Search the Community

@Bojan V I don’t assume anything in this post can come close to what I experienced. It’s kind of just a celebration of whatever it was. I’ll have to sleep and assess it later with contemplation. It was comforting, but you know how it is, ego comes back and forgets it all. All that doesn’t really resonate about omniscience. It was just nothingness combined with eternal infinity and formlessness, the end of suffering forever and ever. For ever. it’s foreshadowing my “afterlife”/“physical death” How can I explain this? Fucking pointless

Doesn't matter, duality is experienced by creatures without language. Humans aren't the only living things seeing duality. Any experience is duality. A creature eats food, it doesn't eat itself, there's cognition of self and other. This applies to all living things even plants where their "cognition" is alien to us. Nothing in absence of something is never experienced. It'd just be total nothingness. Something does not exist in absence of nothing, because things are made of perception. Remove nothing (named consciousness) and there's no awareness, hence no perception and again just nothingness alone which can't be experienced. All of this is happening inside the appearance of duality. Toad trips are happening inside of duality still. It's just so far from this that it seems to not be. A whiteout would be nonduality. But it's not because you can whiteout and duality continues: See me here. Infinity can't be experienced in the actual literal sense. Only finitude can be experienced. You can easily recognize that the color red you see is fundamentally infinity, but its appearing as something finite which is red and not blue. Your interpretation of it changes so red = blue, up = down, but that's cognition. It is still appearing as something finite.

@WokeBloke I haven't used his teachings so I can't tell you the effectivness of it. Nothingness and no-self is only halfway there so eventually you need to throw away the teaching and embrace fullness, everythingness and somethingness.

I interpreted the same experience very differently indeed. I think you are saying because the subject is nothing, it doesn't exist? I interpreted it as an existent nothing. It's there but its substance is literally nothing. Literally. But it's there. The same literal nothingness knowing all somethings through us, I don't think negates the fact of eternally apparent segregation. I can't describe your bedroom even if you are in it right now, and vice versa... Duality will always appear to exist.

Earlier, when I mentioned the vast majority of people who mistakenly consider themselves enlightened, I was referring to permanent enlightenment. True ego death is rare. For most of us, it is a process of chipping away at the ego over time. There are periods of freedom, like you experienced, but usually the ego slithers back out of the shadows when you least expect it. I've been studying "Dark Night of the Soul", by St. John of the Cross, and he describes this process with passion and deep personal insight. In his framework, there are actually two dark nights: the night of senses, followed by the night of spirit. The night of senses is fairly common for sincere spiritual seekers, but very few make it through the final night of the spirit. After the initial high of early awakening, there are periods of increasing darkness, which are deeply disconcerting, but also serve to dissolve the egoic self. This darkness is necessary to move us beyond the easy indulgence of spirituality, into the bone-deep realization of the nothingness of ourselves. It is only then, when you have suffered so profoundly that you want nothing but to be restored to the light of Consciousness that you once took for granted, that you release the ego once and for all. That final letting go is true enlightenment. It is not only the realization of our ultimate nature, but living in a perpetual state of light.

“Nothingness is a profound metaphysical notion. The most profound.” Not even close to the 8th or 9th Jhana and their implications. As far as things which occur in perception to those who haven’t accessed those higher jhanas, it’s quite amazing though. You wrote a lot of other good stuff here though.

Everyone understands what something is; as we walk down the streets or have any experience at all, we are always aware of something. We are aware of buildings, streets, people, thoughts, feelings and emotions, we are aware of all sense precepts. Furthermore when asked about nothing, we think it is the removal of something and replacing it with another something, such that relative to the first thing, there is nothing of it left. Most people’s understanding or use of nothing is a purely physical, material conceptualization, and it’s a relative transposition of one form of something, and replacing it with another form of something. Nothing doesn’t exist in material existence, there is always something there. Nothingness is a profound metaphysical notion. The most profound. It’s mentioned in most eastern philosophy or spirituality, and is the 7th stage of Jhana in Buddhist meditation: the mind base of Nothingness. The 6th stage is the mind base of Infinite Consciousness. Something is the limitation and constraint of Nothing. Something is contained within Nothingness. Nothingness is the metaphysical substrata of all of material reality and existence. It’s the substrate of something. To understand the above we have to abstract. You have to imagine a place before any material form exists, outside of any space or time, colours or shapes. This place is Infinity, as you will see Infinity and Nothingness are the same thing. Starting with something and removing the constraints and limits continuously you would inadvertently end up with Nothing. The process of removal will show you that as we progressively remove something’s limitations and constraints, we get closer and closer to Nothing. And that Nothing has the highest possible (infinite) potential to be anything or something. Nothingness is pure unconstrained, unconditioned, unlimited potentiality, or Absolute Infinity, or infinity^infinity. Nothingness or Absolute Infinity contains all mathematical, logical or scientific infinities. Notice how math is a limit, qualifier or constraint of Nothing or a limit or constraint on Infinity. There are infinite possibilities of paintings, films, art, games, human interactions, buildings, music, thoughts and so on and so forth. There are infinite possibilities for an infinite number of things. All thanks to Nothingness. As soon as you have something, there is now an infinite amount of things that it isn’t. Something is the negation of potentiality. If you ever wondered why something exists at all, it’s because within Absolute Infinity, there has to contain within itself, the negation of itself, the negation of potentiality,. And that negation is something. For any objection to the previous sentence; why does Nothingness have to contain the negation of itself? Well it has to by definition. Nothingness is Absolute Infinite potentiality, and the negation of itself is a possibility, because it contains all possible possibilities, it contains everything. Take a metaphysical Nothingness, now create anything from an electron, to an atom, to a finger. As soon as we can specify anything in any form of any scale whatsoever, there is now something, and an infinite amount of things it isn’t or can’t be. Something is a constraint, limitation and removal of possibilities. It is a constraint on Infinity or Nothing. Nothingness is actually the fabric of change. Because everything's true nature is Nothing. If its true nature was something, it could never become something else, it wouldn't be able to change. Nothingness is what allows form to mutate, grow, change and metamorphosize. It’s also the true nature of the person reading this. So far you might have followed me, you might deeply intuit what Im saying, you might conceptual or logically follow what I’m saying, and if for some of you, you are triggered, shouting at your screen, then I apologize, because it could possibly get worse. Nothingness and Love are the same thing, they are tautological. To understand what I’ve been saying so far and to understand Absolute Love, we have to understand what the term absolute means. Absolute means it has no opposite, it is independent of effect or infliction from all other possible things, it is true in all possible cases, that’s why it is a tautology. Absolute Tautology. However notice when we say it is independent from all other things, there is a contradiction that arises, how can this metaphysical notion of Love or Nothingness exist if it exists independent of existence? Well it doesn’t. Something is Nothing, Nothing is Love, all of something is Love, all of existence is Love, all of existence is Nothing. Love is Infinity is Nothingness. As an Absolute Tautology. True or Absolute Love is the most profoundly beautiful, transformative substance in existence. Let’s take a subsection of Absolute Love. Let’s constrain and condition it. This is what most of us do. Let’s take romantic love, love for a single person which is highly constrained and conditioned. Even directing it at all humans is a constraint. But a single human, already constrained, is only given to the human if they meet certain conditions like; agree to spend time with you, and not be intimate with other people, if they treat you in an agreeable way, if they uphold certain common values and standards and so forth. All of these are additional constraints or limits on Love. True Love or Absolute Love, has no constraints, it Loves everything and everyone, all parts of existence. It Loves human love, it Loves human hate, it Loves humans inability to fully Love, it Loves itself. It Loves you, not just the good parts, but all the bad parts. It Loves all the bad parts that could have been you that aren’t. It Loves everyone that has ever wronged you. It loves every murderer, rapist, and torturer, it Loves the fact that you also have the potential to be any of those, and it Loves that fact you're not. True Love doesn’t ask for any change or anything in return. It tells the pedophile, rapist or murderer; ‘I Love you regardless of what you do’. Paradoxically, this Love is the most transformative force in existence. It never asks for change, it Loves either way. This is what changes people the most. Fear is the negation of Love. People are afraid to Love. Love contains fear, it Loves it. Maybe you are starting to imagine or feel how powerful True Love is. People are afraid to Love because they are afraid of something, they are afraid something might happen to them if they Love, because they think that something belongs to them, it’s what they are. They are attached. Your ability to Love is directly related to your metaphysical attachments and identities to something, anything. All of spiritual traditions, perhaps even all of life itself, are teaching us Love, how to become Love. We do this by metaphysically becoming Nothing, Nothing is Love. Identity and attachment are both metaphysical notions, they are what constrain Nothing, so that you can become you; something. The Self, the ego, these are all underpinned by metaphysical attachments and identities. The bigger your ego, the reified your individual self, the more constrained and further away from True Love. The more we can slowly remove the constraints and limitations put onto ourselves; who we are, what our childhood was, how our future should be, our beliefs, what’s right or wrong, good or bad, the more we can become Nothing, and the more we become Love.

