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That's a rather good explanation of it. Karma Yoga would be like selfless action. It would be similar to what I call life purpose. I doubt that Karma Yoga is too effective at making people enlightened. But it could be highly effective for spiritual purification -- which in a way is even more important than enlightenment. But if you're gunning for enlightenment proper, I would focus on a more direct method like self-inquiry, or mindfulness meditation, or neti neti, etc. Ideally, of course, do both! In general, seek to make your actions and your work as selfless as possible.

Self-Inquiry has nothing to do with thinking. Yes, there are the questions, but they're just there to direct your attention. The point is becoming conscious of what's true. Yes, it's easy to lose track. It's a highly focused activity. When you do lose track, just bring your attention back. It's not obsolete at all, that's just a conclusion you've drawn in your mind, based on ungrounded assumptions. Self-inquiry is the most direct method and Leo has frequently commented in support of it, as well as Neti-Neti even recently. Pushing your awareness out of your head is just that - pushing your awareness out of your head. That gives less CPU for thinking, so you're more focused. Yes, it gives you a high of a sort. That has nothing to do with enlightenment though. It's a feel-good trap. The guided meditation is not inquiry, it's basically the same as "be still", "do nothing", "choiceless awareness" etc. Many names.

Books: Like I said earlier I have received the book "Neti Neti Meditation". I have already read through it (just 50 pages). It is a pretty precise explaination of the Neti-Neti technique. I will have to work with this book so much and there is so much to learn from it. Neti-Neti is very powerful. But simply studying it will not be enough. I will have to apply it. This is hard. It always has been kind of hard for me to do self inquiry because of the monkey mind. I question something and almost immediately the monkey mind is coming up and is distracting me. Patience will be the key here. The next two books I received are "The Book of Not-Knowing" and "Zen Body-Being" by Peter Ralston. I began reading the book of not-knowing. Very very very very powerful and good, full with wisdom. This will be a life changer.

Habit-Transformation - Day 16: visualization internet usage - Streak 3 Mindfulness: I had only 6 hours of sleep. I tried to meditate in the morning but quited after half an hour because I was so tired. I almost fell back to sleep. My maths teacher borrowed me an old book of her for first semester maths. I could try to understand the book sometimes in the normal classes because its too easy for me. I just tried to understand the first pages. I did it for about 1 hour and got to the third page... I am doing this to look if I really want to study maths. My tics are coming back again... One of my book orders will arrive tomorrow (Neti Neti Meditation by Andre Doshim Halaw).

I got the neti-neti mediation book and this just takes my self inquiry to a whole level. I didnt realise how in depth and disturbing the process can get!!

Cool! I have been putting off watching that video for months! I will try it! I wonder what it is... Kind of like a strange name "Neti Neti". My guess: questioning our identity over and over again. I will see the video, but I don't think I'll focus on that for now. I'm concentrating my energy on Shikatanza. If I get the desire of doing this method, I will. Anyway... just some rumination here

I recently have been doing a lot of self-inquiry with writing my questions and answers down. But almost every session I come to the same conclusion from which I cannot go any further. The self-inquiry process becomes useless in a sense because I already know the conclusion. In every session I realize that everything is just a concept, belief, perception... And I am non of these things. I get the sense of being this constant thing behind all of this, like Leo describes in the neti-neti meditation. So I am this thing beyond perception but also within perception. I am everything, nothing, infinity. At the end of a session I feel this connection with the constant thing I am. And I have the feeling that I cannot go any further. It seems like Enlightenment is just being connected with the constant me and letting go of all beliefs. Therefore the key to Enlightenment is mindfulness and I don't need to do any self-inquiry anymore. The only thing I would have to work on is being mindful and connected with the constant me. Is this the right approach? Or am I doing something wrong? Am I deluding myself? (here are some of my self-inquiry sessions)

