Situational Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction

[shree]

Hey guys,

I’m a healthy male, no porn addiction, no compulsive masturbation, I do sports regularly and eat a healthy, diverse diet.

In the past I always had strong erections, in every situation.

Now with a new super hot girl I’m really into ,emotionally and physically ,I go completely numb. No erection at all.

This has been going on for months.

Even tried 10 mg tadalafil and it felt like nothing happened.

Has anyone here gone through this? What actually worked for you?

Thanks 🙏

[Princess Arabia]

Shows you anything can happen, anything can arise, there's no order to what's spontaneously arising jn this anarchic chaos that can appear orderly; and cause and effect are illusions that can also seem like they are cause and effecting. 

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, shree said:

I’m a healthy male, no porn addiction, no compulsive masturbation, I do sports regularly

These don't automatically suggests healthy and their use doesn't automatically mean unhealthy. It's the individual that puts meaning to this and call them healthy and unhealthy. Compulsive masturbation can be perceived as unhealthy and doing sports compulsively can be aggravating to the body. 

[Schizophonia]

Can you orgasm thinking about other girls and/or on paraphilias ?

 

[Sugarcoat]

I just have no libido in general except very subtle and stronger when I dream occasionally at night. It can be neural like your brain is comfortable releasing your libido when you engage your mind or randomly but attached to real human person you’re interacting with it can feel intimidating so the libido is like locked down by fear or insecurity. Or you’re just brain washed by media so it’s like your brain associates sexuality with imagery rather than real life or something. Also your self image might dominate in real life interaction meanwhile for you to get horny it’s more detached from self image/sense of self . It’s more “raw and physical” where it’s a sensory pleasure , detached from a particular self image. So you need to connect your sexuality to your sense of self more. Maybe doesn’t make sense.   I don’t know, it’s not how it is for me though just saying some thoughts 

Edited Wednesday at 05:22 PM by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I just have no libido in general except very subtle and stronger when I dream occasionally at night.

Are you a male or a female. This is not the same as a man that cannot get an erection who likewise would normally do under the same circumstances. This is why I didn't address the biological side of his concerns. Having no libido is not his concern it's not being able to get an erection. Not the same thing especially comparing with a woman's lack of sex drive. 

[Sugarcoat]

18 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Are you a male or a female. This is not the same as a man that cannot get an erection who likewise would normally do under the same circumstances. This is why I didn't address the biological side of his concerns. Having no libido is not his concern it's not being able to get an erection. Not the same thing especially comparing with a woman's lack of sex drive. 

Yea I know it’s not the same but I just wrote something about myself that is within the category of sexual problems. But yea now that you said it, it got me thinking , maybe he didn’t mean he can’t get HORNY just that it doesn’t cause erection in particular situations . Lmao me and my thoughtful response…

[aurum]

Hard to say.

If you feel like it's emotional numbing on top of physical, then there might be some trauma for you to explore.

You should not be going emotionally numb around attractive women in the bedroom. Your mind should be entering a state of seduction and desire. I'd worry more about that and less about the erection. 

[shree]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

These don't automatically suggests healthy and their use doesn't automatically mean unhealthy. It's the individual that puts meaning to this and call them healthy and unhealthy. Compulsive masturbation can be perceived as unhealthy and doing sports compulsively can be aggravating to the body. 

Relax girl lol 

I am healthy.

I am not doing sports compulsively.

[shree]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Can you orgasm thinking about other girls and/or on paraphilias ?

 

Yeah, no problem at all. I have regular morning wood.

I also can get erection and orgasm effortlessly by only using imagination. 

Sex with other woman was also always, in every single case working great.

[shree]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

I just have no libido in general except very subtle and stronger when I dream occasionally at night. It can be neural like your brain is comfortable releasing your libido when you engage your mind or randomly but attached to real human person you’re interacting with it can feel intimidating so the libido is like locked down by fear or insecurity. Or you’re just brain washed by media so it’s like your brain associates sexuality with imagery rather than real life or something. Also your self image might dominate in real life interaction meanwhile for you to get horny it’s more detached from self image/sense of self . It’s more “raw and physical” where it’s a sensory pleasure , detached from a particular self image. So you need to connect your sexuality to your sense of self more. Maybe doesn’t make sense.   I don’t know, it’s not how it is for me though just saying some thoughts 

Yeah, this is how my thoughts look like... 

 

My libido was always high, but since I am together with this girl ( she is 9/10 )

I am dealing with some kind of performance anxiety if I understand the situation right. 

I am super relaxed on the outside, but probably there is something going on inside me which blocks my bodily functions....

[shree]

11 minutes ago, aurum said:

Hard to say.

If you feel like it's emotional numbing on top of physical, then there might be some trauma for you to explore.

