ValiantSalvatore

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Posts posted by ValiantSalvatore

  1. Posted

    I overslept today, and wanted to do it I noticed I need more sleep and even though I woke up on time and took a few steps around the appartment. I decided to sleep for another 1h 30. I only had 6h approx of sleep. Which is not enough when working out and studying all day, my mind needs more rest, the body is fine but not my head. 

    So, I am currently not doing the stretching exercises that I want to do, but I wake up 15 min earlier, so I could do them. Yet, I notice I am spending a lot of time on the forum, especially yesterday answering peoples questions and it got me thinking a bit.

    It's very difficult to know if someone truely thankful for advice or is used receiving things. Ask and you shall be given. Is the first though that pops into my mind. I am still waiting for my nootropics which focus mainly on the brain and mylein etc NGF and BDNF I can't recall anymore what they are good for.

    Still, I am a bit scared about the exams I did not prepare properly even when I took some steps. The professor where I do the project is a fking asshole, I can't say it often enough and some of the cs people here are truely assholes. Nepotism and friendships in Germany is still way to strong here, you have the right friend group and doors and access to solutions, projects etc will open. Part of what I am saying are assumptions, yet I notice more and more that I am alone again. Which I've been for the most time in my life, because I am a single child. 

    It's very odd,... it's like you see 10000 steps ahead but can't take the next step, because you know you will loose, so you have to setup the correct path omg fking map methapor. I am quite done, with looking at things as a map and yellow, yellow is not sufficient. I want to look at things as holistic fields and macro solutions to macro problems on earth. 

    I will make a plan now and study I made myself some tee. My workouts are doing fine, yet I still currently can't get over the idea of privilige, it makes me so angry. That CDU party and Germans don't see this and perpetuate it. I hope the CDU completely becomes dismantled as well as the SPD and we actually have a liberal party so social cohesion would be stronger. Instead of these retarded secular traditionalists who are doing nothing more the purple / blue tribe mentallity. Germans definitely are not as evolved as they are presented on a world stage, all they have is their secular sounding langugage or mechnical, technical etc. Which makes sound somewhat sophisticated and logical. But, German is not that beautiful, especially when you come from my region. Although, it's fun. I did CBT for a while and I can't stand Germans anymore or how priviliged white people are based on their skin color, in a sociological and psychological scale, they have to deal with less pressure etc. I am happy I choose a prof who is also interested in social causes to do my bachelors and the internship, since nowadays and in this region it is not guranteed even if they act like this etc.

    If they need to make muslim jokes and black jokes in the ASTA and other foreigners just tolerate it, and they enforce sterotypes, as peasant German they clearly are not conscious and I am not interested to be part of the problem. 

  2. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    @ardacigin He says somewhere that it's more comfortable to sit for long hours, because even for him the pain kicks in but at one point everything becomes numb and pain does not matter at this point or so, he definitely said it's easier to sit cross legged, his teachers forced him into the full lotus, that was the story behind it because it is more comfortable for longer sits.

    My back starts to hurt in a chair after 1h30 or 2h. approx and about the spine on a cushion, I have a zabuton and zafu, it is easier to keep erect / maintain...the spine there.  instead of on a chair, since you rely on your body strucutre more heavily not having to use a back rest. I definitely notice that I don't have any lower back issues and I assume that is what hurts while sitting on a bed with a cushion for sometime, when you sink into it a bit, you have to balance more, at least that is how it feels with me I tried the same. After seeing leo doing it for his retreat on a couch. A couch is a bit more comfy. But I prefer zabuton and zafu with buckwheat if I googled correctly, not kapuk, kapuk is horrible imo and a low budget version. Yet, buckwheat needs to be refilled it's a bit harder and more couch like but gives more leeway and it's very comfy and still sturdy. 

    I am not at all flexible I trained for 3 months in the morning, yet 15 minutes are not enough. I asked at the zen retreat for some exercises, they could not give me an exercise for how to develop flexibility. I want to do hardcore sittings, yet I have and want to train my body. My motivation now definitely has shifted, since a lot of pain is gone. 

    I have a different history with pain, I have to make this smooth otherwise my brain goes poof. I tried the pain-processing algorithm from shinzen it was very effective for me I did it for 4-3 months, but switched back to choiceless awarness since my deepest experiences with meditation in a state-stages sense was with the do-nothing technique. So, I figured I'll take a something that helps me more with everyday life, so I can spam meditation techniques during the day and lables which help to stay aware, but I notice while writing a lot of the time it's cognitive not bodily focused. Since, as I said I have a different history with pain :D I ,can't feel my body as much as I would want to through breath and I am not joking my cerbellum hurts, afterawhile . So.. I want to adress this also directly, but one step at a time. 

    How do you deal with small LIVING things, like insects or bugs crawling on you while you do SDS lol ?

