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Sounds like you are refering that Alien Intelligence as something Other. Anyway, you just re-named God as Alien Intelligence.

You are imagining a life of an alien living on some distant planet. Like, literally right now. You are simply just not conscious enough to understand. It is possible, though. Contemplate this.

Understanding is sononym of raising your consciousness. the walls are not such, they are simply your reach with a certain level of consciousness. people tend to believe that there is an ego mode vs an enlightened mode, and it is not like that, there is a gradual rise in your level of consciousness or understanding of reality. it is normal to reach a level where you feel bliss and silence and think: well, this is it, I have arrived. this is narrow minded imo. understanding is pure beauty, when you realize it's possible, you want more. I don't know about alien that Leo talk about, but he is completely right when he puts understanding above all else.

It's not alien consciousness. Stones don't experience anything at all. That's what I was thinking too.

@Thought Art I agree with this perspective, because there's an order of operations, hierarchy and sequence of events that sometimes need to be acknowledged at least, and sometimes maintained. I also see this issue with capitalism versus communism and socialism, to me it's important that a country has at least implemented capitalistic economies first, secure good regulated markets and a trade system of imports and exports, before we implement socio economics modals. We can't just skip capitalism completely and the means of production and business and commerce and expect that we end up having a flourishing altruistic socialism based country, you need securities beforehand for not just selfishness from other foreign countries but also selfishness in different parts of the system. Similar with the transgender issue, a person must master being feminine and masculine, good mix of qualities from both, grounded, before going full trans, at the very least to think carefully before going the full transformation. Of course, many assumptions being made here, and I'm oversimplifying the complicated processes of the person and other psychological issues, which is why we need that report of the ratio of transgender ideology versus innate gender dysphoria. Maybe our future going forward in humanity, is radical transhumanism, maybe we evolve to be hermaphrodites via gene modifications and cybernetics and alien DNA splicing? Who knows.

I’ll take Alien Consciousness over human consciousness any day. But maybe I’m biased (:

I didn’t need mushrooms or 5-MeO. Good for you!! I am not assuming that I don't know what Alien Consciousness is. I know that I don't know what it is. The only knowledge I have is what Leo mentioned in his post and his poetic description. And on that basis I am comparing my psychedelic experiences with his. Dude Ta-Da doesn't work just anywhere.

I didn’t need mushrooms or 5-MeO. But you do what you gotta do! Also notice how you are comparing your psychedelic experiences with Alien Consciousness, even though you assume that you don’t know what Alien Consciousness is. Ta-Da!

But I am in a rush! Listening to you and all others' experiences. Does anyone has experience with high dose mushroom trips? How is it compared to 5 Meo? I did shrooms once and acid few times and it was always mind-blowing and great. But nothing like Alien Consciousness.

Thankyou ?? This is inspiring! I am willing to. What is Alien Consciousness? Are you talking about the same thing that Leo made the post about? That was some real crazy stuff. And that poetic description he shared - what the fuck? Just reading it was very awakening.

You literally… literally have to drop all your human ideas. I’m not kidding. Alien Consciousness.

Compared to Alien Consciousness, Absolutely.

If the Absolute is Absolute, then it is not only beyond witness and witnessed. It’s also the witness and the witnessed. Paradoxically, there are higher states of consciousness in which your identity transcends human consciousness. You no longer merely experience. There is both story and no story simultaneously, beyond time. You are EVERYTHING. Perhaps this is what Leo means by Alien Consciousness, but who tf knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt.

Wrong. Alien consciousness is everything.

Of course it’s hard to talk about. The only way to truly understand Alien Consciousness is to BE Alien Consciousness. It’s like trying to explain algebra to a 5 year old More intimate than any human connection you’ve ever had in your lifetime.

It's a way of life for me .. don't you get it? I die on hills not of my own as a way of life. What do you call that if not transcognition? And don't give me a stupid answer. "I call that being stubborn" or some shit. Seriously, I'm trying to find a word for it because it's a way of reverse engineering perspectives that I do as a way of life. With all due respect, I'm not trying to jock you around. This is how I play the learning game, and I get banned from communities that can be intolerant to it. So I appreciate you taking the time to actually have the discussion with me. I really do... Thank you and I mean no disrespect. It just comes across that way a lot of times and it has caused me many scars , and I'm trying to understand what that is that I'm doing , that seems to be so alien among 99.9% of people I meet. I'm just an impudently humble student.

I mean to think that there are others. You vs others, not to became a different you. You could became an alien but it's still you

I’ve had experiences lately of this not being an issue at all. Perhaps Alien in nature.

