talking to children (and faking emotions)

[Judy2]

i am currently doing an internship at a bilingual kindergarten and have been observing the children's behaviour and also the adults' ways of relating to them. what stands out is this very particular way of how adults talk to children, namely by exaggerating emotional responses (shock, surprise, disappointment, approval, and on and on). i mean it's nothing new and i do this myself....when a kid tells me a story about how it was hit by another kid or how that kid said a 'bad word', i fake/exaggerate outrage and compassion, and when it tells me where their family's gonna go on vacation, i fake/exaggerate fascination...whereas with an adult, i'd be more casual while expressing "yeah, Italy is beautiful" (something like that).

i guess there's nothing wrong with this and i know most adults interact with children this way - even though sometimes this entails overriding and even suppressing what's actually going on for them personally...think exhaustion, annoyance, worry, etc. in new parents.

now i wonder if this exaggerated emotional pattern is the only way of actually relating to children, essentially by copying how their experience is 'structured' as human beings who have been alive for only four, five, six years. i mean of course they are going to perceive things differently....but i wonder if exaggerating emotions is the only way for adults to relate to children, or if there are other options that may be more serious/authentic. 

would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if we have any parents/aunties/uncles here:)

[kavaris]

3 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

..but i wonder if exaggerating emotions is the only way for adults to relate to children, or if there are other options that may be more serious/authentic.... would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if we have any parents/aunties/uncles here

Honestly, most kids just speak to me and relate~regardless of whatever my response is, like... They live in their own world of beliefs and whatknot, and have zero worries.

[Leo Gura]

@Judy2 For you:

[Cred]

"Identify the 12 year old"

this is Epstein academy!

[Judy2]

@Leo Gura well now it all makes sense why duolingo taught me to say that the butterfly is reading a book and the caterpillar is sad.

[kavaris]

4 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Leo Gura well now it all makes sense why duolingo taught me to say that the butterfly is reading a book and the caterpillar is sad.

I always get the one with the "cat on the toilet" -Wtf.

[kavaris]

And if yous ever do Greek, then its always going over like: "spaghetti is pink... the cat is pink... the head of lettuce is pink... the movie theater is pink..." like... Thats its favorite thing on there, like. 

Edited Tuesday at 09:48 PM by kavaris

[tvaeli]

18 hours ago, Judy2 said:

i am currently doing an internship at a bilingual kindergarten and have been observing the children's behaviour and also the adults' ways of relating to them. what stands out is this very particular way of how adults talk to children, namely by exaggerating emotional responses (shock, surprise, disappointment, approval, and on and on). i mean it's nothing new and i do this myself....when a kid tells me a story about how it was hit by another kid or how that kid said a 'bad word', i fake/exaggerate outrage and compassion, and when it tells me where their family's gonna go on vacation, i fake/exaggerate fascination...whereas with an adult, i'd be more casual while expressing "yeah, Italy is beautiful" (something like that).

i guess there's nothing wrong with this and i know most adults interact with children this way - even though sometimes this entails overriding and even suppressing what's actually going on for them personally...think exhaustion, annoyance, worry, etc. in new parents.

now i wonder if this exaggerated emotional pattern is the only way of actually relating to children, essentially by copying how their experience is 'structured' as human beings who have been alive for only four, five, six years. i mean of course they are going to perceive things differently....but i wonder if exaggerating emotions is the only way for adults to relate to children, or if there are other options that may be more serious/authentic. 

would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if we have any parents/aunties/uncles here:)

But look at both side of the things: if children *do* have comparatively "exaggerated" emotions, such as big surprise about an elephant: a lot more processing to do; an adult would need to "exaggerate" such emotion to point correctly, what they think about elephant - perhaps an adult is relatively calm, but thinks the child does not know how to behave and points that elephant is dangerous or elephants should be avoided.

[Carl-Richard]

On 3.3.2026 at 10:25 PM, Judy2 said:

but i wonder if exaggerating emotions is the only way for adults to relate to children, or if there are other options that may be more serious/authentic. 

