I feel like my life is falling apart and I don’t know who I am anymore

[Aaly]

I don’t know where else to put this, so I’m just going to spill it here.

I’m writing this because I feel like I’m drowning inside. I’ve been holding in so much and I can’t anymore.

I feel excluded and betrayed by my friends. I keep fighting for friendships while they don’t even try. It hurts because I don’t think they even see what they’ve done. And deep down I don’t think I want them in my life anymore.

But honestly, that’s not the only thing. I’m struggling with way more:

I feel ugly, insecure, and like I’m never good enough.

I have PCOD, weight issues, acne, hair fall, my body feels like it’s against me.

College feels suffocating. I don’t like what I’m studying, I feel lost, and the professors are strict and cold. I don’t have close friends there either.

I’m socially anxious and introverted. Even basic things like presenting in class or talking to people make me shake, stutter, and blank out.

I feel like I’m constantly disappointing my parents, myself, and everyone.

I overeat when I’m stressed. Then I feel disgusted with myself after.

I’m angry, hopeless, and sometimes I wonder if my life is ever going to get better.

I’m only 20, but I feel old already, like I’ve been carrying this heaviness forever. Everyday feels like a punishment.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, if I’m broken, I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore.

I've tried talking to my bf about how i feel and he said the I'm just pretending and I'm acting like this to make him "chase me". And friends think "I'm creating drama cuz i have none in my life". I feel so hurt and misunderstood.

I came here because I don’t have anyone who can hold space for me. Has anyone else gone through this kind of “everything at once” breakdown? How do you even start to climb out of it?
 

[Hojo]

Yes I had several mental breakdowns before my awakening. Like 3 or 4 complete mental breakdowns. Its part of the path. You dont climb out of it you ride it out. Just know you aren't doing anything wrong you are doing everything perfectly. You are basically carrying weight for other people.

Edited September 13 by Hojo

[Sugarcoat]

I’m sorry to hear that

Some thoughts I have. You said you feel like you’re holding things in. One thing that could potentially help is to speak honestly and directly with the people in your life where the relationship feels unfair. And letting yourself cry while you do it if that arises. Talking freely with honesty but still respectfully could feel like you’re “getting it out of your system”. And it has the potential to affect the other person to change their behavior. I have personally cut people of in my life before in respectful manner and it feels good to speak truth, living a lie can be mentally draining

When it comes to your health and physical appearance, if doctors haven’t been able to help you, taking it in your own hands by doing your own private research can feel empowering, like you’re taking control to the extent you feel possible. 
 

Connecting with people with similar issues, in for example sub forums of people with similar health problems, could also help.

You can feel for yourself, would focusing on bettering these things just increase obsession and neurosis, or would it help it? Sometimes in life we need to focus more on acceptance, other times on trying to change, or both at the same time is possible. 
 

When it comes to study, really ask yourself if it’s worth it. If you don’t like it because it’s too hard, there could be flaws in your study techniques making it so you are falling behind. But if you truly feel it’s not for you, try to make a change there if possible, by taking another road in your education/career. 
 

You could talk it through with someone, or write privately in your journal all your un filtered thought, give them some structure and come clear to yourself what steps you wanna take next in life. 
 

In terms of social anxiety, sometimes it’s too much at once if you try to tackle that too, but it could also be possible that it’s very giving to try to overcome it. A crucial step in overcoming social anxiety is precisely putting yourself in uncomfortable social  situations, but one’s that don’t feel way too overwhelming , as that could just strengthen the fear.

Something that’s more directly targeting the stress overall could be installing some kind of relaxing practice. Could be mediation, could be exercise, grounding etc

I can relate to feeling old haha. I’m 22 sometimes I wish I could stay this age forever

 

Edited September 13 by Sugarcoat

[Human Mint]

23 hours ago, Aaly said:

How do you even start to climb out of it?

You can exercise becoming more independent/less dependent on others. Listen to yourself more, be clear about how things make you feel and inspect what is the source of your suffering, i.e why do you suffer at all.

If I could only stick to one habit that would improve my life would be doing some kind of physical activity constantly.

[TruthFreedom]

I'm not going to give you a long piece of advice.

But something someone said when I was around your age helped. The beauty was in the simplicity of it:

"Things will get better!" 

Sending a big hug your way.

[UnbornTao]

Is this your first account on the site?

[LordFall]

That's probably good. You want to destroy the old and build the new intentionally in your own image of greatness. 

[WonderSeeker]

@Aaly don't get discouraged, I've been there before. 

On 9/13/2025 at 3:33 PM, Aaly said:

I don’t know where else to put this, so I’m just going to spill it here.

