Breathe

I'm familiar with Barry. What did he have to say about Zen not being healthy? The quote you posted seems more like an existential koan that alludes to the fact that we have no control. Thy will, not my will be done.

Have you considered therapy? To be quite honest, if things are as dark as you say they are, getting advice from an online forum isn't the best idea. Therapy rocks.

Did you read the spiral dynamics book?

A perfect circle is my favorite band! Nice post.

Sorry to hear you are going through so much. I struggled with the same dilemma. I'm now a huge proponent of meds. Take them and continue to work on yourself. Meds aren't meant to be taken forever, just long enough until you stabilize and no longer need them.

You are generalizing. There are plenty of people on this forum that do more than post and browse here.

Yellow doesn't mean you're intelligent or experienced in all lines of development. Depending on external circumstances, someone at a certain stage on the spiral may be more effective than another in certain areas. People on the forum are not useless, they just play a different role. Everything is interconnected, and everyone has an impact on the world in some way, shape, or form. Some just have more reach and visibility. A spiritual teacher may do a terrible job in public office, while a president is likely to make a shitty spiritual teacher. One is not better than the other, they just play different roles. That's not to say that one can't learn to play a new role, there would, however, be a learning curve, and some people have a predisposition to play certain roles more-so than others. It's impossible to be developed in all areas, nor is it important. Too many factors come into play to judge one's actual level of development.

I agree with @Serotoninluv. Understand your own direct experience. Dive right in, post questions when you feel like you've hit a snag somewhere.

I went through a pretty severe bout of depression and anxiety after doing a butt-load of self-inquiry. I realized that nothing lasts, and no matter what I did there'd be something I didn't like about it. My zest for life died because I realized nothing really mattered. Meaninglessness was my state of existence for about five years. What helped me was psychotherapy, journaling, hanging out with people, and light meditation. You could be going through dark night of the soul. Or you could simply be depressed. It's hard to say, but nihilism is often faced when on the spiritual path. Don't assume this is a spiritual sickness it could just be garden variety depression. I would recommend journaling and finding a therapist. Whatever you do, both tools can help. Don't wait until it's too late. And for fuck's sake, don't listen to Hellspeed.

Isolation can make life feel meaningless. However, so can self-actualization work. Often times meaninglessness is a sign of progress. The truth is that life has no meaning. At some point or another, if you're really on the path, you are going to go through a nihilistic phase. However, depression relating to isolation is a serious problem. Being around people is absolutely necessary for mental health. Do not mistake the two. Same thing happened to me. IMO, this is a serious problem as well and the reason I'm going to go back to an office job. It is impossible to grow in relationships in living in solitude.

Yang comes off as a highly intelligent, selfless man. I was very impressed by his interview with Rogan. Even if he were unable to deliver UBI, I think the country would greatly benefit from having someone like him in office. He has the ability to change the way that people think. If he can get Americans to question their values we may see a great deal of change. I really hope that he gets to debate with the democrats and hear what the other politicians have to say. If anything, he could get a conversation going about issues that most politicians seem to overlook.

@universe There may be no me and choice may be an illusion, but wise choices come in handy from time to time.

Leos older videos really appeal to people at stage orange in SD. I used to love them, now I don't agree with them anymore. Leo has clearly grown over the last few years so his newer videos, in my opinion, are much more valuable.

That may be true, but it's important to choose your sources wisely. Otherwise you just spend a lot of time debunking everything they teach.

I struggled with the same exact issue. I ended up renting a desk at a co-working space to help alleviate the isolation. Isolation is not healthy! I also quit my solo hobbies and now emphasize time with friends and my girlfriend. At the end of this year I'm going to start looking for a new job where I'd be working with people again. I gave you a couple of ideas, but also, if you don't have a lot of friends, then go to meetups to meet people. Being social is incredibly important for a healthy mind.