    For me it is currently not as much the posture, that is hindering me but, my brain or the brainbody, the cerbellum controlls posture and body movements and sensory motor skills IIRC. so... I was wondering, I'll definitely get back to SDS more when I can sit half-lotus and full. Meanwhile I'll sit crosslegged with a cushion. I definitely recommend a cushion, it's a nice ritual imo, at one point to even get rid of on the four paths to enlightenment which includes stream entry, or if you want to be hardcore you can do it on the floor ! lol People in Nurma do that in a vipassana tradition there, they solely focus on pain lol ! That you can sit for that long in this poistion is amazing I can't do that yet and I don't think I will be able to do it, also because of my body and "health" issues.

    You could ask shinzen if he could teach you the technique or he could ask the guy from the life pratice program who pratices it to teach you. I don't know he always says you can call him etc. I don't have his number lol, but in an emergency he always says you can call him. I thought about writing a mail no one ever asked for the number in the programs I took part in. But enough talking for now. I am done and will go to bed. Thanks for the post again !

  3. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    @ardacigin Are you solely meditating on a chair or do you also use a cushion ?

    I want to become more flexible and set a timer in the morning to do some stretches, yet I am also curious since I meditated the vast majority of the time at the beginning of my journey on a chair. I can sit depending on the chair for a long time. I think the longest time I ever sat in meditation in a single sit was on LSD for 3-4 hours and during home pratice programms from shinzen young I usually sit in a chair, since I can sit on a cushion for 60 mins. 45 mins in SDS.

    Also thank you for sharing even the people who did the zen retreat where not that serious that is quite inspiring ! I want to be able to sit in full lotus, because it get's difficult for longer sits on a chair apparently, this is what shinzen says. After 90 min my back really starts to hurt so I move a bit.

    Also, since I am and decided to solely practice with shinzen youngs techniques that. A quick note:

    I don't understand your technique, yet I can tell you the purpose of gone in a big picture sense, so if it happens you know this "should" have been caused by gone. Gone breaks up space and time. This is how shinzen also explains it in one video, potentially in the pdf. 

    I tried self-inquiry but it was a bit to intense anyway. 

    Thanks for sharing this ! Shinzen surely is amazing I can't be thankful enough or I'll cry again.:D


     

  4. Posted

    @CreamCat

    Why does JP lack mastery when he has a Ph.D ? What counts as mastery ? I mean an olympian mastered, for instance javlin tossing, and is a very nice person. Yet, it's very rare imo to feel inspired by a single olympian instead of olympia itself (besides you are a fan) and the "festival" and attraction that it pulls, wanting to see people perform and beat records, representing countries, being an political event. I know Usian Bolt that's it. I feel more that this is a political opportunity, I imagine how it must have been in rome or greece not sure if rome also had olympia.

    And I like olympia and the variety of sports a lot... I just don't watch it often. 

    I mean I could critcize JP that he does not do enough research or publishes enough paper if his field of mastery is academics etc. Yet, I often feel that he is more on a mission not sure what kind but, he definitely spreads his agenda and I am still not really on terms with him receiving money from right-wingers or apparently extrem right-wing on patreon. He deleted it, but where does he pour the money into ? Publishing books ? Nothing against his books I like 10 rules for life I feel things like this are missing, yet the more crucial point is a healthy family, in a healthy enviroment with appropriate opportunities for growth and chances for others to join the commune. 

    I've once read an dysotopian book where everything was perfect, basically all levels of spiral dynamics especially health (let's say reaching green or Green/yellow with so many system changes / thinking about health), so including beige, hormornal checks etc. They contaminated or put certain areas under quarantine, banned cigarettes and alcohol. Etc. I can't remember the end of the book, it is called corpus delicti, meaning the body or tool / vessel which did the murdering, in simplistic terms. It definitely did not end well, it's clear that people are deficient, yet I don't think everyone can be an ace or a superstar. The point is optimization, and I can't become an olympian as Stephen Hawking.. but, he certainly contributed and mastered the fields relevant to physics or theoretical physics. So, that is my point. I am also trying to grow therefore not sure if this post was useful, because, it would rather be interesting to hear your perspective on how to grow through each stage and action steps taken, for instance joined the xyz community and helping with refugees from xyz, etc. So, having a list of activities that involve each stage. That would be very cool also.

    I like the video you posted a lot and subbed the channel.

    I also think many people who do sports are definitely more humble and have very good purple tribe mentallity and respect towards each other in the team with defined roles etc, that they can act out healthly in blue. But you can't be at beige basically by definition of the spiral dynamics book, since you are not reduced to your biological functions. Stage beige is a new born, or someone who has a serious ilness and was no "consciouness" therefore or free will or some other name. You can look at it from a biological perspective and the SAAFE review, yet most people here did not take the test, rendering the post a bit useless. I get what is meant most likely from the test, yet it does not really seem that many read the book. Being beige according to the book is horrible...
     

