Rishabh R

Member
 View profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    1,460

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Rishabh R

  6. Posted

    I contemplated for 30 minutes - How do I be more confident ? 
    Insights :
    1. By developing more competence
    2.By being optimistic that I can overcome failure
    3.By releasing that even if I would fail I would be ok
    4.By realising externally whatever happens confidence is an internal attitude
    5.By realising that no matter what happens externally I can improve
    6.By realising that even if negative stuff happens it's ok
    7.By realising that my confidence will grow with time
    8.By realising that failing is ok and normal

    Do let me know your thoughts .

  8. Posted

    @Schizophonia I disagree with you as this forum can be seen from a different perspective such as growth fostering forum. There is a reason that this forum is called Actualized.org self-improvement forum. Even though there are certain limited negative stuff in the forum but majority of advice exchanged here is good. As per @Leo Gura how could you know that he is not sociable and neurotic despite not knowing him as a person. You are making assumptions about him. That proves his point that nobody cares about truth but rather we care about our assumptions about truth. The point is to question those assumptions and before that we must ground ourselves in not-knowing.

  9. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    I watched this video and it is based on a lesson from Mark Manson's book Subtle Art of not giving a ----. When I tried to accept the message while reading the book it felt bad at first but later it felt good as stated by Mark.

    From my perspective -The video is very accurate description of human condition.

  11. Posted

    11 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

    Bold: I agree.

    I like if they show some cooperation, initiative otherwise I get a strange feeling that I'm doing something that is not healthy for me.

    There are many pretty, arrogant and unreceptive women - but there are also a ton of active, open and receptive ones.

    Re the former - it's their karma and luckily not my problem. Re the later - Hi, how you're doing? :)

    Yeah absolutely.

  13. Posted

    I have never had a relationship in my life but found many receptive girls and hope that I will find more in the future. 

    From exploring dating I learnt a hard lesson : Getting hurt and angry by focussing on unreceptive girls is useless which gets you nowhere. Rather focussing on receptive girls and interacting with them is the biggest reward you can give yourself in the realm of dating.

  17. Posted

    @Razard86 Absolutely. How people interact with you is based on what they think about you. I used to be angry when people act in such and such way and that's because I hold a concept of how others are in my head. However, with thing such as disrespect one must stop caring about people's action so that one is unshaken by good and bad behaviour maintaining their poise/grounded ess.

  18. Posted

    @Schizophonia and @Sugarcoat I used to suffer for not having a relationship back then in college when people around me were in relationships and girls were choosing dumb players and there is still some part of me that suffers for it but it has been lessened. But as said suffering is the greatest teacher. It taught me to embrace negative emotions.

    As per girls choosing stupid guys remember that most of those relationships eventually fall apart. @Schizophonia what's best is to find girls who are receptive to you and it's a reality. While majority of girls won't like you , few will .

  19. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

     

    I remember that when I was contemplating- How do I get a girlfriend ? All I got were the insights - By realizing that it doesn't matter.

    By not trying to get a girlfriend.

    By realizing that girlfriend won't make my life easier or happier

    By realizing that it is impossible for me to not find someone in life

    By realizing that receptive girls are better to date than non-receptive girls

    By not making it a huge deal

    By moving forward after rejection and realizing that no matter how much I am rejected there will be receptive girls

    By not chasing girls who show signs of dis interest

    By picking up on receptiveness signals and acting on them 

     

     

  20. Posted

    1 hour ago, LordFall said:

    Such a weird way to frame the initial topic that guys are more purely intellectual and girls are more self-interested.

    I would frame it more that most guys have lost the plot and use their energy for interests that doesn't serve themselves or their families or their friends or their communities. Women are much more in the plot and pragmatic indeed. I run a book club and an investing club and I'd say it's probably 60% more likely that a random girl finds interest in that more than an average guy.

    You're bias because you're a man but most men are really dumb and useless people and to paint that as admirable is pretty wild to me lol. I fill my social circle mostly with women and a few select men and it's way more effective and fun that way. 

    To frame the way this thread is framed is very damaging for both genders.Why not view both genders as worthy equals even though interests might differ for different individual in the same gender.

  22. Posted

    @Leo Gura How to get more experience with girls as I am out of college now and in public places cold approach is seen like stalking in India? My friends in college treated me inferiorly and bragged to me that they had girlfriends while telling me to study and not engage in these sort of things like dating etc since I am a child.

    Girls in college treated me poorly while interacting with them while and started dating other guys who were narcissistic . How about these situations ? I hurted me to the fact that I suffer till date when I think about my college experience. Apart from education the socialising experience of mind in college was extremely awful. And I observed that those guys who were younger or of my age despite being successful in dating girls and going from girlfriend to girlfriend they used to become very insecure as even when I talk to their girlfriends regarding some matter they threatened me or insulted me . Their relationships were built on dominance rather than mutual trust .

  24. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    13 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    @Rishabh R

    I really like your growth mindset - what's measured makes progress.

    You are doing some great work and bouncing back here every so often - my respect

    Thank you. By the way whenever I fail I reframe it in the light of growth mindset. I feel good afterwards. Few months back I was not able to crack multiple PhD entrance exams which were competitive (in India). In one of the government exams I scored pretty low but I felt awful after seeing the results for only half an hour. 

    Regarding other ventures I was placed in a pharmaceutical company on campus but I left the opportunity since at the joining date I had my PhD entrance .

    People , I have a question is reframe important for confidence when you fail or mindlessly failing over and over again. I have noticed that reframe helps in most cases to improve in a situation.

    Also, regarding girls I have observed that atleast few of them respond warmly to my advances.

  25. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    Is it better to accept the things out of one's control or stop paying attention to those things ?

    Example: In the future I have entrance exams for PhD. 

    Is it better to accept that I might not qualify or focus on my preparation rather than the fact that weather I would qualify or not.

    Secondly, I find myself become reactive to mental imagination of the people in the past.

    How can I deal with that ?

    Finally , @Leo Gura you talk about confidence being a product of massive experience. I have experience approaching more than 100 girls, giving many exams, is looking at those experiences and reminding myself that I have overcame many hurdles ,adversities like them a way to build up confidence ? By the way I have noted down every challenges/obstacle/adversity I have overcame from big to small. The image is attached here.

    Thanks.

    Screenshot_20250819-001641.jpg