What makes you not commit suicide?

[Carl-Richard]

31 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

Yes, I know. But I guess it depends on how fat your ego was prior to it too. 

For example if you were really attached to your self image, and to meaning. That awakening would crush you to your bones. But if you were relatively more detached than average it could be an easier time(but still really difficult to deal).

It also depends on how much of that ego was repressed and if the awakening itself lead to a reaction that caused repression (which is in fact likely). To uncover repression requires actually digging into what your ego is doing, what is its fears, its desires, its insecurities, and allowing them to come to the surface and meeting them with compassion. Which is something you can do in meditation or in therapy.

Edited Friday at 11:51 AM by Carl-Richard

[AION]

Everybody has a death drive according to Freud. It is important to be conscious of it. For example. It is like those people who dig a big hole in the sand and then it collapses and they die in their own hole they dug. Or people who get some kind of illness like cancer. It is an unconscious hole they dug most of the time. But humans have a drive to live too. And our drive to live should be stronger than our drive to die. That is called survival. 

Edited Friday at 12:12 PM by AION

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

I find I am okay with not having great reason to live so that’s something I got down

I feel odd anywhere I go so I can relate to that!

Great that you’ve went in a positive direction!

Yeah, I wouldn't say I’m heading in a positive direction. Just not stuck in the same loop anymore.

Also rarely met with the same wavelength. Like the way I think just doesn’t compute for most, so I feel cut off even with people around. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. I just ride and take it all in.

Me taking up space in this reality is just my middle finger to life. Not sure if any of that lands for you, but here we are.
 

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

For me, it goes like this: I feel empty, something random happens that sparks my curiosity, and I get immersed in it. Then, that thing fades away, and I feel empty again. Then again, I expose myself to something new, something random happens, I get immersed, and then it fades away again. Rinse and repeat. Occasionally, I experience moments of "lack" in certain areas of my life and wish to heal or fix them, which leads me to immerse myself once more. Other times, I feel a sense of "curiosity," and that drives me to immerse myself in something new, but eventually, it fades again. Rinse and repeat.

I feel like most of my life follows this cycle, or at least that’s how I tend to view it when I enter these empty states. My mind needs something external to become immersed in, something that I can't currently imagine or be aware of. So, I need to expose myself to exterior people and things until something "hits me". It’s like seeking your own trance.

Of course, if you have goals, things to look forward to, and aspirations, that immersion can last indefinitely. But I understand that in these empty states, those feel impossible, which is why it feels meaningless to just say, "Hey, invent something." That's why realizing the cycle I described works better for me.

 

Basically you’re normal. Most people are pretty focused outside themselves. I am not like that. I don’t immerse myself in anything outside myself. I am immersed in my own internal experience, my inner world. The outer world doesn’t grab my attention. I’m disengaged from it

4 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

 

In the current state, you can't grasp or understand anything about spirituality, God, consciousness, etc. But then, you have a shift, like a psychedelic experience, and your state changes. Suddenly, things make sense that didn’t before.

The same can often be true with depression. In a nihilistic state, it's hard to imagine anything beyond feelings of despair or thoughts of suicide. Then, you meet someone, have a realization, take a supplement, drug, or find yourself in a new environment or experience, and suddenly, it’s hard to imagine what your old self was like.

I wanna do psychedelics. I feel it’s one of the very few things that affect me

Other outside circumstances don’t affect me. I feel the same on vacation as at home. I feel the same every season of the year. I feel the same no matter who I am with, even if I like the person.

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

In psychoanalysis, repression is not the feeling of struggle; what is subject to struggle is not really repressed.
What is truly repressed is invisible.

 

I bet psychoanalysis doesn’t deal with the effect of excessive self dissolution on the brain

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Is it possible that you’ve simply moved beyond more shallow desires? Do you feel like you now resonate more with "higher" desires, like service to others, contributing to humanity, helping, meaningful and stable connections, or the expression of love and wisdom?

I'm not entirely sure if this is the case, but everything you described above seems like a perfect setup for someone noble and selfless to do the right things this world needs. But I’m not sure how you actually feel, just wondering!

I have transcended most desires. But new different desires haven’t arisen . I am simply devoid of most desires

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Brain rewires by changing behavior. What are you currently doing on a day to day basis?

Are you asking that because you wanna help me?

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Eskilon said:

I see, I thought getting your self dissolved to some degree would bring liberation, not hollowness and lack of richness.