Briefly journaling before meditating, I went to the expose yesterday I did not enjoy the heavy status orientation. Currently i find it tricky, as I feel I am in this exploit, these status checks and beign seen as stupid and this mastery thing, I could let go of so much stuff I generated a new plan. That still fits massively into the old one, and I will just apply and see what I get after I graduated now. I also have to see how to network and make money and business contacts, my chinese friend was quiet good, yet at times from the outside it feels like he is treated as a ressource, as he goes to high-stakeholders who do not respect him fundamentally, he does not see that as well, he really is odd. What I can say, also here is mostly that just networking and creating does me way better to not loose track and I gain a lot of confidence, getting a lot of feedback I get very lost, when I don't have a lengthy and extensive discussions I don't see mistakes that easily, yet I overfocus on error... It's not easy to describe. Generally I am looking where to upgrade and optimize, and continue. See where I can min/max and read more about how f*edly orange most of the dating is again, I have 3 dates and or even 4 I don't know. This time it works out better, and I have to read these books from experience, they are even better than most of the infield videos, besides if you exactly go for these horny nutty women and also the toxicity of women and the denial of their devilry in a sense of the evolutionary characterstics higher order and developed women generally function a lot more holistically, so they give more feedback on the lower stages properly. The point is they all want a deep masculine big man, who can f them, that is what my essence checks, and of course stabillity financially. I notice when I learned game, it's not about having the women, it's keeping other men at bay. That was the oddest inisght I had, as well as how tricky some stuff is to navigate. I basically will do some minor projects and continue studying. I did not properly upgrade to the liberterian mindset, and I did not integrate enough lessons from the good side of capitalism .... like my marketing professor clearly demonstrated and showed me .... he had the same issue as a "beign raised" in the marxist society, and the guilt sort of of not beign top level elite, yet having tried and underwent the process. The point is he wished he would not have fked his health that much I bet. I notice I can have some small leverage and cheaty ways to get status, for example I could buy an alcholc free beverage and it makes others more prone into believing etc. Subtle small things like this. I am not that great at communicating the value I could offer at times. As well as concentratively working on this stuff. They all also teach still visioning and envisioning mostly from all the success books. I gave up visualizing often, as expansion and contraction flow seems to work better and does not kill me as much.... I wish I could visualize and have the somewhat gurantee, yet there is still so much fear. This is just better to work energetically and take more practical planned endeavours, I still focus on generally thinking and re-framing mostly into the positive, INTP's are pretty insane creatures all I can say, very alien everytime I meet them and see them inaction. Let's see how well this will go.....what I am currently learning and reflecting on, I still don't approach others and I don't do well with the guys who are to conservative when it comes to women, yet they steadily talk about it. The point is the merit and solving problems point, is something I have to nudge myself into with more physical strength and not only mental I can learn a lot of things better I find. I also feel I would do better in America, as they projected America on me, yet I never acted it out, yet the Americans react to it, it's very very odd!!! They humanely also frame energy onto me very often, working with expansion and contraction flow is very good I could be closer to visionaries, and get some practice and bouts of it in from time to time. I also am consuming some borderline pick-up stuff, that I don't enjoy, yet it's pretty good content and the success thing I can visualize more.... focusing on efficiency.... I could plan do and still trip etc. ---- I notice the stupidity of conservatives, when you are open-minded it's very obvious and it somehow has to stem from a level of self-conviction beyond my current belief. I see and notice many things, it's insane I feel like we have one of the first normal cases, where a.i can make the world beautifucl for a severly handicaped person, which benefits the joy of community by sheerly existing. I saw one more severly handicaped person, it's insane. I'll take this stuff now a bit more seriously, especially the health ideas that are relavtively cheap. As well as study and learn a lot! This is fundamental to everything.... and simply apply find out the information and work my way up in that sense, what I miss is fundamentally this beign a linchpin I only had this once in my life. This is what I find very difficult at times, I might be overrating and undervaluing myself very often, which is a very tricky endeavour. Currently dating and the emotional damage I have unearthed and detected is the the biggest and most curious thing. Also with some office politics etc. I do have to read about power, it's heavy how far even the most conscious people go to co-opt their status and I generally can let go of it, yet I notice how some other stuff with reputation just hurts. I mostly then focused on becoming simply better for myself and focus on the image I am generating and not they/them. This is still a good policy. As I have no control over this. Beign human is a weird experiene all I can say, I wish I would be a biologist . This is it as a reflection today. The point is by following results maker and these videos I noticed how much they sacrfice, and this is one thing I tried my best in and failed at times. To not get bullshitted, still make contacts and work with the best stuff, and see the sincerity in others. I do have to apply more and work on confidence, in some way and or another even more and be even more narccisitc. Just practice a lot the point is my "played narccism" etc. Scores me girls I fundamentally now feel I would simply use for sex, so she deleted me stage purple type of dates are very bad. Very very bad. Last piece of info.... it's insane how low the information is beign consumed for some etc. etc. etc. All I can say for now is I choose the right niche, the salary is pretty I am just now at a very odd point of technical integration. I notice how much some the gut feeling of myself is saboatging things and it's mostly about health etc. It's interesting to learn from conservatives, yet they are exploting like hell at times, and currently the liberterian side of "dating with so much orange" I can ironically have a healthy relationship with them, even energy wise. The biggest issue is getting started and not totally letting my health destroyed by having to fit in etc. I do have to see and apply for a lot of things.... I just don't know what works even the best of planning will not save me in any way, it might even obstruct the process.... Unsure what to currently say here. Besides that I have to integrate some status conscious shadow again with lower class and health and see how to work around this, and also build confidence. The point is getting the same remarks over and over in a social setting and not responding playfully with it to be more confident. Re-direct the intent, and play with this boosting my EQ sort of. I will let go of that more. It's ironic why I also choose exactly red haired and blue eyed people at times on this love map thingy, it's insane as one guy was a real asshole when I befriended him and I generally get better vibes here. The point is now moving more into the body and beign confident, the injury caused some insecurties and unique challenges etc. I can now get more insight etc.... I'll post the meditation result, I also check Owen Cook at times I notice he is a fan of Leo 100%. It's odd, yet the point is I have to integrate a liberterian way of things not conservative, that is the tricky part and unique... I've meet to many conservatives.

