Marah

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About Marah

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    Romania
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    Female

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  1. It makes sense, my thoughts become quite rigid when I hurry to put almost all phenomena in rigid categories(past experiences or dreamy expectations), thus ignoring the present. I aim to take reality as it unfolds, without tying it to similar experiences. Nice insights ?
  2. I do feel like missing something, but at the same time it seems that if I would have chosen another way, the result would not be a happier one; all in all, that there are only poor choices whatever I do. Does it make any sense? Every choice means missing on something (opportunity cost), but in my case the sensation is that what I gain in insignificant in any possible scenario. Yes, there sometimes is this sensation of wanting something intangible, that I cannot articulate, which makes it hard to search for/create it. Non-present thinking represents at least 30% of my day. I started meditating again, it is much more difficult like it used to be, I hardly manage to stay focused for a few seconds. Maybe this is the issue, scattered thoughts, lack of discipline in noting and letting go of these fictions... Thanks for the questions!
  3. •The Holy Mountain •Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring
  4. @Shin ex1.: I'm attending some classes that are quite superficial (teachers do not actually teach, they brag about their personal life instead, cheating in tests is allowed, the students who do not come to classes bring presents so teachers will tolerate them). When I go to those classes, I feel that I am wasting my life, I could get the proper information by studying on my own. However, I am not that interested in the subject to read about it, but at the same time I couldn't name a thing that I am genuinely interested in. But when I skip the classes, I feel guilty for skipping and the activity I chose to do instead (read random stuff, gym, extra sleep) does not seem very helpful either. Ex.2: I want to hang out with friends, but I'd also stay at home doing nothing in particular. When I go out, I feel like I've wasted my time, that it was not meaningful enough, superficial chats, and when I stay at home seems like I chose the same old passive path+ FOMO.
  5. Latelty I've been having this issue (and it's not for the first time): when I'm about to make a decision(even small, daily ones), it seems that no choice is beneficial and whatever I do, I resent making that choice, at the same time realizing that the alternative choices would have also been shitty. This really cuts motivation to do anything...it gives a sense of no actual control or direction and guilt, it makes relaxing and enjoying life merely impossible. Is this self-delusion, having a distorted negativistic perspective? Is this a lack of self love and acceptance, a fear of contentment? What are your thoughts on this?
  6. Funny thing, I also studied Anthropology. Job wise it did not help me( maybe indirectly), but in terms of culture, personal growth, understanding society, people, myself, developing critical thinking, it was the best choice. Plus you can get into contact with atypical and open-minded people, travel with Erasmus and do fieldwork. It's great that you have yoga and Tai Chi, especially in this time of change and doubt. Your classes have just started and it is too early to draw a conclusion.You are free to change your mind if the choice ceases to satisfy your needs.
  7. Do you have classes from Monday to Friday? Is attendance mandatory to all the classes? If not, you could skip a day or two(and read at home) to save some money, but this also depends on how interested you are in the field you're studying. As far as guilt is concerned, if your parents want to help you financially, you didn't ask/manipulate them, you should accept their gift; after all, you are their child. Then you can work during holidays to earn some money in case you want to contribute to the budget.
  8. @Giulio Bevilacqua Isn't it possible to move to that town, find some cheap accomodation or live in a student dorm?
  9. I've also experienced high levels of anxiety, even paranoia after waking up. Sometimes these states came before waking up in that liminal state between being asleep and awake. An explanation could be that while we're resting, during REM sleep, the unconscious processes our repressed fears, pain, guilt, etc. and of course in the morning they come up fresh and strong. Meditating before going to sleep helps a lot, also journaling, yoga and contemplation (whichever you're more comfortable with). Like @R-Type said, your diet(especially your dinner) as well as how the events throught the day affected you influence this issue. Inverstigate your habits, calm your mind and body and these symptoms should diminish.
  10. @Cineva I remember those affirmations, also felt a bit cheesy, but I can see their use: autosuggestions that give inner strength or triggers for some older wounds( e.g.: the affirmation "I'm guity" can make someone who struggles with a guilt complex to expose and surpass it). Maybe the fact that it's free undermines Sahaja Yoga's credibility to those who believe that a service's worth can only be measured by its price or to those who jump to conspiration theories that there must be something wrong behind free stuff( ''There's no such thing as a free lunch''). Anyway, it's admirable that a spiritual practice is offered for free and made accessible; it's a noble cause after all... Great thing that it works for you and that you managed to go beyond the first impressions! I'll try it this week; I guess that what makes the difference is the intention and consistency one has when embarking on such a journey.