Hi guys I wanted to write about an experience I had while listening to Leo's video 'Neti Neti method', since I'm not quite sure to understand what happened, and readers of what I'm about to describe might I've been meditating for a little more than a year now, testing with the do nothing technique, mindfulness and finally STS. For the past few weeks I've been watching some videos about enlightenment and it made me somehow more focused on the matter. Even though I had been practicing the Neti Neti method a some months ago (When Leo released the video), I stopped because I was living a life transition, entering college and thought that I wouldn't have time to keep doing meditation + enlightenment inquiry. I kept up with my daily meditation routine though, while increasing the time of the sessions. Then, a few days ago I had an insight about identity: while I was sitting and thinking of my own life story, I thought it literally was just a succession of images that were being 'scrolled' in my head. Then one idea just hit me: Is there any difference, if I tend to identify with anything in the first place, to identify with that succession of images or a simple feeling in my back for example? I came to the conclusion that no, there isn't. And I felt that realization kind of opened my mind somehow. This evening, I felt like going back to the Neti Neti video of Leo, and as the first words were spoken about 'you not being an experience at all' I got shivers all over my body. So I immediately focused on the video and started following the guided meditation. At the end of the video when the 'kicker' got in, I felt like having a micro glimpse of 'nothingness', I then had a feeling of spreading through space a little and all of my body tensed up like crazy: I was crying and breathing at a very fast pace at the same time. The tension in my hands is the thing that shocked me the most: They were all curled up, and I could hardly move my fingers. Then the tension melt down a few minutes later, and I feel quite relaxed right now, as I'm writing. That's it for the story, I hope I didn't wrought too much and that someone out there might have had a similar experience or knows about what I'm talking about Leo if you read this thank you for your video man It actually produced something in me, now is the time to know what exactly... haha cheers Damien

Hi people, Do any of you have any tips on techniques to where to take my meditation next? As some background, I started out meditation to get a handle on anxiety issues I was having. After a few years of slight interest and six months of serious practice I am now able to calm my mind down really well, and when anxiety attacks happen I can now get myself back to a relaxed state pretty quickly and reliably. When I am meditating without the anxiety I can get very calm and content. All of this has left me interested in doing more self-inquiry... most days I can get pretty calm after 20 minutes or so and it would be nice to have techniques that let me dig a little deeper after that point. I am currently using the following in order of "depth" of meditation: Simple breath awareness Normal mindfulness Do nothing Strong determination sitting Neti-neti style negation "Who am I" style questioning I kind of see how I feel before I start and then do 5 mins of breath awareness, 20 mins of do nothing, then 20 mins of 'who am i' questioning. ie. I kind of ramp things up slowly. Could anyone suggest other techniques that have worked well for them? Or is it more a case of working with what I have for longer periods perhaps? Or, do any of you have any nice combinations? For example, I find that 20 mins of neti neti followed by 20 mins of 'who am i' questioning can work really well. The neti neti kind of gets my head primed for the 'who am i' in a way that really opens things up.

