Majed

dealing with homophobic parents

11 posts in this topic

why my homophobic parents can not understand my sexual orientation (pansexual), my gender identity (non binary), and that gender is a social construct ?

the way i explained to them the fact that i'm attracted to men is like this: gender doesn't exist, it's a social construct and so it doesn't make sense to say that men are attracted to women since men and women are made up categories that do not exist in nature. 

but they don't understand.

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Don’t be too concerned what they think or trying to make them understand. You make your own family with people who accept you for you. Just smile at them. 

 

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Posted (edited)

I feel this explanation is like ten steps above their head, but also is a too utopic explanation since physical, hormonal, brain's structural differences are exist and determine too the sexual tendency, along with childhood events and environment.

I would start by telling them that 10% (and many, including me personally think - much more than that) are attracted only/also to the same sex. Show them researches from recent years etc.

And above all, understand their place, their worries and be compassionate with the fact they are human beings need to go a long journey before their thinking can be changed drastically, just as every human being with every other issue.

Edited by Nivsch

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Do not discuss this with your parents since they do not know what you are talking about and even you do not know the full extend to what all those means.

Do not jump to conclusions. You are also learning like your parents. Do not argue with them and just live your life without causing much issues.

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Posted (edited)

Case in point of why such issues cannot simply be left in the hands of parents.

@Majed Look, if you're not in the mainstream on things then you gotta own your uniqueness and not expect people to understand you. That's just part of being different and quirky.

You don't need anyone's validation of your identity.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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Posted (edited)

9 hours ago, Majed said:

way i explained to them the fact that i'm attracted to men is like this: gender doesn't exist, it's a social construct and so it doesn't make sense to say that men are attracted to women since men and women are made up categories that do not exist in nature. 

Judging by your name, you might live in Middle East or south East Asia, India ? Or northern Africa? Potentially a conservative Muslim or Hindu country? I might be wrong but if so, your parents are likely to be terrified by liberal ideologies, even something as benign as homosexuality. Taking it further and discussing gender neutrality might sound to them like their son needs to be taken into psychiatric ward. 

The fact that you think this is a normal discussion to have with Gen X or Boomer parents shows how little empathy you have for your parents. 

I would be careful with whome you discuss these topics, if you do indeed live in a very conservative society as you could significantly downgrade the public standing of your family, which is not a small thing . Don't assume people accept it just because you do. With such "radical" ideas, you might actually need to move to a more liberal continent like Europe (north or west), Australia or US to be able to live up to your values. 

Edited by Michael569

“If you find yourself acting to impress others, or avoiding action out of fear of what they might think, you have left the path.” ― Epictetus

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Posted (edited)

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Look, if you're not in the mainstream on things then you gotta own your uniqueness and not expect people to understand you. That's just part of being different and quirky.

Lately, I've been pondering over that reality.

Isn't it heartbreaking to realize that your genius will not be recognised? I've been reflecting on Cantor's life and the lives of countless artists whose work remained unrecognized even centuries later. I aspire to pursue my work for its intrinsic value, but I find it challenging to come to terms with the possibility of facing a similar fate.

 

Edited by Davino

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There is this body, you should know the requirements of your body. This is first duty. We have obligations towards others, loved ones, family, society, etc. Without material wealth we cannot do these things, for that a professional duty.

There is Mind; mind is tricky. Its higher nature should be nurtured, then Mind becomes mature and Conscious. When all Duties are continuously fulfilled, then life becomes steady. In this steady life God is available; via 5-MeO-DMT, ...                       Lovingly discipline Life & Realize Absolute Infinity

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19 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

The fact that you think this is a normal discussion to have with Gen X or Boomer parents shows how little empathy you have for your parents. 

This point is often woefully missed even though they preach sensitivity and understanding themselves.

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Posted (edited)

9 minutes ago, Davino said:

Isn't it heartbreaking to realize that your genius will not be recognised?

The solution is really simple: God just has to recognize and bask in his own genius.

You have to learn to just bask in reality without needing to share it with everyone. Sharing has become so abused in our age. The best things in life are too profound to share. You just gotta appreciate them for yourself and that's the end of it. Stop looking for some external validation of beauty -- that is the game of fools.

You experience a great thing and you appreciate it quietly to yourself. That's it. It ends there. No pomp, no talk. Make that your spiritual practice.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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Developing the skills to appreciate stuff for yourself is a great spiritual practice, but I just wanted to add that the desire to share what you find awesome is deeply wired into the human psyche and is very natural and human, so embrace that as well and don't accidentally demonize it


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You are Dog. - Geo Lura.

 

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@Majed

Anchor yourself in understanding, which, in my opinion, is the greatest thing (and I'm not saying to stay silent about this with your parents), and everything will fall into place.

If you need external validation, look for people, places, or something that encourages your existence until you can generate it for yourself.

People just don't care about understanding, or if they say they do, they are most likely BS-ing.

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