  11. Hello there, don't know how Sahaja Yoga is in other countries, but I'll talk about my short experience in Romania. I tried it in Cluj-Napoca and it was pretty awkward: the meditation moment was very short- max. 10 min- , a lot of talking(idolatrization as you mentioned), and people boasting about how enlightened they were. The discussions were not really moderated, people were talking at the same time, showing off their knowledge on kundalini as if it was a "who knows more" battle. It felt neither comfortable, nor spiritual. A friend of mine also went there and got the same unwelcoming and kind of low-consciousness vibe. However, meditating with a group and in a place especially designed for this can be an empowering practice, especially if one loses a bit of the motivation. I'm thinking about trying Sahaja again, this time in Pitești. Could you exempilfy the incredible results? I'm a bit skeptical and would like to hear your experience. Have you tried it in Ro(assuming you're Romanian) or somewhere else? Thanks!
  12. This state is valuable in terms of spiritual growth, as it unfolds gates to healing, understanding and letting go of old patterns. My family/friends also felt unease when I displayed a similar attitude, thinking that I might be mad at them. Yes, telling the truth is the esasiest thing to do. They might understand or not, and in the second case you don't have to debate or justify yourself any more. This state is not permanent, so enjoy it as it is; there will be times of higher scoiability and need to chatter. If your challange is to keep this peaceful precence regardless of the outer world, but if the social context is too turbulent, you can always get some time alone to reconnect.
  13. The perspective of a girl who had sex with her ex: We started our relationship wanting to create something meaningful, sharing affection, spending quality time developping intimacy. However, none of us had very strong feelings and we were both still affected by our previous long-term relationships. Our worldviews were too distict, we were not growing as a couple and what kept us together was mostly an illusion, so we broke up. A few months later, being both single and horny and and still physically attracted to one another, we started seeing eachother as ”exes with benefits”. We had a talk before, aknowledging that this was just a way of consolating eachother after some deceptions and a way of coping with our loneliness and cravings. For me it was ok at the beginning, I didn't feel prepared to commit with someone new and I also did not want to have one night stands with random guys- too meaningless and emotionally draining. Since this was consensual and we both knew nobody's feelings would get hurt, it worked out; we were already intimate and affectionate with eachother and none of us was in love/infatuated. I later stopped this arrangement; it seemed pointless, like a masturbation in two...a bit degrading using somebody just for sex, a person that I did not admire and with whom I disagreed on many levels. Sure, we can talk, but sex and intimacy in my view are more profound and can be awe-generating experiences when shared with someone with whom one has a real connection. I am far from being in the situation of giving advice, but as a conclusion, it is important to realize why do you want this, is it something that would make a real difference in your life or you could live without it? Then, make sure you state your intentions clearly to the other person so that you won't create the illusion/the promise of becoming something more, otherwise one of you might get hurt. Are you still attached to your ex? This could lead to pain- maybe you think it is just sex, but unconsciously you wish for a relationship. Morality and how men and women are supposed to be built are constrainig filters to this talk; and yes, it is something that depends on our beliefs(about love, sex, attachement, frienship, selfishness, hedonism, etc,), our experiences, emotions, dynamics between us. Contemplation is a great tool in this situation
  14. Congrats on avoiding the temptation! The first days are known to be the most difficult and the headaches will soon become milder and copletely disappear. Coffee is such a socially acceptable habit and it takes some will to say ”no” since the majority of people sees it as beneficial. If one quits smoking, nobody will ask why, but for coffee (at least in my case), coworkers, family and friends were quite skeptical and surprised. @EvilAngelBest of luck in this quest and let us know about the outcomes!
  15. Hello there, I quit coffee 3 weeks ago and I've been looking all over the internet for testimonials and other people's journeys withthout coffee, so I'm very happy for finding this thread. I've been drinking 1-3 cups of coffee every day for the past 7 years and this habit made me believe that I can only be the best version of myself if I have my cup, as if coffee was a part of my personality. In few years, I became more irritable, feeling dehydrated as you mentioned, coffee started to dictate my eating and sleeping patterns, even my moods. After the sweet energy and awareness boost, there always came an abrupt breakdown with lack of sense and motivation...unelss I added another cup, of course. What were the biggest fears attached to quitting the magic potion: morning sluggishness, depressive moods, being slow all day and unable to perform my tasks properly, abesnt-mindedness and difficulty in communication. Guess what? After the first days, my sleep quality improved and paradoxally, the mornings became much easier than with coffee. I am also able to read, learn and work as I did before, no extreme moods and a more constant energy flow. Black, green tea as replacements in the beginning plus drinking lots of water can be great allies in this challange and I wish you the patience and determination to go on and share with us your experience. There is life after coffee and the feeling of independence you get after quitting, getting to know and feel your body and its needs better are priceless!