3 Months in South East Asia: Socialising, Pickup, IFS and more

[riplo]

Hello.

I've left London to embark on a 3 month adventure of solo backpacking in South East Asia, as a kind of super exposure to dating, cold approach, nightgame, daygame, being social and all that stuff.

As well as the outward facing stuff, I'll do 20m of Internal Family Systems work every day from a workbook, and meet with an IFS therapist over zoom once a week. I'll also be mediating for 30m a day, journalling, eating healthy non Ultraprocessed Food (super easy to do here), working out and sleeping well (good regular sleep is something I struggle with maintaining back home).

 

Right now I'm in Bangkok, and I'll spend about a month here in Thailand. Other than that I have no real plan, but I'll probably go Bali, Singapore, maybe Philippines and definietly Vietnam. I'll be staying in hostels and trying to meet people there, going out, as well as doing cold approach and finding wings from GameGlobal.com

I don't drink or do drugs so we'll see how that goes.

I'll be posting here every day or two, for accountability and a place to analyse my thoughts and progress, who knows maybe motivate anyone struggling with the same stuff.

 

There is some logic to what I am doing here. I intend for this journey to give me some deep inner growth. Having done game for 2y or so now on and off, I've noticed that despite having some real success with women, deep down not that much has changed. I still have lots of fear and various unconscious thought patterns and emotional patterns around other human beings that cause me lots of suffering internally and destroy my results externally.

- I often close up and avoid socialising, leaving interactions, not approaching, sitting by myself, being a wallflower, going home early, not going out, procrastinating. This happens even when a girl clearly likes me, a lot of times I'll just leave halfway through the set.

- Fairly often I feel intense shame and worthlessness around others and feel like people hate me and don't want me there

- If I stop practising game and going out for a week or two I slide right back to this avoidant closed up state, game doesn't seem to penetrate

- Certain situations (very hot girls, groups of guys, specific venues, specific kinds of people, etc) that unconsciously remind me of situations I faced when I was younger seem to trigger me and cause me to close up hard

- My mind is frequently filled with negative self talk when I go out. I often get psychosomatic symptoms when I go out to game including feeling extremely tired, scatterbrained, out of breath and having almost panic attacks, and other symptoms that suggest deep deep resistance

- I care a lot about what people think of me, even when I feel good part of me is trying to perform and manage others perceptions of me

- I often hold back my feeling of sexuality, my desire to touch or make plans or generally be authentic with women. They feel this and become unattracted

 

What is all the more crazy about all this is that I am very social in my life in general, I work as a public speaker and teacher with groups of people and love it. Also in game many times I've experienced feeling complete social freedom, getting into state in clubs, lots of success with women, as well as being completely open and sexual and authentic with women I already know and having great relationships. I am not in any way an incel, I have my close friends and people at work tell me constantly how charming and charismatic I can be.

As well as knowing rationally while these emotional reactions are happening that there is nothing to fear, that it doesn't matter what people think about me, that I am safe in social environments, I will never meet these people again, etc nothing happens.

I was bullied in school and I think those traumas (aswell as other traumas) hasn't really been dealt with, and they continue to run my life. I have parts of my mind that are stuck in that past.

I want freedom from all this, I know it is possible and I am willing to put in the work and emotional labour to get it.

 

That is why I am not just doing game and socialising. I am doing Internal Family Systems, which is a powerful technique for healing such trauma. It's a framework that describes the mind not as one thing but as different subminds that carry different emotions, thoughts, beliefs and survival strategies. These parts can get into conflic with one another which can cause problems. I won't go into it here, here is a good video for understanding it: https://youtu.be/f80xs3MN9mY?si=XFtWCZivlZCiDLtA

 

When I am in the field, I will treat myself with compassion, observe my mind and negotiate with my various parts, and use IFS rather than just forcing and dominating parts of my mind with other parts as I have done before.

 

It's Friday night and I'm going out. Today I'm going to take it easy, start with some solo cold approach on the street and see how it goes. Much love

[CARDOZZO]

Good stuff. I'll follow your progress.

[LordFall]

That's exciting! I would love to do something similar after this summer and into 2027.

My only suggestion is to share the content you film on social media so you have many forever memories out of it as well as build a brand and share with us your adventures! 

[something_else]

I relate to this more than almost any other post I’ve read on this forum.

I backpacked SEA for the entirety of 2024 for very very similar reasons to you. I had the time of my life, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I have lifelong friends from it.

Feel free to PM me if you want more info or if you want any recommendations!

One thing I would say is that there are no shortage of people to go out with in hostels, you don’t need to rely on that game website. You’ll make naturally sociable and charismatic friends in hostels, much better quality of people than you’ll meet on game websites.

