Most people die in terror, pain, misery, and regret.
So don't be like most people. Die before you die.

Lust for other women is common for men. It's just how we tend to be wired. But this idea that you should deliberately sleep around is stupid if you are already in a happy relationship.
I would say, if you like this girl, commit to being with her. And if it doesn't work out and you become single, then you can sleep around at that time.
There are times to sleep around, but when you're in a loving relationship already isn't one of those times.
Be mindful that you sleeping around would cause her lots of suffering and it would certianly destroy your relationship. She will never forgive you for sleeping around. Nor should she, because you're acting like an ass, throwing away a good thing by thinking with your dick.

It is precisely how it feels. Nothing more, nothing less.
Don't try to locate it in 3D space. Rather just feel it exactly as it feels. That's it. It's going to feel amorphous, vague, and mysterious. Keep your awareness right on top of that. Don't try to turn it into something concrete or visual. Pain is not visual. Its vagueness is part of what it is.

No. What I said does not require punishment, just deterrence.
A murder doesn't need to be punished, just stopped from murdering. How you stop him is up for debate.
Human morality is guided by a tiny connection to Absolute Goodness, which is then corrupted and hijacked by the ego-mind to further its survival.
If Absolute Goodness is the sun, human morality is like a moth flying in circles around a candle flame.

Hahaha!
Guess again.
You are not going to escape social survival that easily.
You already live in a commune. It's called society. It is messy and dirty precisely because that's what social survival looks like. Survival is a dirty business and not even awakened people are above it, assuming they care to survive.
Any social arrangement is gonna get complicated very quickly. You have to be willing to play that game. If not, go live in a cabin in the woods, or just an apartment.
The closest thing to utopia will be a cabin in the woods, far away from people. Assuming you are conscious enough to handle that.

Video games use "light rays" too. Does that make them real? Does that mean light rays cause Mario's face to light up? Does that mean Mario exists outside the video game world?
Your questions are being asked from within the Matrix, so to speak.
What way would life have to be designed for you to say, "This life isn't real."?
Can't you see that no matter how it was designed, since you have nothing else to compare it to, it can't seem anything but real for you.
Consider this: if you were Mickey Mouse in a cartoon world, and you'd never experienced anything but that world, you'd think that it is real. You'd have no choice. It would be your baseline for everything. And what's more, if you ever got a glimpse of human life you'd say, "That's so unreal! Those humans are so limited."

Disclaimer: I don't know what I don't know. 
It was day 7, noble silence was about to be lifted the very next morning & my mind was going nuts. It was about to end and I was ready to break the rules so I grabbed a notebook, a pencil and asked myself "What did I learn & How will my behavior change?". 
The following is a list of the lesson I learned and How I am aiming to integrate these lessons into my daily life. 
 
1. Equanimity lies in a "Higher Order" than any sensual pleasure.
This insight is so deep and so radical that I cannot even fully accept it as I am typing this. What I am saying is that if you develop and maintain the equanimity to anything "Evil" like torture, depression, genocide, or the murder of your daughter beats the gratification derived from experiencing anything "Good".
What can I do?  I am the very mechanism which reacts.
Equanimity & Awareness is prior to behavior. 
 
2. Surrender to the fact that I don't know what I don't know.
Speculating is a subtle addiction of mine. This habit so sneaky and painful to admit because it fuels most of my other habits and behaviors. 
I had crystallized a habit of speculating during my meditation sits. Constantly imagining up arbitrary thoughts like "that guy farted 20 minutes ago, and the teacher coughed 40 minutes ago, so there is only 15 minute remaining". Imagine doing this again and again and again during my meditation sits which prevented me from really soaking in and surrendering to the fact that I don't know. 
This addiction permeates through out my life at very subtle levels. If I were to re read this post after I am done, I would discover many instances of speculation which in itself is a speculation. There's layers to this shit.
An Immediate behavior change is that i have began to say "I don't know" and let go whenever my mind begins to speculate during meditation. Also I can foresee that contemplating "what is speculation?" will help me navigate and differentiate the instances when speculation is helping me and when its harming me. 
 
