Can Exes Be Friends?

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Lord Kadaver sometimes true love, and expressing love, can be asserting boundaries. It is simply that when we aren't mature, have trauma, or attachment issues, this version of love is misunderstood. But it is a higher, more selfless love. 

Just like a parent who must discipline a child to protect them from harm; the child doesn't see this as love. It is not received like this from the child's perspective - it seems uncaring, what of the child's needs? But from the parents perspective; they are protecting and helping to grow the child. Ensuring safety while the child lacks the wisdom needed to thrive in the world. They love their child, and will protect them at all costs - even if that means they have to have hard words that the adult dislikes doing.

It might feel bad within yourself to cut off your ex - but it is a loving act for both of you. So you can cleanly close the door and work on healing. It might not be what either wants, but that doesn't mean it isn't for the best. An act of love - but not fairytale love. Real love that entails sacrifice, maturity and surrender. 

If you were healed and able to have a friendship with this women, I can tell you from experience, none of these feelings of confusion would come up. Instead, you would feel a kind, warm regard and welcome an old friend. 

My experience, my experience 🙏❤️

 

Well said IMO.

I have one ex I'm friends with, but we had a clean cut, we both wanted to go separate ways and we had a long break of zero contact before talking to each other again. Also, no more sexual tension between us so that makes it easy.

At the same time - it's the only one of my ex where I'm still in touch. And it's different with each of them. There are still emotions with some where the break up was less clean.

In your case: I would stay away from friendship with your ex until you had at least one other relationship and/or a significant time has passed. Then you're very likely to see things with more clarity 

Edited yesterday at 10:56 AM by theleelajoker

[Stick]

lend your room to her and the new boyfriend at this point

[LastThursday]

On 27/12/2025 at 1:37 AM, Lord Kadaver said:

And would it be mentally/spiritually healthy for me to stay friends with her or just say goodbye?

On balance it's emotionally easier just to say goodbye and cut all communication. It will sting like hell to start off with, but it will get easier with time, to the point where you won't think about them very much. See it as an opportunity to grow.

I'm still friends with one of my exes, as we share a lot of friends in common. So it really depends on circumstances. And I would say even now I can feel slightly awkward around her, even though it's been 20 years, she's married and has a teenage kid. Every relationship is different.

[meta_male]

On 27.12.2025 at 2:37 AM, Lord Kadaver said:

But at the same time, isn't true love about accepting the other person as they are? Wanting for it what it wants for?

True love includes love for yourself. The question is not if you can live with her terms in some idealized future where you're more spiritually evolved. Can you live with them today, without clinging to any hope that things will turn around in your favor?

Also, moving a relationship from lovers to just friends is often a big red flag for one's own development. It tends to keep you emotionally invested without reciprocity, basically working for free and wasting time that could be used for attracting a partner that's more aligned.

For what's it's worth, saying this from fresh experience, happened to me today.

[Ramasta9]

Its nice to see actually useful and mature comments for once on this forum. Well done guys, keep it up. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

4 hours ago, meta_male said:

True love includes love for yourself.

Mic drop 

We cannot be our best for others without taking care of ourselves, first and foremost. As counter intuitive as that can seem. You are directed to put on your oxygen mask first in an air-emergency.

4 hours ago, meta_male said:

For what's it's worth, saying this from fresh experience, happened to me today.

Ouch - can relate. Been there (◍•.•◍)♡