     

  5. Posted

    10 min entry:

    So far I did 

    6 study sessions approx. I did two 25 min "pomodoro" study sessions because of limited time. So I studied more or less intensely today for 5h which is okay I planned 8 or 9 I guess, so I am doing fine, yet when I look at progress made I did some unecessary stuff, I will prepare more with the pratice exam and then pick out the exercises that are useful for tackling similar problems and the exam. Then I will be more productive and achieve better results. I praticed to much with the exercises the last couple of days because that is apparently a enengram type 4 tendency to have difficulty to find out what is important and what is not, tomorrow we will have the last lecture before the exam. So, I will get another overview I asked tons of questions, but they are only good for reading the code writing is something else and I did not do every exercise. I hate and become quite reluctant to do things that I don't like and I dislike web programming a lot. Same with PHP, I don't really like the language never liked it even in high school. I am more open to it now, since coding itself is fun, yet I want results for now. 

    Otherwise I read an article from calnewport yesterday or today, I will re-read them and re-read them till I am the student that I want to be. I read them in my 10 minute break. I definitely to most things right, it's small stuff that I am doing wrong. For instance not praticing first with the mock exams and then compile a mega problem set. 

    I did my workout today it took me way to long but the breaks are neccessary for this type of exercise it's called contrast exercise. I saw a guy working on the butterfly machine asking for help, they played volleyball and I was curious since he had a six pack and was ripped if I could do the same, since I was doing bench presses with 60kg without counting the pole. I did it quite easily, the gym is not perfect , so I can't see how much weight he tried to lift and therefore I was lifting. I definitely made some progress doing now quite easily 100kg of back squats without counting the pole with 5 repetitions in 4 or 5 sets. So, I feel quite strong my shoulds are getting big and my sprints feel intense.

    Timer is over more studying for now with the better approach.

     

  6. Posted

    I woke up 15 mins earlier, yet my body craves sleep so much from all this studying and working out and I usually don't wind down on time, but I woke up on time.


    I meditated only for 52 mins today the last 8 minutes lying down with a mudra, like I did when I travled because I was scared that people in China will react weird when a foreigner starts meditating.

    I notice that the part of my brain that in general the compassion exercises helped dealing with thoughts about annoyance. I feel this part of the brain which I assume is the cerebellum currently so much, it is a hinderance or the devil currently. I don't really like to use the word devil since I grew up partially catholic which is pretty much the worst out of all religions out there, even the aghori sadghus are more consciouss than your average catholic.

    I also feel a bit vulnerable today but.. brain wise, I feel that consciouness wants me to become consciouss and I feel sad that I am not and unable to care properly because of it..

    I am really done with all of this decadence and I hope I can adjust fast to my new wake up time, so I can properly do the stretching exercises which will prepare me for longer sits than 1h and also for yoga. 

    I made a plan for today and will start studying and made myself some green tea. I definitely feel a dislike against americans today, can't tell why, I am a bit annoyed at their decadence when reading comments here.

    But holy brain my neck and my brain are so annoying currently, I definitely want to do some shadow work around introjection so I get various subpersoanilties out that are useless. Yet, I can't really find the time currently besides in breaks etc. 

    Otherwise, I my wind down ritual works, but I start to late and my sleep is very good but it is not enough currently. Even when I take short naps during the day for 10 mins or so. 

    This is definitely not sustainable and I want one day which I have planned when I restructed everything after the exams where I will relax and do what I want more and actually plan it and not saying it only mentally.


     

  7. Posted

    So, now the journal... I will set a timer and grab some food. I rest my timer to go to bed  by 15min and defnitely missed my last study session therefore I am unable to finish exercise 7 I finished 6 today and 6 is based on 7. 

    So about today:

    I fking love honey. ... I have a sweetooth, yet I somehow don't become ravenous during the night.

    3 study sessions in the morning
    2 / 1/2 in the afternoon
    2 in the evening

    So, amounting to 7 / 10 planned 

    It's still fine. I assume I am well using my time rahter well, with tiny amount of to many breaks. Tomorrow I will have another "exam" preperation aka the last exercise and I am at 7 out of 12 so far, I will write the test on monday and I am also working on the project I have to present on wednesday. But I am still not making any good progress I spent 2h30 again today trying to find a solution of how I can use the concepts of his retard script. The internet helps somehow I found an example from tutorialspoint even, but somehow it does not work. I can try it again and see if I did a mistake. 

    Otherwise I studied for 375 mintutes = 6h of studying I would say since the last round I dabbled around it was 5h worth the other session where quite intense and in my work out I could restructure three pages of code, by praticing deep work while working it today. 

    Sprints, warm up and .. burpees.. yyeahyhiyiyi I did not finish the burpes at the end and please don't project toxictity that was a happy yeahiyiiyiyy and now it's toxic.

