Conscious date vs Unconcious date

[Strangeloop]

Yesterday I had a date with a pretty girl. She looked nice and was very soothing to be around here. We sat in a car and talked. I touched her hand, she touched mine. We created intimacy which was very relaxing and therepeutic. I really enjoyed it.

But on the other hand when I was sitting. She kind of projected my insecurities onto me. I'm not saying she is to blame of my insecurities but that's how I perceived. And I wasn't really conscious of what we were talking about. I just saw this Brain smog which didn't help. Felt like I was not the driver of the situation but I just became the unconscious self which didn't make me satisfied with how I acted. But seriously I wasn't even conscious of how I was being with her. Even the thoughts the conversations seemed to be blurred out never to be seen again...

Overall I enjoyed the experience. The intimacy part really helped with my need of affection.

I just feel that I don't or rather I should say that I shouldn't even have relationships if I'm not conscious of the act of the relationship with another person. If I'm conscious it's all good, it's a blessing. But if unconscious seems like I'm not there Like I don't have the awareness to be there. But maybe that's how the universe made my field of consciousness so I have to live with this from time to time.

[Leo Gura]

Dude, you're just not present because you're inexperienced with girls and they make you anxious and in your head. That's how many guys are.

That is solved by dating way more girls until you stop being anxious around them.

[flowboy]

It's called a "shit test".

She's trying to see how grounded you are.

If she can easily make you let your insecurities get the best of you, then she can not trust you deeply.

Why?

Because the date is a model for how you approach the world.

On the date, you are going for what you want (her).

If then she pokes at you, and triggers an insecurity, and you let it derail your pursuit (instead of laughing and being okay with it), then to her, that means that also in your work, purpose and career, you will be easily derailed and let your insecurities get the best of you.

And she wants a man who can go for what he wants despite his insecurities.

That's a man she can believe in.

 

The answer is to be more present with what you are feeling, and be okay with it no matter what.

That way, you never let something derail your flow. Apply copious amounts of self-love and being okay with whatever arises, and also be okay with showing vulnerability. But don't crumble and turn it into an unsollicited therapy session. Move through it in self-acceptance and your date will go smoothly.

Edited November 16, 2021 by flowboy

[Leo Gura]

It wasn't even a shit test. The dude is just insecure and inexperienced.

[Waves]

It's okay, just a byproduct of lack of experience, it will get better the more you get used to being in the presence of a girl, man to woman. Good thing you noticed yourself this brain fog that comes from being in your head.

Next time you notice it, breathe, feel into your body, stay present to what's happening. If you don't find anything to say, don't say anything. Allow a space for things to emerge. Being okay with silence is important, it creates tension, especially when you hold a bit of soft eye contact and a smile.

[charlie cho]

x100 times your experience with women. x1000 times more than you think you need experience. Open your mind and see all the opportunities you can take action with women. 

Remember, a truly good person isn't inactive. He is all about action. You might have a good mind, but a truly good mind can only be complete when there is action. 

On that basis, if you are a conscious being, your action must be 1000 percent. Go 1000 percent on action, in order to accomplish what you have as your ideal of being conscious with women. 

One Chinese philosopher, 2500 years ago writing an excerpt of how to govern principalities for Princes, said this about manners and behavior, "Mannerly behavior must come out of one's loving consciousness. Otherwise, if it is simply ritualistic, it is hypocritical and never according to the situation. It will look good and mannerly in the surface, but it wouldn't be truly mannerly. Without mannerly behavior, one's loving consciousness wouldn't be expressed to the world. We wouldn't want this to happen." (Han-Fei-Tzu 233 B.C.)

This philosopher was counter arguing against scholars who thought a surface action was the only thing that was important. What he is saying though, is that the greatest actions are ones that are expressing one's inner love. The crucial thing he says is this: "without mannerly behavior, one's loving consciousness would not be expressed to the world. We wouldn't want this to happen." 

So start taking action, and start expressing what's unique and special about you. Do not be miserly with your expression.

 

Edited November 16, 2021 by charlie cho

[ambrojohn]

Whether or not that was a shit test, the point here seems to be how comfortable one is in his own skin, self knowledge.