3. Ultimatums are very deceptive. 
One of my major self sabotaging behavior is to react unconsciously with the intention of compensating later. "Lemme pig out, I'll fast tomorrow" occurs very frequently. This behavior of creating but not fulfilling ultimatums contributes  to the very root of my major misery which is my toxic relationship with food. During the breakfast / lunch period at the retreat, although I was quiet aware that a full stomach leads to weaker meditation sessions, I leaned towards being indulgent. It was a rude awakening to realize that even at a setting where I signed up to maintain awareness & equanimity, I was unable to do so. 
Slow conscious change of contents has slowly made changes to the structure. I've been swinging in a pendulum of extremes, fasting for days, overeating for days, being a food cop, then recklessly giving into backlashes. It is because of my tendency to lean into extremes, I adapted a habit of generating ultimatums because If I didn't do so, I would face many instances of death which I couldn't have handled.
Behavior Change = Wear a rubber band and every time I see it, remember to remember this insight. 
 
4. Cooked Food = Blockages in Body & Increased Sleep Quota
Especially wrong Food Combinations and Toxic Ingredients
Ultimatums and pendulum swings have helped me in one way and that is to make new discoveries through experimentation. From being a person whose diet consisted of only meat, dairy, egg, and potatoes for 17 years of my life, a few deep psychedelic trips lead to making an instantaneous change. I went from a person who told vegans to "eat a steak" to becoming a full fledged ideological vegan myself. 
For the last few months, I've been experimenting with Sadhguru's advice that it is possible to reduce sleep quota to 3-4 hours with a simple switch to a diet. I started to eat mostly raw foods with the intention to sleep quota so I can supercharge my life purpose. For a little more than a month, I had managed to reduce my sleep quota to 4-5 hours by simply following this advice. I abstained from garlic, onion, tomatoes, potatoes as these foods are known to increase inertia and lethargy in the body. 
Through my direct experience, I verified this during my time at Vipassana. A sudden change to my diet occurred when I entered Vipassana. 100% of calories were coming from cooked food, unsuitable food combinations and questionable ingredients. From the very first day, my sleep quota increased to 7 hours even though my activities were static. My digestion was shit for the whole week, I am pretty sure I have at least 5-6 meals I ate which has still not come out and I feel many blockages within my body which has greatly affect my energy levels and clarity of my mind.
Even though I realize this, I have already decided to give an ultimatum of starting a 30 day juice fast in the beginning of January and until then I will allow myself cooked food. 
The change here is simple, I will return to the regime that I was following before Vipassana after my solid food vacation in December. It is not what I eat... why I eat seems to be my major problem. 
 
5. I do not experience Hunger
I only experience real hunger when I am fasting and even then it passes so quick that I eventually feel satiated without having to eat. I acknowledge that my desire to eat is solely for pleasure and taste although I have sneaky mechanisms to fuel my eating disorder that tell me to "eat enough calories" & that "I might not have energy tomorrow".
A radical behavior change for me would be to eat only when I am hungry which would require me to be very mindful and honest about my energy levels and hunger. 
Overall my food habits have to be reconciled with my budget, my energy expenditures, and a regime that works best for me. 
 
6. Praying before eating is good practice
Throughout my days at vipassana, I discovered that a moment of closing my eyes and verbalizing compassion and gratitude before taking my first bite helped in subtle ways. I managed to do a bit of prayer before every meal at the retreat center, with the intention that I will continue to do the same before every meal however after having come home from the retreat, I have begun to forget, especially when I am reacting to cravings. 
I am continuing to make an effort to spend a minute or two closing my eyes and practice compassion and gratitude as this has helped my relationship with food in very subtle ways.
 
7. Time is imagination
After surrendering the fact that I don't know how much time has passed or is remaining, I glimpsed a few instances where I was fully present and the concept of time was completely absent. Having experienced this, the moment I started thinking about time, I was aware that I am imagining it and this imagination is relative to the reactive / materialist paradigm. 
This truth has permeated throughout my life, especially after reading "the big leap" where Gay Hendricks talks about time as something that is created rather than something that is inherent to reality. I am conscious that I am not a victim to time and that I create time so its not that the alarm clock will ring in time and space but I will imagine the alarm clock ringing within time and space.
My behavior has already begun to change, my vocabulary doesn't consist of saying "I don't have time" but recontextualized into saying "I will not create time for that".
 
