How I overcame prolonged SA from an immediate family member

[VioletFlame]

TRIGGER WARNING:

Hi guys, I recently commented on a post from a user who has experienced SA. To which I felt called to comment and hopefully help provide some insight or guidance for the individual, as someone who has experienced & overcame extreme trauma from childhood SA. However, it wasn't until AFTER I posted this comment to the user when it hit me: I realized just how far I have come on my personal development, spiritual, and self-actualization journey and I am so proud of myself for that. In addition, I feel in my heart that someone out there may need to read this. I would like to share something very personal with you all with the hopes that it will teach someone something, or more specifically, to help those who have battled similar traumas see the light in it. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a mental health professional, and any advice shared in this post is simply expressing what has helped me and how I have learned to cope over the years as a trauma survivor.

Between the ages of 4 and 8 yrs old I was SA and more explicitly, I was r*ped and sodomized by an immediate family member; my older brother. My innocence was stolen and my childhood ruined. It was by far the worst season of my life, the most significant chapter in my life, the most horrific aspect of my life, and it completely set the course for all the years following. I am now 28 years old and I will, of course, never forget it and I still carry those horrific memories, and all the immense pain that comes with it. However, I have learned to take that pain and channel it in ways which have been incredibly enlightening, profound, & healing.

One thing that helped me immensely on my PTSD recovery journey was developing grace. If you can look around, notice that all people in life are suffering in their own ways, just like you, (even if it's not on the surface, always ASSUME that they are, because nothing is ever as it seems) and if you can choose kindness, humility, & empathy over anything else, you will be free, you will be liberated, and you will feel more at peace. Embodying grace as a traumatized individual is one of the most profound, spiritually enlightening choices you can make in life. You are saying no matter what happened to me, I'M going to be the better person, the stronger person, the kinder person, no matter what. Unlike my abuser, *I* will choose empathy, *I* will choose kindness and *I* will treat others with dignity and respect (how I wish to be treated). It is extremely empowering and has saved me many, many years of grief, misery, bitterness, resentment, turmoil, & apathy. Please remember and tell yourself that you DESERVE to feel JOY, love, kindness, respect, and every good thing in life. ESPECIALLY if you have experienced one of the greatest evils in this world any living soul could possibly experience, or even imagine, let alone endure. 

Be a humble superhero. Most superheroes have endured great traumas which is HOW most of them even developed their abilities, and transformed into heroes, from overcoming trauma or some kind of great adversity. That can be very inspiring. Are they walking around hating the world and everyone in it? Are they walking around as the villain? No, they're striving to heal, help, and save others. That is the ultimate goal of someone who has truly suffered from any type of trauma or adversity, you are meant to take that wisdom and use it to help mankind; to become a healer. That is the purpose of suffering sometimes, to master empathy, to see it as one of your gifts, and become a natural healer. Find the strengths in your trauma, because trust me, there is a lot. Trauma is a powerful motivator for self-discovery and transformation. Realizing the strength & wisdom it has given you will absolutely empower you.

Find your passion & what gives you joy Despite growing into a dysfunctional family/household, both my parents, and all my grandparents were professional musicians and I was blessed with the gift of singing & writing music. After the trauma, I literally lost my ability to speak, but somehow, I could sing. It was singing that gave me my voice back. At just the ripe age of 11, I was already performing live shows and singing to crowds of people. If there's anything that saved my life and saved me from eternal hell, it was music and the ability to write, perform, play & discover myself through music. And now, look where I am: I am currently pursuing Music Therapy as a profession. I am here to tell you there is so much hope. And if you can find your passion, your calling, and your gift, then it is all uphill from there.

It took me years of self-reflection, personal growth work, and spiritual work to reframe my thought processing, my narratives, and my poor conditioning from the abuse. For years, mainly throughout my adolescent years, I was self-destructive and incredibly insecure, and I naturally, struggled with self-worth and self-esteem. It took time and years of practice, grit, and perseverance to re-program my mind and to re-develop feelings of self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, etc. But once I finally did, they became deeper than ever, as if I am loving myself like I would love my daughter. Mother yourself. Look into re-parentification and inner-child work (Carl Jung), those concepts absolutely changed my life and my outlook on my traumatic experiences in the most beautiful way possible. If you can flip your perspective on the trauma, and recognize the strength and wisdom it has given you, because it does, it truly does, then you can start to see it in a new light, you can start to actually "see the light in the darkness" when you can switch your perspective on it. 

