MarinM

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About MarinM

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  • Birthday 05/21/1998

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  1. @Girzo thank you! I'll keep it in mind
  2. @Girzo I earned some money on the work and travel program so I can easily pay for the course and still have money to sustain myself for one year if I want to, but I'm going to find a job to keep the money coming until I become able to bring some value with art where that can be my full time occupation. I also want to work various kinds of 9 to 5 jobs because I realized how much I grew and learned over the 4 months of working experience
  3. @Equanimitize @archi I've done it, feels so peaceful, like I may have transcedend my dad, the response was also much more calmer then I expected. Days will tell if I just fooled myself Thanks for the responses
  4. @SFRL thanks, it helped me in a way
  5. Hello everyone! So, I'm first year and second semester of college of digital art which I thought could learn me how to draw. Instead they are teaching completely irrelevant things for me like web design, graphic design, 3d animation which I don't deny their usefullness, I just feel much more like painter and to make concept/digital art and traditional art where all I need is drawing/painting skills. Now, I don't deny that I might learn those things someday if I felt like learning them, I just say that I have priority with learning how to draw and paint. One year ago, I have found online school which I felt I want to go in, which teaches traditional painting exclusively, which is great base line for my future work and that plan has sticked to me ever since. After first semester over summer I went to USA on work & travel program which is for students only and there I have worked for the first time in my life for 4 months and that was one of the most life changing experiences. I've traveled a lot and met a lot of different people and most importantly I saw that it can be easy to survive on your own. When I came back I had to finish whole second semester and final exams which I wanted to finish at first because I could go on a work & travel again next year. Now when I sit down to do them I feel biggest repultion ever and don't feel any purpose towards them, not even work and travel program because I'd like to travel other countries also and work there or work in my city and be independent with myself. My dad is paying for my college and my living and he expects me to finish the college to get the degree (which I don't need because portfolio is only what matters in getting artistic jobs), but I can't feel authentic when there is authority above me. I felt few times like there will just come collapse and truth will come out beetween me and him because he doesn't know anything about online school or that I want to quit college and live on my own. I also expect that he will stop giving me financial support and maybe even stop being involved in my life but I feel like I am ready for the worst. Also I forgot to mention that my first vision for my independence came last year on my peak of meditation ever, also I haven't meditated ever since (a month or two after the peak) because I want to get my basic needs fullfiled first and I felt like I couldn't ground myself in "real life" - this is excuse of course but I couldn't handle it. And that vision/need is coming back to me again but it's really scary thing to do. What do I do? Do I even have control? Do I follow my vision where I see myself as self reliant and powerful im such a positive way or is that just ego giving me sweet visions and emotions on them to keep me away from college because I'm too lazy to finish it and I just want to dabble around on the next thing? Is it just an escape and trying to change external circumstances? By logic it is just escape, but when I visualize myself quitting college and going on my own I feel peacful, free and independent no matter the costs of "losing my dad" (I also see in my vision where I have good relationship with my father and we are somehow more equal and more like friends just because of the way new me feels like). Thank you for your attention ❤
  6. Life is a maze was a good one. I think its great video for opening people up to possibility that there is much more. Part when he said that you dont really need to know how, you just have to be open always and you will eventualy figure it out almost brought me to tears since Im always looking for more to understand and sometimes period comes when you are fully in the unknown, i got a big feeling of security and that im safe in this world, just have faith in yourself and life
  7. Just keep being honest like that with yourself More you see yourself, more you understand
  8. Can someone explain me what kind of intuition is talked about here? I always thought that intuition is only happening before big life changes when it calls you to do something scary but where you will grow a lot
  9. Maybe try to find seasonal job or something. Ive been stuggling for 2 years with will power and discipline and felt almost same way as you. Im working now for the first time in my life every day for 9 hours for month now. Ive changed tremendously and I still have 3 months to work. Until last week ive been struggling with myself unbelievably, my mind was crazy like never before resisting change like never and i wanted to quit everything multiple times. I feel incredible after month of struggle and i expect more challenges but im much more confident in myself and im doing work much easier (im a dishwasher for 9h). I feel like im growing unbeliavably fast now. Thats my recommendation - you get money for practicing discipline. But if you feel like army could help you it can be really good experience as well and can prepare you for life but the thing is also that you have to internally want to change and accept all the challenges as yours and not something “life forces you to do so”. Real growth happens only inside
  10. @Quanty but what tells which are good or bad, people do bad things to feel more safe because of lack in consciusnes so they are trapped. What makes them bad if thats the only thing they know
  11. @Star Net Thank you man for the nice response. Still figuring myself out
  12. Is the way to not deal with karma is to not take credit for anything that happens to you?
  13. Yo so im in a house with 3 friends who dont trust easily im kinde of naive with trusting because i trust almost anyone so two or my friends think that the other guy is not trust worthy that he will do something bad to us but i dont see him as any threat he seems like a cool guy and ive spend quite some time with him he seems really nice guy but he is weak with women he will fall for their words easily (i would too almost xd) so are these just projectons of us onto him or is there some truth that i will find if i trust my two friends about him and try to find it in him or to believe he is scam?
  14. I did it unconsciously in high school. Held my hands on the throat and had no idea what i was doing. I just passed out randomly lol but i woke up after 10 sec quickly
  15. It doesnt mean that you cant transcend it. People are usually driven by it but its mostly done unconciously