WEEK 13 DAY 85 20 minute morning yoga. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute breathing meditation. Spent some time reading and watching Ken Wilber. Finally getting a basic understanding about what whole integral theory is about. Also watched new Leo's video. Very sceptical about it. I have done my share of experimentation with certain substances and it can be very insightful and also very delusional. Although all this is relative and depending on the context you are comparing it against conclusions can vary dramatically. Anyway, it is interesting to see where he goes from here. Meditation was tough today. Really really tough. I was not able to concentrate fully. Still very glad I did it. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 86 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute breathing meditation. Lovely meditation today. I felt deeply thankful for the opportunities I have in my life and all the big and small things that are happening around me. I am experiencing so much daily it is crazy. I have a morning routine which stuck to me nicely. My nutrition has improved significantly. Without even having an intention to lose weight (because I was in a decent shape anyway) I lost 4 kilos in last 2 and half months. I have a job which is not easy but I like it and I see myself growing and becoming a master in what I do. I work on myself consistently and my awareness and emotional balance is evolving. I have a girlfriend with whom I am happy with and our relationship is growing and getting more grounded. I have other people that care about me and I am very grateful for that. I am learning to take life less seriously and enjoy present moment more. I am also becoming less dogmatic and more open minded. There is still so much to learn and discover and that does not mean that there is a lack of something or that there is some sort of underlying deficiency which does not allow me to be happy. It simply means that life can get even more colourful and meaningful. Love you all. Fingers cracked 4 times. Shit. I often notice myself before I crack fingers but sometimes it is too late. Shiet. DAY 87 15 minute morning yoga. 25 minute breathing meditation. I have overslept today for the first time in months. When I woke I just felt terribly and went back to bed for another 10 minutes. Had to cut my morning yoga a bit short because of that. Meditation was smooth today. Fingers cracked 6 times. There is no improvement in this area. Actually at the moment it is a bit worse than few weeks ago. Such a little insignificant habit can become a big problem when you try to get rid of it. DAY 88 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute neti neti meditation. 25 minute contemplation. Meditation class continues. Two more weeks and it is over. First of all, I was introduced to neti neti and that these words basically mean "not this, not this". What a striking similarity to Lithuanian language - "not this: in Lithuanian = "ne tai". The way English speaking people pronounce "neti" sounds almost the same as "ne tai" in Lithuanian pronounciation. I knew my native language has very old roots and is one of the most archaic languages remaining but I did not expect such literal similarities to sanskrit. Today something special happened which I really want to share with you. Second meditation was called "contemplation". There was a question which we had to "activate" by thinking and analyzing it, then we meditated and relaxed and then asked the question once again. This method is supposed to help you get answers from subconscious mind. The question was: what does the real freedom mean? During activation phase I came up with 3 possible answers: Not having any attachments to internal or external environment; Totally giving up control and being pure observer; Dying. I thought that I probably will not get any answer because these are quite good and I had no more ideas at that time. Then I sat, relaxed and after 10-15 minutes I asked the question again: what does the real freedom mean? And after a second the answer came. I am one hundred percent sure that it was not something I thought. I simply did not even have a time to think, I just asked and the answer happened. The answer was simple: freedom = present moment. And then silence. I knew ideas sometimes just appear but I have never ever been this conscious when it actually happened. I was so excited and blown by such a direct experience of the contact with my subconscious mind that I was not able to follow remaining steps of this contemplation-meditation. I want to start practicing this meditation more often. I have shitload of questions to ask. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 89 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute breathing meditation. Last day at work before holidays. I was so excited in the morning that I forgot to do affirmations and spent time daydreaming about the holidays. It is not that I do not like my job, I simply have never had a holidays which I can spent however I want. All the holidays I had before were dedicated to taking caring of my studies. 3 suddle finger cracks. DAY 90 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute breathing meditation. Today and tomorrow I will do whatever I feel like I want to do. I will not limit myself in any way and since I am going home I will probably eat some "not very healthy" food. Now I writing in the evening and that is exactly what happened. I had some sugary craziness and I also noticed that at times when I go back to some old habits I do enjoy them less and less. As the result of changed environment and a lazy day meditation was really tough. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 91 10 minute morning exercise. 25 minute breathing meditation. Day 2 of no control. To understand how bad nutrition affects oneself you have to eat healthy for some time and then go back to old habits. It messes with my head big time. What I noticed is that I became less conscious, more passive, not really interested in taking initiative or challenging myself. This of course happened because of the change of environment but nutrition played an important role too. Today was the first time when I actually thought about skipping meditation. It was evening and I had thoughts that "I might be too tired and it will not be a quality meditation anyway. I do not want to do it just to have a plus next to my goal". What helped me to follow through is remembering that I had even more difficult circumstances for meditation and I meditated despite of them. I got my shit together and sat for 25 minutes and all I can say it was so worth it. Things have settled down, I relaxed and realized how tense I was getting. I felt a pressure because of my holidays. Funny, isn't it? Holidays are supposed to be used for recreation and resting but I wanted to make these 2 upcoming weeks to really count. Without noticing I created some subtle tension which was not in my field of awareness. After meditation I felt excited about all the opportunities that are awaiting me. Fingers cracked 2 times. (It was almost accidental and very weak cracks. It was tempting to not inculde them in the counter but since I am doing this for my own good I got to be ruthless) REVIEW OF WEEK 13 Goal review Quitting smoking - Same as last week - failure. Did not take any action this matter. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check. (did not play but watched other people play for a while) Limited social media time - Check. Eating healthy - Check. (with a pre-planned exception on weekend) Exercising daily - Check. Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Finger cracking - Failure. No more porn - Failure. Well, not proud of this. Affirmation habit - Check. Thoughts There are 2 goals that look very shaky: smoking and finger cracking. Once again - GET READY FOR CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT. Can't stress this enough. Every time I go to my old home old patterns reemerge. I think it would be a good idea to sit and meditate/contemplate on what is awaiting. Just believing that things will happen in the right way is naive and I do underestimated it again. I got really good in managing my workdays. I do enjoy them almost every day, there is a clear routine which is strict but not too constraining. What I mean is that there are certain stuff (like exercise, meditation, journaling) that I do everyday and there are periods of time that could be spent however I want. When it comes to weekends and especially weekends when I am not at home I always struggle. Another important note is that I need to get used to new ways to rest and new things to enjoy while resting. When I am at my old home I tend to act the way I used to. I look for satisfaction in my old pleasures. That does not really work well because I get less and less pleasure from food that makes me feel heavy or is very sweet. Also the time I spend watching some light entertainment does not last as long as it used to. I know I can always meditate, read, take a walk, have a meaningful conversation, practice my listening and empathy skills, study things that excite me and so on, but old patterns work in an old way. Next two weeks are HOLIDAYS! Oh there is so much stuff I want do! So here goes goal adjustment. Goal adjustment - Minimal meditation session increased to 30 minutes. - Learn another 20 minute morning yoga routine. - Practice mantra meditation. - Do a value workshop. I have never completely figured my core values. I had some notes, some thoughts but result never looked convincing. - There is also some literature to read and stuff to do that are related to my career. Will not go into detail here. - TIME TO STOP CRACKING FINGERS AMIGO! That is it for this week. I want to leave you with a song. A song which has a profound twist. If you will be patient enough and listen through it till the end it might become a special song for you as it is for me. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.10.02

