[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Husseinisdoingfine Your desperation shows how visceral your situation is. You should use that intuition to change your life, not end it. There are reasons, why it got this way, ever deeper layers of reasons you're unaware of. It wasn't meant to be, your conscious/subconscious, whatever part of you actively worked against it, you're being guided to something better. Your limiting beliefs prevent you from seeing the potential outside the bubble you're currently stuck in. If you persist and let yourself change, what you'll gain will be greater than the entire life you'd lead otherwise.

[Yali]

Don't do it. 

This decision is not only about yourself, but also about all the loved ones who have invested into your wellbeing.

You are young and have your entire life ahead of you. But I understand that when you're in the thick of it, these rational thoughts don't really hold value.

FYI, there are people who have reached the pinnacle of academia and they're suicidal.

Life is HARD no matter what, and this is just an obstacle you're going to have to overcome.

https://web.mit.edu/fnl/volume/271/king.html

Edited September 7, 2024 by Yali

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Just an update, I have not gotten rid of my rope. I have classes on the campus on Tuesday, so if I make the decision to end my life, it will probably end up on the UMBC Student News website. 

https://umbc.edu/news-home/

https://retriever.umbc.edu/

Edited September 8, 2024 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I'm really genuinely scared and perplexed about where does my life go from here, I thought Physics was going to be my Life Purpose, now Sociology?

I'm not dropping out of college because I and my family are too invested in me getting a degree. But I need to achieve success outside of academia, so concretely what do I do? Should I take classes of a softer major, but in the meantime I could invest in and work on another Life Purpose? Maybe I can teach myself programming and launch an online business, and escape wage slavery that way. 

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine Please destroy your rope right now.

Do not hesitate.

Trust that your life will get better after you change major/career.

Edited September 8, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Husseinisdoingfine]

In Sociology class, we were taught how people could be institutionalized. The example used was the Shawshank Redemption, at the end of the movie, one of the characters that was imprisoned for decades at the time, Brooks, hung himself because he was institutionalized at the prison.

I feel the same way. Even though I was struggling for as long as I could remember, doing mathematics problems because a teacher told me to do so is pretty much all that I know. If I would work on a Life Purpose that doesn't involve academia, I'm so used to being graded and tested, I don't know how I could start with such a Life Purpose. 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Another problem I'm facing is frustration.

I'm already four years into college. My first setback was being late to deciding my major, which would become Physics. My second setback is that my credit hours didn't transfer from the previous institution. Now I'm going to change majors again? A third setback? Is my degree going to take me eight years?

I'm so done with this stupid colleges. It has frustrated and disappointed. I study so hard for these math tests, only to get at best a C, usually F's back. I'm disappointed when the college I wanted to go to didn't accept me. 

I wanted to go to another University, but instead I go to this one. Now I'm frustrated.

I want to pass my examinations, I study for them but I can't remember the material I HAD JUST REVIEWED. This makes me frustrated.

I was hoping to graduate on time, now I'm already on my fourth year and switching majors. I want to be done already and I'm so frustrated.

What the actual FU*K!  I am so angry, and now I have to practically reset my progress by changing majors. I want to get a job and move out of my parents already. Though realistically that's not happening, as how valuable is a Sociology degree, this of course being the main driver behind my suicidality. 

My friends are already moving out and getting girlfriends/boyfriends. They're moving on with their lives. But me?

Frustration is the number one emotion I have so far, the most dominant emotion. I feel as if my life is ramming a square peg in a round hole.

[Davino]

Have you talked with a real life friend about your struggle?

Have you opened up with your parents?

Is there any university psychological support you could contact?

24 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

If I would work on a Life Purpose that doesn't involve academia, I'm so used to being graded and tested, I don't know how I could start with such a Life Purpose. 

Your value is not determined by a mark given from a rigged system.

The how doesn't matter, life is what matters, your life, YOU MATTER

AND NOBODY GONNA TELL YOU SHIT ABOUT YOUR REAL VALUE

IT DOES NOT MATTER THE LIMITS YOU WILL ENCOUNTER TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS

IT MATTERS THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR YOURSELF EVERYDAY, FOR YOUR DREAMS, FOR WHAT IS VALUABLE TO YOU AND ONLY TO YOU

Breathe

Edited September 8, 2024 by Davino

[gambler]

@Husseinisdoingfine Man, it might be worth liberating yourself from the idea of being a university graduate and get into a trade program and make stupid bank from it. If you really want a degree, I had an American friend who did an online university? program (for an accounting degree) that is only two years in length. She also went on to get a good paying job and does well for herself. I wish I knew more about this route so I can point you to it specifically, but find this option if you don't want it to be 8 years working towards a degree.