Seth Speaks notes and examples - chapter 3 My work and those dimensions of reality into which it takes me: We are aware of what you would call our past selves, those personalities we have adopted in various other existences. Because we use telepathy, we can hide little from each other, even if we wished to. I assure you that even now none of your thoughts are hidden, but are known quite clearly to your family and friends. You are simply not aware of this fact. This does not mean that each of us is like an open book to the other. There is such a thing as mental etiquette. We are much more aware of our own thoughts than you are. We realize our freedom to choose our thoughts, and we choose them with some discrimination and finesse. The power of thoughts has been made clear to us, through trial and error in other existences. We have discovered that no one can escape the vast creativity of the mental image, or of emotion. This does not mean that we are not spontaneous, or that we must deliberate between one thought or another, in anxious concern that one might be negative or destructive. That, in your terms, is behind us. Our psychological structure does mean that we can communicate in far more various forms than those which you are familiar, however. Pretend, for example that you meet a childhood friend whom you have long forgotten. Now you may have little in common. Yet you may have a fine afternoon's discussion centered about old teachers and classmates, and establish a certain rapport. So when I meet another, I may be able to relate to him much better on the basis of a particular past life experience, even though in my now we have little in common. We will be quite aware that we are ourselves, however - the multidimensional personalities who shared a more or less common environment at one level of our existence. As you will see, this analogy is a rather simple one that will do only for now, because past, present and future do not really exist in those terms. Our experience does not include the time divisions with which you are familiar. We have far more friends and associates than you do, simply because we are aware of varying connections in what we call for now past incarnations. We have of course therefore more knowledge at our fingertips. There is no period of time, in your terms, that you can mention, but some of us have been from there, and carry within our memories the indelible experience that was gained in that particular context. We do not feel the need to hide our emotions or thoughts from others, because all of us by now well recognize the cooperative nature of all consciousness and reality, and our part in it. We are highly motivated. Simply because we have at out command the full use of our energy, it is not diverted into conflicts. Now each whole self, or multidimensional personality, has its own purposes, missions, and creative endeavors that are initial and basic parts of itself and that determine those qualities that make it eternally valid and eternally seeking. We are finally free to utilize our energy in those directions. We face many challenges of quite momentous nature, and we realize that our purposes are not only important in themselves, but for the surprising offshoots that develop in our efforts to pursue them. In working for our purposes, we realize that we are blazing trails that can also be used by others. We also suspect that the purposes themselves will have surprising results, astounding consequences that we have never realized, and that they will merely lead to new avenues. When one has been born and has died many times, expecting extinction with each death, and when this experience is followed by the realization that existence still continues, then a sense of the divine comedy enters in. We are beginning to learn the creative joy of play and that all creativity and consciousness is born in the quality of play, as opposed to work, in the quickened intuitional spontaneity that I see as a constant through all my own existences, and in the experience of those I know. I communicate with your dimension, for example, not by willing myself to your level of reality, but by imagining myself there. All of my deaths would have been adventures had I realized what I know now. On the one hand you take life too seriously, and on the other, you do not take playful existence seriously enough. We enjoy a sense of play that is highly spontaneous, and yet I suppose you would call it responsible play. Certainly it is creative play. We play, for example, with the mobility of our consciousness, seeing how far one can send it. The pathways we make continue to exist and can be used by others. We leave messages to any who come by, mental signposts. We can be highly motivated therefore, and yet use and understand the creative use of play, both as a method of attaining our goals and purposes and as a uprising and creative endeavor in itself. Often the material I present will initially be given without any sign of my presence, seemingly as a startling revelation. In your system, for example, and in connection with the woman through whom I now write this book, initial contact on my part was made long before our session began. The personality was never consciously aware of the initial meeting. She simply experienced sudden new thoughts, and since she is a poet, these appeared as poetic inspirations. I had known of her psychic gifts since her childhood, but the insights necessary were channeled through the poetry until the personality attainted the necessary background that was needed in this particular case. As a part of my work, therefore, I have been coaching the young woman in one way or another, all of this as a preliminary to the serious world that began with our sessions. Space as you perceive it simply does not exist. Not only is the illusion of space caused by your own physical perceptive mechanisms, but it is also caused by mental patterns that you have accepted - patterns that are adopted by consciousness when it reaches a certain stage of evolution within your system. When you arrive, or emerge, into physical life, not only is your mind not a blank slate, waiting for the scrolls that experience will write upon it, but you are already equipped with a memory bank far surpassing that of any computer. You face your first day upon the planet with skills and abilities already built in, thought they may or may not be used; and they are not merely the result of heredity as you think of it. You may think of your soul or entity as some conscious and living, divinely inspired computer who programs its own existences and lifetimes. But this computer is so highly endowed with creativity that each of the various personalities it programs spring into consciousness and song, and in turn create realities that may have been undreamed of by the computer itself. Within the personality, however, comes with a built-in idea of the reality in which it will operate, and its mental equipment is highly tailored to meet very specialized environments. It has full freedom, but it must operate within the context of existence to which it has been programmed. Within the personality, however, in the most secret recesses, is the condensed knowledge that resides in the computer as a whole. I must emphasize that I am not sating that the soul or entity is a computer, but only asking you to look at the matter in this light in order to make several points clear. Each such personality has within it the ability to not only gain a new type of existence in the environment - in your case physical reality - but to add creatively to the very quality of its own consciousness, and in doing so to work its way through the specialized system, breaking the barriers of reality as it knows it. Your environment is not real in the terms that you imagine it to be. When you are born, then, you are already conditioned to perceive reality in a certain manner, and to interpret experience in a very limited but intense range. I must explain this before I can clearly give you an idea of my environment, or of those other systems of reality in which I operate. There is no space between my environment and yours, for example no physical boundaries that separate us. In a very real way of speaking, you concept of reality as seen through your physical senses, scientific instruments, or arrived at through deduction, bears little resemblance to the facts - and the facts are difficult to explain. Your planetary systems exist and once, simultaneously, both in time and in space. The universe that you seem to perceive, either visually or through instruments, appears to be composed of galaxies, stars and planets, at various distances from you. Basically, however, this is an illusion. You senses and your very existence as physical creatures program you to perceive the universe in such a way. The universe as you know it is your interpretation of evens as the intrude upon your three-dimensional reality. The events are mental. This does not meat that you cannot travel to other planets for example, within that physical universe, any more than it means that you cannot use tables to hold books, glasses and oranges, although the table has no solid qualities of its own. When I enter your system, I move through a series of mental and psychic events. You would interpret these events as space and time. Root assumptions are those built-in ideas of reality of which I spoke - those agreements upon which you base your ideas of existence. Space and time, for example, are root assumptions. Each system of reality has its own set of such agreements. The entity, or the soul has a far more creative and complicated nature than even your religions have ever granted it. It utilized numberless methods of perception, and it has at its command many other kinds of consciousness. Your idea of the soul is indeed limited by your three dimensional concepts. The soul can change to focus of its consciousness, and uses consciousness as you use the eyes in your head. Now in my level of existence I am simply aware of the fact, strange as it may seem, that I am not y consciousness. My consciousness is an attribute to be used by me. Soul, or entity, then, is more than consciousness. When I enter your environment, I turn my consciousness in your direction, therefore. In one way, I translate what I am into an event that you can understand to some extent. In a much more limited manner, any artist does the same thing when he translates what he is, or a portion of it, into a painting. When I enter your system, I intrude into three-dimensional reality, and you must