Situational Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction

[Yimpa]

Have you two talked about this openly together? Would be good to know how she feels about this.

[shree]

8 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Have you two talked about this openly together? Would be good to know how she feels about this.

Yeah. We talk a lot about it. She is very understanding, and supportive. 

She is also open for experimenting, and trying everything what might fix the problem

 

She believes that my main problem is overthinking. I am starting to agree with her.

[Yimpa]

@shree Thank you for sharing. Others with more experience will hopefully be able to chime in! But before I go....
 

Quote

She believes that my main problem is overthinking.

^ This particular part caught my attention, and I totally relate to it. It reminded me of this beautiful song someone iconic made a few years ago. I will leave you with some of the lyrics; best of luck!

Quote

Nothing but the truth should have me living life with ease
But fear's a ruthless enemy, in fight or flight, I'd freeze
I don't mean to doubt you. My anxiety surrounds you
Overthinking, brain nitpicking love

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, shree said:

You mean when I am alone or with a girl?

Both

[Schizophonia]

I'm planning to write a thread about this.

Deleuze said that libido has two poles: a "schizoid-revolutionary" pole and a "paranoid" pole.

A predominance of the paranoid pole will induce masochistic tendencies.

These can be particularly twisted fetishes, but they can be more subtle, like interracial sex, less attractive women, more dominant women, etc.
Either dominant but still "reduced" (because the woman is of non-ideal quality), or clearly dominated; in any case, feel a sense of "reduction".
With a failure to fantasize about "ideal" women.

Just like this.

Edited Wednesday at 09:52 PM by Schizophonia

[Recursoinominado]

I had this problem and this is how i solved:

Got into tantra, learned to dance and to give massages (i was a pro). 

Those three gave me the ability to be more playful, less "logical", and goal-oriented about sex. 

So, instead of overthinking, I started to really enjoy sex by experimenting with what really turns me on. Got "out of the box" that i was in since i "learned" about sex. I used to think I had to follow a type of script, and then the sex became robotic. No i am free, i do not rush.

I focus on having fun and amplifying horniness, and I forget about "getting hard". Ironically, this made my erections rock-hard and reliable lol

I also became way more confident in my ability to blow women's minds in bed, so i don't stress too much.

Another thing is that I am so confident in my abilities that I know when it's the "women's fault". Some women are full of traumas, are rigid, don't know how to let go, and do not enjoy as much, and will have a much harder time trying to reach orgasm. This would drive me crazy before, but i learned to accept and let go.

That's the gist of it.

Go learn about tantra (attend workshops, retreats, etc.), dance (with a partner, such as salsa), and give massages (I recommend Ayurvedic massage).  

[Someone here]

But can you get an erection without her ? Like if you arouse yourself intentionally by watching something erotic or touching your penis can you get hard ?

[shree]

13 minutes ago, Someone here said:

But can you get an erection without her ? Like if you arouse yourself intentionally by watching something erotic or touching your penis can you get hard ?

Yes! Zero problems there.

[Someone here]

@shree 

27 minutes ago, shree said:

Yes! Zero problems there.

Then that right there tells you the problem is psychological not physical. 

[shree]

15 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@shree 

Then that right there tells you the problem is psychological not physical. 

The title says it.

[Someone here]

@shree then there is no need to talk about porn addiction or taking erection pills.  Because it has nothing to do with that . You must seek a professional in these issues like a sexologist. 

Good luck,man.

[Basman]

It sounds like you have something like performance anxiety relative to this girl. 

If I was in your position, I would try the logotherapeutical technique of paradoxical intention, which is to intend that which you are trying to avoid, which I'm guessing is failing at having good sex with this girl. IE. deliberately intending to not have good sex to haywire your anxiety.

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-10-01 at 9:04 PM, shree said:

Yeah, this is how my thoughts look like... 

 

My libido was always high, but since I am together with this girl ( she is 9/10 )

I am dealing with some kind of performance anxiety if I understand the situation right. 

I am super relaxed on the outside, but probably there is something going on inside me which blocks my bodily functions....

That’s good you have self awareness of that. Yea sometimes concern about our sense of self can block things from “flowing” so to speak