Edited September 8, 2024 by gambler

[gambler]

@Husseinisdoingfine did you talk to your mom about your problems? go talk to her and open up.

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I'm really genuinely scared and perplexed about where does my life go from here, I thought Physics was going to be my Life Purpose, now Sociology?

I'm not dropping out of college because I and my family are too invested in me getting a degree. But I need to achieve success outside of academia, so concretely what do I do? Should I take classes of a softer major, but in the meantime I could invest in and work on another Life Purpose? Maybe I can teach myself programming and launch an online business, and escape wage slavery that way. 

You need to stop catastrophizing. Your life isn’t over just because you won’t be a physicist. Just be a sociologist and do something on the side if you need to or switch to something else after you finish your degree later on. None of that is a reason to hang your self.

Edited September 8, 2024 by Raze

[Harsh Bagdia]

57 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Another problem I'm facing is frustration.

I'm already four years into college. My first setback was being late to deciding my major, which would become Physics. My second setback is that my credit hours didn't transfer from the previous institution. Now I'm going to change majors again? A third setback? Is my degree going to take me eight years?

I'm so done with this stupid colleges. It has frustrated and disappointed. I study so hard for these math tests, only to get at best a C, usually F's back. I'm disappointed when the college I wanted to go to didn't accept me. 

I wanted to go to another University, but instead I go to this one. Now I'm frustrated.

I want to pass my examinations, I study for them but I can't remember the material I HAD JUST REVIEWED. This makes me frustrated.

I was hoping to graduate on time, now I'm already on my fourth year and switching majors. I want to be done already and I'm so frustrated.

What the actual FU*K!  I am so angry, and now I have to practically reset my progress by changing majors. I want to get a job and move out of my parents already. Though realistically that's not happening, as how valuable is a Sociology degree, this of course being the main driver behind my suicidality. 

My friends are already moving out and getting girlfriends/boyfriends. They're moving on with their lives. But me?

Frustration is the number one emotion I have so far, the most dominant emotion. I feel as if my life is ramming a square peg in a round hole.

First of all,

wow dude, hats off to your ability to express your emotions so clearly 👏🏻..I can literally FEEL your frustration radiating through my screen. 

Secondly, 

I was kinda in a similar situation as you, so I can relate to you better than most here. (I also wasn't able to get into a college I so badly desired 😞)

The feeling of being so far behind in your development compared to where you imagined yourself to be is one of the worst. 

But hey do you want to know a deep truth about you? You may already be knowing this, consider this as a reminder. 

You have extraordinarily high standards for yourself 🤩  (which is super-amazing btw, but tricky and needs to be channelized properly)

Which is why you took time to decide your majors, which is why you are changing your majors again, which is why you considering suicide..because perhaps it's too late to become what kind of person you wanted to be. (its actually not but we will come to it later)

Before you decide what next thing you want to do - may it be talking to your family member, discussing your problem on forum, analysing your career options again, do anything harmful in your powerful super-frustrated state etc etc

Are you interested in knowing my story in brief of how I went from -

• Being a 4-times college drop-out
• a family disappointment
• hardcore smoking addict
• feeling psychotic af..(to a point where I thought I will have to spend my life in a mental hospital),
• being used by my ex
• teased by friends
• feeling like a loser etc 

To

• Starting my freelance copywriting/marketing business (expecting $5k/per month by December end and $25k/per month in 3 years time)
• simultaneously working on 2 other big business ideas (vision book ™️ creation service (demo ready and testing now ) plus an absolutely radical addiction recovery app)
• Exploring song-writing and composing (made around 10 already with each having atleast 4 different versions (psstt..i am using Claude ;))
• family's favourite (without being too much successful in my career yet)
• Still living with my family & cherishing every moment (they know I am moving out soon and we are in this bitter-sweet phase of deep authentic connection🥹)
• Feeling the healthiest, free from all addictions, most sane I have ever been, living my life purpose to its fullest. 
• Healed toxic dynamics with ex, now we have love for each other, but due to different preferences we have moved on
• Friends holding me in high regards and started to make high-conscious & rich friends
• Feeling like a god walking among gods, etc

 

No I am not trying to sell you anything lol 😂 😂 😂 

Nor I am trying to prevent you from doing stupid (I fear uttering that word)

I am only interested in recognising your inherent talent, sharing it with you and motivating you to pursue it through my example. 