5:39 - holy moly. sounds like Alien Consciousness

The problem is not how people identify. The problem is exposing sexually immature people to sex. This by definition is minor abuse. What would you do if you knew I was showing porn to a 4-year-old? Certain themes demand mental and physical maturity to be properly developed. That's why we rate content. I'm no moralist. You can get into a 10-day alien orgy, and I would blink an eye at that information. I just don't think this helps people develop themselves properly. Understanding how concrete things work is the main purpose of childhood. Developing spatial notions, basic social notions, and physiological notions. Self-identity, and personality, demand maturity to be properly defined.

What if you stop taking into consideration what Leo says? What if you just do your stuff and see for yourself with zero concern for Leo or any other teacher? There's a subtle balance between being close minded and too arrogant, and being too dependent on others. I'm not talking down on you, when I say you I mean me too. I'm getting kind of sick of listening to anybody about spirituality because all I know is what I experience for myself. If Leo says you can become an alien mouse and experience unimaginable states of consciousness beyond anything anyone has ever talked about, all I can say is: okay. I don't dismiss you. But I can't just believe you. Because all I really know is my experience. You know when someone explains something ordinary to you but you only truly understand when you try it yourself and have the experience? How could Awakening be different? This is what Leo is teaching us more recently with his aggressive tone. STOP BELIEVING OTHERS, SEE FOR YOURSELF!!! Fuck, it's so obvious... But it's so easy to fall for it.

I mean you describe all these realms and awakenings but won't discuss sourcing. That's like saying..just go through that door over there and be God realized and learn about alien consciousness, but I have the key to the door and I'm not letting you use mine and I'm not letting you know how to get the key. So...gee thanks?

