HopefulMan

@Majed You wish to learn, but you didn't give us the reason so I can't say anything haha. I used to enjoy language learning so I studied French, German, Japanese and Russian, but only the first two reached a "decent" level I stopped when I realized language learning is useless --> Mind you, I have no special love for learning them, I don't make enough money to be learning useless stuff when there is more useful and interesting stuff for me, etc So, why do you want to learn? If it the love for it, just pick the one that looks most interesting to you If it's due to its use, pick the one useful for whatever you need it

@ted73104 I'm so glad you got out of that way of life, probably lots of regrets down the road. What you explained sounds more like you discovered things that were inherently fun for you + you got healthier It doesn't sound to me like change. Your behavior did change, not you though. You didn't find a way to enjoy reading instead of scrolling (like an example I gave), you found a way of consumption that was enjoyable. DOes it make sense? --- @Lyubov I like that angle about shading. It seems that if we are "clean", we tend not to enjoy "bad behavior" like endless scrolling or Netflix. Let's see how it goes --- @Ulax Thank you man! --- @Hayato definitely don't agree with you at all

@Ulax I love Dr K content, it is a great mix between experience, science and eastenr knowledge My struggle is not that kind of though, but I will watch it again, I remember I loved that video I'm glad you have turned your life for the better! --- @Lyubov thanks for the answer! What have you been able to change?

@Jirh read it when it came out. For me, this part of the method is straight up bullshit. "After a while, momentum gets created, things get easier, and it becomes hard to fall back to older patterns. After about two months, the desired habits become your default identity." Something becoming part of your identity in 2 months is laughable (im not talking about you btw, just the book) Thanks for taking your time! --- @caspex I'll wait for your article! That is a lot more in line with what reality seems to be

@Hasson_Miah true, but non-practical @Realms of Wonder sadly I didn't get the reference. Good show tho @Basman very complete view and it is my opinion on this topic. I don't feel bad when doing "bad" behaviors. They just don't get me to where I want to be in life. I didn't see your comment so I didn't tag you but I said this to another person here (I made a post about how I am "unable" to feel because of sexual abuse. So let's see how it goes) I think my focus should be on healing all of the emotional disconnection and then identity change will be a lot more natural. Thanks for your answer, it was great

@YIDIRYIDIR Yep. The building of the identity to have proof is the hard thing. I love DR K. This is what I expected, I am screwed haha (I made a post about how I am "unable" to feel because of sexual abuse. So let's see how it goes) @Elliott it is definitely a a strong thing, but there must be something else Thanks!

Same, I was gonna check it out and it doesn't work Thanks!

@YIDIRYIDIR Hey! Sorry it took me a while to reply to you I don't have problems with the clarity with who I wanna be, and I fully agree with your point than negativity is a stronger thing, but How do I "try surviving against it"? How do I pick consistently the "right" behavior and not the comfortable behavior?

Hi everyone! Let me start by defining what I mean by "identity": Identity = automatic and effortless behavior, and resistance to a different behavior (normally harder or less comfortable) Right now there are a few traits I don't like about myself: doomscrolling, not enough contemplation, lots of TV shows, too many sweets, etc. I'd like to become someone who naturally prefers slower living, who has goals and actually follows through on them. How do you go from being one kind of person to another? From what I can observe, when people say "be disciplined", they don't really follow that advice. It's usually people who take action not because they want to, or because they can force themselves, but because they're running from something in their minds: looking lazy, not looking smart, status, etc. Is it gonna be a constant struggle against passions/instincts, or can we really change and just struggle from time to time with "bad" behavior because we're human? Thanks!

I love this idea. Last year I found Leo has a "start here" section on his blog. I'll paste the link here so anyone can go and check what Leo considers fundamental: https://www.actualized.org/start

I have a few thoughts on this, but you wouldn't consider me traditionally successful, but I've thoughts for more than a decade about this because it has been a huge problem finding "my purpose": Congrats for reaching such a point, hopefully all of the effort you put into all of your life will keep getting easier. At least for me the point of my life is not to live SO I CAN grind my teeth. If I want something is results, not constantly exerting high-effort --- You are thinking "wrong" because you are looking for something that doesn't exist. A specific point to which you will arrive and that will not happen, no matter how aligned and how much progress you make. The reason is because with each step you take YOU change and THE WORLD changes. So, the way to think about this is in direction, not coordinates. Think of you standing like a dot in the middle of a circle. You are trying to look for a point to walk towards, "the point of fulfillment", but you should look for the "cone of fulfillment". You take out everything you know you don't want and then you try things that look most interesting TO YOU. The more you walk and learn the tighter the cone. Hopefully that analogy makes sense. --- Ok, so I told you to look for interesting things (you know lots about this from what I can tell from your post) and now it is time to try Because you will find not answers in theory, you will find them in the action The answer being: you feel good doing it, you see yourself doing it for a long time, etc Just look for something and try it out for 1-3-6 months. Exploration is fun because you get to do it without pressure and you learn a lot. I did a writing challenge where I'd write a post daily for 30 days and I discovered I actually liked writing, when I thought I really disliked it. I saw some uniqueness in the way I think, etc Now I am coaching 2 of my friends, because like you, I like helping. Just trying it out and in this regard results have been more negative than positive. But conclusions cannot be taken without examination because I believe the reason is because I do it in zoom and I am not a skilled coach. But that is also great learning --- Glad I wrote the comment before reading the other ones. @Joshe wrote a great comment. Ego can be a dangerous thing. He reminded me of something, a useful question to ask yourself when you are thinking of possible directions is: "If I get no money, no status and could tell nobody about this. Would I do it?". Do it privately and see how you feel about it because those are things the ego loves to chase -- Again, glad you are in the position and keep living life and helping people!

You can be respected while being broke by someone who puts other values higher than monetary success Today we are at the most abundant time, so you could become rich (probably). Or at the very least, have enough money to not have no worry I find people that value money to that extend are quite shallow or are incredibly negative about the future and feel very insecure. I would bet most people are in the first camp I think working from this assumption does better: there are many women out there for you, so don't hang onto this one for the reason that "you like her". Also, work on yourself TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT, not what women or other people want. Screw them.

@UpperMaster I haven't read in detail every answer, so maybe I will be redundant, but I will try to work from first-principles If you work on yourself, you will find most people are at a lower maturity/consciousness/life-skilled level than you (you probably are to a certain extend given you are here) So THE men who share their emotions and THE women who receive it do it in a "wrong" way, which lead both to a wrong conclusion The man may share the emotion and speak sort of in a victim mindset, or a low-self-responsability way --> The problem, for the woman, may not be the sharing of the emotion, but the way he did it (if he was better communicating or she was better understanding nuance it wouldn't be a turn-off) I have been myself in the no-emotion sharing (like Leo not out of insecurity, just don't feel like it, not hiding) and also in the high-maturity emotion-sharing. I've had friends there and also in the low-maturity sharing. The difference in how it turns out is in the maturity of one or both of them I can tell you for sure, if you want a deep relationship, you need to open up, but you need to take the responsibility of doing it "the right way" and if you do it the right way and the relationship cools off, you realized she wasn't it. No way you should spend your time with someone that even when communicating "correctly", that happens. Reality is you cannot expect most women to have the point of view of @Natasha Tori Maru , or men Leo's. It is just unlikely, so you are better off being better yourself

@VioletFlame great stuff Violet, all about making the empowering thought choice. I'm glad you are "on the other side" and hopefully you will keep healing this to a point of a small scar. Have a great weekend!

@Leo Gura thank you! I still have lectures from you to listen to. Very helpful all of you guys advice!