I will keep it super-brief - 400-500 words maybe. In the end, I will also share a career path that I think will be ridiculously awesome for you. 

If you don't reply anything along the lines of 'No, not interested' in 15-20 mins, then I will share it. 

Thanks for reading

 

 

 

 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

How to cope with the fact that my less profitable degree is going to take more than four years as I’ve effectively reset my progress.

[Leo Gura]

@Husseinisdoingfine Why do you need a degree?

It seems like you are just doing this because society excepts it of you.

[Majed]

@Leo Gura i want to pursue my passion but my parents pressure me to go to college to make money. they don't see a way outside of college to earn a decent living. how can i convince them that making money with my passion is possible? 

[gambler]

22 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

How to cope with the fact that my less profitable degree is going to take more than four years as I’ve effectively reset my progress.

It took me 8 years to finish my university degree due to my own problems. When I went to university, in my own country, only 38% of university enrollments were men. And it's been the same every year since. So you are actually like the rest of us, you're not a lone wolf friend.

Anyways, you can take a full semester during the summer too. Keep doing that and you can reduce it to 3 years.

Edited September 8, 2024 by gambler

[Husseinisdoingfine]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Husseinisdoingfine Why do you need a degree?

It seems like you are just doing this because society excepts it of you.

What am I supposed to tell my parents? What am I going to do for work and for living? I’m still living with them (parents). Am I going to work a minimum wage job, move out to some crappy apartment, and work on my life purpose in my spare time?

Im really in college because I don’t want to let my parents down and we’re already so invested in this.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

@Harsh Bagdia I would be happy to hear your perspective.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I’m as well incredibly motivated by envy. How is it that the other students are able to pass Calculus I and are able to graduate on time? I pursued Physics to sort of prove that I was smart.

[Harsh Bagdia]

@Husseinisdoingfine Thanks for being curious and letting me share this..

So where do I begin..

Let's start from the start, 

Rewinding back 7 years, 

IIT obsession - 

- finishing my sophomore year, I was preparing for IITs - top engineering colleges in India that are like ridiculously hard to get into 
- out of 12 lakh kids who appeared with me, around 2 lakh gets to qualify for the IIT-exam out of which only 10,000 get the seats. It's less than 0.01 percent
- i dont remember exactly but my rank was around 25k something. I was heartbroken as I studied pretty hard for it. 
- my obsession with IIT was so much that I used to study for retaking that exam, even while being in local college. (which was not bad at all)
- after a point i dropped out of college as it was getting difficult to juggle both the things. 
- the second time my rank was good around 7k something but still i needed 4k for my dream college and stream. so i chose another top college. 

Feeling lost and falling into addiction trap - 

- I was so tired and bored with studies during my earlier phase that i had no motivation left to do good in college
- my social circle was the worst who only knew partying, drinking, smoking
- don't even ask my grades, I barely passed and that too through unauthorized assistance lol
- honestly I felt stupid, had no sense of direction, no healthy social life
- however two good things happened that prevented me from becoming a total disaster
- I pursued certification course in acturial science, only because my elder brother suggested it. While I didn't complete it, it triggered my love of learning/problem-solving again. I used to love maths as a kid. Always scoring full scores. Engaging with it again gave me immense pleasure
- Second amazing thing that happened was that I tried acid. A friend of friend got it from somewhere.
- The setting was not good, nor safe and I don't recommend anyone trying it without experts opinion and considering legal norms. 
- However one thing it did greatly was putting me out of my negative, limited mindset for a while and showed me 'life'
- This sheer intensity of life overwhelmed me. To a degree that I knew I needed to change my course and make a fresh start. 

Continuing in the next post 

Edited September 9, 2024 by Harsh Bagdia