The Job of the Man Is to Be the Rock

[Joshe]

8 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Yeah I feel there are two dimensions to it.

One is the real stuff, everyday interactions, body sensation, the way we are influenced by fear, stress, emotions, anxiety as we live our life. It's easy to identify this when you get to know people, EVERYONE seems to have something, just different. It typically traces back to childhood and people do suffer - they are lonely, stressed, tense, anxious, depressed, living far beyond potential, loosing hair, bruxism etc. Often seems like complex trauma, Tim Fletcher has a great free series on this. Those experiences are serious, it directly influences life quality. And it takes work to free yourself from this.

And then there is the destiny part you mention. For me it feels like: "Welcome to the show, are you not entertained? Better then being dead, isn't it? Fighting through your trauma, becoming free, that's some story isn't it?"

Once I had some insights in the nature of reality during meditation retreats and interactions afterwards,  there was the thought of "Ok so the One causing all this is the One suffering all this is also the One healing it and also the One observing the whole process?"

Put me out of balance for a while, still integrating but I feel best we can do is just accept the hand we have been given and play it with as much fun as possible.

Yeah, I’m sure I haven’t resolved all the “real stuff”. Again, thanks for the resource, will definitely check it out. 

That’s a nice insight. I really like that. And it would definitely take some time to integrate and to understand the implications of it. 

 

Edited Thursday at 03:59 PM by Joshe

[Emerald]

On 8/11/2025 at 0:53 AM, Joshe said:

Insightful video: 

Stoicism or “emotional compression” is emotional labor, which women expect. 

I'm not so sure that that's where the "ick" actually comes from... in terms of men suddenly expressing too much all at once and women not having the bandwidth for emotional compression. (though that is certainly true of some women)

I don't think the "Lots of emotions all at once" thing is the actual ick factor. It's more a correlation than it is a causation.

I believe it's moreso that frequent and intense emotional expression in a man tends to correlate with a general skill-deficit regarding emotional compression and social attunement. And it comes across as immature and potentially unsafe because the guy doesn't feel socially calibrated... nor does he have the capacity to do the difficult things when necessary like adults need to do. 

Also, some of that ick can come about from emotional expression being an amplifier that draws attention to other issues... like victim's mentality and neediness.

But if a guy otherwise has these skills and opens up... and he isn't being needy or going into victim's mentality... and is socially calibrated... then men's emotional expression is a very welcome thing that indicates emotional intelligence... even if it is sometimes a lot of emotional expression all at once.

Like I remember a situation back when I was a high school teacher. And one of the math teachers (who was a Masculine even-keeled middle aged man) was giving a speech. And he started to tear up in speaking about how much he appreciated his colleagues.

And it was just a genuine expression of feelings from an otherwise chill and level-headed guy. And he had no agenda attached to his emotional expression... it was just him opening up. And it made him come across as more secure in himself in his willingness to be vulnerable in front of his colleagues.

But if a guy is constantly a weeping mess and looking for everyone to be his personal therapist 10 times per day, that indicates that he is needy. And that is an ick. And if a guy is always whining and complaining about how unfair the world is, then that's victim's mentality... and also an ick.

So, I think the ick factor is more like... "I can sense this guy's neediness and victim's mentality. And he is unable to emotionally regulate himself and wants me to do it for him"... rather than, "This guy is expressing too much at once and I don't have the bandwidth to hold space for it."

[Joshe]

4 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@Joshe 

I'm not making fun of your point of view; I just wanted to joke a bit.
I basically said what I had to say on page one; I could make another serious response if I have an idea.

All good. Funny af actually. Lol. You made me laugh with the caveman language. 

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

Now you're weak.

No, a true alpha male knows how to be compassionate.

2 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

Lost your club and wily not as biggy as you say. Uagagagagagahhh

No, nothing beats the French country baguette.

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

No, a true alpha male knows how to be compassionate.

No, nothing beats the French country baguette.

I prefer tradition  

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, theleelajoker said:

I prefer tradition  

Yea but I'm racist so I only eat white baguettes.

[UnbornTao]

48 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Yea but I'm racist so I only eat white baguettes.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@UnbornTao Warning points? Warning points.

😈

[UnbornTao]

14 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@UnbornTao Warning points? Warning points.

😈

Noo, it was just a silly joke.

Edited yesterday at 02:46 PM by UnbornTao

[Joshe]

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

I'm not so sure that that's where the "ick" actually comes from... in terms of men suddenly expressing too much all at once and women not having the bandwidth for emotional compression. (though that is certainly true of some women)

I don't think the "Lots of emotions all at once" thing is the actual ick factor. It's more a correlation than it is a causation.

I believe it's moreso that frequent and intense emotional expression in a man tends to correlate with a general skill-deficit regarding emotional compression and social attunement. And it comes across as immature and potentially unsafe because the guy doesn't feel socially calibrated... nor does he have the capacity to do the difficult things when necessary like adults need to do. 