8. Maintaining Awareness after a sit is difficult
This one was very counter intuitive. You might assume that after an hour of mindfulness would permeate to the moments after the sit however I realized that the moments after my sit, I was agitated & reactive. Although this is not an ‘every time’ thing because I do have some sessions where I am left with a serene presence but in a retreat session, I seem to react with unconsciousness. 
I have started to set a few moments aside after the alarm rings to just chill & soak in the accumulated presence instead of reacting unconsciously and moving onto the next worldly activity.
 
9. Looking down while walking helps with mindfulness
This one came full circle. Previously, I would walk looking at the ground because I couldn’t summon up enough self esteem to walk with my chest high up. In the last year, after having done a lot purification work and practice self love, I finally learned to walk with my chest up, looking forward. 
I have resorted once again to looking down 4 steps ahead of me when walking as it has made me realize that I am more present. This switch has been liberating because neither I ever liked having to say hi to everyone I make eye contact with, nor there is anything I am going to miss out on by frivolously looking around. 
10. Going to sleep with Awareness = Waking up with awareness
Goenka puts a great emphasis on maintaining awareness of bodily sensations ALL THE TIME. I have a hard time believing that I will reach a state where I will be able to maintain mindfulness 24/7 even when sleeping. 
A famous quote which fascinates me goes something like this: “When the world sleeps, the yogi is wide awake”. Not that the yogi doesn’t need rest but that he is mindful when resting. 
To reach the stage where I am mindful 24/7, I make a conscious effort to observe bodily sensations right before going to sleep which has resulted in me waking up in the morning aware of bodily sensations. I’ve also had instances while asleep where I am aware of sensations on my body.
 
11. Bad Habits are very apparent in a retreat setting
This reminds me of the video from Leo called “Awareness alone is curative”  and during the 7 days, I summoned up enough awareness to recognize immediately the unconscious patterns that are fueling my bad habits. My tendency to look at the mirror in complete “unknowingness” and doubt of whether I am attractive to others or not & my subtle habit of rolling in thoughts about food were revealed at a very surreal level. I became conscious of the very thought / energy pattern that sparked and perpetuated this unconscious behavior.
Having articulated this phenomenon, I now immediately realize when I am fueling these patterns. I catch myself looking in the mirror for no reason and it is very humbling because here I am thinking of myself as a noble selfless person but I seem to care so damn much about my physical appearance. Same with food, I like to think and project myself as a healthy person but deeper lies a great deception.  
 
12. Dreams seem to be conscious choices
It is becoming very apparent to me that I am the one who is in control of my dreams. Not in the sense that I am always lucid dreaming but that it is I who makes choices within dreams. I’ve had many dreams where I can recall having make conscious choices and decisions. The choices I previously made and still make within dreams are mostly fueled by unconsciousness but I am beginning to have dreams where I choose to make better choices that are aligned with my values. 
 
13. Vibes Matter
Having entered the world of spirituality, it was very easy for me to buy into the idea of energy, vibrations, frequencies, etc. without actually having experienced it. Although I experienced such phenomena at very subtle levels, for example, I knew people emit positive vibes and negative  vibes and that the vibe of a night club is different than the vibe of a funeral however there was never a point in my life where I could tangibly pinpoint these phenomenon.
This vipassana sit really got me in touch with the experience of positive vibrations. Moments where I tangibly experienced good vibrations was when I was meditating in my pagoda cell (a small dark room for meditation). I could distinguish a different energy surround me when meditating in the cell in contrast to meditating in the hall with others. A pagoda cell is supposed to deepen one’s meditation by amplifying positive vibes and although I previously believed that this was true, I now have a direct experience that vibrations are certainly a thing. 
I have begun to take note of what vibrations are and how they work in my own daily life. For example, it is very clear to me the vibrations I emit and how it affects my surroundings and also how my surroundings interacts with my being. One of my mentors always mentions that meditating at night is less conducive because the whole city is emitting lower consciousness vibrations and that morning meditation is superior because there is less negativity in the mornings. I get the sense that this is true through direct experience
 
14. Sitting with the base of spine erect = concentration. 
Pretty self explanatory. I discovered that all the times I’ve spent leaning my back against something and avoiding the pain and suffering that initially comes with sitting for an hour without resting my back lead me towards inertia and drowsiness during my meditation. I had developed a habit of maximizing comfort as an escape from pain and suffering of strong determination meditation sits (it never worked). 
It is critical that the base of my spine is erect as it leads to a deeper session. I am still struggling to maintain an erect back because I’ve only recently let go of the habit of having to use a back rest however I can foresee that in a few months, my posture will be awesome. 
 
