SilentTears

Here’s a picture of myself. Cool to finally upload one today: It’s barely 3 pm got to go work out or mediate. had some internal conflict realized within myself today. Something I always knew but it was just choosing my path. Feels like everything I do has deep consequences or surprise gifts. Nothing is ever as shallow as it looks. feel better then yesterday. Oh yeah, I decided to delete all social media apps. Wanted to experience life again without those distractions. I’ll upload another post after I finish what I have to do. I want to end every day on a positive note. Or feel accomplished in some manner.

This is the start of my new journal wow it’s been years since I’ve been here so much life experience from every single one of you. barely 19 years old, currently in the military. i just wanted a place to sort my thoughts, I don’t plan to really dig deep into this forum. i just wanted to start taking consciousness more seriously. im so unconscious fuck. i know how it feels to be more conscious then I am now. It’s kinda weird how I can feel and experience my state of consciousness I’d say in the past I was pretty conscious. Now I’m much more stable, have a solid life, easily interact with people irl. Basically a normal life. Took years to build myself back up. my story: I used to meditate every day. Sometimes 20 minutes other times hours. Sometimes just used to sit there for hours. I still had bullshit in between but I was very focused on consciousness. Used to have awakenings of surrender and love if you know you know. When I was 14-16 just something in me snapped cause at that time I was still living with my parents. How could I have developed myself in that aspect of life but not progressed in reality. So I put a hold on meditation. On everything. And was like fuck it I’ll build back up the life I surrendered. (This itself was a HUGE realization to me) Joining the army was perfect cause it gave me no time to meditate, busy all day, made friends, learned how to interact with people my age again. For the first few months it was so foreign to talk to people my age. Just completely different wavelengths. ? “that’s hella cute” all the slang they use. Reintegrating into society. pretty much hermited myself all of Highschool took months off just to sit and meditate. Bro was such an amazing experience in my life. Had such realizations not only into my awareness and consciousness but also into energy, spirits etc. had crazy experiences with everyone I was meeting online but it just wasn’t what I was looking for. Gave up the life of love for REALITY. Cause that’s why. Itself is the reason. REALITY. i can’t fully understand at the moment cause I’m not at the level to see it. i just know that leaving “this” behind completely is easy(edit: as well as the hardest thing. We could say I never completely gave up on this because I didn’t just pack my stuff and leave forever pursuing consciousness. So I don’t have really any place to say this but I was on the boarderline) compared to living a life and retaining that conscious state. It’s easy to meditate all day, not pay rent etc. you know. But that’s not life. Life isn’t meant to be easy. Challenge myself to improve. gave up my reality for love —-> then gave up the bliss and awareness of reality again. I feel like I’m still missing a piece of it all but that’s it in a nutshell. Now I want to take on both sides. sacrifice the bullshit and distractions of my life for spirit, god, christ, love while maintaining this life I have. Blossem into whatever I’m meant to be

I’ll write here daily, I’ll put how my day was, realizations of life, what I did and just about anything on my mind. I’ll commit myself to being more conscious and I’ll check how much I’ve grown every month. Just imagining meditating again makes my heart quiver and shake violently inside me. Haha my body already know. i once mediated a month or two back and my body would not stop shaking for hours. Fucking painful ? whole body just nerves got overwhelmed. I’ll take it slow. 30 min daily? wish me luck ? appreciate it guys. (If everyone even reads this )

God damn, someone is pulling my energy from this forum. Unconsciously of course. I’m not in the mood to look for them in the forum but whoever you are (you will know) just say something.