interpret what happens in the light of your own root assumptions. Now whether or not you realize it, each of you intrudes into other systems of reality in your dream states without the full participation of your normally conscious self. In subjective experience you leave behind physical existence and act, at times, with strong purpose and creative validity within dream that you forget the instant you awaken. When you think of the purpose of your existence, you think in terms of daily waking life, but you also work at your purpose in these other dream dimensions, and you are then in communication with other portions of your own entity, at work at endeavors quite as valid as those you are about in waking life. When I contact your reality, therefore, it is as if I were entering one of your dreams. I can be aware of myself as I dictate this book, and yet also be aware of myself in my own environment; for I send only a portion of myself here, as you perhaps send out a portion of your consciousness as you write a letter to a friend, and yet are aware of the room in which you sit. My environment, as I mentioned earlier, is not one of a personality decently dead in your terms. One large difference between your environment and mine is that you must physically materialize mental acts as physical matter. Remember also that is physical reality is in a larger sense an illusion, it is an illusion caused by a greater reality. The illusion itself has a purpose and a meaning. Perhaps it is better to say that physical reality is one form that reality takes. In your system, however, you are focused much more intensely upon one relatively small aspect of existence. We can travel freely through such varying numbers of such realities. I do not mean to minimize the importance of your present personalities, nor of physical existence. To the contrary. Three-dimensional experience is an invaluable place of training. Your personality as you now know it will indeed persevere, and with its memories, but it is only a part of your entire identity. You will continue to grow and develop, and you will become aware of other environments. But environments are not objective things, conglomerations of objects that exist independently of you. Instead you form them and they are quite literally extensions of yourself; materialized mental acts that extend outward from your consciousness. I will tell you exactly now you form your environment. I form mine following the same rules, though you end up with physical objects and I do not. The mind can influence matter. Mind creates and forms matter. Now your closest environment, physically speaking, is your body. It is not like some manikin-shape in which you are imprisoned, that exists apart from you like a casing. Your body is not beautiful or ugly, healthy or deformed, swift or slow simply because this is the kind of body that was thrust upon you indiscriminately at birth. Instead your physical form, your corporeal personal environment, is the physical materialization of your own thoughts, emotions and interpretations. Quite literally, the inner self forms the body by magically transforming thoughts and emotions into physical counterparts. You grow the body. Its condition perfectly mirrors your subjective state at any given time. Using atoms and molecules, you build your body, forming basic elements into a form that you call your own. You are intuitively aware that you form your image, and that you are independent of it. You do not realize that you create your larger environment and the physical world as you know it by propelling your thoughts and emotions into matter - a breakthrough into three-dimensional life. The inner self, therefore, individually and en masse, sends its psychic energy out, forming tentacles that coalesce into form. Each emotion and thought has its own electromagnetic reality, completely unique. It is highly equipped to combine with certain others, according to the various ranges of intensity that you may include. In a manner of speaking, three-dimensional objects are formed in somewhat the same way that you see on your television screen are formed, but with a large difference. And if you are not tuned into that particular frequency, you will not perceive the physical objects at all. Each of you acts as transformers, unconsciously, automatically transforming highly sophisticated electromagnetic units into physical objects. You are in the middle of a matter-concentrated system, surrounded, so to speak, by weaker areas in what you would call a pseudo-matter persists. Each thought and emotion spontaneously exists as a simple or complex electromagnetic unit - unperceived, incidentally, as yet by your scientists. The intensity determines both the strength and the permanency of the physical image into which the thought or emotion will be materialized. In my own material I am explaining this in depth. Here, I merely want you to understand that the world that you know is the reflection of an inner reality. You are made basically of the some ingredients as a chair, a stone, a head of lettuce, a bird. In a gigantic cooperative endeavor, all consciousness joins together to make the forms that you perceive. How because this is known to us, we can change our environments and our own physical forms as we wish, and without confusions, for we perceive the reality that lies underneath. We also realize that permanency of form is an illusion, since all consciousness must be in a state of change. We can be, in your terms, in several places at once because we realize the true mobility of consciousness. Now whenever you think emotionally of another person, you send out a counterpart of yourself, beneath the intensity of matter, but a definite form. This form, projecting outward from your own consciousness completely escapes your egotistical attention. When I think emotionally of someone else, I do the same thing, except that a portion of my consciousness is within the image, and can communicate. Environments are primarily mental creations of consciousness trust out into many forms. Now you do the same thing when you sit in your livingroom, but you do not realize what you are doing; and presently you are somewhat restricted. When my associates and I meet, we often translate each other's thoughts into various shapes and forms out of pure enjoyment in the practice. We have what you might call a game, demanding some expertise, where for our own amusement we see which of us can translate any given thought into the most numerous forms. There are such subtle qualities affecting the nature of all thought, such emotion gradations, that no one is ever identical, and incidentally no physical object in your system is an exact duplicate of any other. The atoms and molecules that compose it - any object - have their own identities that colour and qualify any object that they form. You accept and perceive and focus upon continuities and similarities as you perceive physical objects of any kind, and in a very important manner you shut out and ignore dissimilarities out of a given field of actuality. Therefore you are very highly discriminating, accepting certain qualities and ignoring others. Your bodies not only change completely every seven years, for example. They change constantly with each breath. Within the flesh, atoms and molecules constantly die and are replaced. The hormones are in a constant state of motion and alteration. Electromagnetic properties of skin and cell continually leap and change, and even reverse themselves. The physical matter that composed your body is different in important ways from the matter that forms your body in this instant. If you perceived the constant change within your body which as much persistence as you attend to its seemingly permanent nature, then you would be amazed that you ever considered the body as one more or less constant, more or less cohesive, entity. Even subjectively you focus upon and indeed manufacture the idea of a relatively stable, relatively permanent conscious self. You stress those ideas and thoughts and attitudes that you recall from past experience as your own, completely ignoring those that were once characteristic and now are vanished - ignoring the fact also that you cannot hold thought. The thought of a moment before, in your terms, vanishes away. You try to maintain a constant, relatively permanent physical and subjective self in order to maintain a relatively constant, relatively permanent environment. So you are always in a position of ignoring such change. Those that you refuse to acknowledge are precisely those that would give you a much better understanding of the true nature of reality, individual subjectivity, and the physical environment that seems to surround you. What happens to a thought when it leaves your conscious mind? It does not simply disappear. You can learn to follow it, but you are usually frightened of turning your attention away from its intense focus in three-dimensional existence. Therefore, it seems that the thought disappears. It seems also that your subjectivity has a mysterious unknown quality about it, and that even your mental life has a sort of insidious dropping-off point, a subjective cliff over which thoughts and memories fall, to disappear into nothingness. Therefore to protect yourself, to protect your subjectivity from drifting, you erect various psychological barriers at what you suppose to be the danger points. Instead, you see, you can follow these thoughts and emotions simply by realizing that your own reality continues in another direction, beside the one with which you mainly identify. For these thoughts and emotions that have left your conscious mind will lead you into other environments. These subjective openings through which thoughts seem to disappear are in fact like psychic warps, connecting the self that you know with other universes of experience - realities where symbols come to life and thoughts are not denied their potential. There is communication between these other realities and your own dream states, and a constant interaction between both systems. If there is any point where your own consciousness seems to elude you or escape you, or if there is any point where your consciousness seems to end, then these are points where you have yourselves set up psychological barriers, and these are precisely those areas that you should explore. Otherwise you feel as if your consciousness is enclosed within your skull, immobile and constricted, and every lost thought or forgotten memory at least symbolically seems like a small death. And such is not the case.