I'm not here to say it's easy, because it's not, especially if you have endured years of abuse like I have, and all the subsequent years of pain, but I am here to tell you that it IS possible. I am a living, breathing, walking testimony of someone who has healed themselves, all on their own, from severe PTSD. My abuser never even reaped ANY consequences because I didn't disclose the abuse until I was 14 and it was already over. He now has a son, my nephew, and I sometimes have to be in the same room as my abuser. I chose not to put him behind bars at just 14 yrs old, despite being given the choice to do so. I dismissed bitterness and revenge and chose grace and empathy. And to this day, I choose to walk around smiling at everyone in the world and treat everyone with equal kindness & respect, despite the horrors I endured. And that is a necessity to me, that is integrity, and it is my will as a human being; my moral responsibility. I always assume others are going through something or dealing with something, even if they too, are smiling. Yes, I have tried therapy and all sorts of things but at the end of the day, it was me who did 99% of the work, in solitude, when no one was around. And unfortunately when you truly suffer, you are doing all the work. You're cleaning up a mess you didn't even make. You're picking up the pieces of someone else's trash that they left in your life. At the end of the day, in times of solitude and when you're all alone, you are sitting with those feelings, you're remembering, you're suffering again, and you are left with no other choice BUT to heal and reframe your thought-processing, otherwise you fall into an eternal loop of pain, despair, & turmoil, and well, who wants that?

If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and for stepping into my shoes. Living with PTSD is hard, but it is very treatable and neuroplasticity is real. All I can say is I hope you have gotten something out of this and I sincerely hope this could help someone in some way. I am wishing you all well and wishing you all the healing, joy, contentment, & peace. You are loved, you are seen, you are heard, and you are understood. Thank you for hearing me.🙏

Edited 23 hours ago by VioletFlame

[Yimpa]

Thanks for sharing!

[VioletFlame]

Thank you for reading! 

[Jordan of the Shire]

7 hours ago, VioletFlame said:

TRIGGER WARNING:

Hi guys, I recently commented on a post from a user who has experienced SA. To which I felt called to comment and hopefully help provide some insight or guidance for the individual, as someone who has experienced & overcome extreme trauma from childhood SA. However, it wasn't until AFTER I posted this comment to the user when it hit me: I realized just how far I have come on my personal development, spiritual, and self-actualization journey and I am so proud of myself for that. In addition, I feel in my heart that someone out there may need to read this. I would like to share something very personal with you all with the hopes that it will teach someone something, or more specifically, to help those who have battled similar traumas see the light in it. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a mental health professional, and any advice shared in this post is simply expressing what has helped me and how I have learned to cope over the years as a trauma survivor.

Between the ages of 4 and 8 yrs old I was SA and more graphically, I was raped and sodomized by an immediate family member; my older brother. My innocence was stolen and my childhood ruined. It was by far the worst season of my life, the most significant chapter in my life, the most horrific aspect of my life, and it completely set the course for all the years following. I am now 28 years old and I will, of course, never forget it and I still carry those horrific memories, and all the immense pain that comes with it. However, I have learned to take that pain and channel it in ways which have been incredibly enlightening, profound, & healing.

One thing that helped me immensely on my PTSD recovery journey was developing grace. If you can look around, notice that all people in life are suffering in their own ways, just like you, (even if it's not on the surface, always ASSUME that they are, because nothing is ever as it seems) and if you can choose kindness, humility, & empathy over anything else, you will be free, you will be liberated, and you will feel more at peace. Embodying grace as a traumatized individual is one of the most profound, spiritually enlightening choices you can make in life. You are saying no matter what happened to me, I'M going to be the better person, the stronger person, the kinder person, no matter what. Unlike my abuser, *I* will choose empathy, *I* will choose kindness and *I* will treat others with dignity and respect (how I wish to be treated). It is extremely empowering and has saved me many, many years of grief, misery, bitterness, resentment, turmoil, & apathy. Please remember and tell yourself that you DESERVE to feel JOY, love, kindness, respect, and every good thing in life. ESPECIALLY if you have experienced one of the greatest evils in this world any living soul could possibly experience, or even imagine, let alone endure. 