Internet time: In the last post which got deleted with the server crash I wrote that I want to stop wasting time on the Internet. I wanted to only use it on Sundays for the new video and for school work. That did not work out at all. I will allow myself to use my computer once a day for one hour straight. Then I will have to shut it down again. This way I will have to consciously decide on which sides I will spend my time. On my phone I will deactivate the Internet, and if I need it I will turn it on for like 10 minutes. The good think of the server crash was, that I didn't spend too much time on this forum. I think I will journal my time spend on my computer and my phone to keep myself responsible. Journaling: In the last week I wrote almost nothing in my journal, neither in this one nor in my private one. I used to write everyday in my private one since April 2015. But thats okay. What is going on in my life: reading "The Teachings Of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda - getting a new perspective on psycedelice learning for my chemistry exam, and three other exams coming up in the next two weeks working out a lot, stretching and researching about bodyweight movement frustration with meditation Leo's new videos: Every Sunday I am excited to get to know what the new video is about. I always want it to be about an Enlightenment or advanced personal development topic. If the video is about such a topic I am happy. But everytime I do almost nothing with it, I do not implement it into my life. Once Leo said that you should take massive action from each video. Well, I take almost none. I do not need more Enlightenment videos from him. I still have a lot of action to take from every other video. For example I hate the midfulness meditation and neti neti method because I always get distracted, or I hate strong determination sitting because it is so painful. Why don't I use these hints and work with these methods, rather than waiting for a new video to get published expecting a method that works instantly? Now I will shut my computer down, learn chemistry for like three hours, work on my body for like two hours, shower extremely cold, and then eat while watching the new psychedelic video.

Hello from Scotland! I've been on the enlightenment path for 2/3 weeks or so, doing Neti-Neti once or twice a week, self-inquiry daily, meditation daily. In the self-inquiry process I've started to notice that despite trying to "zoom in" and find who I am, who is perceiving etc, I realise after a few minutes I'm not really doing anything at all. I'm still sitting in the same position and my awareness hasn't changed that much, just that the focus is on a certain part of it or is trying to reach a certain part of it. This happens especially when my consciousness dilates - the sensations seem to move from their usual location and I'm left calm, peaceful and detached from thought. It feels like the state occurs without any control and disappears in the same way, but somehow my awareness has changed. When it shifts back I realise that nothing in the surroundings has really changed and I've done nothing to achieve the awareness shift. In this state I can find it difficult to keep looking for who I am. Anybody else experience this? Should I accept this realisation as part of the process or am I doing something wrong? Are we really doing anything at all in self-inquiry?

@RossE Firstly, it takes time and consistency. Doing neti-neti once a week, it will take you 50 years. Try doing 100 hours of neti-neti straight in a row. That's more like what you need to break through. And even then, that's just newbie work. Secondly, you're never going to find yourself. Even after 50 years of neti-neti. All you'll realize is that you ARE the thing you're failing to find: namely, NOTHING! There's nothing to find cause you don't exist. That's what's to be found! You have no attributes. You cannot be seen, hear, smelled, tasted, felt, or thought. What you are is the absence of all attributes. AKA, infinite nothingness, AKA God. It's right there! Look! There is nothing to find.

