SQAAD

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Posts posted by SQAAD

  2. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Let's say that i become infinitely conscious. I become God and have access to all my deepest imagination.

    Still i can't be imagining anything i want .... I can't imagine my parents or the world out of existence. I am trapped to obey the physical laws of this earth. I can't imagine anything i want. My imagination is limited to this stupid human form and this earth.

    I can be imagining all sorts of things like that i am flying but Nobody else will actually see me fly. I can imagine that i kill from distance another person but that actually won't happen other than in my own mind.

     

     

  3. Posted

    Ok so if i'm imagining that im dead then also simultaneously i must be imagining that i am the griefing mother and friends. I can see how God could do that simultaneously since it's one dream.

    BUT there are other instances where you might be imagining that spiders are crawling under your skin. In this case ONLY you will be IMAGINING this stuff BUT nobody else around you will see the spiders.

    Does that prove that there is some distinction between Actual Reality vs Fantasy/Delusion?

  5. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Ok so i was listening to Martin Ball the other day. He was asked if parallel worlds and various deities that people experience while tripping are true or not.

    His response was something like that: "It's all projection & ego stuff. But it is NOT your imagination. It's GOD's imagination. The ego confuses it other than itself"

    Ok so WTF is that supposed to mean? Is it my imagination or God's imagination after all?

    And isn't it everything God's  imagination after all? Isn't physical reality God's imagination?

    I'm super confused. Please help me out.

  6. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Day 42: Today i was super super horny and bored...So i pulled out my d**k & begun stroking it w/ slow motions initially and faster & faster afterwards. Right before the climax i stopped so i don't ejaculate and ruin my nofap objective.

     

    Almost had an accident at one point so i will think twice before doing this again lol. 

     

  7. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    NO it does NOT count as relapse of course.

    Unless you pull your dick and start jerking it off then it's NOT a relapse no matter what anyone else says/claims.

    Wet dreams are perfectly fine and normal unless you are looking to develop some pathologies. Your body needs to release excess sperm somehow. Chill man.

  9. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Day 40: Sexual urges, sexual cravings have SIGNIFICANTLY SUBSIDED. I'm kind surprised to be honest BUT still i am expecting to be super horny in the following days.

    I have trust/belief in the PROCESS . I know that the human body is so intelligent that it will figure out different ways to acclimate . If my body wants to release excess sperm then it will figure out a way to do it.

    So i am expecting a wet dream in the following days also. I am not repressing anything. I am just transcending/reprogramming my chimp body & mind. We will see how it all goes.

    In case i quit i will let you know guys. If it wasn't for this journal to keep be accountable i would already have quit...

    Other than that i am feeling good. I was out for some drinks with female friends 1 hour ago. Made them laugh and have a good time. I decided to never drink alcohol again though. It's not for me anymore.

    LETS GO!!!!!!!!

  10. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Day 37: I'm feeling like a million bucks! My body smells like... like pure testosterone. A smell that kinda makes me feel proud of myself.

    Also the female attraction is strong & pronounced at this point. Many women are feeling the tremendous power that i carry inside me and they want some of that power for themselves, right inside them. Sorry ladies i don't have time for your needy BS (at least for this year).

     

    I despise most human affairs. I see no love . All i see is chimpdom.Most guys don't love their gf.

    What they really love is them sugar walls.

    If your gf's vagina tommorrow suddenly disappeared then you would leave her immediately. Am i wrong? So this is your love and this is the reason i despise it. How about having a relationship with a women that you don't have sex with? Sounds insane , i know.

     

     

     

     

  12. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    PLEASE guys don't sabotage my SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT effort here on this Journal.

    PLease REFRAIN from posting DISCOURAGING/DEMORALIZING/NEGATIVE comments. I don't want to have anything to do with that.

    My path now is very very important.

    The reason i do it is because i want something more than the Average Joe.

    I don't wanna be a  slave of my own mind and genital organs. If that is POSSIBLE or not LET ME find out for myself. I don't care about your ideologies here or what science says or what other reports you read elsewhere.

    Ok?

