Tired of Dating: The Confusing Pattern of Sudden Disconnection

[Schizophonia]

21 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

She actually thanked me for my honesty when I asked, and she answered in detail about several logistical things that were limiting her availability. But what happened next was bizarre. I replied to her voice messages in a way that was totally weak and people-pleasing. When I listened to my own audio, I didn’t recognize myself. It felt like it wasn’t even me — just totally cringe… And then she simply never replied again. I ended up feeling really guilty about the way I responded.

Maybe this has something to do with a kind of self-sabotage, as @Emerald mentioned.

It's okay.

Because of the influence of the world and modern education, it may seem strange, but the more sincere you are, the more attractive you actually are as a man.

Even if that paradoxically means being more detached and stoic.

It's a form of cognitive dissonance that needs to be addressed, if you know what I mean.

[Thought Art]

@Schizophonia They won’t respond with an honest or clear answer. I think that’s delusional you think they will. She’s probably gonna think it’s a little weird, a little needy you asked. She’s not gonna know what to say. 
 

Self auditing based on principles not asking girls why. A guy has to lead the frame. You gotta get experience, and learn from time tested dating principles. Men and women have been dating for a long time. There is a body of knowledge on this. Not asking the girl. 
 

Working on yourself is a solid idea. You want a high quality girl, a high quality relationship but you think developing yourself is a horrible idea? You are fooling yourself. 

1. without working on yourself your relationships are gonna be shit and you life will be shit. You’re probably not gonna attract a girl. 
 

A good life boils down to how much you invest into your life. 
 

I also acknowledge, some people just float around and it’s fine. 

Guys and girls exist at all levels of development. We shouldn’t put girls on a pedestal. They don’t always have higher self esteem either they just go in energy largely. If they are at all good looking too they have a lot more social opportunities. 

Edited Wednesday at 01:44 PM by Thought Art

[Schizophonia]

8 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Schizophonia They won’t not respond with an honest or clear answer. I think that’s delusional. 

 

Yes, of course, it's still a woman, lol.
What I mean is that from the op's point of view, if the girl is at least a little honest, he could reassure himself by doing this that they simply weren't compatible.
Or more objective causes like being too angry, too obsessed with certain subjects, or whatever.

Quote

 

Self auditing based on principles not asking girls why. A guy has to lead the frame. 

Whether we're a woman or a man, we generally know how to be authentic.
But that doesn't prevent communication; it's possible to act like an idiot in one way or another out of ignorance.
Even as men, we can ask for feedback; it's not about submitting to the woman.

 

And vice versa.

(#feminism )

Jk

Edited Wednesday at 01:45 PM by Schizophonia

[Hugo Oliveira]

23 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

It is tough. You never know why they ghost you. Neediness? 

Have you read Models by Mark Manson? 

Like I said, this isn't a rule or a constant, and my best guess is that it has to do with something subtle or 'energetic.' Yes, sometimes I do feel a strong sense of longing, but I don’t show that in my interactions. That book is still on my list.
Soon, with a bit more stability and resources, I’d love to visit Canoas haha 😊

[Hugo Oliveira]

33 minutes ago, meta_male said:

What is your MBTI personality type?

INFP-T

[Thought Art]

@Schizophonia Honestly, in dating often times you’re not gonna know why she flaked and I think learning to be comfortable with that is part of it. 
 

I’m setting a goal of 2-3 dates a month minimum going forward to keep my options open, gain experience and build state. 

[meta_male]

2 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

INFP-T

Sounds like it yes. It's confusing because we tend to overthink and are introspective in nature, so things will rarely make sense in the moment. It's less that something's off with you, people are just not matching that depth and are repelled by it because they're mostly shallow (compared to an INFP's inner world).

[CARDOZZO]

58 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

Like I said, this isn't a rule or a constant, and my best guess is that it has to do with something subtle or 'energetic.' Yes, sometimes I do feel a strong sense of longing, but I don’t show that in my interactions. That book is still on my list.
Soon, with a bit more stability and resources, I’d love to visit Canoas haha 😊

Where do you live?

[Thought Art]

I got blown out of a second date last week. Super shitty feeling. 
 

But, I managed to self reflect, pick myself up and I’ve got a date with another girl this week. For me I know I blew the second date because of bad framing, lack of scarcity etc. 
 

So, I simply learned from it and I’m taking those lessons and moving forward. This next date is less interesting to me, so I assume I’ll be more relaxed in my framing. That could inspire some win factor with future dates and girls etc. 
 

 

[EternalForest]

On 5/7/2025 at 9:19 AM, Schizophonia said:

When I say ask them, I'm not talking about becoming what they want.
I'm talking about simply asking why they left, and finding out the source of the problem.

Lol, if he didn't do anything wrong, then he wouldn't complain on a thread.

You rather mean it's okay to be wrong, to be confused.

Again, this is assuming that if women don't resonate with OP. he needs to re-evaluate himself. When maybe he's selling his product to the wrong audience. That's also an option.

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, EternalForest said:

Again, this is assuming that if women don't resonate with OP. he needs to re-evaluate himself. When maybe he's selling his product to the wrong audience. That's also an option.

Yes.

It's both; you want to be "authentic", but at the same time, sometimes you're twisted in such a way that you need feedback to realize how you're acting and to make an effort to change.

Being overly serious, or cowardly/feminine, whatever, isn't natural; it's an anomaly.

[Flint]

On 5/5/2025 at 5:57 PM, Hugo Oliveira said:

I consider myself attractive, emotionally available, and a good partner. Most of my dates go well — we create real chemistry, deep connection, and share pleasant, even exciting, experiences. Often, the women express interest in meeting again.

What do you mean by dates going well ? Chemistry, deep connection and everything are an illusion if it's your first or second date. You've barely met the person. Have you slept with any of those women ? As a general rule girls will not sleep on your on the first date not to appear slutty, but by the second or third if they're into you they will happily jump your bones.

Women that are really into you will not randomly ghost you.

Let's not overcomplicate your life with random energetic dynamics and look for the simple solutions. Having a second/third date with the same girl and she's not sleeping with you ? You have a game problem.

Also don't forget that dating is ruthless - all is fair in love and war. There is no deep connection, or real chemistry after one date. For the sake of your sanity and own feelings forget about romantic notions until you've slept with the girl and she's really invested. You can match her level of investment but never go over it. After she's ripping her short off then you can start thinking along the lines oh we have such nice chemistry. Not before.

I've read in other messages that you're an INFP. You may not act too nice but you may come off and feel too soft and too nice. Have you even been compared to a teddy bear or anything similar ? (I am not trolling with this question, you really seemed interested in trying to understand the core of the issue).

Also if girls start playing games you need to directly challenge them. If someone ghosted you and she's in front of you smiling and saying hi at the gym, just challenge them on that, similar to "You do realize you've ghosted me ?" and unless they provide a very good reason such as a relative's death simply say you're not accepting that into your life and move on immediately.

Next, not to get stuck on girls that ghost you, go for high numbers. Meet as many as you can, then do dates. You should be immune to ghosting by the sheer amount of women present in your life, practically viewing ghosting as a blessing so that you're able to clear timeslots in your agenda and avoid the difficulty of choosing which girl to see as there are so many of them you're overbooked to the brink of extinction.

[integration journey]

On 5/7/2025 at 7:04 AM, Thought Art said:

@Schizophonia Honestly, in dating often times you’re not gonna know why she flaked and I think learning to be comfortable with that is part of it. 
 

I’m setting a goal of 2-3 dates a month minimum going forward to keep my options open, gain experience and build state. 

Do you do night game or meet online? 

Edited Friday at 05:48 AM by integration journey