Dear Leo First please accept my deepest gratitude for all your work... there is a gap , massive gap, there is theory, that can be interpreted in milloins of ways and the applications are not straight forward, and then there are the enlightened masters who speak in symbols (if they do speak) so what happens in between it seems that nobody wants to talk about... Nobody that i came across with , nobody but you, so far that i am grateful and certainly many people who folow your videos and have signed up for your book list (for which also i am so grateful, it would have been taken me ages to stumble upon all these books individually) share the same gratitude i think... I have been pracitcing meditation but not on regular basis, for several years now, and only in the last few months started dedicating more time and doing it daily, following your self-enquiry and strong determination seating... i am also in process of doing 3-4 times a day one hour seating.... Something happened to me when i did the neti neti with you ,,, i dont find many words to describe but there was silence the kind i have never known before, deep, veyr silent silence, silence that felt like i needed and wanted so much, perhaps my mind stopped thinking for fraction of a second, in any case, it rendered everything else i have experienced so far a bit pointless, so that now i am less and less focused on what i would pursue in the past... ?.. My mind keeps going over your words, and yes i know you may say that the mind cant comprehend this things, but for now thats the only tool i have and thinking is the only thing i know... You say i am nothingness.... that contains space and time.. . this means me and you and everyone else is the same nothingness so there is no distinction between me Lily and pretty much everything else around me ... and that the nothingness which is constant was there before the body as i know it and identify with started its existence,,, so why is the nothingness linked/attached to this particual self/body/entity? why is it that the nothingness that i am is perceiving things through this particular Lily the person ? if i am to my body the same as to a coffee table, then why is it that an assigning/identifying to this particular body took place? ... i am trying to keep my mind open for this possibility and just contemplate or go in silence with it... what helps is that i go back to moments from childhood, something very vividly stuck with me, in kindergarten when i wasnt allowed to go out of the balcony there was this overwhelming sense of ability to hover/fly/disperse in space but frustration that i was somehow contained in this body, the first time i looked at my own legs, as i was putting on a colourful leggings i was given, i have realised that ohh so these are my legs, this is me? it felt scary and alien and ver often as a child i would look in the mirror and not buy into that this is me.. perhaps these are just childish nonsense, but it helps to present to my mind an alternative scenario that i did have some 32 years ago of what i was, and the no identification of the body.... Apologies for the long post, please , pleasee kindly make a video of where you share your thoughts on the WHYs which nobody addresses, i know that the masters generic answer is somethign along the lines of - the WHY isnt important or that the WHY is created by the ego, or that knowing the WHY will not give me anything, but these sound more like people avoding to share their thoughts, afterall theres no harm in contemplating and trying to understand why ... and yes sure understand is the wrong word again... PLease tell us why do you think the nothingness that is our true nature, gets assigned/identified into the little individual small letter selves where each one is different but in reality everything is one and the same? Thank you so much for your time and for everything

@Neo If you don't mind me asking where are you now? I'm just curious of how any previous beliefs you may have had could affect where you are today.. It just bothers me that religion is blamed for people's closed minds.. All I gotta say is when I read the Bible it reads of enlightenment and of current events.. And if you think sitting there doing nothing or inquiring where, what or who the "I" is somehow is letting the devil in you know not yet of what that could possibly mean.. There's not enough education and history that comes with these guided meditations.. People I believe are mislead and are chasing after things they don't even realize.. Anyways, how could any religion discourage or stop you from doing that? You can call it whatever you want "Neti Neti" but to me it's called curiosity.. Labeling it as neti neti might put into association with another religion and therefore conflict with what one teacher is trying to teach you. Now that I have experienced some stuff I think there's truth to all the religions and I'm starting to think they're beautiful and something can be learned from all of them.. Like mixed martial arts.. Jesus loved everyone and I'm sure so did Buddha regardless to what they believed.. I'm ignorant at the moment to other religions so I can't say much.. I hope to learn more about the different religions in the future.. I think it's important to have respect for others beliefs and customs.. I'm hoping to be able to go back to school come January and if available I'm going to take a world religions class to learn more. I'll add the same people preaching love, peace, and positivity are judging and bashing others everywhere.. People have forgotten what love is

According to leo is the neti neti method or self inquiry, but Shinzen Young talks about strong determination sitting plus some form of meditation called "expand contract". does anyone tried both tecniques? here is the tecnique of Shizen Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYSSf71Vo7w Also I want to know if is better do the self inquiry with the guided video of leo, or by oneself. because with the video sometimes I am trying to focus my atention in the sensation of my skull (where I believe I am until today) but then leo keeps talking and that distracts me, but without the video it is so more easy to get lost in monkey mind and miss the flow.