This is going to be a place to write down my realizations, I’ve just had an amazing discovery(which I’ve known but keep forgetting, somehow writing makes everything ‘flow’ easier) I've taken the path of complete love and light, constant realization into consciousness and how it can be non other than consciousness. How the only reason you realize is because consciousness made it that way and the only reason anything happens is because of consciousness. After taking many “paths” I realized that there was a whole new side to life. The hardship, heaviness, anger, aggression etc. I always knew but experiencing it was another story. basically I started out as someone with very meditative and Buddha energy. I one day then felt the pain of life… my whole energy system changed(words on words) and I mainly came from the energy of my root chakra/ lower chakras. It’s more profound than any words however words used to convey this is also beautiful. I realized it was my kundalini that started to become active. It rose through my root… made me experience what life was like through someone living in their root. The warrior side. Then it kept rising and oh the suffering it brought was such a beautiful lesson. I needed it. I wanted it. I craved the hardship. When it came I resisted it. When it passed I loved it. I experienced what it was like to live from the sacral chakra, the solar plexus. Now I can feel the energy pressure in/ above my heart chakra. These days I’ve been wondering why I’m so nice to everyone. I’ve been trying to go back to the warrior/ root energy cause I felt “in control” then. life is so funny cause when I was in the root energy I wanted love. I wanted to be nice. I didn’t like being so serious, grounded and facing life with responsibility. I wanted to be free now I want both and neither. I am confused and lost. (Words on words). pretty much, I’ve realized that it’s my kundalini being active… it’s so lovely how you forget(something) to learn(something). Forgetting to learn is the funniest joke what the heck! I noticed I also have resistance from coming from my heart chakra. I think it’s super girly, and light. Hence why I’m writing this journal so everything can flow. just writing this makes my whole energy system flow so much smoother. As a man we learn to bare everything on our backs and never express our deepest self… well, I learned that at least. So coming back into the heart chakra and the center of the energy flip is like a man learning to cry. It’s weird , odd, we remember we used to as kids but it feels so foreign that we push it away.

Let me expand on the finding of ones self. We all have a natural set of energies. A lot of time we idealize someone’s energy so much we wanna go that way…. No, just embrace what you are and that’s the best for everyone. If you wanna embrace another path tho then that’s also meant to be. A good way to embrace your masculinity is to stop masterbating but good luck with that.

Felt the…. I’m just gunna post. so, at the moment my energy is taking a new form. Well embracing what it is. No sleep does wonders for bringing out darker sides of myself. Really helps me let lose. If you’ve noticed when you sleep you “reset” if you don’t sleep you keep going. Really makes you feel human when you sleep tho, so that’s that. A big focus of my energy is gunna be my darker trickster energy ? just go wild. Some stories I love are about gods coming and just giving their powers to humans and just watching the fuckery that goes on. Or giving them a god weapon and just watching them turn people into cheese… *hint hint* ——— on a more serious note, When taking this spiritual path you will be pulled or you may become lost. Do not worry. Find your place within yourself. Find yourself. That’s all. If you wanna be a normie then be a normie. A lot of people play this game of raising consciousness. It’s like leveling a character in a video game. What are you trying to reach? once you see the pointlessness of chasing something you really start to grow. That said, many many people are not ready… they are still “doing something”… what was it called… the “great way”. Where people are on their journey. …………… I really wanna harp on those(I don’t really care but if your here then your here for a reason) who are taking this spiritual path but rejecting other sides of life. No no no, do not do that. Embrace life for what it is. What is stoping you? Do you think you’ll become more enlightened? Do you think you’ll grow? okay you may, cause I kinda stay with a select few and alone. Most people are not at my level. So I understand when people go into solitude but when you keep pushing away callings to maybe party or just chill to a movie… then your just wrong. Some of my greatest growths has been embracing that calling and just go normie for a few weeks. Chill with people. You may get bored and go back into spirituality, that’s what I do. —— Too many people are pulling my energy and trying to pull messages out of me so excuse- *yawn* p.s if your reading this, stop masterbating, and stop not embracing yourself. too many people just don’t embrace their inner self. They just do what they believe is spirituality right. Want to kill someone? Do it etc ? (don’t tho, you may go to prison)

I’ve always done the same. It’s a really nice experience. I just felt like adding, your a really good speaker/ communicator. The way you travel your words to my eyes makes me laugh. ?? that spontaneous energy is from the flow.

? Yeah, and who’s that?

