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About Cuddy5269

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  1. Thanks for the advice everyone. Me trying to love myself feels very uncomfortable, but I can see why its important. I have been doing spiritual practices. The hardest part is accepting who I am now on this journey. I know I can do much better. I will definitely check out that video on loving your self.
  2. How does anyone deal with mistakes they make? I hate making mistakes that affect others. I really fucking hate myself when I do this. I feel like my own personal wants are more important to me than serving others at times. The other day I saw someone in a wheelchair struggle to get his chair on the bus, I was sitting on. I was too shy to offer him help. This is just one recent example. I have made many worse mistakes than this. I have made many other mistakes where I put my own personal wants ahead of others. My wants can be very compulsive. When you catch yourself being a devil, how do you stop yourself? I know I need to be a much better person than I am now, but I still have all these selfish cravings such as: sex, popularity, and material things. How can I make myself a better person? Any advice would be much appreciated. I'm a devil who needs a good kick in the ass.
  3. Didn't Eckhart Tolle have to go through decades of mental suffering before he awakened?
  4. How do I give up low consciousness things, such as dumb non informative YouTube videos and junk tv? What are the benefits of doing this?
  5. I Actually enjoy cleaning my house. Even the toilets.
  6. Thanks, I will post any other doubts if they come.
  7. Just remember whatever reality is it has always been that way your entire life nothing has changed even before you started questioning things and nothing in your life is different now.You're not alone I have had your same exact fears. You will be fine.
  8. Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not going to blow these experiences out of proportion. I will continue meditating in the dark. This is just the process of me facing my fears.
  9. Early this morning I was meditating in the dark in my bedroom. In the middle of my meditation session I became pretty frightened of sitting in a dark room. I feared a monster or clown was going to attack me at any second. I was just sitting there shaking. Usually the dark doesn't really bother me except this morning I felt like a child again. I have also been getting a decent number of bad dreams these past few months. I know this might sound a little childish or crazy but I was wondering if anyone else had this kind of experience? If anything this will encourage me to keep meditating. I'm hoping this is a sign of growth. But I'm still a newbie in this hole process I don't have a great understanding of how this process works.
  10. Agreed, it's not really going to help you increase your consciousness,but this book is a absolute gem for any one in earlier stages of personal development.
  11. Feeling Good by David Burns. He helps you to stop seeing life so negatively. It's a great place to start when doing personal development.
  12. Like you said if you try to conceptualize it ,you will be lost.
  13. Thanks for the insights everyone. If I understand right me not knowing keeps me from identifying with anything. It keeps me open to the truth without the ego telling me what's true.
  14. That's one thing I haven't done that I need to try. Good point.
  15. I've read books on enlightenment and watched videos. I've been doing spiritual practices. I still dont understand what consciousness is. How do you get yourself to spend decades pursuing something you dont understand? I won't be lazy I'll put in the hard work,but how do I get myself to really believe and feel motivated when I dont really understand what I'm trying to do? I fear the consequences of not awakening. The only other motivation that keeps me going is knowing the world needs more people who have a deep understanding of life.