me i feel i havent, ive realized everything and nothingness but i havent been able to integrate it into my life so i feel im not at a spirtually mature level to be called "realized" i still think im human

Space as you perceive it simply does not exist. Not only is the illusion of space caused by your own physical perceptive mechanisms, but it is also caused by mental patterns that you have accepted - patterns that are adopted by consciousness when it reaches a certain stage of evolution within your system. When you arrive, or emerge, into physical life, not only is your mind not a blank slate, waiting for the scrolls that experience will write upon it, but you are already equipped with a memory bank far surpassing that of any computer. You face your first day upon the planet with skills and abilities already built in, thought they may or may not be used; and they are not merely the result of heredity as you think of it. You may think of your soul or entity as some conscious and living, divinely inspired computer who programs its own existences and lifetimes. But this computer is so highly endowed with creativity that each of the various personalities it programs spring into consciousness and song, and in turn create realities that may have been undreamed of by the computer itself. Within the personality, however, comes with a built-in idea of the reality in which it will operate, and its mental equipment is highly tailored to meet very specialized environments. It has full freedom, but it must operate within the context of existence to which it has been programmed. Within the personality, however, in the most secret recesses, is the condensed knowledge that resides in the computer as a whole. I must emphasize that I am not sating that the soul or entity is a computer, but only asking you to look at the matter in this light in order to make several points clear. Each such personality has within it the ability to not only gain a new type of existence in the environment - in your case physical reality - but to add creatively to the very quality of its own consciousness, and in doing so to work its way through the specialized system, breaking the barriers of reality as it knows it. Your environment is not real in the terms that you imagine it to be. When you are born, then, you are already conditioned to perceive reality in a certain manner, and to interpret experience in a very limited but intense range. I must explain this before I can clearly give you an idea of my environment, or of those other systems of reality in which I operate. There is no space between my environment and yours, for example no physical boundaries that separate us. In a very real way of speaking, you concept of reality as seen through your physical senses, scientific instruments, or arrived at through deduction, bears little resemblance to the facts - and the facts are difficult to explain. Your planetary systems exist and once, simultaneously, both in time and in space. The universe that you seem to perceive, either visually or through instruments, appears to be composed of galaxies, stars and planets, at various distances from you. Basically, however, this is an illusion. You senses and your very existence as physical creatures program you to perceive the universe in such a way. The universe as you know it is your interpretation of evens as the intrude upon your three-dimensional reality. The events are mental. This does not meat that you cannot travel to other planets for example, within that physical universe, any more than it means that you cannot use tables to hold books, glasses and oranges, although the table has no solid qualities of its own. When I enter your system, I move through a series of mental and psychic events. You would interpret these events as space and time. Root assumptions are those built-in ideas of reality of which I spoke - those agreements upon which you base your ideas of existence. Space and time, for example, are root assumptions. Each system of reality has its own set of such agreements. The entity, or the soul has a far more creative and complicated nature than even your religions have ever granted it. It utilized numberless methods of perception, and it has at its command many other kinds of consciousness. Your idea of the soul is indeed limited by your three dimensional concepts. The soul can change to focus of its consciousness, and uses consciousness as you use the eyes in your head. Now in my level of existence I am simply aware of the fact, strange as it may seem, that I am not y consciousness. My consciousness is an attribute to be used by me. Soul, or entity, then, is more than consciousness. When I enter your environment, I turn my consciousness in your direction, therefore. In one way, I translate what I am into an event that you can understand to some extent. In a much more limited manner, any artist does the same thing when he translates what he is, or a portion of it, into a painting. When I enter your system, I intrude into three-dimensional reality, and you must interpret what happens in the light of your own root assumptions. Now whether or not you realize it, each of you intrudes into other systems of reality in your dream states without the full participation of your normally conscious self. In subjective experience you leave behind physical existence and act, at times, with strong purpose and creative validity within dream that you forget the instant you awaken. When you think of the purpose of your existence, you think in terms of daily waking life, but you also work at your purpose in these other dream dimensions, and you are then in communication with other portions of your own entity, at work at endeavors quite as valid as those you are about in waking life. When I contact your reality, therefore, it is as if I were entering one of your dreams. I can be aware of myself as I dictate this book, and yet also be aware of myself in my own environment; for I send only a portion of myself here, as you perhaps send out a portion of your consciousness as you write a letter to a friend, and yet are aware of the room in which you sit. My environment, as I mentioned earlier, is not one of a personality decently dead in your terms. One large difference between your environment and mine is that you must physically materialize mental acts as physical matter. Remember also that is physical reality is in a larger sense an illusion, it is an illusion caused by a greater reality. The illusion itself has a purpose and a meaning. Perhaps it is better to say that physical reality is one form that reality takes. In your system, however, you are focused much more intensely upon one relatively small aspect of existence. We can travel freely through such varying numbers of such realities. I do not mean to minimize the importance of your present personalities, nor of physical existence. To the contrary. Three-dimensional experience is an invaluable place of training. Your personality as you now know it will indeed persevere, and with its memories, but it is only a part of your entire identity. You will continue to grow and develop, and you will become aware of other environments. But environments are not objective things, conglomerations of objects that exist independently of you. Instead you form them and they are quite literally extensions of yourself; materialized mental acts that extend outward from your consciousness. I will tell you exactly now you form your environment. I form mine following the same rules, though you end up with physical objects and I do not. The mind can influence matter. Mind creates and forms matter. Now your closest environment, physically speaking, is your body. It is not like some manikin-shape in which you are imprisoned, that exists apart from you like a casing. Your body is not beautiful