How The Hell You Reach Play As An INTJ?

[The Caretaker]

I had a long (literally a few A4 pages of description, thanks again to my personality type), but I can sum up in a few sentences.

1) So far, I've achieved most of the things that require SOLO routines (enjoyable and good-paying job, decent physique, higher consciousness and intelligence).

2) I struggle very, very much with any social stuff. If making new friends is not that hard per say, dating feels borderline impossible. Fears, anxieties, traumas, what-ifs, and so on. All the worst struggles a ever had surround this topic.

3) I have some relationship experience, but every freaking time it was engaged by the other party, so I don't really have a skill set to reach them on my own.

4) I am not that good-looking, per se, but I have a lot of charisma, intelligence, and humor.

5) I can make a new routine of going out much more often (which I kinda already do), but I never approach anybody. Day game, night game, social circles, what fucking ever. Fear just overwhelms me. Compared to solitary confinement, this is the real torture.

Next year I am 30, so this will not get any easier by age. I want to make the maximum of this summer and autumn.

 

Starting by finding a wingman, local or through pick-up websites, might be a solution, but tbh, I kinda got disappointed in other people. I want a method to not rely on anybody, which by itself might be the problem. I want a LOGICAL and SOLO solution to an EMOTIONAL and SOCIAL problem. Which again does not sound much like play.

But Jesus fucking Christ, no amount of self-awareness ever helped me with this.

 

I was considering joining a local pick-up/wingman community through Leo's link. It had around 40-50 people in there. Also, the city I live in has around 800k-1m population. The points of interest are rather small, so the concentration of people is high. I just wonder if this number is enough for cold approach or to consider mostly social circles.

[MuadDib]

Bro, she's so into you, I saw her last week while wearing the psy vision goggles I invented. She's playing hide and seek, I couldn't catch her for you though, we need a slutterby net, any ideas? I know the strings need to be somewhat loose and laced with fun, the braiding cant be too tightly wound. She needs to feel like she has a chance for escape, but that's all I've come up with so far.

 

[Leo Gura]

@The Caretaker You gotta practice going out and just learning to let go, not think, and party.

You don't need many wingmen. Just 1 or 2 good ones is enough. Someone you can party with.

I recommend as an assignment for you that you go out solo to a nightclub, any nightclub on its busiest night, and don't even worry about talking to girls, but just focus on partying. Party solo. Dance, have a few drinks, have fun. Your only goal should be to actually have fun. If you don't have fun, you've failed the assignment and must re-do it next week until you succeed.

Your problem isn't girls. Your problem is that you don't know how to have fun in public.

Edited Tuesday at 11:37 PM by Leo Gura

[AION]

Act from your being. Don’t try to fit a mold. Act from your being even if it is uncalibrated and painful. After a while your being will calibrate and successful social interactions will become second nature. I achieved it as INFJ.

[Jayson G]

52 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@The Caretaker You gotta practice going out and just learning to let go, not think, and party.

You don't need many wingmen. Just 1 or 2 good ones is enough. Someone you can party with.

I recommend as an assignment for you that you go out solo to a nightclub, any nightclub on its busiest night, and don't even worry about talking to girls, but just focus on partying. Party solo. Dance, have a few drinks, have fun. Your only goal should be to actually have fun. If you don't have fun, you've failed the assignment and must re-do it next week until you succeed.

Your problem isn't girls. Your problem is that you don't know how to have fun in public.

@Leo Gura even with a few drinks? I used to go out a lot in the past and whenever Id drink I wouldnt see that free-flowing spirit transfer over sober out, maybe it did not entirely sure, but for the most part it doesn't from my experience. 

[Leo Gura]

32 minutes ago, Jayson G said:

even with a few drinks?

Training wheels.

Stuck people need it to understand how to party. Once that is understood it can be done sober.

Edited Wednesday at 01:01 AM by Leo Gura

[CARDOZZO]

@The Caretaker

Do not use MBTI as astrology to make excuses. 

Breathwork will save yourself. Learn to be OK inside your body. Occupy your whole body -  feel, accept, love and embrace whatever is happening within.

[Xonas Pitfall]

To be honest, I think a good starting point is just figuring out what you find funny.

Do you have your own sense of humor? Do you have friends you genuinely find funny? Why are they funny to you?
Do you like dark humor? Wordplay? Awkward, autistic-style humor? Sexually perverted humor? Direct, dry wit?

