Men, why get married?

[Michael569]

I got married last year to a girl I've dated for 14 years. It was the best day of my life and one of the best decision I've ever made. I love being married and would never go back

Technically, day to day things are exactly the same as they were before yer deep down i feel something has changed, energetically, spiritually...hard to put my finger on what it is.

Pragmatically speaking if you want kids you should be married, it is better for them, gives a sense of stability and familiarity. Things are harder to just terminate and you feel you have to try to mend things rather than discard the other person. I think being married also teaches you a deep sense of loyalty (not always) and commitment to another human being. 

But there are tons of counterarguments where people who were completely incompatible got married too quickly and it was a disaster, we all know few of those couples. So there is no universal answer. 

If you love the person you're with and you feel they help you be a better person and you can grow with each other and be your true self with them...marry them. Or don't

Edited May 5 by Michael569

[aurum]

12 hours ago, Emerald said:

No one should be getting married just to serve the other person as that just isn't going to work. There has to be a mutual benefit for the marriage to work out.

And there have been studies that have been conducted and men actually seem to benefit more from marriage than women do as there are many social, emotional, and lifestyle needs that men tend to struggle to meet when they're not in a relationship/marriage.

I'm specifically looking to counter a common manopshere talking point. Which is that marriage is inherently a bad deal for men because of things like alimony.

I find this profoundly hypocritical because these same guys all say they want a traditional woman. But they don't recognize the responsibility that necessarily comes with that choice.

If you're going to have a traditional marriage, the woman is taking an asymmetric risk financially. She does not provide for herself. Which means that if the marriage splits, she is in a much more vulnerable position.

This asymmetrical dependence is exactly why things like alimony were developed. It's to protect women in these kind of scenarios and allow them to walk away from a toxic relationship.

There are benefits to marriage for men, but they tend to be more baked into the cake. Alimony is not supposed to be one of them.

So I have some empathy for manosphere guys who maybe have gone through an extremely difficult divorce. But the reality is you have to pick one. Do you want her to depend on you or not?

Trying telling a manosphere / MGTOW guy about the importance of alimony and why men should have to pay it. The bias is obvious.

 

[Applegarden8]

On 5/3/2025 at 11:32 PM, stellataye77 said:

Give me some reasonswhy you aren’t married, or if you’ve decided you won’t be married in the future. 

My parents divorced. My grandparents had terrible time in their marriage. I don't have a good example of what relationships mean. I only see that as a symbol of status and some kind of power play thing which divides those who have it and those who don't. I see that as another thing that society tells you to do to not feel pressure about your life.

Idk. Really. I don't know what the value of relationship means. And I am not family oriented also. My father figures are online hindu gurus who tell me to meditate. And I do that. And that's the only thing that works. I have an honest question to raise, what will a woman add to my life that I really needed? I don't know the answer.

[Schizophonia]

-Tax benefits?

-Please my girlfriend if she finds it magical or just cool for some reason

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

I'm specifically looking to counter a common manopshere talking point. Which is that marriage is inherently a bad deal for men because of things like alimony.

I find this profoundly hypocritical because these same guys all say they want a traditional woman. But they don't recognize the responsibility that necessarily comes with that choice.

If you're going to have a traditional marriage, the woman is taking an asymmetric risk financially. She does not provide for herself. Which means that if the marriage splits, she is in a much more vulnerable position.

This asymmetrical dependence is exactly why things like alimony were developed. It's to protect women in these kind of scenarios and allow them to walk away from a toxic relationship.

There are benefits to marriage for men, but they tend to be more baked into the cake. Alimony is not supposed to be one of them.

So I have some empathy for manosphere guys who maybe have gone through an extremely difficult divorce. But the reality is you have to pick one. Do you want her to depend on you or not?

Trying telling a manosphere / MGTOW guy about the importance of alimony and why men should have to pay it. The bias is obvious.

 

I suppose I understand if you're specifically targeting your advice to Manosphere guys... but I wouldn't target it towards anyone else as there really must be some kind of mutual benefit.

But I've seen plenty of cases where the guy wants a traditional marriage where he is the leader... with a woman who also pays half or more of bills.

In these cases, for women, it's the worst of both worlds... putting in 50-75% of the responsibility while getting none of the freedom and power that would typically be associated with taking on that level of responsibility.

But the reality is that guys who think like this aren't usually Stage Blue traditional guys values-wise themselves. 

They're usually just a bunch of Stage Orange guys who don't care about tradition. But they want the woman bound to the limitations and responsibilities of the traditional Feminine role while they skirt the limitations and responsibilities of the traditional Masculine role, while claiming the level of power and freedom associated with Stage Orange for themselves.

So, it's just a power play... and an over-pornographized version of what it's actually like to operate in a traditional relationship. 

On that basis alone, I think your advice will fall on deaf ears because their whole desire is minimizing their responsibility and maximizing their power... while minimizing the woman's power and maximizing her responsibility. 

Edited May 5 by Emerald

[aurum]

15 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But I've seen plenty of cases where the guy wants a traditional marriage where he is the leader... with a woman who also pays half or more of bills.

In these cases, for women, it's the worst of both worlds... putting in 50-75% of the responsibility while getting none of the freedom and power that would typically be associated with taking on that level of responsibility.

But the reality is that guys who think like this aren't usually Stage Blue traditional guys values-wise themselves. 

They're usually just a bunch of Stage Orange guys who don't care about tradition. But they want the woman bound to the limitations and responsibilities of the traditional Feminine role while they skirt the limitations and responsibilities of the traditional Masculine role, while claiming the level of power and freedom associated with Stage Orange for themselves.

It's corruption.

Values and ideologies at lower stages of development are rationalizations for survival. And they are too simplistic / rigid to accommodate the complexities of reality. So the internal contradictions pile up.

The key insight is that it's not about what is true at lower stages of development.

15 minutes ago, Emerald said:

On that basis alone, I think your advice will fall on deaf ears because their whole desire is minimizing their responsibility and maximizing their power... while minimizing the woman's power and maximizing her responsibility. 

Of course.

Ego 101. How do maximize everything I want and minimize everything I don't?

[Yimpa]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Ego 101. How do maximize everything I want and minimize everything I don't?

This ending up as a question is gold.

[Peo]

Is possible to get married without fully sharing finances and without putting all your assets at risk in the event of a divorce? If yes, i would definitely wanna get married. If no, i say hell no. 

[Twentyfirst]

For kids

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

This ending up as a question is gold.

Indeed!