Leo's approach is "brutal force": trial an error unitl you get it (btw I appreciated his last two videos about how to get laid). Defintely useful, but not necessarily the most effective, efficient, or precise. Also, not very compassionate towards yourself in the sense that it is lacking self-love. That will eventually back fire sooner or later.

Not effective because it will probably work eventually but results can be temporary because, although you can now master the external reality, your internal reality has not been necessarily addressed and healed.

Not efficient because it can take really ages and as such a lot of resources (money and time) that most people don't have unfortunately.

Not precise because it does not address the root cause, which is in your interiority, i.e. lack of self knowledge.

[Leo Gura]

@ambrojohn Lol, you're not going to become confident with women without massive experience with women.

The most direct, efficient, and precise way to get comfortable with dating is by going on tons of dates.

Your inner game will self-correct as you become proficient at outer game. Each successful date will make you more and more comfortable doing future dates to the point where dating will be as easy as driving your car. You won't even think about it.

[Nahm]

Insecurity is an emotion, not some thing you have, and not some thing about you. The ‘smog’ is the shift is focus, from her (seeing & hearing her) to the belief about yourself. The ‘loop’ is the belief insecurity is not an emotion, but some ‘thing’ true about you. Everyone experiences emotions, it’s not unique to you at all. The holding of the belief, believing ‘you are insecure’ is unique. Not everyone believes that. Some understand and recognize the emotion, and receive the guidance therein, seeing through the misunderstanding and therefore the belief.

Imagine if the ‘yourself’ of thoughts were instead a good friend. Would you tell your friend ‘you’re insecure’, or would you help your friend understand the emotion she is experiencing, and to dispel the belief? Treat yourself like you would treat your friend. 

If you just want to get laid, dip into the readily available bags of tricks. If you desire more than that, potentially some kind of relationship, ‘do the work’ first. Think foundation first. Be more mindful of what’s being offered than of what you’re getting.

Suppressing the discord (of the belief) while on a date is possible, but why do that when you can inspect and free yourself of the misunderstanding. The belief discolors, or distorts every aspect of your life experience, and is not related to or specific to dating, and has nothing to do with anyone else, only with the thoughts & beliefs. When we suppress, it’s near impossible not to experience projection (“she’s projecting insecurity onto me). You’re projecting that onto her, and that indeed makes it difficult to see her as she is, and enjoy any kind of genuine honest relationship. Gotta get honest with yourself first, about what you’re thinking. 

Again, if you’re just desiring to get laid and don’t care about actually letting the discord go or seeing her for how she really is, just ignore this ‘zen / riddler nonsense’…

In accordance with direct experience of what is actual & true, you never come, and never go. Ever. This is why it is discordant to believe that you are insecure. It isn’t true. 

You can focus on anything else when beliefs arise, to feel better, and let the belief go. It takes time (momentum change). For real, I’d choose this instead, or whatever else feels light, carefree and easy to you. Try it a few times, the simplicity of focusing on anything else will click, and the belief will be released without any effort at all, of it’s own accord so to speak, simply for not repetitively focusing on it. What’s realized as you do, is you are creating your experience (she’s not projecting anything onto you), because you are the creator of your reality. What inevitably follows, is no longer finding someone to satisfy bodily impulse, but to create a life, a reality with. 

Conscious & unconscious are just belief btw. It’s focusing on thought instead of feeling (suppression). 

Pro tip… your day likely starts with waking up and focusing on the same discordant thoughts as the days before. Change that. Pick a couple things that feel good to you, and do that first… before anything else (people, email, etc). Whatever that is for you. Could be meditation, prayer, drawing, going for a walk, etc. Whatever feels good for you.  For me this morning it was blasting this so loud the bass made a picture fall off the wall. It’s perfectly meaningless. Just feels good. The dancing is optional but recommended. 

[Jacob Morres]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Your inner game will self-correct as you become proficient at outer game

What's interesting is that this can be true the other way around as well. When it comes to sports I found my outer game self correcting as I got proficient at inner game 

The way I saw it is outer game is like a spotlight of your inner game (like your inner projects outside like a projector).

So as you develop your inner game, your outer game just develops through patience and time

But I also played a lot so (like sev hours a day). It was like a self fulfilling prophecy where inner and outer are deeply connected 

Edited November 16, 2021 by Jacob Morres