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About ShardMare

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  1. In the new episode at 1:07:47 Leo says something that he regrets spending or focusing too much on spirituality at young age and in your 20s 30s 40s you should focus on money, socialization, relationships, business etc. Although Leo just said the trap is focusing too much on spirituality at a young age i still think we can somewhat put philosophy and psychology somewhat close to spirituality. The thing is that you want happiness. Not success and women and these things. If you only focus on these things you might become a type of self-help junkie young man, for example: You get so immersed trying to get rich and on success thinking that if you achieve this or that then you"ll make it(=be happy), playing the social game of who is more succesful, feeling negative if your colleague makes more money than you or have more status. Or you constantly listen to people who are not educated in the finance field and put a lot of money on really high risk stocks. Or spend so much time on forums and consuming dating content or you can actually make yourself depressed just because you are virgin. You feel lonely and start thinking that once i'll have a partner then i'll be happy.
  2. I was wondering why people say i cant be happy if im single or i'll be happy when i get married. And i asked is love a stimulation too? I mean companionship or friends are stimulation too- they are not happiness itself but they will stimulate you a little bit and thats it, when you are done socializing u feel fine, and while u socialize u feel fine. When you earn a goal and you feel success you feel good for a few days or weeks or maybe even for few hours and then thats it, u want more. Same with money or whatever. Now, when we are in love with our partner that high-feeling usually lasts around 6months-4years lets say. And after that your partner kind of feel like a best-friend but you all are not hyped up. So thats when from lust, attraction we go to kind of bonding. Bonding is when we can share each others feelings and we are close together. But that is too stimulation. You will get used to it and want more and its not happiness, right? I was also thinking about what if im simply at work or cant spend time with my partner then what, im gonna be unhappy? no. Or what if 1 day my partner breaks up with me then i have to find an other partner. You might think that its just simply a wrong idea that only this is what happiness is based on of course. But im trying to debunk that whats the problem with it? this is a mind-opening video about stimulation and happiness
  3. Im reading a book about myths of happiness. Theres a part saying: "I'll be happy when i get my dream job". The psychologist talks about hedonic adaptation. We get used to our jobs too: the pay, the stimulation(maybe we get bored and we want more and even harder challanges). She writes about people who work at Google and they have lots of games to play with, they can bring their pets to the job, really good food food free, high-pay,etc, but they still find a thing to complain about. get it why success wont make people happy, lots of times we crave bigger after the few hours of dopamine. But like what about a person who likes drawing and he is and artist? He just gets joy from painting. Does he get used to the joy of drawing? Is this joy or stimulation really just an additional thing for his happiness? Because another time he will want more stimulation from painting? Why shouldnt we think this way that "I'll be happy when i will have a job that i enjoy"? Why is it false? We shouldnt base our happiness on external things?
  4. Why does our emotions constantly change? And our happiness is limited? Why do we randomly feel more "negative" feelings throughout the day for no reason? ( i mean you could say its because of created negative thoughts by ourselves BUT even if you control your thoughts you are still have a feeling of being pulled back to just feeling normal or feeling a little bit bored)
  5. @Princess Arabia but why should we try to be happy if we are depressed? Why do anything at all? And also should i listen to this advice? Because you are much more developed consciously and maybe i shouldnt apply this stuff. @Raze i've only watched the first episode. I think being, mindfulness brings calmness and some contentment. It depends how we define happiness.
  6. Dr K said and also i've read a book on happiness that we always want more. A successful doctor, banker, lawyer who has lots of money and could retire still works, still wants a bigger position and more money. And they said these things dont actually make you happy they just keep you in a wheel. Also a weird stuff is that Dr K said in an interview is that when he was 22 year old he was ready to go for the spiritual path but his teacher was like no, u should go to university, get a doctorate, live a material life. Then let go from these things. I dont understand why. Even if you know it wont make you happy u still should go live a material life, make lots of money, experience lower conscious rewards? And also should you just go for balance and just have fun, do whatever if happiness comes from inside and success and outside things wont make you happy? If hoarding knowledge, being loved, thinking etc. can be an addiction then is the ultimate goal is to be content with being? Should u be happy just by being? Or is the mix of love, money, carrer, friends, thinking(or knowledge or spirituality) is fine?
  7. In my opinion forgetfulness is the most important thing on this journey. (After self-deception. But i dont have clue on how deep self-deception is, im a regular person and I think for most people on this journey forgetfulness is the most important) Journaling down stuff is the most important stuff. After you have done lots of this work its not enough to understand it because you can forget it. For example: (these are some of the things that comes to my mind right now) -You've lived hundreds of days like this, nothing bad will happen -be grateful of how much your parents helped you -be grateful, chinese people work from 9am to 9pm -Ask yourself right now how do you feel? What thoughts did you have before reading your notes? -Dont rush, why? I made this post a while ago: Razard86 talked about acceptance. But im not on that consciousness level like a buddhist to accept whatever that is happening. Why am i trying to improve myself? What about if its about suffering? Sometimes i just sit down and try to brainstorm ideas. Actually applying ideas are really important. But sometimes its better to just remind yourself of these thoughts. Because u will forget them if you only do visualization, affirmations, meditations etc. Because maybe you've read online that lots of people regret working too much and you have problems with workaholism. Then this thought helps you. But maybe few months after workaholism comes back. (Maybe this example was bad because you actually have to question yourself more deeply why do are you actually workaholic) What do you think?
  8. Where the politics,economy is fine. Good quality of life. Foreigners are welcome. I've read online its mostly scandinavian countries. What are your experiences?
  9. @Raze thx @Yimpa yes im practicing. Its already better. Its weird because there is always a chance that i might choke but i have to keep doing exposure therapy.
  10. I have ocd about eating. Its been better but still i eat slowly and i bite little stuff and sometimes i just spend so much time eating it hurts my teeth. Im doing exposure therapy: constantly biting bigger food. What do you think about this? Isnt eating, chewing such a normal thing to do but still i've developed ocd. Im taking antidepressant now, it hasnt helped tho.
  11. Maybe you are older now and have problems with your health What would you do differently?
  12. @Basman yeah but internet doesnt cause much negative feelings. Why? Why exercise isnt addictive? Why it doesnt make us depressed when we dont do it? As someone who is bodybuilding f.e. There are lots of research on the negative effects on porn and masturbation. Millions of people try nofap and these stuff. Its clear that its not good for mental health. Its not about religion its about simply the brain itself
  13. Its not just my own personal experience i think most people even if they masturbate to porn once in a really long time feel anxiety or depression. I dont understand the neuroscience behind it. There are teenagers for example who are addicted to the internet but still dont feel negative emotions. Internet, social media is constantly raising the dopamine levels and etc but still if a person feels anxiety or depression its very little. Or there are people who are addicted to going to the gym. It brings a lot of dopamine. Why is it healthy tho? Of course physical exercise has benefits on the brain and on the body but idk. This might seem a stupid question but i think its not straightforward. Like what exactly does porn make to the brain that makes mental health worse?
  14. Its weird that people who have depression ask these questions but people who are fine, happy dont. Why arent happy people doing philosophy?
  15. Idk i dont have much of information i can share. I move more towards to research. But im thinking maybe i should live a less conscious/ intellectual life Its hard to think about it, my mind contemplates slowly right now