or ugly, healthy or deformed, swift or slow simply because this is the kind of body that was thrust upon you indiscriminately at birth. Instead your physical form, your corporeal personal environment, is the physical materialization of your own thoughts, emotions and interpretations. Quite literally, the inner self forms the body by magically transforming thoughts and emotions into physical counterparts. You grow the body. Its condition perfectly mirrors your subjective state at any given time. Using atoms and molecules, you build your body, forming basic elements into a form that you call your own. You are intuitively aware that you form your image, and that you are independent of it. You do not realize that you create your larger environment and the physical world as you know it by propelling your thoughts and emotions into matter - a breakthrough into three-dimensional life. The inner self, therefore, individually and en masse, sends its psychic energy out, forming tentacles that coalesce into form. Each emotion and thought has its own electromagnetic reality, completely unique. It is highly equipped to combine with certain others, according to the various ranges of intensity that you may include. In a manner of speaking, three-dimensional objects are formed in somewhat the same way that you see on your television screen are formed, but with a large difference. And if you are not tuned into that particular frequency, you will not perceive the physical objects at all. Each of you acts as transformers, unconsciously, automatically transforming highly sophisticated electromagnetic units into physical objects. You are in the middle of a matter-concentrated system, surrounded, so to speak, by weaker areas in what you would call a pseudo-matter persists. Each thought and emotion spontaneously exists as a simple or complex electromagnetic unit - unperceived, incidentally, as yet by your scientists. The intensity determines both the strength and the permanency of the physical image into which the thought or emotion will be materialized. In my own material I am explaining this in depth. Here, I merely want you to understand that the world that you know is the reflection of an inner reality. You are made basically of the some ingredients as a chair, a stone, a head of lettuce, a bird. In a gigantic cooperative endeavor, all consciousness joins together to make the forms that you perceive. How because this is known to us, we can change our environments and our own physical forms as we wish, and without confusions, for we perceive the reality that lies underneath. We also realize that permanency of form is an illusion, since all consciousness must be in a state of change. We can be, in your terms, in several places at once because we realize the true mobility of consciousness. Now whenever you think emotionally of another person, you send out a counterpart of yourself, beneath the intensity of matter, but a definite form. This form, projecting outward from your own consciousness completely escapes your egotistical attention. When I think emotionally of someone else, I do the same thing, except that a portion of my consciousness is within the image, and can communicate. Environments are primarily mental creations of consciousness trust out into many forms. Now you do the same thing when you sit in your livingroom, but you do not realize what you are doing; and presently you are somewhat restricted. When my associates and I meet, we often translate each other's thoughts into various shapes and forms out of pure enjoyment in the practice. We have what you might call a game, demanding some expertise, where for our own amusement we see which of us can translate any given thought into the most numerous forms. There are such subtle qualities affecting the nature of all thought, such emotion gradations, that no one is ever identical, and incidentally no physical object in your system is an exact duplicate of any other. The atoms and molecules that compose it - any object - have their own identities that colour and qualify any object that they form. You accept and perceive and focus upon continuities and similarities as you perceive physical objects of any kind, and in a very important manner you shut out and ignore dissimilarities out of a given field of actuality. Therefore you are very highly discriminating, accepting certain qualities and ignoring others. Your bodies not only change completely every seven years, for example. They change constantly with each breath. Within the flesh, atoms and molecules constantly die and are replaced. The hormones are in a constant state of motion and alteration. Electromagnetic properties of skin and cell continually leap and change, and even reverse themselves. The physical matter that composed your body is different in important ways from the matter that forms your body in this instant. If you perceived the constant change within your body which as much persistence as you attend to its seemingly permanent nature, then you would be amazed that you ever considered the body as one more or less constant, more or less cohesive, entity. Even subjectively you focus upon and indeed manufacture the idea of a relatively stable, relatively permanent conscious self. You stress those ideas and thoughts and attitudes that you recall from past experience as your own, completely ignoring those that were once characteristic and now are vanished - ignoring the fact also that you cannot hold thought. The thought of a moment before, in your terms, vanishes away. You try to maintain a constant, relatively permanent physical and subjective self in order to maintain a relatively constant, relatively permanent environment. So you are always in a position of ignoring such change. Those that you refuse to acknowledge are precisely those that would give you a much better understanding of the true nature of reality, individual subjectivity, and the physical environment that seems to surround you. What happens to a thought when it leaves your conscious mind? It does not simply disappear. You can learn to follow it, but you are usually frightened of turning your attention away from its intense focus in three-dimensional existence. Therefore, it seems that the thought disappears. It seems also that your subjectivity has a mysterious unknown quality about it, and that even your mental life has a sort of insidious dropping-off point, a subjective cliff over which thoughts and memories fall, to disappear into nothingness. Therefore to protect yourself, to protect your subjectivity from drifting, you erect various psychological barriers at what you suppose to be the danger points. Instead, you see, you can follow these thoughts and emotions simply by realizing that your own reality continues in another direction, beside the one with which you mainly identify. For these thoughts and emotions that have left your conscious mind will lead you into other environments. These subjective openings through which thoughts seem to disappear are in fact like psychic warps, connecting the self that you know with other universes of experience - realities where symbols come to life and thoughts are not denied their potential. There is communication between these other realities and your own dream states, and a constant interaction between both systems. If there is any point where your own consciousness seems to elude you or escape you, or if there is any point where your consciousness seems to end, then these are points where you have yourselves set up psychological barriers, and these are precisely those areas that you should explore. Otherwise you feel as if your consciousness is enclosed within your skull, immobile and constricted, and every lost thought or forgotten memory at least symbolically seems like a small death. And such is not the case.