Yes. I thought for a long time that the Absolute is maybe somehow "behind" space, or being bigger than the Visual Field (that was already at least sometimes nondual at that point in time). Or that it encompasses the visual field. At some points, it dawns on oneself that all of these "probings", attempts, investigations.... are just more arisings happening within you. And the space is imagined IN YOU. If you try to looke for this line, drawing this line, imagining this line, you imagine it WITHIN the space you imagine. It all appears or is being imagined. You will never find the Absolute in any object, any arising, any location. Any self, any appearance, any anything. But this process of "emptying out" everything, to fully BECOME it, to see each an any arising (thought, appearance, understanding, whatever,n+1) as arising in YOU, you have to become fully empty. Nothingness. But yet, that process has to be walked earnestly to the final end, and can not be shortcut. Also because the Absolute is also infinite, IN-FINITE. Nothing you can measure, find, define. Nothing finite. No arising/appearance, however subtle. Even formless arisings (thoughts, formless subtle level lightshow, whatever), are not it. Because IT is timeless. Always there. Formless arisings also come and go. Nice book on that topic: Szyper, Infinite Consciousness. And then, when You are fully empty, you can be fully everyting, nondual. A more concise formulation, and much more beautiful than my ramblings above: “We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.” ― Kalu Rinpoche Perfect. If the thinking can solve all open existential questions, you can rest in the Suchness that you are. Nonmeditation-Yoga. You cut off all separate self arisings in real time (since you are proficient enough in that "cutting off" immediately when these "thought-capsules" arise out of consciousness. They havent even been elaborated out, that comes later. Funny thing is, at some point you notice they emerge with the full content of the thought already "in there", and that gets elaborated later and more slowly. The Skill of Reckognition in Daniel Browns "Pointing Out the Great Way". Getting that high-speed cut-off in place triggered for me the step from just cutting thoughts/separate self arisings, aka emptying the mindstream while the "external" world is still solid & out there, to the visual field getting nondual, centerless, luminous mere appearance. So that transforms the Visual Field slowly to mere groundless appearances. You feeling localized ends, the localization dissolves. My theory for that (but I have no proof), is that the Endohuasca-System of the body gets activiated. To cut off efficiently all "Great Doubts/Questions", as I termed them for myself, like the questions above on the nature of space/time/separate self, you need to understand the answer and "how it works". Or you push through with Koan-Meditation concentration-style. That also works, but I feel very sure that this would have taken me 5-10 times longer, and would have been much much (!) more unpleasant. How to "finish" time Mahamudra/Pointing Out the Great Way Style, and end up at the so called "Always Here Mind", the eternal or rather timeless Infinite Consciousness, thats another topic. If you are interested let me know. That is described for example in the Yoga of Unelaboration Chapter of Pointing Out the Great Way. Assumption/Theory: Meditation-induced and body-produced Endohuasca (DMT, 5-MeO, ....): What I assume is that a certain level of proficiency of cutting/transcending of the "harder/deeper" searate self arisings, and the "hard/deeper" existential questions (like space/time/....), or transcending and letting them just play out, but being aware of them as objects, being able to cut them anytime, see their arisings out of consciousness, their flow with in, and their disappearance, triggers probably some kind of Endohuasca-System, your body producing similiar chemicals (DMT,5-MeO, MAO-Inhibitors....) that you can also trip with when supplying them externally. To trigger that means staying in full mindfulness for a long time, having taken the meditation off the pillow and not getting distracted. The effects are very similiar to Psychedelics (nonduality, luminous mere appearance, groundlessness of all appearance, Infinity, timelessness, even shutting off the separate self/Ego (although not completely mostly. Some quite subtle feeling/filters/lenses of perceptions of Individuality (sth watching sth.) often remain): https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ and that gives you the multiple hundreds/maybe thousands of hours that one needs in the "nondual timless infinite mere appearance visual field state" to get aware of every last subtle separate self arising. But that can be done in everyday life, at least while not being distracted too much. Of course, getting previews by psychedelics to confirm that there is something to be reached, to get to know the Nondual Infinite Field of mere appearance, maybe even visiting the causal Whiteout-Godhead of Infinite Potential: Awesome. But probably will not suffice in most cases to get one "on the other side". Then, finally, at the very end, the separate self is just a very very subtle feeling of individuality. Body, Location, Duality, time, all have gone a long time ago. Its just an Infinity of groundless mere appearance visual field showing up, limitless, already nondual(!) and luminous/mere appearing. And "a" nothing that is only aware of that. Like nearly nothing at all. Very very subtle and murky. Roger Thisdells No-Self, stage 4. And then you are ready for the Big Bang, that then can happen all by itself. Sudden Awakening. One can not force it. Crossing over happens by itself, resting long enough in that state, and letting it ripen. If one wants to do that only by tripping... well, I never read from or about one case where Full Enlightenment/Realization actually worked. But maybe there are cases. It takes too much time to get rid of the last subtle veils of the separate self, and by tripping you can also be distracted by the show/understanding/whatever. It always reads like some separate-self elements still well and alive and not transcended, no fully empty "No-Self" having looked totally in to the Abyss of Nothingness,but having had the hell of an infinite nondual mere appearance experience of a (for sure) very interesting visual field bubble or God or Alien or I don't know what. Plenty of stuff in the Multiverse to explore and understand, especially considering that it goes upwards the Holon-Pyramid forever (Planet-Monad creating/maintaining all perspectives on it, Galaxy-Monad, Universe-Monad, Multiverse-Monad, n+1). And plenty of stuff of the properties of God to project on the remains of the separate self... You are very welcome. I believe there are two elements installed in the universe, in order to not give Maya every advantage (she already has enough): 1.The radiating bliss/love of the Realized Being. 2. Any separate self teaching "down from up high" with any "superiority-raditation", marveling at its own ingeniuty/superiority is normally just keeping the illusion going, because: If you are all, how can you be superior to anything? Compassion and humility, and helping "others" look around the next corner of their own path, is indicated. Not sustaining the illusion with "I see the Matrix", and its "Saul Goodman". Sorry And luckily, that attitude isn't very sexy for the fellow seekers, see point 2. above. On the other side, how are realized Dzogchen-Realizers depicted in Tibetan Buddhism: Radiating great humor. Why? Nothing "other" holy anywhere.... at least nothing where making jokes is forbidden. But not a condencending/superiority humor that has fallen in love with itself. Because what is there that a "you" could be "superior" to? Superior to another aspect of Your Own Being? Easy way to cut reality in two or create duality, so a rather not so smart idea.... To tell the difference between these two kinds of humors, the hard-wirings of humans are usually quite well calibrated. Selling Water by the River