But maybe that depends on the person and their persona prior to it, dont know though. Could be something about development.

I thought so too

Well I am liberated from most needs.

I dont have need for any particular self image. I dont have need for relationships. I dont have need to fit in or approval. 
 

The only fear I have is something like getting tortured. And maybe if I’m gonna take a psychedelic I’d be scared of having a bad trip if I take large dose

So I’m free from most desires and fears.

When my self was in the process of dissolving, my life would feel richer sometimes . 
 

But it was when I reached almost the end (meaning almost no center left) that reality started to become empty. 
 

Imagine that it feels like you’re reaching the end of reality. Like you’re almost at a point where everything seems empty 

 

It’s missing the fullnesss, richness, love aspect . 
 

That how it was for me

If my self dissolved 100% maybe I would experience the richness and aliveness

But for me having almost no self felt like dead reality 

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Judy2 said:

good:) and what would make it better? can you name one thing that would feel good, and do that? just one thing. 

If I felt like I existed like a normal person

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

Yeah, I wouldn't say I’m heading in a positive direction. Just not stuck in the same loop anymore.

Also rarely met with the same wavelength. Like the way I think just doesn’t compute for most, so I feel cut off even with people around. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. I just ride and take it all in.

Me taking up space in this reality is just my middle finger to life. Not sure if any of that lands for you, but here we are.
 

Same

I was worse maybe a year ago

[Schizophonia]

When i looked at the topic i firstly read " What makes you not commit adultery"

Edited Friday at 03:50 PM by Schizophonia

[Carl-Richard]

41 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Are you asking that because you wanna help me?

If you're doing nothing in particular, of course you will feel disconnected and lost.

[Carl-Richard]

45 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I bet psychoanalysis doesn’t deal with the effect of excessive self dissolution on the brain

It deals with notions like "excessive".

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

If you're doing nothing in particular, of course you will feel disconnected and lost.

I feel disconnected but not lost.

I don’t know what your definition of “doing nothing” is.

I am currently on vacation with family and I feel the same as when I am at home in my room alone

I tend to be detached like that. It’s both a curse and a blessing

The only thing I’ve found that has significant affect on my psyche is very intense cardio so I plan on doing that more when I get home (if I follow up on this plan, it can be hard to motivate myself to do it sometimes)

Also psychedelics ofc. I have done only little bit of that but it’s risky at the moment, my parents caught me once and I live with them

I have done meditation in the past consistently, about 1 hour a day, it wasn’t enough to produce mystical experience for me except maybe once,  nowadays I don’t feel strong enough desire to awaken to get me to do that in large amounts. But that could be something that could affect my psyche if I did it

Edited Friday at 04:28 PM by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s when life feels never good those thoughts come

A unpleasant experience cannot override hearts desire to live. No amount of pain cannot do it when a person is in touch with who and what they truly are. The fire to live is of God and it is as eternal as God. 

[Carl-Richard]

54 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I feel disconnected but not lost.

I don’t know what your definition of “doing nothing” is.

I am currently on vacation with family and I feel the same as when I am at home in my room alone

"In my room alone". Does that sound like doing something? On a day to day basis (not while on vacation), are you working with something? Working towards something? Are you called on? Do people depend on you to show up?

Edited Friday at 05:20 PM by Carl-Richard

[Judy2]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

If I felt like I existed like a normal person

what is preventing you from doing that?

what do you think a 'normal person' exists as and feels like on a day to day basis?

what exactly is it that you feel you lack, and what is it that you feel you want to get rid of?

Edited Friday at 05:26 PM by Judy2

[Judy2]

56 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I feel disconnected but not lost.

i am sure there have been moments in the past when you felt connected. making a list of those can help shift your focus. keep in mind that even the smallest interactions count, for example when you smile at a stranger and they smile back at you.

[Sugarcoat]

18 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

what is preventing you from doing that?

what do you think a 'normal person' exists as and feels like on a day to day basis?

what exactly is it that you feel you lack, and what is it that you feel you want to get rid of?

Well since you’re asking..

It sounds weird even for a forum like this but I experienced a gradual loss of self to the point of ending up almost without a center and I’d like my self back lol

A normal person could have a negative self image but but I’d be content with a neutral one

 

[Sugarcoat]

15 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

i am sure there have been moments in the past when you felt connected. making a list of those can help shift your focus. keep in mind that even the smallest interactions count, for example when you smile at a stranger and they smile back at you.

It was before the partial loss of self