What are your thoughts on having children?

[bazera]

Hey,

I’ve just recently turned 30, and I’ve never wanted children in my life. Especially as I get older, I’m becoming more certain that it’s not something I need or want. I feel that I still have a lot to do in the areas of spirituality and survival mastery, and having a family—especially children—would be a major distraction from that. I also intuitively feel that I would regret it later in life.

The external pressure to start a family and have kids (as a kind of default life path) is also becoming increasingly annoying as I age.

What do you think? Do you yourself want or have a family or children? What do you consider a proper reason for having them, aside from pure survival? I do see it as a significant growth opportunity, but at the same time, a major distraction from consciousness work—which, if someone wants to pursue seriously, should probably make them think twice about having kids.

I’m especially interested in hearing opinions from women in this community, since culturally the pressure to have children tends to be stronger for women.

[samijiben]

Instead of bringing another person into this world, spend your time helping one that already exists. 

Otherwise, devote all your attention to yourself as the entire field of sensational goodness that must be God. 

Obviously, having a kid is a personal choice. You would probably be well equipped to have some money and the slight remnants of a plan before you get intl the child-bearing business.

Having a kid means caring for their survival. It probably also means a wife, a house, and a job. Now, if you want that kind of conventional life, a kid is for you.

The other way is to have a kid with no regard for their life, like Genghis Khan. But anyone with a university degree and any bit of cultural decency will tell you that that's a bad decision, a reckless decision, and an invalid motivation to have a kid. 

If you just want to impregnate a woman with your child for the purpose of going on with your life under the conviction of a father, that is fine, but what would be the purpose of having a kid anyway?

 

Ask yourself why you really want to have a kid, and understand that having a kid usually necessitates taking care of that kid. 

 

In my personal opinion, you should only take on that responsibility if you already care for yourself fully and unabashedly. But if you cared for yourself fully and abashedly, why the fuck would you want a kid?

 

 

 

[Basman]

Not wanting to have children doesn't mean that if you had kids that they wouldn't be important to you and that you wouldn't love them, but it probably wouldn't be the lifestyle you want and it be harder to go the extra mile. That was the case for my mother, and combined with her autism made, her too self-focused in a neurological sense to have the emotional space and time for me and my siblings, beyound the basics. She pursued her interests 60-80% as if she didn't have kids. In hindsight, she shouldn't have had kids, nevermind that she told me that herself, which I think was oversharing. 

[Kid A]

10 hours ago, bazera said:

I’ve just recently turned 30, and I’ve never wanted children in my life. Especially as I get older, I’m becoming more certain that it’s not something I need or want. I feel that I still have a lot to do in the areas of spirituality and survival mastery, and having a family—especially children—would be a major distraction from that. I also intuitively feel that I would regret it later in life.

Same here. Having children would probably be the most effective way to ruin my life. 

 

59 minutes ago, Basman said:

In hindsight, she shouldn't have had kids, nevermind that she told me that herself, which I think was oversharing. 

Jesus. That was definitely oversharing!

[Someone here]

If you want and you can and you are going to be a responsible caring father ..go ahead .nothing better than a kid laughing at Tom & Jerry to show you how adults are full of shit .

[bazera]

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 But if you cared for yourself fully and abashedly, why the fuck would you want a kid?

@samijiben Yeah I don't know, to challenge yourself and create an extra meaning in your life maybe? 

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She pursued her interests 60-80% as if she didn't have kids.

@Basman How did that affect your childhood and growth into adulthood in general? Was it all negative?

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Having children would probably be the most effective way to ruin my life. 

@Kid A Yeah exactly, I just don't understand how is that not the case for majority of people in first word democracies, especially today when there are so many opportunities around us.

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nothing better than a kid laughing at Tom & Jerry to show you how adults are full of shit .

@Someone here I can watch my little niece laugh for those kinds of insights  The thing is, it's okay to play with them for a while, feel that no-bullshit energy from time to time but then I always want to come back home and sit in silence. I just imagine how bad I'd feel if a constant presence of my own kid could disrupt that.

I might consider owning a pet, a dog maybe, that would be a milder version of that and some nice company if I feel a need for that.

[Elliott]

On 2/8/2026 at 8:43 PM, bazera said:

Hey,

I’ve just recently turned 30, and I’ve never wanted children in my life. Especially as I get older, I’m becoming more certain that it’s not something I need or want. I feel that I still have a lot to do in the areas of spirituality and survival mastery, and having a family—especially children—would be a major distraction from that. I also intuitively feel that I would regret it later in life.

The external pressure to start a family and have kids (as a kind of default life path) is also becoming increasingly annoying as I age.

What do you think?

No, no one needs kids. Maybe if you find an amazing woman that would be a great mother, reconsider. But you shouldn't sweat it.