Alright… today was pretty productive. I got the studio organized for my pops… He definitely is not going to work with the water company… lol… I guess he was talking with them two years ago. The ten year thing was the first leak and he got it fixed, but it started leaking again and he turned the main off and the water company was upset with him for doing that. They wanted him to leave it and they would turn it off. Because my dad turned it off they charged him a penalty so… he’s not ready to work with them still. I told him it be a whole lot easier to having running water… lol… but he’s making that call. Got a good start on the kitchen too. I feel like I don’t have a chance to share ceremony with my pops right now, so I can help him purge in other ways to set him up for success or at least comfort… at least an easier opportunity for him. I think he sees the benefits of having space and having things organized. It won’t take too long to get things setup nicely for him. I’m so appreciative of who he’s been for me and how he’s taught me… we’ve got a lot more experiences yet and I’m excited. I’m so grateful to have him as my pops. So yesterday I was messaging the guy who might be sharing ceremony with me. We were thanking each other for the great conversation. While I was at it I asked permission to discuss what we talked about and he said I’m more than welcome to. He was curious at which parts and I listed some but I told him about my Journal… sometimes I just like to just go with it so I might talk about more then what I listed… and he was fine with it. So again… it’s nice to process conversations and situations. We attracted each other to have a conversation so we’re helping each other learn something. So he likes to ask questions and get my opinion on it. He said he was talking to some guys who have similar situations during trips and wanted my thoughts about it. He said they’ve all shared having a feminine entity who comes into their experience and they seem to be the calming and nurturing mother type. With his particular experience he was nervous and this female comes out of a yellow grid pattern and was telling him to relax… there’s nothing to worry about. He said he calmed down but seemed to be lying down and he could see her next to him but then he saw three alien-like figures approach and he said they were upgrading his mind. He said he wasn’t anxious because he trusted her which led to trusting the three figures. He wanted to know if I had alien experiences similar to that. I said I have not directly encountered an alien before, but this universe is full of possibilities so I’m open to it. I know others that have experienced them and I also have a lot of males who mention a feminine figure in ceremonies. I asked him a question… where are you right now… do you think you are able to calm and upgrade yourself? Or are you at a point that looks for someone else to do this for you? He admitted that he looks for someone else. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but most of my ceremonies I feel like it’s myself who is helping me. But I do seem to give acknowledgement to infinite intelligence but that’s not necessarily a figure. So yeah most people assume shamans has spirits that appear to them. I do not have this happen to me. But what I was asking him… I wonder if he or other males don’t see themselves having a nurturing or motherly qualities in themselves. It may be easier to visualize a feminine who fulfills this for them instead of seeing themselves in this role. But he’s a father of three children with his youngest at age 16. He’s’ told me a few stories and I know he has these qualities but maybe because of how we were raised it’s hard to embrace having feminine qualities since he’s male. I obviously don’t know, but I wanted to give him a different perspective. I didn’t mention this in our conversation, but I remember in my second Aya ceremony… in ceremony I thought I was being possessed by either Gaia, Mother Earth or Madre Aya. At that moment I couldn’t imagine that I had the powerful qualities that I was experiencing. Again I was hearing the shamans and I was able to feel how and where to send my energies… a few times I even had an idea of what the guests were working on. There was one female and one male at different times was having issues with their physical appearance. I remember sending my support to them… lol… I was telling them they are so beautiful… inside and out.. but it doesn’t matter what we say… they’ve got to find that for themselves. But I was singing Icaros for the first time… I just was experiencing things that I never had before… so I assumed that I might be possessed. But after several ceremonies… I continue to have these qualities… I understood that I just was getting glimpses of talents or gifts that I didn’t know existed but they were awakened to me in ceremony and I was able to recontextualize that I wasn’t possessed… that was me. That’s my authentic self… I want to help, support, and send my love and energy to help assist in any way to support guests and whatever they are going through. It’s similar… I didn’t have a figure of a woman showing me.. it was me doing it and that’s why I assumed possession… lol. I guess I still feel comfortable saying infinite intelligence as it’s something other than me… but I still know I’m a part of this intelligence… so I’m not sure our relationship at this moment. But I also feel like infinite