    So, I did 10x 20x20 sprints with 10 burpees at the end and 60 second break. So I did 100 burpess with sprints in total (400m). I burpee looses 14 calories so, I lost 140 burpees solely today by doing 100 of them. I also had to throw away my food since leaving curry in the pot causes bacteria to grow and the american healthy association or so recommends to throw it even away after 2h, which is just a precautionary measurement from them. 

    I talked with my bf about working out, he tested the workout from russle westbrook and I had to laugh why he tests a workout from a pro-athelete so freely, he said he was done, doing single legged deadlifts I was like TH are you doing. I love it we have a lot of fun acting like americans because I am one. He is half croatian, half german. And one of the few people I am currently fortunate to call my friend. Since I kicked the other two out of my life, I also like his gf very very much. She explains greek mythology to me and is an ENFJ he is an ISTJ, they both took the test and he scored ISFJ I told him no lol ! He is istj they both took the horrendous test form 16 personalities.com, he read the istj and they both know it's relative. Yet, his relationship is quite healthy and I am happy for them from what I can tell. We can talk about stuff like extroverted and introverted animes, uni, avengers etc. Yet, the two friends who I kicked out where part of the group he moved to another city and we lost contact, I always fking always and again fking always make time to reach out to friends or spam them with hours of stickers on whatsapp while I sit on the toilett and take a dump. 

    This is also the main reason or one of many why I kicked them out, they never take the initative to do something and cry and give a bad collective name to the group, are complacent yes it's a rant, have toxic relationships more or less, can't seem to get out of their situation and don't take care of health. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY they both don't want to actualize. This is what bothers me the most they want a mediocore life. I never ever wanted this I don't care if I have to do a fking doctors and become a professor to earn more than the average.

    Why ?

    Because first of all I want to provide myself with financial freedom, and also give my mom some financial support and care for her when she becomes old, we now have the same situation with my grandma and my mother is not necessarily financially fluid, my aunt supports her, but only financially, she seldom comes by but she also did not like my grandma very much. I did not like her neither and I said horrendous things, yet she is also basically the reason why I want to self-actualize and why I am also willing to go through some extrems or unconvetional pathways. She sat infront of the TV (if you ever heard to story of fightmediocrity on youtube it's a bit similar but not ... poverty driven, I have to say this because germans are dumb) for 15 years and did nothing besides cleaning the house, go for an ice, watch tv again, complain x, complain z, annoy me because she is bored. Like hell. I can understand but she was so averse to meeting new people because she was quite stubborn but also so lively, I can't understand I blame vulnerability for now... She seems like an ambiverted ESFP, but with the generation difference it is difficult to tell. My mom is ESTJ my aunt INFJ, fahter I assume ENFJ or INFJ. So, at home being surrended with types that don't get me it was sooooo boring and I felt often that my intellect and curiostity was supressed because I knew more than my grandma and stupid shit like that. Now I am definitely going overboard. I am a bit annyoed at my apparent non-inherent verbosity of this text. I noticed this when I read a book on the side, but fine. People can't even speak proper english here I am happy when I am done with this region, nature nice, people are absolute horseshit, the collective unconsciouness stuff that I have to think and others think also!!! I observed is just absurd. I rather see myself as a lumberjack when nature and forests are so present here, instead of some proll. Like the fat guy who needed to feel intimidated because I looked at 3 ! people walking past me with all my belonings around because I worked out outside. But now he has to feel threatend and speak in a proll voice and make the "athelete" look dumb, did he ever watch olympia ?? There is no niveau in this university and sometime just pure hitlery. I definitely already wished I had a baseball bat. Just to smack some hilter kids out of the ball park. *WHACK* ! Gone.

  8. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    @Chi_ Still, legal so far what I found the listing is from 2016. From the "NeuePsychoAktiveSubstanzenGesezt" I just read the new draft of it which they made in march 2019, but it has not yet been promulgated. So, to my knowledge base it is still legal rather not controlled and therefore a grey area. They listed it on the new draft or rather the chemical compounds.

    1P-BLSD already seems to be the alternative apparently, but no idea.

     

    You can read the draft on psychonaut wiki. Or check the wiki about the law. I just did 40 mins ago or so.


    Or when did they ban it in Germany ?

  9. Posted

    @outlandish I'll have to check I am not at home lol and won't be for a while I am at the students dorm. I really can't remember potentially it also was ALD-52 I am quite sure I wrote a post here where I listed everything that I tested, in 2017 / 18.

    I'll look it up, when I getting my hands on something. It's a bit more tricky now and they want to release a new law for this here in Germany listing 1P-LSD they already produced 1B-PLSD or so to counteract the law enfrocements in Switzerland and Belgium. 

    I am spending to much time lol, I just wanted to write in my dumb journal and now I am here for 40 min. lol! 

    I've got you if I'll check when I am back home next week and write you a pm. 