- - -

I’m writing this because I feel like I’m drowning inside. I’ve been holding in so much and I can’t anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of “everything at once” breakdown? How do you even start to climb out of it?
 

You describe this condition like a tank filled with liquid and you inside of it (see bolded text above). 

You are 'drowning' because you have a full resivoir of negative beliefs with associated negative emotions. You carry this 'heavy' weight with you to your classes, your friends, and your parents.

Think of the liquid as your emotions around different issues you have. 80% of the work isn't about "improvement", but about developing self-love and healthy pride for who you already are right now.

Although you listed multiple external problems, I think each affects the other. Therefore we need to get to the root negative beliefs you have about yourself.

On paper, ask yourself "Why am I not good enough?" Wait for an answer that emotionally triggers you (that's the gold).

You may also try "Why do my parents hate me and why is it my fault?" (Not saying this is true, it just helps to trigger heavy material to let go of).

Once you have that, allow yourself to feel the heavy emotions to stir as you focus on this issue. Breathe in and out deeply and let the tears flow.

Here's an example of what this process can look like:

Good luck!

[Mayonnaise]

@Aaly

i would say start intensely exercising daily and eating well. because the very act of doing that is rooted in self respect and growth. And jumping into uncomfortable situations. besides, the high you get from exercise is the only high that makes you feel grounded in yourself, unlike all the substances which can remove you from yourself/ego/escape. 

One of your issues is how you talk to yourself. How you speak to yourself is going to change how you think about yourself. 

 

You can never expect others to behave how you want or expect them to. Because everyone is dealing with different versions of the same thing you are. All you can do is show up and be the best version of yourself day in/out. For you.

But at the same time you don't want to become narcissistic and make it all about you.  Its a balancing act.

The truth is you only want others love and acceptance to give yourself permission to love yourself. But it doesn't work like that. You have to love yourself first because self love is ultimately what everyone really wants, they just use others to allow themselves to love themselves. Just like how politicians pander to a certain group of people, then get adulated, then the think they're doing good. And of course everyone else. chasing success/money/sex/power/ etc. 

Life is a dream, and you have the ability to change it if you are capable of writing this post. but it's not always easy. Your mind will try to find ways for everything to become easier. But it's counter intuitive because  the harder you make your life (doing things that are emotionally difficult/uncomfortable) the better your life becomes. And the easier you make it, (eating like shit, not exercising, watching too much tv/social media, and so on...) will make your life worse. Discipline breeds self love.

Ultimately everyone wants the same thing which is self acceptance/love. But we all go about it in different ways, largely unconscious, to get it. 

Your life is also centered around your daily habits. The more uncomfortable they are, the better.

what you eat will influence how you feel and same goes with exercising. So if you are reading this and can only change one thing I'd recommend going with intense daily exercise and eating well. 

After that, start putting yourself in uncomfortable vulnerable social situations or with people you already know. talking to them more. But if you only make it about yourself and you're not truly interested in the other person and their well being/their life, then its not genuine. 

You said you have a BF, and you should be thankful for that already. Think about all the millions of women out there that don't have anyone.

Fasting is great too. It will make you calmer. But don't avoid eating and develop a disorder.

[erikchomko]

Quote

my body feels like it’s against me

Your foundation is your physical health. Your body is calling for your attention and care. Making getting as healthy as possible your "one thing" (it's the one thing that will make everything else easier). Notice that holistic health includes but is not limited to: 

1. Mindset/psychology (don't skip this!) - question harmful beliefs (eg: "my parents are disappointed", "I'm not a worthy friend"). I suggest doing Byron Katie's "The Work", as well as the Sedona Method to release harmful thoughts and emotions. Learn to manage your thoughts and emotions so they don't stop you from your mission of getting healthy. Cultivate a daily meditative practice where you do stuff like Byron Katie's "The Work" and start to find happiness that transcends your life conditions.  
2. Proper sleep << read a book on this 
3. Proper nutrition << check out "The Wahls Protocal" (woman heals herself from MS through functional medicine), and other books on nutrition
4. Daily movement << follow your enthusiasm, find an activity that pulls your interest. Can also be a great way to connect socially with people. 

Reading books on the above topics will inspire and motivate you to heal. 

Once you have some momentum with regards to your health, you can start tackling your other problems (all of which are fixable, and will lead to tremendous growth if you tackle them vs letting them dominate you). Examples: Got social anxiety? Join Toastmasters, and look up "Authentic Relating" (context: I used to have very intense social anxiety, which I overcame)

Sending Love! 

 

 

Edited October 7 by erikchomko