You should not be going emotionally numb around attractive women in the bedroom. Your mind should be entering a state of seduction and desire. I'd worry more about that and less about the erection. 

That is what I was thinking about... Ibdid a several 5-MeO-DMT seasons in oder to uncover any hidden trauma behind this situation, but I had no luck yet.

 

I am not emotionally numb. It's quite the opposite. I could say I found my soulmate and she feels pretty much the same. Everything is effortless, natural, emotional, relaxed. But in the same time, my dick is numb when I am with her.

Like a dead chicken lol

And I say it again. She is smoking hot.

[shree]

Just to add a bit more context.

This has been going on for several months now, not just a one-time thing.

What’s strange is that in other situations, erections are effortless and automatic, even when attraction isn’t really there.

With this girl though, it’s like my body shuts off. The only exceptions are short moments , like during deep kissing, emotional talk, or certain playful touch , when I can feel some response, but it doesn’t last.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@shree

In my experience - when you have optimisation in life. Some measure of satisfaction... Often hidden issues 'come up' when all seems well.

Almost as if the mind was protecting you from having to face whatever it may be, because you weren't equipped to handle it. This has been a repeat pattern for me, and is quite irritating as it tends to happen when all seems well and outer/inner termoil has eased.

There could be imposter syndrome or unworthiness present but not felt. Or not allowed. 

This is excluding some physical issue.

[shree]

3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@shree

In my experience - when you have optimisation in life. Some measure of satisfaction... Often hidden issues 'come up' when all seems well.

I feel like this is exactly what happened to me.

4 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Almost as if the mind was protecting you from having to face whatever it may be, because you weren't equipped to handle it. This has been a repeat pattern for me, and is quite irritating as it tends to happen when all seems well and outer/inner termoil has eased.

Yes. I can see a similar pattern here.

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

There could be imposter syndrome or unworthiness present but not felt. Or not allowed. 

This is excluding some physical issue.

Thanks a lot. I will look into this.

[Schizophonia]

18 minutes ago, shree said:

Yeah, no problem at all. I have regular morning wood.

I also can get erection and orgasm effortlessly by only using imagination. 

Sex with other woman was also always, in every single case working great.

What triggers hornyness for you ?

 

 

[shree]

10 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

What triggers hornyness for you ?

 

 

You mean when I am alone or with a girl?

[theleelajoker]

@shree

Not going through the same, but one experience that might be valuable.

So few years ago: since a few months, my life was going great, everything seems to fall into place automatically, I was riding a wave of good vibes. Lots of sports, looked and felt as good as never before. I felt like I just need to think about something and then magic happens for me ✨ 

So I meet this girl, I find her very attractive, she liked me too. After a while, we wanted to have sex at her place. We just started and then her roommate disturbed us (he was into her and jealous) two times. We we're not in the mood for third try. Ok shit happens.

Next time we meet in a hotel (I was traveling), we have good time , she's naked in front of me... no boner. I really liked her, I found her very attractive, but...no boner. Very unusual, maybe happened 2-3 times my whole life, especially sober that's very unusual. Ok I am frustrated but shit happens, next time then.

So we meet another time, have a good time, same situation. We are in bed, she's ready to go but..no boner. Now I am getting crazy frustrated. AGAIN? WTF is going on? THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!

And at this point I realized what the problem was...and it's very close to what @Princess Arabia wrote: anything can happen and you don't have control.

I realized: Things were going so good for me that I became arrogant and thought I have control over life. Especially with girls, even before meeting her, I never had that much success with women before. I took things for granted, became arrogant. 

So then life puts this beautiful, really nice woman in front of me....and shows me that I control NOTHING. Not even my own dick. Felt like life teaching me a lesson, life humbling me. 

After this insight, I went away from frustration and towards acceptance. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL. 

Luckily there's a happy end - fourth time meeting it worked, started with a half-hard dick as I was still in my head because of previous attempts but we had at least mediocre sex lol.

Also, it likely played a role that I cared about her more than I did for most others. Which points towards (subconscious) performance pressure as said above. Here's the good news - she did not care about it, we kept seeing each other for a while, the sex got better and it ended for different reasons.

Since it has been going on for months re you there's good news:

First, you certainly found ways to have fun using other body parts and toys - valuable skill IME 

Second, she's still with you. Meaning she accepts you as you. Very good news re long term potential IMO.

Third: It will pass, pretty sure

 

 

Edited Wednesday at 08:25 PM by theleelajoker

[aurum]

1 hour ago, shree said:

But in the same time, my dick is numb when I am with her.

What else have you tried?

Music? Massage? Candles? Porn?

[shree]

10 minutes ago, aurum said:

What else have you tried?

Music? Massage? Candles? Porn?

None of these...

We kiss a lot, and cuddle and touch. But that doesn't have an effect, even tho we both enjoy it deeply.

 

I will try these things you mentioned!