    Thank you for your understanding.

  14. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Day 36: Woke up with a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE morning wood, such a strong one didn't have for at least couple of years.

    Feeling super energized, vibrant and powerful.

    It's funny how without having sex/masturbating you actually feel more like a man.

    I feel more like a man than i ever felt in my entire life. I wanna fk the world, i'm ready to make an impact.  Not on my screen or a hole though. Something different this time. I wanna make a different kind of impact than the average weak Joe.

    Starting to feel bad about those who waste their precious energy & are attached to the female genitals.

    Each and every day is  a test of your mental strength while nofapping/abstaining from sex.  It is a torture that i kinda start enjoying its pain. It's pain is more beautiful than the pain i get after having sex/mastrubating.

     

  15. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I am on the process of carving out my own unique path in life.

    I don't care what anyone else is doing anymore. 

    Leo is doing his own thing.

    I am doing my own thing.

    You are doing your own thing.

    I am not willing to live up to others ideals/standards/delusions anymore.

    Just because someone i admire is dedicating his whole life to point A that doesn't mean that i have to do the same.

    Everyone disagrees. Have you noticed? So stop being  a goddamn sheep. 

  16. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Days 33-34: Each and every day i can remember my dreams more vividly. This is some piece of anecdotal evidence for all the naysayers about the increased memory retention during NoFap.

    Day 34th: Today i had a dream of masturbating twice while watching porn. Didn't ejaculate. Also i can remember several others dreams that i had. One of which was kinda wicked. I was Johny Wayne Gayce anxiously mopping the floor in my house so that the police won't find any evidence LOL. 

    This is getting interesting...Can't wait to see how it all plays out.

  17. Posted

    Days 31-32: Feeling depressed and miserable because of psychological reasons. I am very confused about the Truth and Life in general. I don't know anything at this point anymore. It's uncomfortable. I would prefer to just blindly in something...

    On the flip side i have lots of energy but today in particular it was a very challenging and emotionally difficult day for me. My mind wants to cope / deal with the sh*t that bothers me using masturbation/porn. That's why today i used overeating as a coping mechanism.

    Anyways we'll see how it goes. I hope my ego reforms to a new level of identity. The ego resistance is strong at this point.

  19. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I don't like people projecting their own ideas/beliefs onto me.

    Who says i should get a girlfriend? It that a law of the universe?

    Nope. It's your ideas. Keep it for yourself your Shoulds statements. My post was about something different.

    There are no Shoulds for me.

    I know the suffering from having gf and i prefer to own a different kind of suffering.

    You don't know what is best for me bc you are not me.

    I am not telling you how you should live your lifes.

    "You should have a girfriend" That is ridiculous. Go to  a celibate monk and tell him that he shouldn't be celibate lol.

     

  22. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    Day 30:  One Month On.

    Today my penis started emmiting a very pleasant sexually arousing odor. Only problem is that this smell makes me wanna eat my own dick lol & makes me horny.

    Anyways after One Month of NoFap things have dramatically improved for the better. My workload has doubled. 

    I don't know how the 2nd month will go or if i am even gonna make it to the end of second month. I may quit anytime. It's extremely tough.

    This thing is a LOT more difficult than i initiallyt anticipated. It really pushes me to the limits. 

    It is not for everyone. 

    If it was easy everyone would do it.

  25. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @whoareyou

    I have great relationships with people and i attact women. You project a lot of stuff buddy. 

    I don't know anyone who becomes enlightned through sexual practices.

    Is it extremely difficult to do so. Your mind will be thinking about them sugar walls all the time .

    Even the most hardcore monks have said it that if you are super serious about this you can't mess around fking women. I can't find a quote now but i even think Dalai Lama said " i don't know anyone who becomes liberated through these sexual practices".

    Anyways i guess it is possible but since i have tasted sugar walls before i know how much attached i become.

    Obviously noone wants give up sex because they are chimps so they are trying to find spiritual ways to have their sexual apetites fullfilled. 

    With your logic all these monks who are celibate they just can't form relationships with women so this is why they become celibate lol.