     

  10. Posted

    @outlandish Lol, I googled everything that was legal here. It is difficult to make distinctions I can't remember unfortunately :(. 1P-LSD and AL-LAD is what I tried the most some seller had a combination pack so I bought it. I can't tell the difference. I just checked and it is quite difficult to obtain lol. I did not know that. 

    Would love to tell you but, I can't recall. I know the seller had a bundle and once even a discount which was a surprise. It was in there I would not have gotten my hands on it otherwise. 

    It's been almost two years now, so I really do not remember it was definitely not as impactful as 1P-LSD for me most likely similar to AL-LAD or ETH-LAD. 

    If I try it again, I'll let you know and will write a trip-report. 
     

  12. Posted

    I have approx 4min till the site will be blocked.

    I am eating breakfast and want to wake up 15 min earlier...

    Now, I will plan my day and study for most the the time and implement the procedure I listed yesterday. 

    Otherwise I am not very happy with my progress in meditation. My brain is annyoing it feels as if it does not want to quiet down, for instance when I curse mentally or be verbally aggressiv mentally, I use the lable hear flow which calms it down so fast it's quite effective I found this out the last two or three weeks or so, after reading the script from Shinzen Young again. Not there is no subtle stirring there anymore, but heavy tiny mailstorm stirring again... I hope this is not kriya and I'll go full cult again. 

    Even if ... it's fine it's not like I was not able to controll it very well, yet it would be nice if somebody would be nearby and tell me that all of this is normal and can happen. So, I don't feel like a nut case. 

    I want to still do 3 retreats this year so timr

  13. Posted

    @Chi_ It's a prodrug as far as I know and turns into LSD inside the body the chemincal components are difficult to distinguish, I also think they are both part of the lysergamid family. 

    I did not read much into LSD because it is illegal and I was a bit worried that I will be persecuted by the police or anything like that.

    I definitely recommend a drug testing kit. 

    I tested AL-LAD, ETH-LAD, Pro-LAD and 1P-LSD I recommend to buy a drug testing kit again.

    1P-LSD was the most intense for me although ETH-LAD has a description of being more vivid and powerful than LSD. You can check psychonaut wiki. or erowid. Yet, AL-Lad is still one of my favorite it's very friendly somehow 1P-LSD felt a bit more like a heavy hitter and was not as smooth a bit more raw. 

    It's been a year since I've taken psychdelics so I had time to reflect a bit on this. 

    I don't think it will be that much different every trip with a different substance can be different, or with the same substance. I never tried LSD because of the legality status in my country so I can't give perspective there.

  14. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    I am getting a bit scared because of the exams and doubt my preperation method, I'll refelect it now I did 6 study session today and some of them where rendered obsolete by what topis that the prof told us we need to learn for the exam. This guy is very nice, yet I don't know how to befriend or deal with people like him he is an ENTP, I've meet one who is awesome but not sure how to deal with this type. Anyway even if the exam is supposed to be easy or easier I am a bit scared because I did not prepare well, but I can worry less since the exam is supposed to be easy so I want to do the work.

    So I studied today for 6 session which is exactly 5h now another two session will follow, it is insane how much time flows into learning when I keep track of it normally I studied and  took a break for some time, yet I want to refine this process now even more.

    Calnewport suggests that after 3h of studying a longer break should follow, also JP says that he can read concentrated for 3h. Which is now my new goal. I also planned today what I want to get done and which exercises I want to repeat and I am done now almost with the first exercise (Nr. 6) and wanted to do Nr 7. I don't think I will finish it.

    I definitely want to plan these longer breaks and they should last 45 minutes I think for now I am still not prone or used to study for that long, I am not very motivated today and will study out of habit which is good. 6 sessions on an unmotivated day is fantastic in that sense, yet you should not praise the day before the nightfall. So, I want to sleep well and study well tomorrow.

    How can I restructure my studying to be more efficient ?
    -> Take walks and don't miss workouts the one hour 30 really does not matter that much
    -> Take walks in the longer breaks
    -> Plan exactly on what to study, plan also a day where I will review my notes and make a good q and a
    -> Create a technical battle plan of which exercises in more code based classes I want to repeat or examples based on the mock exam

    What do I think I am currently doing wrong ? 
    -> Not planning which chapters to study explicitly in my bullet journal and just studying what I deem as relevant
    -> Not picking out the topics for the mock exam and wanted to learn everything and preparing to much for the worst case
    -> Hence not studying the relevant topics even though I do sometimes
    -> Not planning longer breaks
    -> Not planning 3h sessions when there is time for it
    -> Distractions, bad moods 

    New appraoch
    -> Plan my mock exam review of the topics, search together the relevant exercises which cover the subjects at hand
    -> 3h study session followed by 45min break, workouts count as breaks
    -> Take walks in breaks, (therefore 45min not always neccsary), cooking also counts as break
    -> Keep planning what I want to study and review

    Not sure what to do else I am not sure how I am doing with constructing quizzes I draw a line on a paper and write to the left column the question and to the right the answer from a script for e.g and break it down so that the questions from the left give me an incentive about the overall topic for e.g

    What is a characteristic of meiosis - Cells are fertilized by men and women putting their gen material from either mother or father usally both in it
    Then 
    Why is this characteristic important, what happens afterwards - the fertilized ovari and sperm "meet" each other and form a double chromosome set
    Then
    How is this process called - recombination

    etc. I assume this is correct.