A lot of people get so caught up in trying to seem playful or fun when the whole point is to actually have fun.
What makes you laugh?

I know it sounds cliché, but if your goal is to find a long-term partner, someone you truly enjoy being around, then ideally, you'd want someone who gets your humor, someone who can make you laugh, and who genuinely laughs with you too.

So as a first step, it might help to simply journal: What makes me laugh?
Collect memes, jokes, memories, friends, or moments that brought that out in you. Then, the next step is getting comfortable expressing that.

Master those two things:

• Knowing what brings out your humor (This takes both experience and reflection. It’s about knowing yourself, your personal “poke” points that get you into that playful state. For some people, it's dumb old dad jokes. For others, it’s bizarre, abstract humor that barely anyone else understands. The more you collect these experiences (whether it’s through watching comedy, scrolling through memes, hanging out with friends, or just observing what makes you laugh), the more you’ll learn what buttons to press to trigger that playful mode.)
• Feeling free enough to express it (This part is about being comfortable with being “cringe.” That comfort comes with experience too. One thing that really helps here is recording yourself, literally just talking or playing around, and then watching it back. Most people don’t have a clear internal reference for how they come across when they’re being playful, so they assume they’re awkward or embarrassing. But if you’ve seen yourself enough times and gotten used to how you look and sound, that fear starts to fade. And of course, the more positive responses you get from others when you do express that side of yourself, the easier it becomes to let it out freely. And if you watch yourself back and you do feel like it’s painful, good. Be with that pain and correct your expression.)

That’s basically the foundation of being effortlessly playful.

So yeah, think back to the last time you were really laughing, like full-on belly laughing or just cracking jokes without thinking.
What were you doing? Who were you with?
That’s the state you want to channel; it serves as an excellent reference point.

Edited Wednesday at 03:00 AM by Xonas Pitfall

[MuadDib]

Update, This diagram of a mist net seems like it would be more effective at catching birds...
Natasha has been working hard in the art section
 

[Joshe]

Alcohol. We’re all for altered states here to facilitate spirituality. Why not to facilitate social enjoyment? 

For me, there’s no amount of tricking myself that dancing or fucking off in the middle of a club is fun. That shit is not fun unless you’re buzzed. Trying to act like it is is absurd. You need alcohol to forget about the absurdity of it all so you can join in.

Only problem is it’s easy to overdo it. It really sucks to bring home a prize only for you to realize you have whiskey dick. This isn’t good for self-esteem. Lol. Also, many people cant handle alcohol and they can’t process how they’re coming across. If you can read the room and calibrate your behavior while buzzed, that’s some powerful shit, if you know what to calibrate. If you’re high consciousness, metacognitive, or whatever, alcohol - in moderation - can give you quite the edge. 

Edited Wednesday at 04:53 AM by Joshe

[Leo Gura]

@Joshe Alcohol is not required for fun at the club. I never drank. Owen Cook didn't drink. Julien didn't drink. And I know pickup friends who don't drink.

It's called building your own state.

Edited Wednesday at 06:07 AM by Leo Gura

[Joshe]

@Leo Gura for me, reframing things as fun when they actually aren’t will never match up to providing the effortless flow that comes out of me after a few drinks. At least try it a few times. You might enjoy it. 

[AION]

If you are an introvert and you find that is a problem you need to learn to test your mind with outer reality. And for that you need guts. Micro dosing some psychedelics is better than alcohol from my experience. Since psychedelics give you some brain elasticity and help you let go of ingrained patterns. 

Edited Wednesday at 07:41 AM by AION

[Something Funny]

@Leo Guraat what point do you need to find wingmen if you can just start solo as you've mentioned above?

[The Caretaker]

Thanks for replies. This topic is very bloated on this forum, but I got a few good vectors.

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@The Caretaker You gotta practice going out and just learning to let go, not think, and party.

You don't need many wingmen. Just 1 or 2 good ones is enough. Someone you can party with.

I recommend as an assignment for you that you go out solo to a nightclub, any nightclub on its busiest night, and don't even worry about talking to girls, but just focus on partying. Party solo. Dance, have a few drinks, have fun. Your only goal should be to actually have fun. If you don't have fun, you've failed the assignment and must re-do it next week until you succeed.