[Lyubov]

Very cool, I’m in Vietnam now working remotely. Digital nomad. Headed to Thailand next. 

[CARDOZZO]

Are you heterosexual? You're on the land of ladyboys.

If you like them, you've found gold. If not, watch out.

Edited Friday at 08:49 PM by CARDOZZO

[Butters]

Awesome @Lyubov, I am doing the same and currently in Portugal and Bangkok in a few weeks. My plan is to stay there for at least two months and see how I like it. I plan to have a base in SEA somewhere, probably Bali. 

Met guys here who have been traveling as digital nomad for 4+ years. So cool. 

Edited Friday at 09:13 PM by Butters

[Elliott]

Awesome

[LordFall]

9 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

Are you heterosexual? You're on the land of ladyboys.

If you like them, you've found gold. If not, watch out.

Plenty of beautiful cis women in Thailand 

[riplo]

Ay thanks for the support folks

@something_else DMed you  

Btw If anyone happens to be in the same region as me and whats to meet feel free to HMU

 

My first full day yesterday was uneventful.

I have stayed in hostels before and made friends easily by chilling in the shared areas, but this hostel (at least in my perception which ofc is corrupted by fear) is full of UK lads which I fear, so I stayed out of the common areas mostly. I did force myself to join into the group dinner. It felt like a huge deal to overcome this fear and actually get out of my room and do it, requiring deep breaths and positive self talk, and multiple attempts before I actually got up and opened the door haha. I think because it reminds me of school, where you have to get your tray and find a place to sit while everyone watches you from their groups. (I know this is not an accurate perception of reality)

In the end I got the food, and sat by myself trying to watch the anxiety play out in real time. Kind of ate it as quickly as possible and disappeared.

When I write this stuff it seems like I'm completely riddled with insecurity and anxiety, which isn't true. It's just those moments of fear and overcoming it are the ones that feel meaningful to me when thinking about my day.

 

Then I went out to do some cold approach by myself. The nightlife on Khaosan road here is insane. Never seen anything like it really. So much chaos and so many beautiful women from every place on earth walking around having fun. I just know that if I got into a flow state and lost some social inhibition in a place like this I'd easily meet someone delicious 

It has been about a month since I've done any kind of proper CA, so it was also quite scary. After some failed attempts I did finally get talking and did 4 mini approaches. I am proud of myself. I know that breaking through this first barrier on the first day is a good potent of things to come.

I slept terribly. I thought I had overcome the +7h jetlag by sleeping well the first night, but last night my body refused to sleep until 8am Thai time.

Despite this I feel really good. My body feels amazing somehow. I am much more present and aware of my body, and I'm excited about what's to come if a little nervous. 

[riplo]

    I slept terribly for the 3rd day in a row. I'm tired, anxious and unable to perform well socially, my voice is anxious and stuttery and I can't be funny and sharp like I usually am. 
     
    At first glance it seems like this would seem like a bad thing, like it would ruin my ability to pull, to socialise well, to have others like me, to use my mind to get what I want, to approach groups in a confident and flawless way. 
     
    This is all true, it may impede my ability to pull, it makes social interaction scarier, it makes me feel less safe to be uncertain in my ability to perform well Infront of people. 
     
    But really, and luckily, the deep change I'm looking for is beyond this. It's about dropping the need to perform, dropping the comfort blanket of having people approve of me, and finding safety and a center in something deeper. 
     
    My growth is found in holding a steady image of who I choose to be in my own mind, in dropping fake shit, in presence, and in doing social things even though they are scary. 
     
    One day I've slept well and approaching a group of 3 hot girls is 8/10 scary. I do it and I get 8/10 growth. 
     
    Another day I've slept badly and chatting with a random dude on the street is 8/10 scary. I do it and I get 8/10 growth.  
     

    Being tired makes no real difference to my growth or my ability to develop. 
     
     
    Part of me wants to retreat and hide away by myself, to not damage my social reputation and present a bad version of myself to people. It only feels safe around people if I know I am alert and can handle myself around them. 
     
    Another part is instead pushing me with guilt and high expectations and internal pressure, fear of wasting my life. It wants to make sure I am doing well, pushing myself, doing better than the day before, winning, make sure I'm not falling behind others. 
     
    My growth is found in stepping outside these warring parts of my mind and observing from the outside. Knowing I am neither, I can stay in Self, pouring in love into them. 
     
    The fact they are especially violent with eachother in this state only makes the potential for growth greater.