    Now, I am not sure if I am being to detailed or this is good, yet I definitely did some unneccsary things this semester taking a voluntary course in a.i and the project with a prof where I will do my internship, the internship thing is fine even the voluntary a.i course, but I start to understand as a person growing from 2% of orderliness how much bureaucracy matters. 

    Anyway, I will study now and track my progress in my bullet journal what I did get done today. 
    I am often bored with this stuff somehow and the project which interests me I am not making much progress , yet a friend will help me. 

     

  15. Posted

    I am going to make a plan for today and study most of the time my tea pot is cooking and I am getting ready to studying, my 1h medtiation session today was okay, I was bothered by a fly and stood tall 50 minutes long, till I moved to much. My brain certainly reacted less against this, also I looked into what the cerebellum does yesterday and apparently it has 70 billion nervcells or neurons smth in that direction. 

    It is responsible for balance and the positioning of the body and store these patterns there, therefore it is responsible for actions that revolve around motor circuit activity, writing, running, using hands and feet. The better it is trained the easier it is for these patterns to help you perform in that area and the activation time is shorter. IIRC also new research found out that it is responsible for higher cognitive activities also. 

    The brain is very compliacted I saw an fmri scan on Psychonaut wiki about certain topics what humans think about, and how it maps out on the brain. 

    Quite fascinatig, but I am so into learning right now and wanting to improve myself that I am not as fascinated by it. My body craves sleep even if I slept for a good amount today 6h30 and yesterday around 9-10h. I am getting back into my old sleep pattern quickly, because of the one  allnighter I had to do because of this project. I definitely want to re-plan my approach to not end up like certain people I left behind and quitted the friendship.

    We call all just fk around and which derp videos all day and make hihihi and hihuhuhu. Like, ... cmon.... 

    This is ridiculous live as so much more to offer and all they want to do is marry and live a mediocore life. I always hated this, I am sad that my best friend from high school and me lost contact. He went to korea etc.

  16. Posted

    @Leo Gura Wow okay, I imagined them more intensely I did not think they would look so realistic more cartoon like, my vision becomes very anti-reality and colors change often like.

    https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/File:WcYKq.gif
    https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/File:LucytheFairy.gif

    Otherwise I often have tracers and driftings effects for e.g I watched one video of you and was so fascinated by your head and the movement of it I watched the full hour+ lol.

    I usually take 200ug, I cling very much to my body, even during the last retreat I was afraid to let go and therefore let my ego die. I often received compliments for my body because of this the "survial mechanism" is quite strong there. 

    Even with 450ug of Al-LAD or 300ug 1P-LSD I did not have an ego death experience yet, I've gotten to know the Ox but ... dying freaks my brain out I can describe it more accurately currently. 

     I do have a lot of internal hallucinations, so I want to see some entity either once in my life lol. But they are more scenary in nature, like imagining snow scapes or landscapes and the feelings of vastness and space associated with it, especially many child like feelings like riding a bike.

     Did you ever contact an entity in any form ? Be it an insect, machine elf or w/e there is apparently ?

  17. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    @Leo Gura What was the highest dose you have taken with LSD or any other derivate , since you say that you are very sensitve and don't need that much ? I was curious because in the new video you talked about seeing your hand full with eyes and imagining them and it became real. Was this on LSD or another substance ?

    I tripped approx. 15-20 times now, but the enviroment was semi-optimal. Yet, I have a new idea where I could try it, so I was curious and I don't want to go overboard. Either that or 5-MeO DMT...

  18. Posted

    I'll spam this with links since it is easier then my digtial notebook, as I said a need and want a re-structuring. 

    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2014/03/31/deep-habits-using-milestones-to-get-unstuck/
    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2012/06/18/impact-algorithms-strategies-remarkable-people-use-to-accomplish-remarkable-things/
    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2010/01/23/beyond-passion-the-science-of-loving-what-you-do/
    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2009/04/10/the-unheralded-splendor-of-the-a-strategy/
    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2009/03/20/the-notebook-method-how-pen-and-paper-can-transform-you-into-an-star-student/
    http://www.calnewport.com/blog/2009/11/20/a-study-hacks-primer/

  19. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    The point is the more masculine you can be the more feminine you can be, especially for people with a more masculine side. It's a dynamic dichotomie you can look at the ying and yang symbol and see that both symbols reach into each other. I can't tell you the meaning but dian ying ... means cinema dian electronic and ying shadow. So, yang is light.

