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About BlurryBoi

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  1. @Judy2 it's about meeting both their needs in the middle
  2. Thanks thats helpful, i'll definitely check out the TRIPP Network, and find a way to have imediate help on hand like a source of specific wisdom/reminder and somebody to keep my grounded if i trip
  3. i guess it can be somewhat like : Imagine a successful business-person, respectful, ingenious and socially skilled. But deepdown, behind the curtain, is like a ticking bomb of neurosis/frustration/fear/Tension/hopelessness. So everyday he is coping to prevent implosion, and sometimes he has moments where he is sooo close to it that he really might.
  4. @Yarco thanks ! Thats very pertinent, although a big part of the problem is that i cannot "just take a vacation" because even if i somebody paid me a 2 month break in hawai with total freedom and unlimited pina colada, i'd still be thinking thinking thinking about finding solutions and optimizing the rest of my life and stressing out about not being productive, my actual&future shortcomings etc.. its like i'm running a mental/control-marathon and cannot stop, as long as i can i'll be resisting it (because for some reason i'm deeply convinced that my survival is on the line). So maybe taking psilocybin would dissolve this belief in a powerful way that my ego just cannot do by himself (Thinking & Trying).
  5. @Raptorsin7 yeah i'm actually going on some kind of meditative retreat center this sunday (~10days) ! My intent will be to let go of my actual paradigm alltogether, break my work-habits, be extremely minimal in my intake of new information, and reflect in the evening on my past (actual) extremely Conditional way of living (I'd be reading "Loving what is" on the side)
  6. @Barbara i guess i have this deep Belief that Rest means i'm not taking Care of Work (wich i believe is of utmost importance, directly linked to my Survival-potential), so by "letting go" i'm Loosing/giving-up my Grasp on my Survival & Growth potential (and i NEED to maximize no matter what, for some reasons). And by loosing my Grasp, i'm Falling more and more into the hostile/uncaring environment that the universe/life is, i'm gonna have less and less oxygen available and get stinged by scorpions and eaten by worms.
  7. @OBEler alright, i'll research those thanks
  8. @Barbara thank you I understand it logically, it makes complete sense, and i want to embody this in my way of living. But there's a big part of me that doesn't, like deeply rooted subconscious-beliefs. Did you just "forced" this behaviour change until it became an "automatic" way of living ? Or did you have to go deeply within (or outside) yourself to change your "scared of not working" belief/paradigm ?
  9. @NoSelfSelf hmm.. i guess in my situation it would be about timing then (there're times when i feel so exhausted/besiege that for a short time i'm ready to let go completely. Or sometimes while meditating i have a short window for letting go, maybe if i respectfully take a psychedelic at this kind of moment it would be great)
  10. @NoSelfSelf So there's no type of psychedelic (or way to take them, like microdosing i guess) that would help a "rigid-ego" detach/surrender/letgo of control ?
  11. @vladorion i will, thanks vladorion
  12. @Mz Hyde i think a big part of my problem is : wanting so bad to fix "the problem", wanting so bad to work on it that i cannot "stop" or be satified until its perfectly fixed (wich is a foolish expectation) Its like, i'm trying to have my life fixed and not settling for anything less in a neurotic manner (so i'm destroying myself in the process of achieving a toxic fantasy) But even tho i understand this logically, it's not enough at all, my emotional-self just wont integrate it (behaviour change)
  13. @Mz Hyde thank you Hyde, i did quite a lot of psychotherapy in the past years, what worked most was mostly philosophy (determinism, stoicism...) and some shadow-work, but now i feel like i've come to a point where more 'action' is kinda problematic. I feel that i need something outside of the mental-paradygm, outside the action-paradygm. A 'meta-solution' for some sort of meta-problem 🤔
  14. I'm 20yo, and actually going through a burnout (years of chronic stress/exhaustion/tension burnt down my body's ressources) It stems mainly from Expectations/Ambitions, and a self-deprivation/restriction of Rest/Play (workaholism) I resist surrendering/letting go sooo much, bc i don't feel safe at all in the hands of the universe. Im considering taking a psychedelic (like mushroom) bc of that, to help me let go and help change my paradigm (i'm 95% Destination-oriented, but i need to become at least 60% Journey-oriented or else i'll keep destroying my health). Considering my situation, would it help ? (or would it sink my "raft of sanity", resulting in some kind of fearful/mad breakdown experience bc i'm not in the right state) What kind would be most helpful here ? My situation : I cannot "just stop" bc im deeply scared of not working, bc i feel that my survival&potential are in actual danger, and that im already not safe at this rythm so if i slow down even more im way more likely to fail (failure in term of survival & destroyed potential). "Slowing down is not an option." (I know thats an irrational belief, but its deeply carved in my subconscious) I'm quite stable/healthy/able/skillful as a person, but i have some serious mental-health/shadow issues. My main neuroticism are : • Social Isolation/Alienation for >8 years • Strooong sense of Unsafety (survival&existential, "i can't trust the universe, if i loose control or surrender i'll be vulnerable/hurt/sick/...") • Pessimism & Depressive tendency • A lot of Frustration/Internalized-Hate (like i'm unconsciously suppressing an ongoing explosion) • Since my childhood, every couple of months, i experience ~30min of very mild psychosis symptoms (it's not hindering me at all, but i notice it and find it kinda conscerning) Also i've been meditating ~40min consistently for a year. Whoever took the energy/attention to read my post, i want to thank you for your generosity and help 🙏🏻
  15. Can you empty a capsule of probiotics in yogurt (maybe make a mixture of prebiotic foods) and let it grow for like 3-4 days and then when you eat it its 10x more potent..?