When Leo refers to meditation with self-enquiry is he talking about Neti Neti or is there a different video where he demonstrates this? EDIT: never mind, found it on his channel.

@Mikey I really implore you to ask yourself what is knowing something? You just claimed to know truth but a few posts ago said you weren't 100% sure you even knew what truth meant, you assume to know Leo's motivations but an assumption is all it is, I have no idea what Neti Neti method is, all we're doing is playing the intellectualising game, pitting words against one another, that's why people recommend meditation my friend, to explore your own experience to find what's real and not what's just knowledge! You'll never find what you're looking for listening to the words of others and forming your own opinion, you need to question YOUR reality, YOUR thoughts, YOUR experience, YOUR knowledge, NOT somebody elses.

@Matthew Lamot A few days ago I read something about Vedanta in an article that follow this comment, would you agree with the author of it? I'll have a read at the article you display as well, seems interesting, thanks. http://www.whatneverchanges.com/blog_files/neti-neti-is-not-enough.php

WEEK 8 DAY 50 20 minute yoga in the morning. 22+25 minute meditation Today is a day off. Despite of that from the very morning I did not feel well. Tried to meditate at midday and I did not manage to sit for entire 25 minutes. Towards the end I realised that I was only waiting for the timer to go off and was not really meditating anymore. There were cravings for sweets and gaming. They kept reoccurring throughout the day. It was tough to resist. Decided to re-watch koyanisqaatsi one more time. After watching cravings came back and for a moment I was seriously considering dedicating this day to some computer game. In the end I managed to foresee the consequences and understand that I do not truly want that. In the evening I meditated again. After sit I thought a lot about letting go. Today most of my commitments were tested multiple times. Mindful eating: Breakfast - totally forgot about it. Lunch - remembered half way through the meal. Dinner - same as lunch. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 51 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute meditation. Kept coming back to the idea that it is shortsighted to sacrifice one's authenticity for something that you think you might get from other people by not being who you are. This is an important idea to work on. Today was my girlfriends birthday and we went to a vegetarian restaurant. Food was delicious but something happened in my stomach. Food just stood there for 3 hours. I am going to meditate now but I can not sit cross-legged right now. Lol. Ironically that it is what happens when I finally decide to try some vegetarian food. Not very encouraging. Meditation was very challenging. I felt pressure on my chest, that kind of pressure that used to cause panic attacks for me and my mind kept spinning. Despite of that I kept refocusing on my breathing and had some very pleasant emotions when I understood how difficult it is right now to meditate and how much dedication I am showing when ignoring all the negative circumstances. Mindful eating: Breakfast - started slowly ended fast. Lunch - partly mindful. Dinner - Partly mindful. Fingers cracked 3 times. DAY 52 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25+20 minute meditation. During the day thought a lot about "letting go". I experienced moments where my life looked a bit like a movie. I felt negative emotions but I was not as attached to them as usually. That is actually the main thing that I noticing lately - the gap between awareness and emotions is increasing slowly. Same is with the gap between awareness and thinking. Slowly. Very slowly. Meditation was difficult today. At one point I thought that I forgot to start my timer and decided to check it - there were 5 minutes left to go. Few hours later before sleep I decided to do another sit, because I felt tension in my body and pressure in my chest area. Lasted 20 minutes. Felt a bit better but still restless somewhere deep inside. Mindful eating - a little bit of mindfulness with every meal but still eating too fast. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 53 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25 minute meditation focused on sound. 25 minute breathing meditation + visualization. What is this craziness with meditation you may ask? Today started my meditation courses that I registered to a while ago. There will be 7 lessons, in each of them there will be 2 different kind of meditation techniques introduced. Teacher seemed legitimate. 18 participants. It was the first time I experienced group meditation. After the first session I opened my eyes and almost laughed. I kind of forgot where I was so there was a moment of surprise when I saw all those people sitting in a circle. I tried staying open minded, some of the things seemed a bit woo woo but I was focusing on what is useful for me at my current stage of life and there was plenty of stuff to learn. First of all, meditation has stages. It is recommended to have an "intro" an "outro" to your meditation. I have already downloaded a timer designed especially for that. Intro is all about relaxing which I often had problems with. I got some tips how to relax and also how to make sure your sitting posture is correct. On top of that teacher demonstrated various possible meditation poses. I decided to stick to the one I was practicing until now which he called "turkish sitting" and some other word I do not remember. I want to sit cross-legged with my knees touching the ground but so far I am unable to do that. All in all, it was a good experience. Looking for the next lessons where I will learn about Zen, Neti Neti, Sufi, Mantra and some other words I have no specific meaning attached to. Mindful eating - same as yesterday. A bit of mindfulness and a bit of fast pace food obliteration. Fingers cracked 4 times. DAY 54 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute meditation. The anxiety. The worry. Overall I can say that it was handled better than usually. I was focusing on accepting the feeling and tried not to resist it though I admit efforts were not entirely consistent. Today I went for lunch with my co-workers. Attempted mindful eating and tried to slow my pace down. Despite the intentions I finished my lunch first. Gosh I am fast eater. In the evening as a birthday celebration of my girlfriend we met with friends and later went canoeing. Ate well (avoided sugar), did not drink any alcohol but as we were canoeing I smoked 2 cigarettes. Came back home very late. Meditated at about 1:30 at night, forgot to use my new timer. I was exhausted and my back hurt. Ended meditation session after 20 minutes because of the lack of energy and concentration. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 55 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. I think I hit a plateau when it comes to smoking. I have no problem during workdays but during weekends I sometimes really want to smoke. There comes a question: do I resist smoking or do I avoid resistance and smoke? My emotional state welcomed smoking. I feel a bit tired and lost. Smoked 6 cigarettes today. This week was supposed to be extra focused on my detachment from smoking habit though I totally forgot that when I was smoking. One thing I should mention I do not buy cigarettes. My girlfriend smokes and that does not make my life easier. I had a period where I quit smoking for 6 months and did not struggle much. Now when I have someone close to me who smokes additional problems arise. Shiet. I used new timer for meditation today. It goes like this: 4 minutes for relaxation, 20 minutes focusing on breathing and 1 minute to feel the body and end the session. Really liked this format although struggled with sitting posture. At one point I had to stretch my legs. I will buy a pillow filled with buckwheat as soon as they restock (currently sold out). In meditation "class" they had pillows like this and sitting was very comfortable. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 56 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute sound meditation. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Attempted sound meditation. I am so used to focusing on breathing that I need some time to adjust. My mind wandered more than it usually does during breathing meditation. Few hours later I sat and focused on my breath. I have finally managed to relax. Finally! What a relief. It was not a complete relaxation though, there was something that still kept some tension going but mostly I was relaxed. Did not last very long though. Sunday was productive - spent 5 hours concentrated on the project. Smoked 2 cigarettes. Sat for another 25 minute breathing meditation to close the week. Fingers cracked 1 time. REVIEW OF WEEK 8 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. 3 days of smoking, 8 cigarettes. This is not much, I used to smoke twice the amount in one day but it does not matter. I might actually stop being so strict about smoking because I still do want to smoke sometimes. I know it is possible to brute-force it but it is not likely to be a long-term solution. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check. Limited social media time - Check. (facebook intensified advertising and that sometimes naturally makes me want to stop using it completely) Eating healthy - Check. Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. (although I caught myself sitting like a potatoe couple of times) No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (no alcohol at all) No sugar in coffee - Check. Finger cracking - Check. (not perfect but alright, keeping the counter on until I get less than 3 cracks per week) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Check. (not consistent) Mindful eating - Check. (I will give it a "green" because it is the first week but I this needs more mindfulness) Thoughts This week I often felt restless. Not always sure why but there is tension - a lot of it and often. I am more aware that my thinking is mostly negative and I got some insights about why it is the way it is. I grew up in the environment where I was always punished for things done wrong (very often I was not aware that something might be wrong) and I very very rarely got any positive feedback. I was focused on learning the "rules" so that pain can be avoided. The problem was that the "rules" were contradicting with itself. I always looked for logical explanation and focused only on the rational part of the problem. I was emotionally clueless and in my early years it has never came to my attention how significant emotions are. Under different emotional circumstances different "rules" applied. If parents were happy I could relax, if they are tired or conflicting with each other (which I saw a lot of in my childhood) no matter what I did some "rules" might be broken accidentally. Because I was not able to follow the rules and even if I tried I was not able to understand why rules are inconsistent I was ALWAYS focused on what could go wrong. Sometimes something I have done seemed to be completely fine by my standards but I knew that my standards did not matter much. I might be punished one way or another so I had to find the SAFEST way to do things. This is probably the main reason behind my neurosis. I always look for something wrong. Since I have always blamed myself more than the environment and accepted the bigger part of responsibility on my shoulders I became extremely self-critical and judgemental. My model of reality is incredibly distorted. I remembered few situations where people reacted to something I said as if I was very worried. I was surprised by that because I thought I was fine, I was not able to detect the emotion. If I worried less for me it used to seem like I am fine, like I am relaxed. Now that I am working on myself consistently and my soft addictions play smaller and smaller role in my life I am more AWARE of what I am FEELING. Now I just fucking feel like I can not relax ever. Right this moment as I am typing I am feeling some pressure on my chest and my shoulders are slightly tense. I relax my shoulders but minute later the tensions is likely to come back. As Leo said in this week's video "first three years of self-development might feel like you are regressing". Well, it does sometimes. I have sweet moments from time to time but the fact that I am putting more effort than ever and I mostly feel like shit is not an easy one to accept. I kind of want to say something like "god give me strength" lol. I am not religious and have never been religious but I sure could use some bliss or revelations. Goal adjustment — Focus on observing physiology and relieve tensions once they are detected. I have plenty to work on for now. Than you for reading, TakeCare Next update is planned on 2016.08.21