This is false. The One does not need human form to exist. When you are in deep sleep there is no human, only your mind rendering pure nothingness (in regards to the absence of the five senses).

@tsuki How are you going to register the existence then in the state of "nothingness"?

@Shin @Terell Kirby @Tyler Durden @BenG @Nahm Here is what my understanding, correct me if I am wrong. My language is going to be dual, just to relay my message! There is only one Thing in existence, and this thing is Consciousness which is coming from nothingness. Nothingness cannot be imagined since our mind still holds a notion about this abstract phenomenon. Existence and non-existence are properties of your mind. Non-existence is impossible by default. There is only existence. Consciousness is infinitely creating Reality by imagining Reality into Being. This act is a pure imagination. I know it, read a lot of times, had experience of becoming “nothingness”. I also had experience of being unconscious under anesthesia, I had a lot of lucid dreams. What I was talking about is the following. For anything to exist at all, this thing should be imagined. Even though imagination is a primal quality of Reality, this is a foundation for you to be here, even as a game’s character! You need a screen to even exist, a container to hold so-called “Reality”. What I am telling you, that existence is impossible beyond this imagination. When consciousness imagines Reality into Being with this body-mind bundle it explores itself via various experience. Seems like time-space-dimension are a must for the imagination to go on, but they are only concepts. Also, if you are imagining another Reality (where you can exist on a different level as consciousness, even in a resting state) on top of this reality, this is just another layer, which is unnecessary. Truth lies within the direct experience; it is here and now, the rest are just thoughts.

Ok, but keep in mind that right now is already infinite nothingness, and you can't be alone in it cause to be alone implies you believe there is another to begin with. Sorry If I've assumed wrong about what you believe in, then my bad, but I prefer that to be clear ^^

Infinite Nothingness. God in its purest form. Without the illusion of reality.