What’s really nice about my path now is that even though I come from my heart chakra I’m very grounded and have a constant flow of energy from the lower chakras + my heart chakra. It’s not just my heart chakra taking control, throwing me ungrounded into the beauty of reality. I’ve experienced that, it’s nice but has no substance for me. Doesn’t guide, just insights someone. The first post of mine wasn’t grounded any bit whatsoever, how I needed that release of everything I’ve been holding in. It’s funny how we just keep growing. Sometimes the suffering is the greatest teacher. We may hate, we may love, it really doesn’t matter. As long as you experienced what you were meant to and understand that “now” can be anything, pain, bliss, and it’s all perfect. Neither is better than the other. My path wasn’t easy but I’d never want it to be. There is a love in the pain. A sorrow in the love. A craving, an insight.

Your videos are really well made. I love how each time I watch any of your videos it guides me into this flow of being. Then I start seeing synchronicity’s all over your videos… like “we’re more powerful than we know” I’ve been hearing this everywhere. Also, I love watching you share the little stories like the I am creating the story, I am the bus. It shows a lot of self expression, which is wonderful to watch. I appreciate your videos ??

I can feel the energy of your words. It’s been so long since I’ve had a awakening experience. Rather I’ve been developing in different areas of life and spirituality. I’m just more stable and focused. All of this just points to realizations you’ve had, which is amazing. It feels like your pulling from when you had those spontaneous quick awakenings. What I find interesting is how your energy has the enlightened type feel and still feels so solid and stable. Just to let you know. As an energy sensitive person your probably one of the very few on this forum who has great positive energy. Continue the good work Mandy ?

This me right now. I’m mostly just feeling and accepting all parts of life. I notice I resist what I don’t like too much. Dude, I always love your journals. Hope it’s going well! Feel the relief! Dude I wish you the best. Uprooting this stuff is always what our minds try to tend to avoid and I don’t have to tell you that as I can see your aware of it. I’m going through stuff myself and even if the situations aren’t the same I feel you man. ?

Wow, I really liked this. Another thing I enjoyed was that when you typed this your energy changed for every scenario change. It shows how much you have developed. How little your ego controls and tries to be solid. Feels free and flexible. Personally, my energy tends to stay more solid and less flexible and I’m curious if it’s for the fact that you are female and I am male or that you let go of your sense making more. By that I mean ego.

That’s pretty trippy. lol thanks for sharing this video.

A lot of you I think would benefit from looking into his work. There are many videos that have amazing effects if your energy sensitive or not but if you are then you can feel that they work. They have a great reputation online too and I’ve been using their videos for awhile now. it mainly deals with helping people gather the energy they want in their life’s and provides alternative healing. It’s more then this too but check it out if you want. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo2OeWAClWbI6qKgU8RXunw I just want to add, people from the forum of that YouTube have done deep work with energy fields that actually can change how someone looks too. Im adding into this as I think it’s important. This work mainly deals with energy and energy directly influences your meditations and spiritual experiences. such as this video which spreads positive energy in your environment and you. They even have meditation audios which help with meditation. you can find a verity of helpful things on their YouTube and their other YouTube channels. this stuff can be very beneficial if used correctly. Find the rest yourself or ask questions I don’t mind answering.

The mind illuminated- comes to mind. it really helped me when I first started this path but I soon left the book on the shelf as it wasn’t practical for my path. But it has many golden nuggets of wisdom so check it out.

I’ll have to check them out thanks for sharing. And yeah they really are great. There is a lot of huge energetic changes going on whenever I listen to them. Really worth it.

I like this portion quite a bit. It’s truly like that. I often am thinking these same thoughts so it’s nice to see it expressed by you. Great journey. it’s like watching a mirror express my own inner thoughts.

