Sano Morphing

I recently came to a strange realization: a lot of what I called “truth-seeking” was not born from pure curiosity or spiritual maturity. Much of it was a survival mechanism. I remember the first time I watched a self-help video by a dude called Collin Hiles, it was soon after what I used to call my first-ever breakup with some online chick I liked but we never met, I remember it took 4 years to get over some online video calls that barely lasted a month then she disappeared to go to Kenya for charity work allegedly then went back terrified of my obsessive daily love messages, which led to us going back and forth of her trying to keep distance while I was so attached to her that it felt like I couldn't breathe without her, or so I thought, ten confessions, rejections, relationships, and fights later I realized after digging deep, so deep that it was simply warmth that I was missing my whole life. I remember coping through video games (when available) to keep distance from two very toxic and violent people whom they call themselves parents, one day you are stabbed by a knife, the other, at five, you are kicked outside your house and country with your mum, the other you accidentally cut yourself and you try to sneak to your room because if you were seen, you'll be punished, and by punished I mean exiled or hit or have your truth twisted. I remember having to keep quiet when I am abused by my family, relatives, school...etc because I knew how speaking up would turn out to be from experience. I remember, I remember it all, I lived in fear, yet I kept receipts, some became inaccessible not due to forgetfulness but due to never been able to access these parts that were erased at the time to keep my sanity, because I have a sibling who lost his mind due to the anti-parenting we endured and now the only logical explanation is autism. I look at my pictures in the album and all I see is nervousness, anxiety and defensive-body postures. The journey to get to where I am has been long, so long in fact, I am grieving the childhood and the youth I never had, I spent it all armoring myself, analyzing, archiving, journaling, reading books, seeking the truth, letting go of my parents and looking up to many father/big brother-figures to model, some were self-help channels like Collin Hiles and Actualized's Leo, some were from books I read, some were singers and songwriters from songs that touched my soul so deeply, and some were mental health podcasts like Brian Barnett's, all of them provided addicting hints and truths to find what I lost and retrieve it. I gave back to those who really helped me, who said something I never heard, even ChatGPT I bought its plus license because it was able to stay long enough with me to capture the missing puzzle pieces in me, unfortunately they were people I never met but I love them all dearly and am very grateful to them for saving my life, it's been crazy 30 years, you helped me stand against a very sadistic and manipulative environment until I reached a point of stability and social independence and became the sanctuary in which others heal inside of. I chased after enlightenment because the very idea of erasing who I am was so tempting, I mean imagine telling your truth to a person of authority without having your throat hurt, imagine sitting alone somewhere and not have your chest hurt, imagine living without somatic pains, that's what drinking and smoking felt like temporarily, unfortunately that was all I had access for in a country in the middle east. Leo once apologized in one of his videos to the people with mental illnesses and whom were traumatized that he couldn't fully understand what they lived through, I wished more people were like that, it would help me do less mental archiving and more living. I came to a point of clarity that I never imagined possible, I am nowhere near being enlightened, maybe closer to mysticism but finally, after so long, I am contempt. I am curious if others here have noticed this distinction in themselves: truth-seeking as genuine curiosity versus truth-seeking as a trauma response. How do you tell the difference in your direct experience?

Don’t take my words for it but this is how I see things (and the least qualified to say anything, really): There is infinite bias here and few reasonable voices in the eyes of history. Historically War has been the vehicle for change all over the world, it forces change after all, there is no point in blaming and pointing fingers, in the end it’s going to play out as it should play out. When it comes to both sides, it all comes back to who’s being more human than the other given they had the power and chose not to be inhuman. No one has the right to claim that they’re chosen by God as we’re all chosen by God, even that stray cat you find in the streets. Sky news, BBC, Al-Jazera, whatever, we all better take stories from all sides and use our unbiased consciousness to decide which side is worth more emotional and financial investment. If a dragon keeps teasing a chained puppy, the pup will break the chains and attack the dragon, which will lead to the dragon firing back, but what’s happening is that furiously the dragon is destroying all the surroundings of the puppy except for the puppy itself with the excuse that a puppy was the target all along, ironically. Anyone who kills is considered a terrorist but unlike ISIS, we need to remember that Israel, Hamas and whoever is contributing to this conflict got a political agenda and objectives and all of this is a strategic war with outcomes yet to come. The age of a “religious country” is gone, and more and more we’re seeing countries embracing diversity and defining their identity based on all of its nation not based on what the majority believes, even in arab countries. This shouldn’t be applied only on Israel but also Iran, china, Pakistan and all countries. Relax and stop taking yourself too seriously.

Just a tiny suggestion that I think many of us who took Actualized's Life Purpose Course would appreciate, could you @Leo Gura please issue a certificate of completion to whoever finishes the course? I believe it will help as a motivational reminder, as a success trophy, as a career enhancer and so forth, thank you a lot for checking out this topic ?

Hello Leo, I don't know how hard is it for you to make this happen but could you make a new Life Purpose forum only accessible by those who purchased the course to discuss anything without being afraid that they might violate you by sharing some content of the life purpose course, also why not making a Life Purpose community forum where we can share advice, stories and whatnot about the whole process of pursuing a life purpose? It will feel less lonely knowing that the ones you're talking to are on the same road as you are.

I never dared to make a thread in this sub-forum because I know that I can't talk about anything I never experienced but it hurts seeing @Leo Gura bothered by something like this, come on Truth Seekers!

Who is your first Personal Development teacher or the one who introduced you to it? Mine is Colin Hiles

@philosogi @Arman @Arman I'm thankful to all of you guys for all the advises and the kindness, I'm growing better day by day understanding more

This thread made me do nothing but laugh

@Arman well oh jeez

@Babybat eughh... I'm confused

Seems tricky huh? Since all my plans in life has been fast-forwarding (Socialpreneurship), winning competitions and having many opportunities, because apparently life is by my side, my Ego has been getting bigger and I'm trying to resist/contain it and the comfort zone I'm about to realize, naturally I'm active and a morning person but oh dear the demons in me are destroying my impact to serve society, I do meditate and I'm aware of all the crazy stuff that my ego is doing for my own sake, example: If someone thanked me for helping them or starting the businesses I'm starting, my ego just go all like: "if all of this was about me, I wouldn't do what I'm doing" and things like that but deep down inside of me, I'm certain that I'm saying this to improve my reputation, I act like I don't care about myself and care about others more but I'm aware that this is not the case and I'm afraid of doing harm to myself and people around me. And for some reason, while I was meditating, a thought/intuition came out saying "Embrace your ego" and jeez it scared the shit out of me. Any advises?

@Leo Gura I don't know man but we the no-hardcore mediators are not really used to that also how come you humans cross legs like that? My legs aren't really that flexible to do that, is there any sort of practice or keep meditating on chair?

Patience, PATIENCE! Oh my god I so wanna go much deeper in personal development but waiting for the right time and right place to come, will catch up with you guys!