How to get laid after a date and avoid the friendzone?

[integration journey]

I met a really cool and hot woman online who was my age and we went out and it was amazing day. 
I’m struggling with the closing/seduction part though. 

Like how do you avoid the friendzone? 
I’m keeping the conversation chill and playful but I don’t  want to just be “friends” with her. I want more. 
Is it all about escalation? And how many dates did it take you to get laid? 
I had previous dates before but the relationships ended awkwardly after a couple of dates but I’m learning from my mistakes. 

 

[meta_male]

I think you’re looking at it from a strategic angle, I'd say that’s what’s tripping you up.

Seduction isn’t really about steps or escalation. It’s not about what you do but more about the energy you’re in. If you’re focused on avoiding the friendzone your chances of ending up there will ironically be high. But when you're relaxed, present and not attached to outcome everything shifts. Easier said than done because all you want is to get laid.

8 hours ago, integration journey said:

And how many dates did it take you to get laid? 

It varies depending on the girl, between 2 – 7 dates in my experience. But don't stress too much about the timeline and focus on getting out of your head and building connection. The rest will follow.

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

I think you’re looking at it from a strategic angle, I'd say that’s what’s tripping you up.

Seduction isn’t really about steps or escalation. It’s not about what you do but more about the energy you’re in. If you’re focused on avoiding the friendzone your chances of ending up there will ironically be high. But when you're relaxed, present and not attached to outcome everything shifts. Easier said than done because all you want is to get laid.

It varies depending on the girl, between 2 – 7 dates in my experience. But don't stress too much about the timeline and focus on getting out of your head and building connection. The rest will follow.

Nice. Great advice.

[Princess Arabia]

It's hard for anyone to really answer this with precision because the topic is a very personal thing; meaning it all depends on the person(s). @meta_malesaid it perfectly, imo, but I will add to inch in very slowly and see the responses you're getting and escalate slowly from there. Flirt a bit and watch for her body language more than what she says as long as you're not invading her space and feeling desperate. Does she cross her legs in your direction, plays with her hair, see if she clenches her hands or not, if she smiles a lot, asks you questions about yourself; these are signs of romantic interests; but most importantly, don't ask for a kiss, lean towards her slowly and see the response (when appropriate). 

[Schizophonia]

Continue to get to know her; This will take 1 or 2 additional dates at most, and then escalate explicitly by offering her "a restaurant" or something like that.
Push, and if you see that she's tacitly reluctant, block her and move on to another one.

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

 

It varies depending on the girl, between 2 – 7 dates in my experience. But don't stress too much about the timeline and focus on getting out of your head and building connection. The rest will follow.

2 is already the maximum, except in exceptional circumstances beyond this number you are friendzoned or at least a plan B.

[Schizophonia]

24 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Nice. Great advice.

To be the gay friend maybe.

[Princess Arabia]

12 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

2 is already the maximum, except in exceptional circumstances beyond this number you are friendzoned or at least a plan B.

Someone told you that and it's not the actual experience of the actual situation. People who have been friends before can certainly get together romantically later on. Infact, a lot of women have been in this situation. Guys are the ones that introduced that concept and has nothing to do with the relationship's outcome. 

[integration journey]

I’m just going to be chill, relaxed,not attached to outcome and building stronger connection.  I’m probably overthinking this. 

Edited April 29 by integration journey

[meta_male]

@Schizophonia I used to follow advice like that: pushing, counting dates, trying to stick to rules. I blocked girls who were genuinely interested but just taking their time.

It just created pressure and shallow connections. Things changed when I dropped the rules and actually relaxed into the moment. Actual experience is the best teacher.

@integration journey Yeah I get it, I used to overthink a lot too. That's what being in your head is like

Edited April 29 by meta_male

[meta_male]

4 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

To be the gay friend maybe.

🤣

[Yimpa]

You follow my journal, so I assume you have a grasp and what long term dating is like.

And if you don't read it, that's also good. Being in a commited relationship is serious business.

Hence why pickup and leave is the preferred option for an undeveloped mind.

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

You follow my journal, so I assume you have a grasp and what long term dating is like.

And if you don't read it, that's also good. Being in a commited relationship is serious business.

Hence why pickup and leave is the preferred option for an undeveloped mind.

Pickup is also hard.

[Yimpa]

11 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Pickup is also hard.

It's a grind.

[Jannes]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

It's a grind.

Yes, its a different kind of difficult.

[Tenebroso]

Be rude and selfish they love that.

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Tenebroso said:

Be rude and selfish they love that.

You should be happy then that you're not attracting the idiots. Go celebrate.

[Tenebroso]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

You should be happy then that you're not attracting the idiots. Go celebrate.

This is a backhanded compliment. Let me be cynical in peace.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Tenebroso said:

This is a backhanded compliment. Let me be cynical in peace.

Lol, ok. I'll give you that. Be cynically peaceful.

[aurum]

22 hours ago, integration journey said:

Like how do you avoid the friendzone? 

Short-term: work on setting the frame early, leading and physical initiation. Be more direct in your intentions. Tell her you find her attractive, tell her you want to date her. Talk about you and her. Avoid being platonic.

Long-term: develop yourself as a man. The more you develop yourself, the less you have to actively do. She will just naturally see you as an attractive guy, even if you are friends.