intelligence is very personal to me in ceremony so I also see it as my higher self. When I’m in ceremony… it’s as if it’s me helping myself and it’s just working at higher degrees than my current state. I mentioned the dream where I thought maybe I met my first spirit guide, but again the qualities and features I noticed… again my result was that was still myself. I’m not sure why we receive our own messages in different ways. I said maybe when it comes to his aliens helping him upgrade… again he might not have considered how extremely intelligent and unusual and beyond human he is and what he’s capable of doing… that it’s easier to give credit to something he assumes has those qualities such as aliens…. I don’t know but it is interesting. I know as I’m engaging in this Forum I’ve noticed that my communication wants to change to me inclusive instead of exclusive. I realized when I was giving advise… that I was giving myself the same advise but in a deeper level. Right we don’t actually ultimately know something… it continues to deepen in that knowing. So if there are aliens… I want to be able to have us be at a point where we’re inclusive. If they exist.. than they’ve already been in our universal existence. They already have been involved with how we have already been living… even though they might now be seen all the time. Right all the fish deep in the seas are still in our existence and is helping create this reality even though we don’t see them regularly. Same as bacteria and microorganisms. We are already part of this existence. Lol… hell I’ve had guests tell me that I’m an alien… so I might find out that I’m already an alien.. and the things I’ve been learning could be called alien-like… so who knows… but it’s very interesting. He also asked me a question about my thoughts on star children, start people or indigos. I told him I’ve heard of these labels, but what is his understanding. He usually laughs a bit because I have him clarify or define the words he uses… he says it looks like you know what I’m saying but you want to hear more before you answer. I will continue to tell him… my definition can vary from yours… so I want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing or something similar at least. He was struggling a little on how to describe it, but what he got to was that there are people who aren’t from Earth that is helping people awaken. He also mentioned that many start people usually has some type of educational deficiency when they were younger… maybe to put them on a hard road to overcome to be able to help others. He said that school couldn’t keep his attention, but when he moved to another school and he didn’t know anyone… he was making straight A’s… but when he started socializing it went back to not having any attention for school. Again I told him I don’t really have much direct experience with this. I have met people who say they are star people and I’m respectful to their identities. I mentioned I have had one vision… well honestly there’s been more then one… maybe a handful of times where I’ve seen figures that seemed to be shaped as human but their skin is full of galaxies and stars. I chuckled because the last time I had a vision of a star person they noticed that I saw them and then hid from me… lol… For a few days I was getting images of faces from people from different races, genders, ages… and I didn’t know what it meant. This would be the moments where I’m lying down to sleep and as I’m looking at the back of my eyelids… sometimes I get images or visions… sometimes its words or sometimes like a download as a sentence or two… plus it’s when I take the time to notice as well. One of the images there was an older lady with a short bob and straight silver hair… she had an unusual arm movement that I could remember that action. After thinking about it.. it seemed like she was pointing to me as if she recognized me… and I was thinking maybe there’s some action that I do that gets her to recognize me.. which makes her do this action and point to me. When I saw this star person I saw the figure walking in a row of a field like soybean or something… some low cut plants, but I saw a barn in the background. It seems like I was just hovering and observing them and then they looked up at me and noticed me looking…. And all of a sudden it drops to the ground and hides in the plants… lol… I got a download to find the teachers, even if they’re hiding… lol.. I also had an earlier download that said they maybe family, but that doesn’t mean you’ll agree… lol… This does not happen to me often… this was the first time when I was in isolation and I was trying to remember my dreams… I would literally hold a pencil in my hand on top of a notebook and when I’d get something I’d try to write it down…the next morning I’d have to go back and try to rewrite so it’s legible. I don’t know if this is going to lead to anything… but I did get the feeling that there are Awakened ones out there too… and it seemed like I was getting images of them.. and I might go and look for them so I can learn from them… and maybe see if they’d like to collaborate. I’m not sure but again… I find it interesting. I didn’t tell this guy all these details but I told him of seeing this star person… so again… I’m open to have it be true for me in my reality. But I also mentioned that I’m Awake and I didn’t have any troubles in school… lol.. I loved school so I said that we all