Also, some of that ick can come about from emotional expression being an amplifier that draws attention to other issues... like victim's mentality and neediness.

But if a guy otherwise has these skills and opens up... and he isn't being needy or going into victim's mentality... and is socially calibrated... then men's emotional expression is a very welcome thing that indicates emotional intelligence... even if it is sometimes a lot of emotional expression all at once.

Like I remember a situation back when I was a high school teacher. And one of the math teachers (who was a Masculine even-keeled middle aged man) was giving a speech. And he started to tear up in speaking about how much he appreciated his colleagues.

And it was just a genuine expression of feelings from an otherwise chill and level-headed guy. And he had no agenda attached to his emotional expression... it was just him opening up. And it made him come across as more secure in himself in his willingness to be vulnerable in front of his colleagues.

But if a guy is constantly a weeping mess and looking for everyone to be his personal therapist 10 times per day, that indicates that he is needy. And that is an ick. And if a guy is always whining and complaining about how unfair the world is, then that's victim's mentality... and also an ick.

So, I think the ick factor is more like... "I can sense this guy's neediness and victim's mentality. And he is unable to emotionally regulate himself and wants me to do it for him"... rather than, "This guy is expressing too much at once and I don't have the bandwidth to hold space for it."

Yeah, I agree. I think it’s mostly frequency of overreacting to petty things and demonstrating that you can’t keep your shit together. 

These are the most common things: 

• Begging her not to leave after a breakup
• Excessive jealousy or possessiveness
• Overreacting to small disagreements
• Complaining constantly about life or work
• Seeking constant reassurance about the relationship
• Publicly venting insecurities or self-pity
• Dramatic emotional outbursts over setbacks
• Resentful rants about past relationships
• Oversharing fears without action to address them
• Acting helpless instead of taking responsibility

[theleelajoker]

6 hours ago, Joshe said:

Yeah, I agree. I think it’s mostly frequency of overreacting to petty things and demonstrating that you can’t keep your shit together. 

These are the most common things: 

• Begging her not to leave after a breakup
• Excessive jealousy or possessiveness
• Overreacting to small disagreements
• Complaining constantly about life or work
• Seeking constant reassurance about the relationship
• Publicly venting insecurities or self-pity
• Dramatic emotional outbursts over setbacks
• Resentful rants about past relationships
• Oversharing fears without action to address them
• Acting helpless instead of taking responsibility

While I agree about the content - does anyone actually know someone acting like that?

I mean, there is obviously a degree to all of it. Like you said for instance "excessive jealously". Of course there why time where I was jealous, but I also had two open relationships so in my mind I'm not very jealous type. 

[theleelajoker]

7 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@UnbornTao Warning points? Warning points.

😈

No warning points. But a knock with a french baguette seems warranted. 

[Jirh]

Not only is it our job, but we actually do enjoy it!

(At least, I do).

 

[Schizophonia]

15 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Noo, it was just a silly joke.

As a reminder @Natasha Tori Maru has bdsm fantasies.

Great idea from Leo to give her the warning points hammer

 

What could possibly go wrong

Edited yesterday at 04:16 PM by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

No ban hammer scares Frenchy Wily.

Batman theme

[Schizophonia]

The video gives the idea that men can't express their emotions, but I believe the truth is that men pretend to have more emotions than they actually do because they believe they'll be let down if they're too stoic/self-centered.
And they're surprised when they see that they get more results by being detached.

We could look at this from a perspective of non-duality, the law of attraction, etc, but more simply, to revisit the story of evolution, men are supposed to carry the weight of a tribe's survival on their shoulders.
There's a demanding/authoritarian collective (the tribe) that automatically propels men into the phallic position where they are most comfortable because they evolved in it.
In a modern liberal society, it's the opposite; nothing goes right for you; you have to look for a job, look for a wife, etc which, quite logically, pushes men to become more feminine (the most feminine men, with the most gender issues, are all from countries without strong community and/or family structures, particularly Anglo-Saxon countries) and, by extension, to assume that this pattern also works for finding a girlfriend.
Except that women are individuals and their brains are still in the paleolithic period, and a real man tends towards a state of detachment, stoicism, because he is crushed by the weight of the community and his own survival, his own impulses.
The complete opposite of a liberal civilization where, in addition, men are disconnected from their impulses and true desires because of a puritanical cultural heritage.

Edited yesterday at 04:33 PM by Schizophonia

[Natasha Tori Maru]

5 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

As a reminder @Natasha Tori Maru has bdsm fantasies.

Great idea from Leo to give her the warning points hammer

 

What could possibly go wrong

Muahahah! 😈

[Schizophonia]

5 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Muahahah! 😈

😬

[Sandroew]

Can we appreciate for a moment how brilliant Dr. K. is! This guy possesses Leo's level of explanational abilities, but Leo never talks about this stuff. Actually they complement each other very well.