Saturday, 16/07/20 Enlightenment Work: 52 minutes of do nothing in the morning, 60 minutes of the guided (edited) neti neti meditation. As I was really trying to find the nothingness in the neti neti meditation and I failed. And later in that sitting after finishing the guided part, I realized that I want to reach Enlightenment too much, and this wanting/attachment prevents me from getting it or experiencing the nothingness. I need to let go of that and of everything else (like success and good grades in school), but that is hard. How should I do this? Life Purpose Work: I prioritized my values again and tried to figure out my new Zone of Genius, but this is hard. I don't know if the answers I am writing down at the work sheet are right... I wanted to code a little bit, but the Internet was gone. And coding without being able to search for solutions on the Internet is not so sensible. School Work: I summed up stuff for chemistry and wrote it down nicely. And I revised stochastic stuff for math and did a few exercises. I love math, but I hate probability stuff. Things I am grateful for: calling my best friend seeing how depended I am on having Internet access seeing that I am too attached Since yesterday evening our Internet and telephone connection was gone. So until this afternoon I only had Internet access on my phone and that was really slow. I had to do things where I don't need the Internet like school work or thinking about my life purpose. I also stopped procrastinating and started to edit the neti neti meditation. I wanted to do this for a long time, and finally I did it. I edited out of the audio file the stuff where Leo explains things about open-mindedness... which just annoyed me. And I added a few breaks with just silence where Leo is to fast for me.

Guys please do not laugh at me I have phobia from dark places when I be alone lately I watched both of (neti neti method and the next level of meditation) and both of these methods required to be my eyes closed. So when I practice these methods I start to be afraid because my eyes close and everything dark and no one near me So my question is there any solution for my phobia or can I practice these methods with my eyes open

Today I did 55 minutes of strong determination sitting. The first 30 minutes I had a lot of thoughts. After that I began the self inquiry / neti-neti. I asked myself: "who am I?", "I am not my body, not the sounds I hear, not my breath, not my feelings, not my thoughts." "What am I when all this falls away?". Then at one moment I saw myself in an elevator shaft, hanging on to the ramp with one hand, clinging to it. A voice said: "let go. Just let go". I let go and what I felt was like an orgasm. It was a release. I fell down the shaft. Everything went black as I was falling down in this black hole. I felt a tinkling sensations in my whole body like an orgasm (not in the genitals btw). Mostly in my head and spine. But as I got emotional about this breakthrough sensation, I started thinking about it and then the effect stopped. Anyone had similar experiences?

I know that's why I said I will start a self inquiry habit! If I do Neti Neti and combine it with strong determination sitting I will definitely get enlightened within 3 years at most. Once I'm enlightened I'm no longer orange!

@How to be wise Neti-Neti is a good one too. Did you experience it directly? It can really open up the space that is what you are beyond all the silly ego stuff. Don't spend your life fighting it. See it for what is. The gross level of awareness. The surface of what is really there.