Breathe

I'm familiar with Barry. What did he have to say about Zen not being healthy? The quote you posted seems more like an existential koan that alludes to the fact that we have no control. Thy will, not my will be done.

Have you considered therapy? To be quite honest, if things are as dark as you say they are, getting advice from an online forum isn't the best idea. Therapy rocks.

Did you read the spiral dynamics book?

A perfect circle is my favorite band! Nice post.

Sorry to hear you are going through so much. I struggled with the same dilemma. I'm now a huge proponent of meds. Take them and continue to work on yourself. Meds aren't meant to be taken forever, just long enough until you stabilize and no longer need them.

You are generalizing. There are plenty of people on this forum that do more than post and browse here.

Yellow doesn't mean you're intelligent or experienced in all lines of development. Depending on external circumstances, someone at a certain stage on the spiral may be more effective than another in certain areas. People on the forum are not useless, they just play a different role. Everything is interconnected, and everyone has an impact on the world in some way, shape, or form. Some just have more reach and visibility. A spiritual teacher may do a terrible job in public office, while a president is likely to make a shitty spiritual teacher. One is not better than the other, they just play different roles. That's not to say that one can't learn to play a new role, there would, however, be a learning curve, and some people have a predisposition to play certain roles more-so than others. It's impossible to be developed in all areas, nor is it important. Too many factors come into play to judge one's actual level of development.

I agree with @Serotoninluv. Understand your own direct experience. Dive right in, post questions when you feel like you've hit a snag somewhere.

I went through a pretty severe bout of depression and anxiety after doing a butt-load of self-inquiry. I realized that nothing lasts, and no matter what I did there'd be something I didn't like about it. My zest for life died because I realized nothing really mattered. Meaninglessness was my state of existence for about five years. What helped me was psychotherapy, journaling, hanging out with people, and light meditation. You could be going through dark night of the soul. Or you could simply be depressed. It's hard to say, but nihilism is often faced when on the spiritual path. Don't assume this is a spiritual sickness it could just be garden variety depression. I would recommend journaling and finding a therapist. Whatever you do, both tools can help. Don't wait until it's too late. And for fuck's sake, don't listen to Hellspeed.

Isolation can make life feel meaningless. However, so can self-actualization work. Often times meaninglessness is a sign of progress. The truth is that life has no meaning. At some point or another, if you're really on the path, you are going to go through a nihilistic phase. However, depression relating to isolation is a serious problem. Being around people is absolutely necessary for mental health. Do not mistake the two. Same thing happened to me. IMO, this is a serious problem as well and the reason I'm going to go back to an office job. It is impossible to grow in relationships in living in solitude.

Yang comes off as a highly intelligent, selfless man. I was very impressed by his interview with Rogan. Even if he were unable to deliver UBI, I think the country would greatly benefit from having someone like him in office. He has the ability to change the way that people think. If he can get Americans to question their values we may see a great deal of change. I really hope that he gets to debate with the democrats and hear what the other politicians have to say. If anything, he could get a conversation going about issues that most politicians seem to overlook.

@universe There may be no me and choice may be an illusion, but wise choices come in handy from time to time.

Leos older videos really appeal to people at stage orange in SD. I used to love them, now I don't agree with them anymore. Leo has clearly grown over the last few years so his newer videos, in my opinion, are much more valuable.

That may be true, but it's important to choose your sources wisely. Otherwise you just spend a lot of time debunking everything they teach.

I struggled with the same exact issue. I ended up renting a desk at a co-working space to help alleviate the isolation. Isolation is not healthy! I also quit my solo hobbies and now emphasize time with friends and my girlfriend. At the end of this year I'm going to start looking for a new job where I'd be working with people again. I gave you a couple of ideas, but also, if you don't have a lot of friends, then go to meetups to meet people. Being social is incredibly important for a healthy mind.

Nice insights. Psychedelics did the exact same for me. I've developed a loving kindness practice as well as journaling to remind myself to take care of myself and appreciate my positive qualities.

Enlighten me

Look for a therapist who has a lot experience under their belt. Many years. They should be familiar with mindfulness, self-esteem, existential therapy.

Sounds like you had some insight but I don't agree with everything that you said. All that is required is responsibility and self-love. Are you taking care of your life? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you doing the things you really want do to? To be fully self-developed there are no other requirements.

Doesn't she think she's an alien or something? If so, that should be a red flag right there.

@LoveandPurpose As someone who was very guilty of spiritual bypassing in the past, what I discovered is that there are several questions you can ask yourself if you ever want to find out. Questions such as: Am I being responsible? Am I living a balanced life? Am I taking care of myself? Too often people throw the baby out with the bathwater and go straight for enlightenment while neglecting one's needs. These questions help keep one on track. In fact, one might argue that these questions are really about self-actualization / self-esteem. Actualization work and enlightenment work go hand in hand.

6-pillars is a good book. Just don't go filling your head with a bunch of contradictory information. 6-pillars is a good resource so stick with it. Make it your bible. Journal about your desires and aspirations, responsibility, acceptance, your fears, avoidance strategies. Also write about any problems you are currently facing. It's really important to get your thoughts on to paper and is a great compliment to meditation. It brings your meditation to life. Are you familiar with free-writing?

I spoke with a career counselor and I told her I was sick and tired of having to work so much. She said to me that overwork was an epidemic in our country (US). Our value system is totally fucked up. She also said to me that she didn't think we were meant to work more than six hours a day on average and I don't think she's too far off base. When I have to work more than six I end up getting distracted, slacking off, and just not getting anything done. That said, I do believe that we are MEANT to work. It's really healthy and engaging for the mind. Look at the birds and other animals. They spend a good deal of their life gathering food. Anyone that says they don't want to work is avoiding responsibility. You have to work to survive. Even if it's as little as going to the grocery store or writing a rent check.

I feel into the same trap. You need to learn how to treat yourself with love and care. Read one or two books on mental health and journal like a mother fucker.

Some fears lessen with exposure but expecting fear to completely disappear is a misconception. That's why courage is such an admirable trait. Take action in spite of the fear. <--- That's where it's at.