[Lyubov]

Yeah man adjusting here can be rough. 
Im in Vietnam and it’s super overwhelming. Careful with your caffeine intake. Coffee is so damn strong here. It’s so good but I almost feel like I’m constantly on a low dose of shrooms here, there’s something about Asia that awakens crown chakra energy. Try to find a balance. Don’t overdo it. Let yourself adjust. I was pushing myself hard and got super overstimulated a week ago. I’m doing much better now. 

[riplo]

@Lyubov Yep I feel you. It's a whole new energy out here in every sense. I don't think there is a way to fast forward through your body and mind and soul adjusting to it all. Hope you're handling it well 🙏 

 

It's day 4 baby

So much stuff is happening I struggle to condense it down.

I'm going to try and keep this journal more tight.

Every day I am getting more comfortable and confident. Guess my nervous system is adjusting and there's no way to rush that. It does take days.

Day 1: hostel dinner sitting alone + 4 mini approaches DG

Day 2: shared dinner chatting for 10m with some quiet people in the corner + genuine few hours of approaching

Day 3: shared dinner talking with 2 girls for 20m + a full day of DG and Ng

 

Day 4:

Did a full game sesh all day and night yesterday with a wing I met off gameglobal.

One my second day meeting him imagine my shock when we're talking and turns out he is super into actualized.org, has followed Leo for 10y, has the spiral dynamics chart as his phone background!!

What a beautiful and wonderful gift from the universe. Thanks universe ❤️ 

If you're reading this friend, I'll see you soon I'm sure 😉 

 

No success with game but boy did I try. My NG in loud loud clubs still kinda sucks still compared to my DG.

I felt myself enter that juicy flow state for a while yesterday. I'm sure there'll be more of it.

The dinner

Today at hostel dinner I had an intense experience. I put my journal notes into chatgpt and the summary is below: (they are too long and meandering raw)

Fourth night of bad sleep

Nervous system completely fried, on edge, fragile

Didn't feel able to access my wit and social intelligence

I felt defenceless

Going down to the shared dinner felt genuinely scary

Felt like walking into danger, not a social situation

Once I was there, something unexpected happened

I was:
relaxed, socially fluid, laughing, talking easily, talking to lots of people, could see women getting attracted

I felt charming and present

Clear proof that I can handle myself socially, which I have a million times and 'should' know by now

Important: what came later was not about lack of ability


The drinking game and the fear

After dinner, a large public drinking game started

Around 40 people, microphones, attention, spectacle

In the moment, without thinking it through, I signed myself up

I don’t drink

As the reality landed, a powerful fear response switched on

I began getting scared that they would call me out for not drinking Infront of the group, ask 'why are you at a party hostel etc' and in my fried state I wouldn't be able to defend myself, stutter and stumble in public

The core fear: being unable to defend myself verbally infront of a group of hostile people

I disappeared quietly into my room
The fear escalated fast

I wanted to leave, but leaving meant walking past everyone, past the friends I'd just made

I started spiralling

I felt trapped in my room

Mind looping through:
being discovered
being exposed
being dragged out publicly

'hey this guy's hiding, he's scared, grab him!! pull him out!!' kinda shit

Complete delusional paranoia for 10m

Few minutes later I heard my name was called over the microphone,
Terror spiked instantly
I imagined people banging on my door looking for me

I began seriously planning:
hiding in toilets
climbing out the window on my second floor

Any escape felt acceptable

This wasn’t embarrassment
This was survival panic

After a while, lying there alone on my bed feeling the fear rushing, I decided it was an opportunity for Internal Family Systems, got present to my body sensations, pulled out OneNote (thanks Leo)

Analysis
A strong protector came fully online in my vulnerable state
Not subtle, not negotiable

Its job: prevent public exposure, avoid loss of control in front of groups

How it sees people: potential threats, judges of rank and status

Its core fear: being forced to speak under pressure, stuttering, freezing, being laughed at publicly, being defenceless in front of groups

Its logic:
exposure = annihilation
weakness = being seen trying and failing
witnesses make it permanent

It operates on fight or flight survival:
survival > honesty
survival > dignity
Any avoidance is justified if annihilation feels possible

This part formed early:
secondary school era
public humiliation
speech failure

But it’s also older than that:
mammalian
pre-verbal
evolved for real danger, when being outcast meant death, when being seen as weak could mean a loss in status in the monkey group

It is not protecting ego or pride
It is protecting:
my ability to remain a person in front of others
social existence itself

It would not step aside and let me access the trauma it was protecting. I was ok with that


The moment of integration and bliss

As I began thinking about how survival oriented this whole thing was, feeling the animalistic terror right there in my body, I connected it to this book on monkeys I was reading and suddnely began seeing the beauty of it all.