15. Empty stomach meditation hits harder
It is a blessing in disguise that they only provide 2 meals at the retreat centers. Food is a culprit if your aim is to have deeper meditation sessions. It is absolutely necessary to eat a reasonable amount and always have a part of your stomach empty so you’re not bombarded with lethargy and drowsiness. Many of the students including myself tended to over indulge, especially because the only source of instant gratification throughout the day was breakfast and lunch.
I am using the “awareness is curative” approach to resolving my tendency to eat a lot. During meditation, it is very clear when I ate more than I needed to due to the pain and suffering I feel. I am definitely getting better and this issue is bound to be cured if I keep walking this path of awareness.  
 
16. This work is not for the faint hearts
This one is mere speculation because I am not faint hearted but I cannot imagine that people would be able to go through the pain and suffering consciously with the aim of developing oneself. It seems to be very easy for people to rationalize their way out of difficult situations so the mind will have 101 deception mechanism up its sleeve to never actually surrender to this work.
If you are doing this work, I salute you, I appreciate you, and I love you.

It wasn't even fear per se. Your mind just happened to drift off into images of blood and you did nothing to change it so it just got stuck in an echochamber of bloodly imagery. Then you got scared because what you imagined started to materialize before you and you were confused about how this was possible. You were terrified by the power of your own imagination and it didn't even occur to you to control it.
This is all normal. You must learn that your imagination is very powerful, so be careful how you use it, or how you let it use you.
You can avoid such trippy detours by giving your trips a strong intention. Guide your mind towards what you wish you contemplate so your trip isn't just a random dream.
It's important to not get lost in the content of one's trips but rather to focua on going meta, contemplating the strucuture of consciousness. What I have been describing here is strucuture while your bloody stuff was content.

Its well known that meditation/relaxation changes the bodies physiology, One of these changes is the increase in gaba production, a inhibitory neurotransmitter. 
Experimenting with gaba supplementation gives me the sense of instant calm. Completely turns off the bodies stress response. 
This has only worked with Pharma Gaba and not Synthetic gaba. Synthetic gaba just doesnt work... should avoid it. 
Other incredible things ive noticed during experimentation: 
1) Significant increase in sleep quality and reduced time to fall asleep. 
2) Increase in muscle pump/blood flow during exercise as well as increased endurance.
3) Improved muscle recovery speed.
4) Augments meditation, making it easier to enter into deeper stages and quicker. 
5) Improved digestion, it seems to bind to the the gaba receptors in the intestines improving digestion, noticed a reduction in histamine and autoimmune response, it would appear that the gaba prevents the body from overacting to food triggers!!!! Truly incredible... 
6) Improved social experiences, greater social clarity.
7) Overall reduction in stress.
8) Overall quieter mind, calmer, more insightful.
9) Noticed the upregulation of neural path ways associated with calm and a reduction of does associated with stress. Appears to be a very effected training tool, for rewiring the brain. 
10) Increase sex drive, semen production. 
Strategically this could be taken before a stressful event, priming the body for success. 
Also some things worth mentioning is the Gaba vs Glutamate balance in the brain. A must learn subject for does experiencing any kind of anxiety, chronic stress or mental chatter.
The best part about this is it does not cross the blood brain barrier, making it non-addictive, It binds to gaba receptors in the body that then indirectly changes brain chemistry. Seems obvious, seeing as there are 10x more signals moving up from the body to the brain, then there are does moving down from the brain to the body.
This is tier 2 supplementation... 
Thought this was worth sharing, found it incredibly useful and practical for a wide range of needs. 

Be careful judging your results so directly.
The opposite might easily be the case. As kundalini activates you can get crazy monkey mind as the body/mind purifies itself. You must endure such things if you want serious results.
Peace of mind is a byproduct of deep purification. The purification process itself can be uncomfortable and agitated. That's actually a sign that it's working, not a sign of failure.

