Why can't I stop hurting every time I get rejected?

[Leo Gura]

On 11/11/2025 at 9:08 AM, Tenebroso said:

What if nobody has ever said yes and you are in your 30's?

Talk to more girls.

[Terell Kirby]

I approached a cute girl at Trader Joe's yesterday-we talked flirted for well over 20 mins.

Scariest shit ever, but it was fun.

We'll see if she texts back, but doesn't really matter, the adrenaline from socializing with a pretty girl is sufficient.

Helps to take mind off rejection and focus on creating memorable moments with girls youre attracted to-which doesn't require them to see you favorably all the time.

Edited Thursday at 04:10 AM by Terell Kirby

[Natasha Tori Maru]

On 12/11/2025 at 4:08 AM, Tenebroso said:

What if nobody has ever said yes and you are in your 30's?

As long as you don't create a belief system around rejection 'I am hopeless', and you are continuing to put yourself out there, you will have success.

It takes like 18months to find a girlfriend on average with no social circle (this was from a psychologist mate who specialises in men's issues, grain of salt). 

Most people give up well before this time period has lapsed.

I briefly dated a guy in his 30's who approached me, for around 3/4 months. He was also a virgin. He just randomly started talking to me while waiting in the city loop. Nice dude, very nervous. Incredibly intelligent (industrial chemist). Not to be disparaging but he wasn't even the best looking dude. Below average I would say. It ended due to him moving to another city for work (which was always happening for him). I think he probably finally had to balls to start approaching women due to the move  But he was also doing speed dating, which he reported he hated. He had this entire section of his apartment devoted to chemistry as a hobby - he had all these fucken SICK bismuth crystals growing. 

Maybe that dude might be you? But yeah those beliefs will get you. It's a cognitive bias - so the process of thinking is ace. But its the data being picked that ends up myopic and can shoot you in the foot. So you might have a mate who goes to speed dating with you, and he bags a GF. You see he is taller than you and end up with 'Oh he is taller than me, so that's why I didn't have success' - that's the cognitive bias. You missed that he was speed dating for a LOT longer than you. But you choose not to look at that data. So the belief forms based on not seeing the whole picture, or being closed off to the fact there are other elements in play. This is why it is so important to understand how you are thinking. Journaling etc. To be able to observe your thought process. Very difficult to notice these slippering thoughts also. Often it needs a CB therapist to assist. 

It's also really important to address these hidden beliefs. People's subconscious picks up on these things within seconds. And they will perceive you as being 'burdened' which is the exact opposite energy you want to have. 'Burdened' as a projection isn't even who you are - so you don't have a chance to show someone your earnest self when you carry false beliefs.

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Back to the OP's question @Leo Gura's advice is spot on.

The first step is to realise you are DOING IT. You need to grow that meta cognition so you can catch yourself in the thoughts.

Awareness is the first step. And powerful.

If you aren't aware you are holding onto a ball, how on earth will you be able to let it go?

 

Edited Thursday at 04:58 AM by Natasha Tori Maru