have talents and gifts to share regardless of our backgrounds. That also makes me want to comment on the whole Dali Lama thing going on… he has so much to share and teach but maybe he’s not the one to go to… to learn about sexuality… lol…. He doesn’t have much direct experience with different degrees of dealing with sex. Just because he doesn’t know much about sexuality shouldn’t defame him and all he’s been able to create in our world. I feel that’s why I’m so curious to meet more people who are Awake, but honestly they don’t even have to be Awake… but I love to learn… and I know there is so much I don’t know… I want to meet people who have been interested in other areas I haven’t been introduced to. What would it be like for everyone to nurture their gifts, talents, and interests to their full potential individually.. but when they engage with someone else with different qualities.. I feel it will elevate because of the differences or another perspective… lol So I was telling him I needed time to process and integrate… I mentioned I was doing this Journal. I was telling him that I had a fear that I didn’t know was there when it came to sharing ceremony. I went through these sexual experiences this last time that really made me uncomfortable to head right back into ceremony, because I didn’t want similar situations to come up and for me to respond the way I did. I know if I can work it out and integrate… I’ll be able to respond in a manner that’s respectful for my guests and also myself. So I went into the whole ceremonies and also the struggle of masturbation… so I want to be autosexual at this time. He was chuckling at me because he said he would have never assumed that I would have any issues with that. I told him… how can you tell whether someone has those types of issues? I’m confident and I enjoy sexual banter and flirting… but that doesn’t stop my mind from creating a mental block to masturbate and orgasm naturally and freely. I told him… I’m not a man, but I can assume that he has never had issues of masturbating and ejaculating. In my mind I’d think once a young boy notices that stroking his penis is pleasurable… that they just continue to play until they ejaculate… and then that’s it… they’re on it and it’s easy. Now with so many individuals that occupy this world I cannot say its easy for every male, but in general it may be fair to say that it’s fairly easy. He said yes… he’s never had problems in these areas. That’s when he mentioned the 45 year woman who was admitting something similar to the issues I am having. I said I can’t speak for all women, but I know I’ve spoken to other women who have had issues too… so for us who have issues… it’s not easy to touch ourselves and result in orgasm. In fact it was uncomfortable to find touching myself as something natural. For me it was secretive and rushed as if I shouldn’t be doing it. Also I wanted it to be natural for me… so I placing a mask over myself. While we were talking I also thought there might be something that seems obvious to me, but maybe not obvious for men is the fact… they are the penetrators. I said again I’m assuming and I’m not speaking from everyone’s opinion… but do men ever ask how it feels to be able to trust and surrender for someone to enter them? Many men I know wants control… so I’d assume to trust and surrender would be a challenge for them. Well that’s what I have to do to allow someone to have sex with me. We were both laughing because… it’s not like I trust every male I just meet and I say ok… I’m ready to be penetrated now. I was casual with sex but not for that long, because I needed a relationship to be built to make it comfortable enough to share sex. I would even get curious of how penetration would feel like… again it’s not like it’s normal to penetrate myself but I would sometimes use my fingers to rub and circle their anus. I wasn’t just going for it, but I want to observe if they feel comfortable with me just touching. Sometimes I would mention if they would like me to try it and they said they prefer me not to. Maybe if they allowed me they would get a sense of how it feels to be penetrated…lol… it may be pleasurable… at least let’s give it a try… lol. I have penetrated myself and it’s pleasurable… some of my partners are really experienced and good… and I haven’t figured out what the difference is but the fact it’s someone else is involved with me. He was telling me he was trying to approach his partners differently and that’s when he ran into being in the friend zone for the first time. We didn’t discuss it but if he’s being open and honest with his potential partners then he’s having a conversation that he doesn’t want to only have sex with the women. That’s the thing wherever we are at… we can find someone who’s at that same mindset if we’re open and honest about it. So he wasn’t trying to have only sex with her… she has to tell him where she’s at as well… at least she has a chance to agree to this or not. If she’s not looking for sex only too… then I can assume she wants to build a relationship. I’m not sure exactly what happened between them, but it seemed like they had great conversations but he felt like she didn’t want to have a sexual side to their relationship… so he said he had to let her know it wasn’t working for him. I laugh because… I’ve already friend-zoned him too. Everyone starts at the friend-zone now… lol… I told him I’m literally trying to popularize