    Anyway, I can also recommend any audibook from david deida, you can find other quality women when you get to the point of being a quality man. Or 

    I am by no where near this, I thought about this for sometime and made some notes.

    I can recommend listening to enlightend sex as an audiobook from david deida to have a better perspective around sex in a spiritual context and the idea of femine and masculine, also the dynamics of them and pratices for sex. 

    Or the way of superior men, is also a great book. (I have the audio version..)

  20. Posted

    @assx95 I did some cringy things with a couple of girls, yet I don't talk much about it.

    I found this to be helpful besides David Deida.

    http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf
    https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/256ezk/quotes_and_advice_from_the_book_of_pook_your_one/

    A user recommended this for me once, tracing back some experiences it has some great value for how to appraoch dating and mating in general, also masculine and feminine, what women want, potential warning signs, what certain stuff means or behaviour, what to look out for and what matters. 

    It is a bit abstract, potentially you like it. 

     

  21. Posted

    Shorty entry. I'll be abusing this a bit for eduaimonia. 

    Asking what is and Blue/orange does have some value. I don't think most people understand what Leo is trying to reach since, they come from the own self-directed path they trodded. It's very funny also observing how american thinking works. Since, I never been to america which is quite unfortunate. I have the citizinship though so... 

    I don't think a lot of mono-racial people questioned their entire existence in that sense Leo is very unique also a lot of bi-racial people stop this or they build a healthy blue social role or a patholigcal blue social role that needs shadow work. I am happy I did shadow work I can be more a social character without denying my uniquness and integrity, meaning I am untouchable in that sense. 

    Die Unantastbarkeit eines jeden Menschen, oder auch Unbescholtenheit. Die sogenannte Integrität.

    I do not think a lot of people thought about this and it's very funny that the rap I listend to who claims that they are conscious actually are more conscious, they've done a lot of psychdelics I never thought things turn full cricle so quickly. 

    Also, I've been having very weird synchronicities since my kriya experiences. It's odd not sure if I should share. 

    My workouts are making progress I can stem 120kg max of back squats two times and use 90kg for my 5 or 10 reps. 

    I am soon in week 6 of the coach, tomorrow or tuesday will be sprints and burpees. I love the idea of being an athelete it gives me social status which ultiametly gives me serotonin also, and justifies my perceived strenghts without receiving shit from others. I noticed some fat people become jealous but fine, I don't like fat people who are toxic that is the epitome of unconsciouness assholeness, (I surely did contemplate my own), and classim and I'd say even raclism. 

    Some are more nice and enjoy the benefits of green. I am happy that my family was quite green and that I can remember a weird incident when I was born and I was operated. It makes sense that existence has no notions like leo explained in the new video.

    Otherswise all of this criticism seems so low green and high orange -> claiming to be a system and feeling immediately attacked, it's not bright certainly to do this. Crticism is not feedback, it's basically for me a form of bitching and not being aware of the other person, also a sign of dissatisfaction. 

    Germans are the ultimate complaniers holy fucking duck... 

    It's insane. Feedback is different because it's similar to the talking stick method from steven covery book the seven habits of highly effective people and to get people to do this !!!!!! I TRIED WITH MY MOM DID NOT WORK ! LIKE 20 TIMES NOT JOKING 

    I tried with my best friend he actually did it and I felt understood this was to a large degree my need to feel meaning and my ass being stuck in stage green. 

    Feedback is when I listen to another person ask questions till he feels understood or she or non-binary, binary, cis, trans, queer, concepts and models and more.

    Till this model feels understood since it will enforce new standards anyway, nothing really philosophical about the post but fine I hate that so procalimed systems thinker, never explain what they actually understand I do this too, yet I notice from my childhood also I need to go into breadth I mostly did what is neccesary and grew vertically now I am also including breadth with seemed superfical to me, so I only focused on depth. 

    This would be my idea about growth that it includes depth and span, as Ken Wilber mentions. So bla bla 

    Now my friend will help me with the project, his father received a heart attack, so he is currently the CEO of a company. Or even multiple ones I will help him to do some stuff and drive some trash around and throw it away. 

    He also helped me with maths in the first semester and he explained it very well, this is where TI shines they understand very well, very very well. Often they don't want to but bla bla

    TE already has the solution and tbh nobody wants to hear it... it's similar to not selling/marketing yourself properly, you just hand-out free subscription of a multi billion dollar service and everyone chimes in and get's free cake. For some green dumbo talk ? Seriously.

    Not everybody wants to hear a solution immediately, some are fine with it, some are complacent and abuse it for instance higher FI users I assume and more. 