Reality really is perspectival. I can be an enlightened being that sees love, light, and consciousness and live my life that way. I could have lived a life in a grounded, strong moralized person, and then seen life through his eyes. I could have seen life through the eyes of a mystic staring into nothingness. I could have lived any way and each way produces different energy, different consciousness perception. reality is just however you wanna see it. you can make your life however amazing or whatever if you wanted to. your life is in “your” hands to play, mold, and laugh with. the experiencer is the creator. Life is life. Then there about and infinite number of dimensions and realities and when I see them my mind kinda starts to go “...”. seeing into infinity easily really does force the “self” to die. All the resistance of self just fades. All that is left is a infinite consciousness that perceives reality for what it is. the anger, the love, the happiness. It’s all there. A loop. Reality= infinity = love= you= me= nothingness. ive mainly dealt with the love, light, prosperity side to enlightenment and haven’t been in the nothingness very much. I see love and light which is perception itself. Then I can also see infinity which makes me feel as if I’m dying.

This journal is becoming a better me, my tips, and ideas to actualize myself in ways which I want. Since being away from this forum I can say the biggest thing I've learned is how little all of this matters to me. Having gone the path of enlightenment, awakenings, energy etc. since i was younger (still am young) I now see the importance of cultivating a masculine self. Each of us grow from life experiences and so much more plays a factor into ones own growth. From what I've seen i can say the best type of people are people who have take on a dualistic and non dualtic approach to life. one who is grounded, calm, masculine, while also highly aware, conscious and full of wisdom. Having taken a more grounded, calm approach to reality I can strongly say I was never complete as a pure mystic type of person. I say this more in the sense that My personality, and self were still growing under all these life experiences. My biggest insights: - Learning how to function as someone with a strong sense of self. - The deep importance of improving ones life style in more then just aspects of spirituality. -Understanding myself and the importance of each action I take as a living being. - My deep influence of everyone and everything I come into contact too. (be it just thoughts or physical action.) Things i've done while staying as a pure masculine male: - I've cut out a lot of bullshit, however I have also gained some bullshit since i left meditation behind while I did this(should not have done that lol) -Learned how to be a calm, grounded person while also being able to be like a gadiator at a moments notice, so basically control over myself. - Learned how to handle women and the lack of caring I actually have for them. Women are never the priority. Its a nice insight to have when im still young. To live my life like a free bird. -How to channel my energy into what I truly want in life. I took away the last portion of this post as I realized I conveyed what I wanted to say in the wrong manner. Knowing who I am now I now realize how important it is to treat other properly and with care. How you chose to be says a lot about how we are internally. Everyone has a different energy and thought pattern to them so of course we treat people differently based on that too, however the importance of spreading positivity where it is needed or rather to those who deserve it is more important then anything to me. Bring able to be vulnerable and letting my true intentions free aka being able to tell someone how great of a person they are or how nice their energy is whenever you feel like it. That is the true importance of this all.

I just randomly jumped on here and now I’m stuck with a wide ass Grin cause of this. Thank you Mandy, have a great day.

I found old pictures.... well I went through old pictures on my phone and I’m like woah. My old self was pretty great ngl. He used to do so much self improvement work. since I’m much more energy sensitive now I felt my old energy and that just instantly silenced my mind. It felt like a blue buzz. there is not much point to this journal anymore I just wanna document my experiences now.

I am going through another spiritual awakening. I can feel it coming on like waves come into the shore. Back and forth. But it comes more and more to engulf me into a sea of emptiness. A sea that is full of love and life. life falls apart only to become complete. the world spins and deconstructs itself. my heart beats. okay , this feeling of a spiritual awakening is supreme. I can’t explain it with words. purpose = no purpose. Everything to my future self. The world feels as if it’s losing balance. The ground feels infinitely deep and it feels as if the ground is moving. Like there is no ground. Infinity in every direction. I’m falling and rising infinitely. my mind is no more complete wholeness. Me you, love. Me you love Infinite Beauty. the snow holds are footprints for us to look back upon. The sun melts it into the whole earth to bring upon more life. Our life is like that. We walk and leave behind footprints only for our stories to heal the whole. I feel it is time. Goodbye.

Really great set videos, thanks for the share mate.