Transmutation of Sex, Eating and Sleeping. Its Not What You Think When we are experiencing or dreaming that we are having sex, either with ourselves or "others" which is still ourselves, we can closely and consciously observe whatever is happening, and especially how we feel and what we are seeing, emphasis on what we are >Seeing< and Seeing with. Now lets investigate the Seer and what the Seer is Seeing with. The Imaginary Eye. Examining The Eye, without being scientific about it, just from direct experience and and personal observations. How does The Eye actually work? What is its purpose? and can we for the sake of self-recognition, and self-understanding, investigate The Eye? When you Love someone, or look in the eyes of someone you love, they say that the pupil gets diluted, and the iris becomes thinner. What is the pupils function and what is the iris's function really? (in the dream) In the movie Samadhi (See Link 31:56 to 35:12), they use the Eye as a metaphor for Somethingness and Nothingness. And compare it to a Black Hole. The content around a Black Hole could be seen as the content around the pupil, which is in these two metaphors, the iris and the content/matter revolving around a Black Hole. What is that center (Pupil / Black Hole) ? It is the center of Everything. A singularity holding all content around it. So in your life, your eyes, the pupil is the nothingness of you, and the iris is "your" life or what you think is "you". And the center is everything and nothing at the same time, because its holding the content (your life) together. As a living organism in this dream that you/we have dreamed up, you want to experience Infinite aspects of yourself. We go through different characters that we define ourselves with. And when we define ourselves with our bodies, we forget that we are Infinite Nothingness appearing as a self. And from that duality/split we get the need for Sex, or shall I say reaching the state of Orgasm (Unity), which is a remembrance and a reminder of who we truly are, as Infinite Nothingness appearing as a finite self, experiencing Itself. To understand where I am going with this, I am going to explain and remind you of the different stages of definition of yourself experiencing the Orgasmic State and what you associated with Sex. (mind you that this is within one or many lifetimes) but what I am referring to is the expereince itself.) 1: You are deeply asleep and define yourself as the character in the dream, your awareness and experience with sex/orgasm, is a pleasurable experience and you see this like and equal to anything else in your life (eating, sleeping, socializing with friends and so on.) (reality will loop back here later on, but from a higher level, 3D Spiral Example) (Stage Beige) 1.5: You play a game with yourself, and get lost in the pleasures of the action and you still dont grasp the potential and understanding what this might entail. A part of you wants to understand why you are lost in the pleasures and why you are doing it in the manner that you are. But for the sake of exploration and experience, you sleep around and explore what pleasure is. (Status Quo) 2: You choose a new path where you are in lack of the pleasure. You experience grief as you define yourself with character and get lost in self-limiting beliefs, where you judge yourself: of not being worthy, not having the appearance you want. And you experience that manifesting in your reality, because that is what you are defining yourself with. (A bit of a victim mentality is associated with this stage) (Stage Blue) 2.5: You start to notice that this gift of sex/orgasm that you have been given is not only for pleasure, but to reproduce yourself with, and continue your bloodline and pass on your genes. (Stage Purple) 3: You use this pleasure to be "better" than others and to build a stronger identity and even to dominate "others". Here is also the trap of abusing sex and using it as exploitation of others (yourself). Here is also where comparing yourself with others in terms of appearance and power happens. (Stage Red) & (Stage Orange) 4: You choose a life within the dream where you aren't going to reproduce, and you choose to explore what it is to not reproduce and start seeking and start questioning your previous beliefs and the norm of reproduction within in society and the world. (Stage Green) 4.5: You live a life where you are "done" with the pleasure aspects and want to start questioning what Sex and Orgasm is. This is the lifetime where you also adopt spiritual habits, with this comes restrictions in the form of beliefs and dogmas, where you are still lost in definitions and labels. You continue living on, you might still want to fall back asleep and go back to the "lower" stages. Here you might get stuck a few lifetimes. (Stage Green) 5: You start questioning what Sex and Orgasm is. You consciously go back to re-experience the pleasure of Sex and Orgasm, Consciously. Here is where you start shedding your previous beliefs about Sex and Orgasm being a bad thing, because when you consciously experience it, you start noticing that it is not what you thought it was. It never will be. You realize that: You thought you knew something about reality. And it just happened to be the complete opposite of what you thought you knew about it, and all the hard feelings and anxiety that you brought on yourself by adopting that thought as a belief, Now changes your approach to everything in reality and life, and you start seeing it for what it is without labeling or defining it. (Stage Yellow and Up) (Here is also where you must be very cautious not to fall back in to beliefs and also not to abuse this to fall back in to the first stages) Its like a 3D spiral, everytime it takes a new lap around itself, it still passes the previous starting point, but from a higher level. The trap and the hard thing is to not fall back, but to transform and to keep building ontop of the previous levels.) (There are many many more stages and iterations to this, because its something beyond the human experience, its just one facet of how Infinity is experiencing Itself. Its the creative force using its manifesting powers to express itself and to experience itself.) Back to the Eye, Sex, Orgasm and the Insights I have been given. Most human beings including myself, have been using Sex and Orgasm unconsciously. (Likewise with eating food, we are not consciously eating, we are mostly eating and doing other stuff like watching tv, youtube or whatever. So we are not paying attention to how much and what we are eating. We end up eating to much or to little, because we are so busy with other stuff.) And when you are having Sex you are to busy with your emotions and thoughts. You are not paying attention to what is happening. You are not in the moment. You are caught up with how beautiful he or she is, or what you are getting out of this, i.e the pleasure. Ofcourse its beautiful, but do you really understand and observe what is happening? Are you seeing how creation is gently sharings its Consciousness with you? Are you being conscious in those moments, that your ego is slowly being stripped away? Are you conscious that this is the death of whatever you think yourself to be? And before you know it, you reach your climax and you just take it as a pleasurable experience: Oh that was nice, you tell yourself and you go on your merry way. But if you consciously observed everything up to the point of your climax, the moment of Orgasm, you would be completely stripped of whatever you thought yourself to be. In those seconds, as it is happening to you, you are dying to Love, you are dying to Infinity. But you are not paying attention, you are looking at the bodies and your definitions, labels and distinctions. You are seeing it from a dualistic point of view. You are not paying attention to him or her nor the process. What I am saying is, look in her or his eyes, look at the pupils, look at the color of their eyes, look and see how that person is a part of you by the color and shape of their Iris. Look around the edges of where the the Iris's circle is meeting their pupils. See how the Pupil of Nothingness is breathing in between the edges of the Iris, see how you are exchanging and Unifying aspects of yourselves, to eachother. Realise you are seing your own Infinite Nothingness getting expanded/diluted in to yourself. Realise that you can see another part of Yourself and Infinity in that being. How they are, how they carry themselves, how they are living their life, how they are seeing and being a part of Reality through You. Be observant of the merging of both of your fractals, realise that you are loosing the sense of who you are, dont resist it, you and her/him are no longer (in that moment) yourselves. You are creating something new for Eachother, as One Unity. And pay attention to the moment you and her/him are reaching The Orgasmic State, or preferably when both of you are. And if you dare, continue looking in the other persons eyes, as you are dying, if you dare. You will be shocked and shattered to pieces. And your being will be completely reawakened to itself. If you dont have a significant other, that is not a problem. If you can drop all your beliefs and self-judgments, fear of being judged and your own imagined self worth. You go infront of the mirror, and you do it to yourself (no matter male or female). Look yourself in the eyes while doing it, and realise that you have always been doing it with yourself, even when you "imagined" that there was an "other". Allow yourself to completely loose yourself, to Yourself. Infinately in that moment. And dont you dare looking the other way in shame. Because You are Looking at God. It brings you to tears, because you realize that you are seeing yourself for the first time. And you will be amazed at the fact that it is possible for you to see your own face. And that it is so beautiful that you can be able to Love Yourself. (for a full experience of this, try it on a Psychedelic, LSD/5MEO. Does wonders) When we are doing things consciously, we are given so much more than when we are doing out of a need or a necessity. And just like when we are eating, we can be in the moment, observe, savor and understand what it is we are doing. So we end up being full and feeling satisfied with less and seeing how less Is actually more. We see and understand the reason we are given the ability to eat. (Not just to fill our stomachs in a dissrespectful way. And go lay on the couch with a stomachache). We see and understand why we are given the ability to have Sex/Orgasm. (not to use and abuse eachother for our selfish gains and expanding our body-counts) We see and understand why we are given the ability to sleep and know what resting is. (not just to go to sleep because we are bored or have nothing else to do) When you do this in every aspect of your life, Especially with Sex/Orgasm, Eating and Sleeping. Our lives become transformed and the depth of our Consciousness expands. We grow in to a new and activated state of One-ness with ourselves (God). Remove the Mundane aspect to reality from your Mind. That is the cause of your need for things to be different. Whenever you are outside, standing somewhere and you look up at the night sky and bask in the beauty of space. You need a ground to stand on. Because without it, you would be falling and having no possibility of seeing or watching anything. Likewise your life is the ground you stand on, to be able to experience and explore Yourself. Reality is groundless. So you as God created a ground for yourself to Experience and Explore Yourself. But your ground needs good foundation to be able to hold What You Are. (Your ego must be worked on, for it to be a stable ground for your union with God.) Its all just a prep-work for the big party ahead. The Orgasmic state is when you are One with Everything, it is everything you Ever longed for, it is when You are complete. So build on top of whatever you have in the Now, transmute it and use it to expand yourself. Transform yourself. Transmuting what you have been given is a complete state of Bliss. You Thank Yourself, and that Thankfulness Grows. You say I Love you, and the Lovelyness Grows. Its not about living a life where you are "done" with sex and you feel like its wrong, or you are living a "spiritual" life with spiritual standards. What do you think Living Life Consciously is? But an unfolding in to what you Truly are. Where do you think you are going to go? Out there? What is out there but here where you exactly are? Wherever you go, it will always be experienced right where you are. When you are living in the future, you are trying to escape yourself. You are seperating yourself. You are forming an identity. And once again, you are lost... For the past 9 months as I have been going through the process of awakening, been blasted with insights and understandings from my own experience regarding this topic. I know words are symbols and pointings, and they cant really express what direct experience feels like, but I can feel and intuit that for those of you who relate and understand what im trying to point to, there wont be the need for words, because I am you, and you are me, like lovely Leo says in his videos Also I would Love to hear your thoughts and experiences regarding this. I am open to expand my view with the rest of you (myself) (Also pardon my grammar or spelling mistakes, if there are any)

