Uhh, I really suck at flirting

[Something Funny]

I've been on a second date with this girl, and it went really well in general. The talking felt natural and smooth, moments of silence weren't uncomfortable, she initiated a lot of discussions.

But I still am not sure if she is into me romantically or if she sees me as a friend. And I don't know how to properly break this barier of physical touch.

Do I just take a risk and grab her hand? Do I ask her about it?

Important note is that she is from my work place, so I am afraid of being too bold with her.

[Spiral]

 I prefer shoulder as a first contact point or kissing I suppose.

[eliasvelez]

How about sitting next to her in the next date? At a bench, in the park in the grass. And what I do when im not shure is I just ask: „I feel like holding your hand, is that okay?“  „I feel the urge to put my head on your shoulder, how do you feel about that?“ or I come closer, shoulder to shoulder and ask her if it is okay or I tell her how it is for me in this moment „I feel a bit shy being so close to you…how is it for you?“ Sincire and withlout excusing myself. I ask myself, what do I want? And then, how do I own my actions and lead to that ? Either by owning it and doing it or bey just communicating it. Open communication is such an Icebreaker. I got appeoached once by a girl while walking home because of some shirt I was wearing, we talked, after like 1 hour we where cuddleing at some park bench and after 2 hours she invited my to her appartement. Btw one of the best tips I got on kissing is: when you are at a date, and you feel like if she would initiate a kiss and it would feel right and good for you. Than just do it. Make it the right moment. Say it, that you feel like kissing her or just initiate it. But be sensitive, you will feel when she does not want it, relax abd mabey later…. And when you „try“ flirtinf, that is the moemnt you are not doing it. Be present, courious, show yourself, hoe you are and express what is real now for you. Flirting happens then, when you are real and in connection

 

Edited 16 hours ago by eliasvelez

[Sincerity]

So was it a date, or a friendly meeting?

Did you lead? Did you take any action (at least a step) on the romantic/sexual intention, or did you just „go with the flow” and do friendly talk?

Even if the conversation was smooth, it doesn’t matter if you weren’t leading the relationship anywhere. You MUST lead it in a romantic direction. It doesn’t happen by itself! The default flow is non-romantic.

Don’t just GRAB HER HAND, like a zombie grabbing someone’s foot from below the ground. First see whether she is even receptive to subtle romantic intention (which you might not have expressed yet). If she is then progress, like with subtle touch. I know it might be unhelpful to hear, but you gotta be NATURAL with it!

I personally wouldn’t mess with a person from my workplace. „Don’t shit where you eat”. But that’s just me, I guess it can work.

Edited 16 hours ago by Sincerity

[Hojo]

Isnt a date a romantic thing? Do you go on dates with other work colleagues?

I have been with several work colleagues and its never ruined the workplace. To me that is HR speaking through people.

I couldn't imagine letting McDonald's ruin my chance at love with a partner.

Edited 10 hours ago by Hojo

[Something Funny]

Thank you guys for your valuable advise.

@Hojo @Sincerity @eliasvelez @eliasvelez

@Spiral

I like the idea of shoulder touching.

And also open communication as the ice breaker.

In general, I think that the root cause solution is for me to graw some ball and just chill and be myself. And I am kind of getting there because I am tired of pretending.

13 hours ago, Sincerity said:

So was it a date, or a friendly meeting?

I DONT KNOW, MAN!

This is so dumb  

The first "meeting" was me texting her: "hey, do you want to go to a movie together? and she said yes.

The second "meeting" was me texting her: "I would really love to go to a climbing gym together". And she also said yes.

I've never explicitly said: "Hey, lets go on a date".

If it's any indicator, her responses were always really enthusiastic. Like:

"Ooo, I really wanted to see this movie"

Or 

"Ooo, I am ready to go to a climbing gym on any day".

But idk, maybe she is just a cheerful person like that.

Also, yesterday after climbing we sat there and chatted for like 1+ hour, while drinking coffee. Which made me think that she actually enjoyed the meeting.

Edited 2 hours ago by Something Funny

[Sincerity]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

I DONT KNOW, MAN!

This is so dumb  

If you don't know, then it 98% wasn't a date. 

A date is a meeting where romantic/sexual intention is progressed. A friendly meeting has none of such progression.

But the progression doesn't happen by itself. It must be intentional and acted on on your part. You have to lead into it. If you didn't do that, then most likely there was zero advance, and she saw it as just a friendly meet. I'm not sure if this relationship can be salvaged into something romantic anymore - there's probably only a slim chance of that, but I guess it depends, we don't know the full context. She might still be receptive to some romantic advance, or she might not (and never have). You have to feel it out. Make progressive steps and see her reactions. Adjust accordingly.

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

In general, I think that the root cause solution is for me to graw some ball and just chill and be myself. And I am kind of getting there because I am tired of pretending.

👍👍

[Something Funny]

15 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

But the progression doesn't happen by itself. It must be intentional and acted on on your part. You have to lead into it. If you didn't do that, then most likely there was zero advance, and she saw it as just a friendly meet. I'm not sure if this relationship can be salvaged into something romantic anymore - there's probably only a slim chance of that, but I guess it depends, we don't know the full context. She might still be receptive to some romantic advance, or she might not (and never have). You have to feel it out. Make progressive steps and see her reactions. Adjust accordingly.

Ehh, okay, thank you.