AJBrew

@Judy2 and to you as well!

Thank you very much for this!

This is a really good point and I do believe there are some things that have lead up to this such as past struggles and a more recent loss of a parent and companion as well. I was doing an hour mediation almost everyday the beginning of 2025 for 8 months but then my career has made this much more difficult to maintain but I know I should still fit in 15min if I can. I have a question thought if you don't mind. If an overwhelming appearance pops up within my awareness should I focus mainly on simply observing and being aware of it from a distance or should I allow myself to feel and savor it as well? What would be the best way to approach this through acceptance of an uncomfortable experience while also reducing resistance.

I found that humor was one of the best antidotes as well. I find that as my life has become more fast paced that I've become more drawn into or absorbed into appearances a lot more, and already being a sensitive individual this is more easily overwhelming I can see. I need to get back on my mediation routine more frequently. Thank you for this.

This was extremely helpful thank you.

Oh geez man, I don't know if that's helping lol. Based on what you showed I question some of those beliefs and theory as it looks like they involve suffering and fractured ego. This was more luminous than anything (in the moment).

I'm sorry to hear you went through a similar experience. How did you recover and heal from this if you don't mind me asking? Exactly, I noticed my resistance was the whole issue but my ego just wasn't ready and it felt like getting ready to drop on a roller coaster. It's crazy you mentioned that because yes I was practicing raising my awareness in my meditations the past couple months. Should I do it every couple of days instead of everyday or just do grounding mediation for now?

This is a perfect way to summarize what the ego was doing and I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience. How did you manage and heal from this if you don't mind me asking? I feel fine and at baseline now, back in my body and in the environment. I still notice a heightened sense of anxiety that's only brought up through worry or being exposed to overstimulating things so im cutting out caffeine for a while now. I should have mentioned I was drinking matcha and green tea everyday for months but I barely think that's enough caffeine to trigger something like this. This experience also provided some positives too which is odd. I've felt more socially open and less anxious talking to anyone now and I noticed feeling less judgement towards myself and others which is so interesting. It's almost like the ego had to re-calibrate or something.

There's an insight I had a couple weeks ago where I realized or felt that everything was space or emptiness. This insight was a bit too much for me to handle and I froze for a couple seconds. The next day I felt detached from the present and my body. I noticed part of my attention was on whats in front of me and the other half of my attention felt like it was in the back of my head. I did further research on this and talked it over with my PCP as well and its seems to be a potential Depersonalization/Derealization episode triggered by intense anxiety. The following days to weeks I noticed I was detached from my body and my surroundings, I recognized the same environments I've been in for years but they felt unfamiliar even though I was able to recognize them. It felt like I was living up in my head and my psyche was trying hard to resist the present moment so I practiced grounding meditation and feeling into presence which helped quite a bit on-top of hot showers. I also noticed that focusing on tasks like work and socializing brought me tremendous relief as well, I was extremely sensitive to the point of feeling overwhelmed by the littlest things and haven't been this sensitive to anxiety since I was a child. There was a point I was in the shower and my psyche was strongly resisting "what was" or simply resisting this reality or this life itself, I then tried to focus on the present as deeply as I could with compassion and this seemed to have resolved this. I had this lasting dissociative episode for about three weeks were I was hyper aware of my environments and my body (even though I was dissociated at the same time) to the point where I was able to hear and sense things in my body that I've never been so intensely attuned to before. Resting on the couch with my cats, watching shows and playing some lighthearted video games after work seemed to help this episode, hot showers and sleep were definitely the most effective as speeding up the recovery from this episode as well. I'm posting this in-case someone else has had a similar experience to receiving insights that were too intense for their current state of consciousness and have had their nervous system burn out like in this instance. Any advice or feedback on this would be greatly appreciated as well as this seemed to have lasted three weeks but I seem to be back at baseline now thankfully.

A friend relayed to me that any of the Germanic countries are seriously worth looking into for a plethora of reasons. The Netherlands has some sort of relation with the US that makes moving there easier if you start your own business.

@Breakingthewall Thank you for this. @Hojo That's incredible..

@BreakingthewallDo you think its possible that our egos or the essence of our individuality leave a permanent imprint on reality, even beyond death?

@Hojo That makes more sense and aligns with the experience more. @Inliytened1 Oh geez man that sounds intense, hope to god if that does happen it's over the weekend or something.

@theleelajoker I appreciate that link. This must be more of a subtle experience that a complete blowing out I'm assuming. @Persanity What saddens me about this is the dual nature of wanting to experience things from an individual isolated perspective but at the same time the costs that comes with that while also desiring to be limitless and free as well.

I had an epiphany while stationary in my car today, and I’d love for others here to reality check what I’m about to share. It hit me that this whole identity or ego we’re so fixated on this idea of “who we are” is completely illusory. Instead, what we truly are is this underlying, fundamental essence or presence of reality itself: a pure, formless awareness with no fixed point of reference? I had this familiar feeling or unfolding like I was back in adolescence when I was completely receptive and present. So could it be that death is this full unveiling, the absolute realization or unfolding of this awareness and presence? In other words, death is a complete return to our true being?