Etherial Cat

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Everything posted by Etherial Cat

  1. Warm up phase has ended. I'm comfortable enough with the idea of revealing parts of myself and I want a cleaner, more organized, dedicated space with better quality content.
  2. Okay. Trying to be slowly back on track. It's been quite a difficult month for me, I must say. I'm having a hard time realigning to the good place I was before all these events happened to me. First there was this second Pfizer shot right before my exams. It totally knocked me out for nearly a week while I still had to assimilate and get ready for the session. I had fever, migraine, vertigo, chills and insomnia. That was NOT fun. Seriously. I wish someone had warned me not to take exams right after that or during the preparation phase... Anyway... I worked my ass off for 2-3 weeks (the good old 18 hours per day kind) just for them and I ended up both sick and stranded in Germany. My train ticket to go back to Switzerland (yes, I am a crazy wanna be ecologist) got cancelled because the Bahn got on strike the day I had to go. So... I missed my corporate law exam despite for all my efforts. And I was fucking pissed. Because I wanted it done. Then, I took my civil procedure exam and it went very poorly. I had worked the whole semester on the computer and my files weren't properly ordered. I had a counter time with printing my stuff and I wasn't happy with my knowledge. Not to mention that this subject is ridiculously hard and most of my efforts went on the corporate law stuff. I also got to present 30 mn in advance and was seriously taken out of guard because I got taken in the classroom right at the moment I sat my ass on the stairs, out of breathe, trying to retrieve my most important files in the mess I just created. Anyway. I was feeling so insecure that my voice was shaking. I even thought about leaving the room and run away. Out of embarrassment. And because I was such in a bad mindset and got so slow at resolving the case because I couldn't retrieve anything... I still have this impostor syndrome kicking in when I don't feel like I'm at my full capacity. Even thought I'm already graduated from one of the supposedly best law school, I still get a strong sense that I am a fraud sometimes. The fear and heavy usage of my mind makes it hard not to be identified with the self-image. I walked out totally depressed, convinced I had given my professor the worst performance she had ever seen. Apparently not, because the results went out yesterday and I passed. But still. I'm convinced it was dreadful. And then, I've spent 7 days in my hometown. A marathon, meeting everyone, catching up with their lives. Went out 1-2-3 times. Got drunk a few time. Got caught in my relative's "hedonostic" lifestyle. Usually, I am much better at dodging that stuff, but the sickness, the exams and the stress it had generated within me got my consciousness burried under layers of identification and I got caught in doing pretty unconscious stuff. Up to this day, I still pay the price. I don't feel well. I feel like my consciousness and vibration has been lowered. Got a strong feeling of disgust with myself. I even ate chicken nuggets at a McDonalds a 2am after I landed back in Germany. Says it all. Everything was close, but still. That was the day I got the news. She died abruptly. More challenges. First time confronted so close to death and grief in a while. Not to mention that for me, so many things happened innerly in the last weeks. I'm still not sure where I am. So many things to unpack.
  3. Jacob, 12 year old, trader and a Thatcher Fan. The video is in english with french subtitles.
  4. My boyfriend's mom suddenly died last Friday. He's obviously very very sad. I flew back on the same day from Switzerland to Germany. Seeing him dealing with the loss of his mother is painful. I'm helping and comforting the best that I can. I'd like to write more on the topic, but I'm always wondering if there is a chance he reads or will read my journal in the future. Obviously, he sees me spending quite a lot of time on this forum... So I can't ignore this possibility. I feel very protective to his feelings. I don't think he'd like that I'd write anything about that.
  5. But that was a secret Alyssa... The secret of Brokebake Mountain. 😁
  6. Yeah, my experience is that a lot of the women I know have been in LTR during their 20s. Others just had a few relationships that failed, but none because they were jumping from Chads to Chads. https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2018/11/13/why-the-cock-carousel-is-bullshit-according-to-science/ ^ Here is a good read on the level of delusion coming from incels, regarding that matter.
  7. The proof that holding a job relies on an unequal power dynamic (which can be described as authoritarian) is that this relationship is currently used as the main mean of coercion towards anti-vaxx by the government. Now that they've asked people to do it as volunteers and the flow has stopped, they know this one is an extremely high conversion measure. As an illustration, my brother had no interest whatsoever in getting vaccinated until yesterday. The Swiss government allowed employers to ask for full vaccination under certain condition and of course, now he's got no other choice but to comply or be very poorly seen by his hierarchy.
  8. @StarStruck That's very interesting. Where did you get that from?
  9. That was a cool docu to watch. Is this possible that we've been witnessing stage purple/red women rejecting masculine red values to make an alliance with Green?
  10. Cowboys...? Bwhahaha.
  11. Women definitely do have plenty of shady sides. But I think the red pill doesn't make a good job at understanding why we/they do that. The perspective is not deep enough. Women aren't meant to be put on a pedestal but to be seen as fellow humans. I think no humans belong to a pedestal to be fair. I'm surely guilty of forgetting this from time to time.
  12. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, red pilers are the ones consuming the poison and it's them who are first and foremost suffering the consequences. Of course, it's not agreeable to read such things on the forum as a woman, but it's nothing next to believing and living with this stuff in the back of your mind. What I see is hurt, a total lack of hope and a raging anger and disgust against everything feminine. And they are kinda stuck in devilish loop, because they crave what they hate and demonize their antidote. Behind the difficult discussions, I almost picture some sort of attempt to extract from them the cancerous ideas like we are some sort of shamanic-surgeons-philosophers in here, trying to help them by bringing on new perspectives. But not all sort of mind cancer are possible to deal with. Unfortunately, the current zeitgeist make it possible to easily get sucked into these holes. Incelosophy is a bit of a disease of our time. I hope the systemic elements that makes it spread will decrease in the future instead of proliferating.