Love isn't just something you value, Love is what you are.
Be careful not to lose Love while you're so wrapped up in chasing sex.
The thing you most want is the very thing you push away in your desperation to get it.
But do whatever you gotta do to learn that lesson.
Be careful to distinguish Love and sex/girls.

Sounds to me like you just need much more experience socializing.
Socialization is just like tennis. To get good at it you must have many opportunities to practice.
So very practically you need to change your life around so that you have more socialization opportunities on a regular basis. The rest will mostly auto-correct.
You can't get good at socializing if you're alone most of the time.
There is no specific way that you must be when you socialize. You can basically be totally natural unless you're some kind of psycho, in which case you'll have to reign that in. Be chill, friendly, pleasant, playful, honest, expressive, and relaxed. That usually works best.
You'll be amazed at how often people just accept you exactly for how you are. Perhaps the biggest mistake of learning to socialize is to try to act a certain way to please people or meet their expectations. Just be you. Not everyone will jive with you, but that doesn't matter.
Be comfortable in your own skin. Act with strangers the same way you'd act with close family. Assume everyone already knows each other. Don't try to act cool or impressive.
As simple as all these things are, it can take years to learn. Especially if you've developed bad habits.

Self = other
You are me, and I am you. What more do you want?
If you want us to be separate you can have that too by imagining that you're not me.
There are only two choices:
1) Imagine that you're not me, then you're not alone.
2) Realize that you are me, then we're together as One.
Both are the case. It's like looking at a half-filled glass.

To be fair, wanting to grow financially is still a form of growth (just a relatively low one). But hey, many people need to start low. Moving from Blue to Orange will often involve growing financially. Remember, financial growth is not simply about earning more cash. To really grow in this area usually requires some significant and serious mindset shifts. For example, for a person to go from working a 9-5 job to being a successful entrepreneur usually takes a lot of inner growth. It's not simply a matter of money. You have to start to think about the world and yourself differently.
Starting a business is one of the best and most practical ways to grow yourself as a person, especially within Tier 1 of the Spiral.
The problem is that many people who want more money do not even understand that money is a function of one's being. So when you ask them, "Do you want to grow as a person?" they don't make the connection between that and earning more money. They think they can just have lots of money while staying the same inside. Which would be disastrous even if it ever came to be.
A powerful way to help people grow is to show them how things like money, sex, success, fame, a good relationship, a good family, good physical appearance, and happiness are best achieved through deep inner growth, not by chasing externals directly.

I have no serious criticisms of him. He knows his shit.
He doesn't deny love. He talks quite a bit about Eros (his term of Love), and he says that the driving force behind all evolution is love. Which is correct in my view, although even that doesn't go far enough to underscore the importance of Love in all of Creation.
He might not be as explicit about Infinite Love as I am, equating Love & Truth. But that's probably because he has not accessed some of the deepest insights I have accessed via psychedelics.
I think his understanding of reality would be deeper if he went deeply into psychedelics. But oh well. It's good enough. You can only ask so much of a guy. He has done several life-times-worth of amazing work.
Ken is one of the greatest Western philosophers and intellectuals who has ever lived. We are lucky to be alive alongside him. It's sad that his health as deteriorated so quickly.

YES! This is exactly what awakening is about.
Awakening is not something you think. It's more felt. It's pure, raw experience. Ideally the mind is shut off or at least sidelined.
Awakening is nothing other than the present moment, observed intensely for what it is.
It sounds like this Kratom helped you enter a mild samadhi state. It's not an out of body experience, it's a nondual state of consciousness. Which is exactly what you want in this work. From this state you can now contemplate metaphysical questions and get profound answers -- not verbal answers but actual answers!
That was your answer to the question: Who am I?
There is much deeper to go. You are only seeing the tip of the Ox's tail. So keep exploring.

@Matt23 Expand your definition of technology to include psychedelics.
That is the most powerful technology. Nothing else comes close.
Keep in mind that any technology which truly worked at radically altering your consciousness would be made illegal because it would destabilize the mind and undermine the illusion of society and its power structures.
If a technology can make you awaken, it can also make you lose your mind.