    Now anyway this friend lived at a temple for 6 months in some traditions I am intellecutally not on par with him since he read and learned coding from a young age of 10 because of his sister. He will do his doctor I want to convince him to continue meditating etc, so he does not become a shitty scientist like my prof is or was, because he also did research. His is quite yellow and will argue and critcize for the sake of it, when it is appropriate he told me some weird things but he does not integrate spirituality. For instance he smoked an orchid and when you do that appartently two times or so in a row your liver dies. He did not know that and a friend told him to do it, also about some weird physicist who does a yoga sun salute and chops a watermelon with his machete. At his birthday I talked to one guy who was a physicist in his bachelors and his name was Diego and I liked him he was very funny, but somehow he was so fascinated by profs etc. That he started to talk with people about that, we talked a bit yet he seemed bored so I went on to antoher person etc. It was kinda odd, I am not a fan of large birthdays if they are not well planned with some activities but now I am wasting time. 

    Not sure where I want to go with this besides that I want him to try some LSD he already has his first paper written and it is being peer-reviewed and it looks very good, also he is an ISTP and they are technique freaks, so I love to learn from ISTP people. 

    Anyway that is about it I hope I don't spam more I turned off Grammarly, so now I need to focus more on not making mistakes and writing correctly, this surely was a time waster post. But I have the app again tomorrow which will block the site for my pc...

  22. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    I'll be making another entry I pretty sure this is a time waster. Yet, I will go for my work out now and do my routine, my bag is already packed I have a set place where I place my workout clothes after each workout and don't leave them in the bag or they become stinky. 

    Otherwise, I am not making progress with this fking project and this retarded professor is not willing to help. I will ask a friend and otherwise, I have one week to complete the full project and next week a couple of hours. The things that he explained to me I did not understand how this fits together with other parts, I hate low green fuck face scientists. No sorry, this guy is the same as the other professor a kid who reached higher classes and now just contributes to the problem instead of being a solution. He could also be teaching nazis how to code, yet I don't really get why he was so angry, I could say he is yellow and pissed at incompetence. That would make me already more tourquise but I'll doubt that a bit, yet I am not triggered by this as much anymore, since this was my intention to let go during my or a couple of LSD trips where I understood how letting go of yellow feels and it threatened my arbitrary notions of survival. Also, not sure if catching the ox is tourquise since it would be transrational tier. Also, not sure anymore if yellow is transrational there are post post-conventional tiers? ... 

    It's difficult to maintain the knowledge around this subject without rereading and most people are not interested in it. I tbh don't like to take care of things that involve day to day mundane stuff I learned to enjoy it while I lived in China and England but, hell. This is annoying the prof makes me think about him like a boring hitlery person, I know for sure why I am not going to be interested in people who have no degree of fantasy. And definitely no book fantasy people, they are totally deluded, sometimes and you can't see it coming. Not sure I am also just the same kind of pattern running around as a cog in the machine, solving problems to keep the machine clean. 

    At the end, I want to read more as so often, I will re-structure my entire approach again to learning in two weeks after the exam since then my internship will begin and this is basically a "real life" simulation. I want to also read about relationships I listened to the audiobook sex at dawn and have the book the reading queen where I read from time to time, I tend to forget how fascinating things are especially biology and live on earth, yet all of this practicality is worth it. I hated it my entire life, now I learned to enjoy it because of China somehow. 

    I want to freaking move my ass around the globe.

     

  23. Posted · Edited by ValiantSalvatore

    Very short entry max 10 min. I mapped out my schedule for today. 

    Reading some of the forum posts here and watching the new video from Leo. What did I gain insight into let's ask that for now.

    I definitely am on the path that my brain is part of my body and not a separate thing, it's a difference in practice I highly doubt that a lot of people recognize this. For instance my meditation session again, the cerebellum I assume was pumping, also listening to deep sleep binaural beats I can hear how my brain either is clearing itself from toxins or repairing itself, since deep sleep induces DNA repair and clears the brain of all of its toxins and puts in in repair mode. Not sure if also growth hormones are released, yet using binaural beats when you are sensitive to sounds can work . I could test this more often, yet I want to work on priorities this is important but not urgent. Focusing on the first upper left quadrant of the eisnehower matrix is a good recapitulation of an audiobook I listened about 7 times and made a whole map out of the principles. 

    Now, I also notice that I look at things at holistic fields instead of facts, pieces of pieces and pieces of pieces in depth. It's as if depth and span create a matrix with is currently still 3D but not 4D and most of the time others seem rather 2D in that sense. They have depth and span but only on a superficial level, there is breadth in that sense a z axis, yet I definitely want to repeat some good math lessons when I study for my masters. I looked what I need to learn for machine learning some of the topics where already coverd, yet this major also focuses on a different aspect. Which I liked and still enjoy, but it's more a quadripple sub-component and apparently cartoons are for kids and are utterly classit.

    Well, I never read much about Walt Disney I know he was an anti-semitic and that some of the cartoons where utterly racist and displayed stereotypical thinking.
     

    https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2017/06/walt-the-quasi-nazi-the-fascist-history-of-disney.html


    Definitely, want to read up on that like I said I am still not at top performance and I still want to create and optimize my approach to all of this. 

    Now, I am done for now.