Leo, could you please expand on this? Can infinite intelligence be a thing even? Or do you use the word "infinite" to refer to something outrageously big? Infinite intelligence would need an infinite ground to expand itself on (Nothingness doesn't count because there's nothing to infinitely evolve and expand into). From the point of view of anything in the Universe, infinite intelligence couldn't be a thing, at least if it's contained within it.

Yes, but of course it’s a lot quieter and more vague than if I “actually” sang. It seems to be coming from the “center”, i.e. in my head. I’m not sure what you mean. How can there be something behind my FOV? But I’d say that which can not be pointed to; Nothingness/Existence. Yes, it looks like Ernst Mach’s self portrait. There’s something deeply disturbing about exploring this… I feel like I’m messing with the engine of reality.

@Holygrail perhaps the closest thing to a 'how' that I've heard, is 'imagined duality'.. Nothingness/Everythingness (one-ness) pretending to be separate from itself (two-ness, Somethingness). A good example of this, is how reality 'creates' a 'self' or 'ego', through duality... by imagining a difference between 'that which is self, and that which is not self', ego arises. Conversely, ego 'vanishes' or 'ceases', when the illusion of separation is seen for what it is. (When imagined duality is transcended)

We have been communicating about this since this forum exists, the issue can not be resolved with human language. Simply, when you are in coma, deep sleep or under anesthesia, who is registering reality? Something does exist, call it "consciousness" but not in the way as you think. You are this Reality, it pops up when you wake up every morning, and it contains everything, including body, room, your bed, others... But again, I am using a human language to demonstrate it. If time and space are just concepts, reality can not pop up into existence! Simply because it does not have a ground for it. Therefore, it is an illusion, hallucination. There is nothingness and actuality this reality has never happened. That would be the right direction to go but it is mind blowing.

Well if I am imagining my memories it's not an active, conscious process, it just feels like I need to make the effort to retrieve something that's already there in subconscious, but that could be an illusion. The thing about the universe being created 5 secs ago, well crikey that sounds like someone with extreme alzheimers or memory loss. Creation itself is a process in time, so without time you can't have creation, or change. How do you know that reality wasn't created a billionth of a second ago, or a trillionth? The logic of this is that there are no processes, but reality is appearing out of nothingness infinitely fast, an infinite number of times per second. Or that time is an illusion and there is no creation, just a single unchanging thing. This appearance is my brain. I'm turning it round and saying there is only my brain which I can be certain of: when I 'open my eyes' what am I looking at, an external reality, or the contents of my own brain? (btw I'm not creating a distinction between brain and mind).

Reality is Love, Infinite, Intelligent, Creative, Mind, Nothingness, Empty, Somethingness, Everything, Existence, Isness, Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, perfect, Imagination, Singular, Alone, AMness,... The word God fits that very well IMO. Better than any other word. Like for example Nothingness, or Being. Using these terms it's not straightforward that for example Reality is also Love. And at deep levels of God Realization, the above description is still lacking something. It's just pure GOD. It's the perfect word.

Change happens, emotions happen, dreams happen. Where people draw the line between what is real and unreal is pretty damn arbitrary... The only thing we all seem to say is certainly real is "I". Which is ironic because "I" is literal NOTHINGNESS and only known via somethingness like peering into a mirror...

Literally true also, without needing to think about material survival. Nothingness cannot be experienced = no experience = "death". Total nonduality cannot be experienced, just as to see a dream you must seem to be inside the dream = no experience possible = "death".

If you made progress that quickly, you are probably quite naturally talented. Your description of God is good. We however can't know whether it was only conceptual (from listening to Leo's videos) or actual awakening. It seems like actual awakening though. Ask yourself whether you have any doubts about your awakening. like: "maybe it was just a hallucination/deception from neurons in my brain". If you actually reached God, there is no doubt. Though, if you didn't have a deep God awakening, there can still be doubt. That kind of doubt doesn't mean that the awakening wasn't legit, but that you didn't go deep enough. God is Love and Consciousness and Nothingness and Infinity.... But that doesn't mean you will be highly conscious of each of these facets during every awakening. When you are more experienced yes, but not at the beginning. IMO, the most effective way to increase your baseline consciousness is through transmissions . They are also pretty effective to experience more bliss and become happier. Buy the book "greater words of power" by Damon Brand and do the ritual "the Road Opener". It's worth a try.