Outflow of love.
The more conscious one becomes, the more one's life becomes about spreading love to others.
At the highest level, God creates selflessly for the benefit of all living beings, needing nothing for itself. There is no greater joy or purpose than this. Nothing else is worthwhile for an advanced intellect.

Femininity is attracted to masculinity.
Being nice does not exude masculine essence.
Which is not to say there's anything wrong with being nice. Just don't expect it to make a girl wet.
Women get attracted by boldness, confidence, and assertiveness. And other things, like wit and humor.

As soon as you start rating happiness, you'll lose it.
The proper answer is: who gives a fuck? Reality is whatever it is and you feel however you feel at any given moment. Don't confuse true happiness with mood. That can be a serious error.
Trying to "lock in" a happy mood is very counter-productive. You are guaranteed to fail at that.
If you want real happiness, stop caring whether you're dying or being tortured. Then you'll be happy. And nothing less than that will hold up.

That's how it is. Takes a lot of practice to overcome that. Usually years of rigorous practice are required.
This problem of boredom is existential. It goes very deep. It can't be avoided. The point of meditation is to face it directly, which creates suffering -- which is why hardly anyone meditates.
Meditation is supposed to be so boring it kills you.

In practice this is solved simply by over-satisfying your needs.
So if you're needy with girls, go sleep with 10-20 girls and your neediness will drop significantly.
You cannot just wish your neediness away.
The process you go through to successfully sleep with 10-20 females will cure you of much neediness. But it will be challenging process. Don't expect it to be easy. You will fail a lot. And that's exactly what will beat the neediness out of you. Every girl you lose will teach you a valuable lesson. You will come face-to-face with the ugliness of your own neediness.

@Bridge to Infinity Right. That's very common for newbies. As you fail over and over again you'll start seeing patterns in how your needy and weak behavior turns them off.
It takes a lot of practice.
At this point you would benefit from learning a bit of the fundamental theory behind female attraction. Most important for you is correcting your sub-communication: your eye contact, your body posture, your tone of voice, your physical touching, your smile, your attitude, your presence, etc.
This is the most important part of game. It's not the things you say, its how and why you say them, and the things you don't say.
You can attract women just by looking at them in the right way.
If your interactions are dominated by fear, neediness, attachment, trying to impress her, trying to get her to like you, meekness, or being a dancing monkey -- you will lose a lot of girls.
It's important that your interactions carry a man-to-woman sexual charge/intent. When you look at her in the eyes, she should feel like if you are ever alone with her you will fuck her. This is very different from your typical friendly chit-chat. You don't need to say anything sexual, but your intent needs to be clear from the very beginning. Look at her like you're going to fuck her. You have to risk getting rejected. Those who don't reject you will hook hard.
When you are fearful, she can see it in your eyes and hear it in your tone of voice.
Work on your smile. Make sure you're able to smile a lot and on cue. Always open with a smile.
Learn to pump up your own emotional state so that you're in a good state when you're talking to her. State is huge. If you're in a bad emotional state she will sense it off you and react negatively.
The ideal state is playful, carefree, yet decisive.

@ugreglo Dude, you're WAY overthinking it.
Sex happens all the time for the dumbest reasons. All you need to do is go out and talk to girls.
Sex cannot happen while you sit at home on the internet.
All your attention should be on going out of your house and being face to face with lots of new girls. That's it. Do not worry about anything else.
If you put yourself in lots of social situations girls will want to sleep with you.
Tons of girls will reject you. It doesn't matter. Don't even think about it. Get rejected 10 times a day and you will stop caring.

Ideally you'd get to a point where you are satisfied with just sitting silence. But that's a tall order to fill.
I like to take late night drives around town and look at the city.
Act activity you do you're gonna eventually "wear out" unless you're able to be satisfied just sitting in silence like a cat.
The ego-mind constantly craves stimulation, excitement, and newness -- which creates suffering. A large part of the function of meditation is to train that out of you so you can be more cat-like and thrive off of presence and being alone. But again, this takes lots of training and it will come with suffering through lots of boredom which the ego-mind will create.
Imagine a state of mental development in which you are happier sitting like a cat than others are playing video games, watching movies, smoking pot, or having sex. Can you see how powerful this would make you?