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Do you yourself want or have a family or children?

I do want kids, but I would only do it with a woman I thought was what I was looking for, which isn't super common. I have no problem with me winding up not having kids. I like helping people, that alone would be a fulfilling life for me.

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What do you consider a proper reason for having them, aside from pure survival?

Trying to improve the world. Raising amazing kids to improve the world. Raising kids to give them a nice life.

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I do see it as a significant growth opportunity, but at the same time, a major distraction from consciousness work—which, if someone wants to pursue seriously, should probably make them think twice about having kids.

I don't see them as a hindrance, but I don't live a mainstream lifestyle. Having kids would be an insurmountable hindrance if I did.

Edited 10 hours ago by Elliott

[bazera]

@Elliott

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I do want kids, but I would only do it with a woman I thought was what I was looking for, which isn't super common.

What are you looking for in a women to consider her as mother of your child?

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Trying to improve the world. Raising amazing kids to improve the world.

Yeah that sound good but I think it will be more and more challenging as years go by, especially with advances in AI, who knows what that brings, future is very unclear.

[Elliott]

10 minutes ago, bazera said:

@Elliott

What are you looking for in a women to consider her as mother of your child?

Someone that won't pass their issues to the kids. Will be open to and supportive of the kids exploring their interests. Intelligent, compassionate, good communicator.

Common issues could be materialism, anxiety, insecurity, fear, ego, selfishness, ... they can have these things to a degree, but be able to not pass them on, it takes awareness and work.

 

Happy 30th! 

Edited 19 hours ago by Elliott

[bazera]

@Elliott 

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it takes awareness and work.

Exactly, not a lot of people around me willing to be working on stuff like that, or even aware that those can be worked on.

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Happy 30th! 

Thanks 🙏🏻

[Elliott]

9 hours ago, bazera said:

@Elliott 

Exactly, not a lot of people around me willing to be working on stuff like that, or even aware that those can be worked on.

I'm not okay with having children with a woman that doesn't fit those things. A child could easily have a tormenting life otherwise. I think you'd be predisposing a child to suffering, like smoking while pregnant. I think I can find a woman like that, so I have decided this line, which may mean not having kids.

Edited 10 hours ago by Elliott

[Lyubov]

I’m leaning more towards one child in my late 30s to very early 40s. Because I believe naturally there is something right about having a child. It is such a fundamental thing. Nature doesn’t lie. My parents had me. I am authentically drawn to having a child as well. I believe having a child is a stage of life and it opens up a richer experience in life. It’s a responsibility for sure. I don’t believe kids are jsut some hinderance that distracts. Many of the most successful creatives had kids before making their best work. Many said it deepened their spirituality. I definitely wouldn’t go into it blind though, plan, be responsible. If it doesn’t work out it’s also ok. You don’t have to have kids and I don’t thing people who choose to not have kids missed out. It’s just different paths. 

[Miguel1]

As I am right now, and I’m the same age as you, children would be a huge distraction.

We will see again in 3-5+ years but very possible I will not have children, and focus all my resources on my spiritual growth and life purpose.

[AION]

Having children is one of the most beautiful things. It is the closest thing you can become towards a God/Creator. But it is not for everybody. It is darwanism.

[LifeEnjoyer]

Have you seen this video?

[Elliott]

12 minutes ago, AION said:

It is the closest thing you can become towards a God/Creator. 

How so?

[Basman]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

How did that affect your childhood and growth into adulthood in general? Was it all negative?

I had a 6-7/10 childhood. I didn't have anything to complain about physically, but I received very little attention, extracurricular activity or guidance. Basically emotional neglect. I'm emotionally stunted in certain ways, especially socially. I stopped calling my parents "mom and dad" completely by the time I was 14. 

It's not the case that I have a bad relationship with my parents now. I chose to not be resentful about it all, but I had to take a lot more responsibility for myself emotionally. 

[bazera]

@Lyubov

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I believe having a child is a stage of life and it opens up a richer experience in life.

In what way? Just the fact that you made a living breathing thing that can be shaped in multiple ways? And that it's all your responsibility mostly and it takes growth and development on your part to succeed in that, yeah I get it. But still, if you have some unanswered questions and unfinished things in your growth journey that you want to handle, having a kid will make that process harder.

[bazera]

@LifeEnjoyer

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Have you seen this video?

Yeah, years ago, as I remember Leo was talking from more of a metaphysical standpoint there. I was asking from more practical standpoint.

[bazera]

@Basman

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I chose to not be resentful about it all, but I had to take a lot more responsibility for myself emotionally. 

Did that force you to grow in ways you wouldn't be able to if you had proper emotional upbringing? Or did that make you more distant, avoidant and vulnerable from others people and relationships for example.