This fear is how animals survive. I am an animal, it's trying to keep me alive. It is right here, I can literally feel it and how effective and powerful it is

I saw it as:
intelligent
necessary
ancient
survival-driven

I understood that it exists for life-and-death survival
That its logic is correct for the world it evolved in
That it has kept me alive

When this fully landed, something clicked. This wasn't weak embarrassing or crazy. This was fundamentally good, and actually amazing.

A wave of emotion rushed through me and tears came

It felt like:
recognition
relief
awe
beauty

The part registered:
“I am not wrong for existing”

Afterwards I felt:
calm, grounded, blissful, deeply okay, energy, presence, connected to my sexuality

Nothing needed fixing
Something had been honoured

I went out with this energy and began speaking to people. It flowed beautifully.

It feels like the afterglow after psychedelics when you come back to your body and it feels good to be human, be an animal, be alive

The energy is amazing. I'm sure there's a yoga kriya explanation for this but I don't have it 

I think I genuinely integrated a part of my psyche. Turns out terrible sleep can be a wonderful gift.

Edited Monday at 05:36 PM by riplo

[emptiness dancing]

i live in sea. 
Thailand is awesome!!! 
If you think Bangkok is fun, wait till you get to the southern Islands!!!  
Enjoy my friend !!!

Edited yesterday at 12:00 PM by emptiness dancing

[emptiness dancing]

On 1/16/2026 at 10:30 PM, riplo said:

sleeping well (good regular sleep is something I struggle with maintaining back home).

not gonna happen lol , if you're planning to continue to stay in party hostels. ( or if you mind still wants to have fun)
it might happen if you go to a quiet area like ubud in bali , and concentrate on your yoga practice and then go straight to bed. no partying.

 

 

On 1/16/2026 at 10:30 PM, riplo said:

I don't drink or do drugs so we'll see how that goes.

if you don't have a clear cut plan of what you want, you'll be tempted that's all I'm saying. 
Thailand is fun to the max. Fun! Fun! Fun! Alcohol! Weed! Drugs! 

Bali would be more suitable place for you, I think.
If you insist on maintaining discipline without the drugs and alcohol.

[fopylo]

Oh man, just discovered the thread you made.

I can TOTALLY relate. This is exactly what I'm currently doing, or have been doing. I also saw this traveling as a good opportunity for it. Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel less lonely haha

[meta_male]

21 hours ago, riplo said:

Few minutes later I heard my name was called over the microphone,
Terror spiked instantly
I imagined people banging on my door looking for me

I felt this in my bones. My mind does shit like that too.

Good work bro.

[something_else]

 I mentioned a lot of this in my PM to you, but a few general tips for hostels in case anybody else finds them useful:

• Stay in social hostels to make friends and then go to the party hostels to party, don't stay in party hostels
• Backpackers are some of the least judgemental and most accepting people you'll ever meet, often you can very easily join any group in a hostel by just saying something like "hey how's it going? mind if I join you". For me this was terrifying until I did it 2 or 3 times, and then the anxiety went away. I didn't get a single bad reaction from opening with this in an entire year of staying in hostels
• If you're really struggling to be sociable, find somebody sitting on their own who looks like they are struggling to meet people too and chat to them, you might find that just by sitting as a group of two people others will come up and ask to join you
• Chat to people you meet in your dorm room, removes a lot of the awkwardness
• Small talk with new people in hostels is really easy and formulaic, the following questions are pretty standard and get conversation going quickly: 
  • Where have you been?
  • Where are you going next?
  • How long are you travelling for?
  • What's your favourite place you've been to?
  • Do you have any recommendations for places to go?
  • etc.
• Avoid trying to chat up girls in your hostel directly unless you're really charming, you'll end up with a poor reputation quite quickly. Hostels are for primarily for making friends. There are obviously exceptions to this but you don't want to become the creepy dude who's flirting with all the girls
• Hostel games are great fun, and a great way to meet people. But it's much easier and less anxiety induing if you join them with a group of people you already met through the hostel

Edited 21 hours ago by something_else

[Lyubov]

I never really stayed at hostels but if I was single and younger I would. I am in cheaper airbnbs with my wife, I need a quiet place to work alone in since I have a full time job. If you want some space but still want easy access to socializing, sometimes some hostels have a bar that opens in the evening or offer events that you can still attend even if you aren't staying there. 

[riplo]

@something_else Appreciate your hard won wisdom man!

 

On 20/01/2026 at 0:47 AM, emptiness dancing said:

Thailand is awesome!!! 
If you think Bangkok is fun, wait till you get to the southern Islands!!!  
Enjoy my friend !!!

Thank you sir or madame🫡 

Drugs and alcohol is no problem. Haven't touched it in 6 years by now