I got to spend time socialising with people I don't have the same values. My family is mainly stage orange with a bit of green and the guests are roughly the same. Here I am at stage green/yellow where I simply don't connect with them. However, I still tried to enjoy it and to some extent I did, but it definitely didn't fulfill me. In the afternoon we came back and my father took a rapid test as he got a message that two workers form work were positive and he was in contact with them. He test positive. This means i have Covid (Omicron) and so does everyone who came over. This means I'm going to isolate, being sick (asymptomatic for now) and have more free time on my hands as I don't have to go and come back to school (2 hours) howerver, next week is going to be difficlut as I'll have a bunch of assignments and tests to complete. Luckily it's only one week tohugh that I have to isolate. Let's talk about the book. Limitless. I did not move forward. No time this weekend and during the week I have no excuse. I could've made time, but didn't and I think I know why. Making time require work and I often pick the complacent easy path because I'm already doing so much more than my family and therefore i give myself the illusion that I'm doing enough, although the world needs more. I need reminders why this work is important because sometimes I squander my youth. However, I did move forward a little bit as I have one chapter of notes t write and then one more chapter to read and write notes, which then I'm done. Now I plan to do this tomorrow. That's what I'll do. I won't let my situation stop me, I'll take advantage of it and maximize my free time. I'll be back then, as this week I'm finishing the book.