the friend zone… if I’m going to engage in a sexual relationship… I want to know who the hell I’m dealing with… lol… and I want them to know who they’re dealing with too. We’ve got to build a relationship because if it’s not based on sex then we have to know how to talk and engage in activities that we both find interesting… lol.. I told him about my style of Journaling… it can seem like it’s all over the place and can be assumed as chaotic… but eventually I assume people can glimpse the clarity of who I am through this style. But if they read my Journal… they have to go through that experience. I’m not a direct communicator in my Journal… so they have to work a little bit to get to understand me. That’s what happens in an intimate relationship with me too. If he doesn’t want to take time to get to know me… then it’s not going to be a fit. I asked if there was anything about her that he didn’t like or found unappealing to him. He laughed because it was just the fact he wasn’t having much sex with her. Well you say you want to have different types of relationships but you’re expecting this relationship as the same as your past. If it’s new… the results and the approach will have to change… lol… he said yes but he didn’t know it was going to be that much difference… lol… well… you know where you are and what you’re looking for. You can continue to approach this new desire for a new type of relationship… then you’re going to have to open yourself up to a new ways of connecting. He said he’s sick of having sex and just staring at the ceiling afterwards… lol… many of the women doesn’t have conversations he enjoys… or they didn’t establish a relationship to a point where they were uncertain what to do when they were finished having sex with each other. I can use this advise that I gave him about having a new approach…. I’ve already been questioning my habits of thought when I go to masturbate… I’m trying a new approach but I don’t know if I know new techniques to try… hmmm…. I’ll have to see. Shit are there pornography on how to masturbate… lol… maybe that’s an option.. lol.. i don’t know, but I’m curious. I don’t think I’m at that point yet, but I could probably get there if I need to… lol… but I know it’s my mind… it was my conditioned mind that was stopping me… that’s where I have to put the focus on how to relax it enough… I know I will get there. In many ways I’m trying to get the masculine and feminine to attract each other. Again I’m a hopeful romantic and so I continue in different ways to close this distance that seems to been created in our society. In my experience I’ve been trying to embrace both my femininity and masculinity… understand the balance that fits me. I can generally speak about the women around my age is learning to embrace their masculinity too. Some may even take it to extremes because it’s common for the pendulum to swing too far when they are making adjustments… but I see more of the youth more comfortable with expressing both their masculinity and femininity… which I feel is a good thing. It’s when people put their judgements on what they think they should be doing and how they should be doing it does it create toxicity. I know many people who complain about the youth, but the youth that I speak with… I’m hopeful… lol… not that they don’t have a lot to learn, but they’ve got great intelligence and I can find deeper conversations with the youth then I can with some of the elderly or my age. Existence is continually increasing consciousness… and I can see it in my experiences. But it’s not they’re turn to be in leadership roles right now… So if they are patient they won’t have to defend or question themselves as much. I’d love for them to gain enough consciousness to trust their individuality… if that causes people to get triggered… good… there is something that needs to be addressed and worked through… lol… I’ve tried to stop triggering people but I guess that’s just how it works right now… I’m not trying to trigger anyone, but if it happens… there’s a lesson to be learned by the person who is being triggered. I used to try to appease people’s feelings, but if that leads me to be untrue to my authenticity… then I’m going to be me and whatever happens happens. I know I’ll continue to be a better communicator to even warn them that my response may trigger you or rub you the wrong way… but that’s not my intention. My intention is to be true to me and respect you… and if it happens to differ then we can continue the conversation without shutting down or creating walls. Lol… I’m not sure who I hear this from, but I believe it’s one of the tarot readers say… rejection is your protection…lol… if there is a wall that goes up… then that’s a good time to go in a new direction. Doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way, but for now that is the case…lol So I’m supposed to be meeting with the other gentleman who wants to share ceremony with me. I’m hoping his wife will be there too. She was there when we met in person the first time. He and I have been texting since briefly but I thought it beneficial to have them both involved. I’ve been checking up on them on social media and it looks like he’s doing really well. I’m excited and curious how our conversation will go. I’m sure I’ll be talking about this Journal… lol.. so I’ll remember to ask permission to discuss our conversation before I head out. But yeah this seems like a good stopping point.