  13. Sure! Because having the blessing of a red piller I've briefly met on an online forum is that important to me. Maybe if I find one old enough I could entertain a virtual relationship with him in here for your non sense to be complete? Red pilers also be like: "How dare women be as shallow as I am?!". Of course, the red pill is just the fruit of their own projection and distorted worldview. They are the selfish, materialistic, status obsessed and loveless users they abhorre. That's also the thing that make it so disturbing and sad.
  14. At 31, I'm surely an old hag, please. Coca is not interested in being my beta cuck provider...
  15. Yes. I've found that a lot of men are trying to beat us up into their projections/mental models. They really insist on what must be our experience and resort to plenty of mental gymnastic to make it work. My experience of life so far: I've been spending all my week-ends in the clubs from age 17 to 21 without having sex with anyone met there. Though, to be fair, I got sexually abused after being intoxicated with drugs and alcohol. But I'm sure we agree this doesn't count... I have been in a relationship with the same person for most of my 20s. Actually, to be precise since I've turned 22. So that whole cock carrousel bullshit is totally foreign to me.
  16. This topic has been discussed over and over on this forum. If you want to understand why, you're free to look at older threads and try to understand the points which have been made, instead of insisting on being explained through numerous thread in details what makes red pill talking points wrong. And this especially if in the process you've been showing hostility and close mindedness towards forum members. And it's not about women being triggered "because the truth hurts ", it is about women being triggered because of being gaslit, falsely depicted and having to over and over refute the same points on top of them being misogynistic. I'm sure you're able to notice by yourself that red pill is not exactly a cordial perspective on females and you'll probably end up wanting to move on to something more constructive, conscious and humanizing than reading stuff like "wOmEn aRe bEinG rAn TrOUGH dUrIng tHEir teEns AnD EaRly 20s By AlpHas" on a forum which is dedicated to self-help, philosophy and consciousness.
  17. Many good points have been made here . And it's wonderful that Leo is looking into making this subsection more woman friendly. I must say that I've already got the feeling this dating section has been improving in the last months or so. Of course, there are still threads, posts and users which are triggering but I feel like this is all going in the right direction. I get often implied that 30 years old women are old hags who should run for the "first beta simp" around now that my cock carrousel days are gone and I "can't lock anymore alphas". You just can't win.
  18. Basically, when you are comfortable with Divine Feminine archetypal characteristics and able to articulate them authentically. Also, you could check whether you've got an aversion or a feeling of lack of importance when it comes to features like these in general or if any element taken individually makes you cringe. Intuitive Heart-centered Compassionate Wise Accepting Forgiving Collaborative Reflective Creative Sensual Kind Gentle Another good give away is to see how healthy and easy your relationship with women is. Because your relationship with women is only as good as your relationship with your own feminine side. You can also check out Emerald's work. She made a video on Divine Feminine integration.
  19. If I were you, I'd consider finding some sources of feminine energy both within myself and in the outside world. At least, until you manage to finally get a girlfriend. I think it's quite possible that you are literally starving for it and this is what creates a lot of your suffering. The obsession you've got with girls is actually a deep inner need for the reintegration of your own feminine side. So adding some ressources on the Divine Feminine to your spirituality list and looking into its principles could be of great use for you. And you could make 2 shots with 1 stone because I already told you that your main problem is that you are projecting your inner relationship to women outside.
  20. Users complaining about your behavior and mods siding with them does not really make a situation where you should allow yourself to dismiss the issue unilaterally simply as per your wish. From outside, it makes it look even worse, tbh. Why don't you try introspecting and considering there might be a part of truth in this?
  21. @Preety_India I've been quietly reading threads in the last days and it is correct that you've been over boundaries attacking forum users. I'm not sure if you're into a phase where you're trying to assert yourself or something, but you are being hugely biased about your own behavior. What is said is true.
  22. Being married, engaged or having kids has nothing to do with happiness or being further in life as you are. It's just a life situation. When you are in your early 20s there is still a lot of room self-discovery and growth, which in my opinion make it not the idea moment to get married. There is a lot of chance that you'll outgrow your relationship at some point and figure out your partner and yourself aren't that compatible.
  23. These morons are everywhere. They strike anytime, whoever you are with. I had a disturbed pervert who grabbed my arm as I was walking around with my boyfriend and his buddies a couple months ago. He had his hand on his junk, under his jeans right before. What I do each time there are enough people around is to scream, describe their behaviour in front of everyone and let them cope with the humiliation. This is also an advice which I got from a feminist newspaper. I like it because it seems that a lot of them are horrified by the experience, and might reconsider doing this again 😁. I also did this to a degenerate who flashed me in a park last year and started masturbating in front of me. His dick got all small, his face turned all white and he ran away. If I am alone, there is a need for evaluating what are the option. Usually, I chose to prevent the odds of such things occuring by not finding myself alone at night. I take an Uber home or chose a trajectory where there is a lot of artifical light and potentially still a lot of people passing by. I also observe people's behaviour, walk away from anyone who's looking dodgy and get closer to people who are looking normal and walk around them.
  24. Fact! Damn. That was refreshing to read. Thank you Vladimir.