Your problem isn't girls. Your problem is that you don't know how to have fun in public.

It's funny how alcohol made a full circle in the self-help community . This is not the first time I heard that completely refusing it usually makes more harm than good, especially for folks like me.

Thanks for the assignment. It gives me a particular direction to work on, which is all I need for my mind. And yes, I know this is a "party" problem and not a "women" problem. That's why I titled the post like I did.

 

13 hours ago, AION said:

Act from your being. Don’t try to fit a mold. Act from your being even if it is uncalibrated and painful. After a while your being will calibrate and successful social interactions will become second nature. I achieved it as INFJ.

I know myself. Until I get some experience, confront, and at least 1 trusty wing, I will need some help. Cold turkey just does not work for me.

 

11 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

@The Caretaker

Do not use MBTI as astrology to make excuses. 

Breathwork will save yourself. Learn to be OK inside your body. Occupy your whole body -  feel, accept, love and embrace whatever is happening within.

MBTI does not have to be truthful to be useful, as any other scheme or map. If anything, focusing inward will make the matter worse for me.

I really like breathwork or meditation to raise my cousnouness, but I already struggle with too much self-awarness when It comes to dating. (or rather, self-reflection; If I had enough self-awareness, I would not have this problem to begin with).

 

10 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

To be honest, I think a good starting point is just figuring out what you find funny.

I already do that a lot. If I had to be my top 5 "superpowers," it would be my sense of humor. I work with people a lot on my day job, so I learned how to be very charismatic when I feel comfortable (aka at my work, where I feel competent). So this part is not an issue for me.

 

@JosheYeah, I am slowly realising that maybe renouncing it does more harm than good. At least at this stage.

 

5 hours ago, AION said:

If you are an introvert and you find that is a problem you need to learn to test your mind with outer reality. And for that you need guts. Micro dosing some psychedelics is better than alcohol from my experience. Since psychedelics give you some brain elasticity and help you let go of ingrained patterns. 

Not possible at this stage. I don't know anybody who is open about psychedelics in my region, so it is a huge risk that might actually ruin my life. I would rather travel somewhere when I will have more money.

[The Caretaker]

Also, btw, what do you recommend drinking? I don't even know much about the current landscape.

I need something that is not too heavy on the body and does not have a shitty spirit taste. Anything sweet that will not fuck up my sleep or fitness too much will work.

[CARDOZZO]

24 minutes ago, The Caretaker said:

I really like breathwork or meditation to raise my cousnouness, but I already struggle with too much self-awarness when It comes to dating. (or rather, self-reflection; If I had enough self-awareness, I would not have this problem to begin with).

 

Breathwork should make you calm + alert. Can you ask a woman for directions? Start there. 

[AION]

Problem that I had for a very long time is that I was chasing success. One has to internalize the success so that it doesn’t even matter how others respond and if you have that attitude they respond well because you aren’t putting pressure on them to like you. Owen Cook calls that state of arriving instead of chasing. Good friends can help you with creating that state of mind because you don’t need to have good vibes to be accepted by them. 

Edited Wednesday at 01:48 PM by AION

[Leo Gura]

40 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Guraat what point do you need to find wingmen if you can just start solo as you've mentioned above?

As soon as you can find them.

Starting solo is there in case it takes you a while to find someone.

Not gonna lie, solo is brutally hard. It grows you the fastest but I don't trust anyone to learn game solo. That is hellishly hard. I wouldn't trust myself to manage that feat. That's like going to war alone.

29 minutes ago, The Caretaker said:

Also, btw, what do you recommend drinking?

Vodka cranberry.

Don't get hammered. One or two drinks max. Just enough to loosen you up.

Edited Wednesday at 01:55 PM by Leo Gura

[Something Funny]

41 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Starting solo is there in case it takes you a while to find someone.

Not gonna lie, solo is brutally hard. It grows you the fastest but I don't trust anyone to learn game solo. That is hellishly hard. I wouldn't trust myself to manage that feat. That's like going to war alone.

1 hour ago, The Caretaker said:

I just feel like most pickup guys are gross (no offence to anyone) and I don't enjoy spending time with them. I think it actually adds more pressure and makes me more stressed.

I think I could find just normal friends to go out with, but then I guess it would be weird from their perspective if I approached girls all the time, instead of being with them.