Be a humble superhero. Most superheroes have endured great traumas which is HOW most of them even developed their abilities, and transformed into heroes, from overcoming trauma or some kind of great adversity. That can be very inspiring. Are they walking around hating the world and everyone in it? Are they walking around as the villain? No, they're striving to heal, help, and save others. That is the ultimate goal of someone who has truly suffered from any type of trauma or adversity, you are meant to take that wisdom and use it to help mankind; to become a healer. That is the purpose of suffering sometimes, to master empathy, to see it as one of your gifts, and become a natural healer. Find the strengths in your trauma, because trust me, there is a lot. Trauma is a powerful motivator for self-discovery and transformation. Realizing the strength & wisdom it has given you will absolutely empower you.

Find your passion & what gives you joy Despite growing into a dysfunctional family/household, both my parents, and all my grandparents were professional musicians and I was blessed with the gift of singing & writing music. After the trauma, I literally lost my ability to speak, but somehow, I could sing. It was singing that gave me my voice back. At just the ripe age of 11, I was already performing live shows and singing to crowds of people. If there's anything that saved my life and saved me from eternal hell, it was music and the ability to write, perform, play & discover myself through music. And now, look where I am: I am currently pursuing Music Therapy as a profession. I am here to tell you there is so much hope. And if you can find your passion, your calling, and your gift, then it is all uphill from there.

It took me years of self-reflection, personal growth work, and spiritual work to reframe my thought processing, my narratives, and my poor conditioning from the abuse. For years, mainly throughout my adolescent years, I was self-destructive and incredibly insecure, and I naturally, struggled with self-worth and self-esteem. It took time and years of practice, grit, and perseverance to re-program my mind and to re-develop feelings of self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, etc. But once I finally did, they became deeper than ever, as if I am loving myself like I would love my daughter. Mother yourself. Look into re-parentification and inner-child work (Carl Jung), those concepts absolutely changed my life and my outlook on my traumatic experiences in the most beautiful way possible. If you can flip your perspective on the trauma, and recognize the strength and wisdom it has given you, because it does, it truly does, then you can start to see it in a new light, you can start to actually "see the light in the darkness" when you can switch your perspective on it. 

I'm not here to say it's easy, because it's not, especially if you have endured years of abuse like I have, and all the subsequent years of pain, but I am here to tell you that it IS possible. I am a living, breathing, walking testimony of someone who has healed themselves, all on their own, from severe PTSD. My abuser never even reaped ANY consequences because I didn't disclose the abuse until I was 14 and it was already over. He now has a son, my nephew, and I sometimes have to be in the same room as my abuser. I chose not to put him behind bars at just 14 yrs old, despite being given the choice to do so. I dismissed bitterness and revenge and chose grace and empathy. And to this day, I choose to walk around smiling at everyone in the world and treat everyone with equal kindness & respect, despite the horrors I endured. And that is a necessity to me, that is integrity, and it is my will as a human being; my moral responsibility. I always assume others are going through something or dealing with something, even if they too, are smiling. Yes, I have tried therapy and all sorts of things but at the end of the day, it was me who did 99% of the work, in solitude, when no one was around. And unfortunately when you truly suffer, you are doing all the work. You're cleaning up a mess you didn't even make. You're picking up the pieces of someone else's trash that they left in your life. At the end of the day, in times of solitude and when you're all alone, you are sitting with those feelings, you're remembering, you're suffering again, and you are left with no other choice BUT to heal and reframe your thought-processing, otherwise you fall into an eternal loop of pain, despair, & turmoil, and well, who wants that?

If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and for stepping into my shoes. Living with PTSD is hard, but it is very treatable and neuroplasticity is real. All I can say is I hope you have gotten something out of this and I sincerely hope this could help someone in some way. I am wishing you all well and wishing you all the healing, joy, contentment, & peace. You are loved, you are seen, you are heard, and you are understood. Thank you for hearing me.🙏

Really hopeful post, thanks for sharing /\

[VioletFlame]

Aw I'm really glad it was able to give you hope. Thank you for reading.