If you're doing it because you're mirroring them and that's what you're picking up, that's what will happen. I know some women who when talking to them, they are so extremely good at mirroring your own emotional state and how your express yourself (tone of voice, level of energy, excitement, calm), it's almost uncanny (and they seem to do it automatically as a default).

[Judy2]

@Carl-Richard yes, mirroring seems like a good thing:) i guess i just wondered about the specifics.

Edited Friday at 04:19 AM by Judy2

[Cred]

I'm visiting my mom right now and she has a dog named Lilith. This dog is very happy to see me and she likes to interact with me, but I had this observation that I didn't really quite understand why she was happy, because I didn't really know what I was doing right with her. 

I feel the same way with children, so I did a contemplation about how to communicate with dogs and I think there's a lot of overlap in how to communicate with animals and with children since children and animals just have the same needs as adults but in a more trivial way.

According to my model, for any entity, there are exist three modes of being which are

• being felt 
• being seen, and
• being a part.

These modes of being are manifestations of the principle of sensitivity, simultateity, and sequenciality.

The way to make a being happy is by reminding it that it exists, which is done through engaging their mode of existence.

In order to affirm the mode of being seen of an entity is with gesture. This can be done, purely by giving them attention and affirming their existence.

In order to affirm their mode of being a part you interact with them by playing out a pattern, so this is play for example. Also, if you act out your own pattern and they get to observe your pattern and merge their pattern with your pattern, you also engage their need of being a part.

The way to engage their mode of being felt is by empathizing with them. If you interact with them and feel happy about it and you are open about sharing your emotions with them they will they will receive your inner state and this will engage their need of being felt.

This is why it feels like it is at the same time hard and easy to interact with a child because it's impossible to interact with it at the level of complexity of interaction with an adult, but it is also easy because it because a child or an animal is happy with much less.

[Judy2]

@Cred okay, interesting:)

[Cred]

@Judy2 Thanks! Congrats, you just encouraged me to write more.

I am taking a walk right now, and I saw a woman who was walking her cat on a leash and the cat would not move. This gave me an insight.

I think the biggest difference between dogs and cats is that cats require a lot less being seen to be content. While a dog constantly tries to get affirmation of its existence, a cat is content just existing with its emotion and it's patterns.

It is possible to positively interact with a cat by enacting a pattern in the form of play or by engaging in empathy in the form of cuddling, but it is really hard to force the attention of a cat since it is independent of the affirmation of the human.

This explains why people say cats are autistic because autistic people also barely engage in being seen.

[Flowerfaeiry]

I believe that this exaggeration of emotions is done to (unconsciously) get more of a response back from the child. Since children are young they are taking everything in very acutely and they often don’t respond how adults think they should. 
 

Often times this looks like a blank stare from the child or some other response that to us seems socially unacceptable but really, it’s because the child is processing everything you’ve just said. 

[Judy2]

13 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

I believe that this exaggeration of emotions is done to (unconsciously) get more of a response back from the child. Since children are young they are taking everything in very acutely and they often don’t respond how adults think they should. 
 

Often times this looks like a blank stare from the child or some other response that to us seems socially unacceptable but really, it’s because the child is processing everything you’ve just said. 

i think i was looking at it the other way around. 

mirroring makes sense and seems essential to healthy emotional development in children, but i wonder at what point/to what degree parents can also express their own emotions (exhaustion, sadness, ...) without hiding them from children/overplaying them for the sake of mirroring the child's state. because there seems to be a fine line between oversheltering a child from the existence of other people's emotions (which seems like it could be harmful) and making children feel like they are implicitly or explicitly responsible for their parents emotions (which is definitely harmful to their development).

but i guess mirroring doesn't have to come at the expense of the parent expressing their emotions (in a moderate, healthy way, of c), too?

[Flowerfaeiry]

Well, you wouldn’t just dump your emotions on an adult would you? Children are humans too I think we forget that.

[Judy2]

1 hour ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Well, you wouldn’t just dump your emotions on an adult would you? Children are humans too I think we forget that.

yes of course.

[UnbornTao]

On 3/3/2026 at 9:36 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Judy2 For you:

[Butters]

Lol this is just some white people shit. 

[Judy2]

i feel like i couldn't really articulate my question well here. guess it doesn't matter:)